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A voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
"Sia, do you know when Souh is coming back? Why did he even leave?"
And then, a small memory seized my vision—so vividly that it blocked out everything else.
I hadn't even shaken off the exhaustion when I heard Tai's voice.
He spoke as if he already knew no one else was home. He was talking to Mom.
His voice, loud but muffled, clashed with the thick door that didn't want any secrets slipping past its frame.
I stepped closer with a feeling I knew well—something I'd seen in a lot of kids my age.
A thin thread of curiosity pulling me across that heavy threshold.
A little anxious. A little hesitant. A little curious.
I pressed my ear to the door.
Still muffled—but clearer than before.
Then suddenly, Tai's voice rose:
"Kyoko, don't look up so much. You'll trip.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. After school tomorrow, I'm taking Souh. It's an order from him."
And my heart shattered.
Like it was something I could never run from.
I chased after him. I wanted to cross through the forest as fast as I could.
But then a sound from the other side caught up with me—
a sound that touched my heart and made it tremble.
It came from that same house.
The one I never wanted to keep as a secret anymore.
I moved closer.
The trees looked taller than I remembered.
I took a deep breath and pushed aside the last branch—
My heart dropped.
My breath caught.
My hands and legs wouldn't stop shaking.
There was blood. Everywhere.
Three bodies lay on the ground—bruised, torn, soaked in red—like an animal had attacked them.
My eyes scanned the scene, but my mind couldn't understand what it was seeing.
Souh stood there, his face splattered with blood, his eyes no longer human.
His wounded hand gripped someone's collar.
He held a stone in the other, ready to strike.
"Sia? Have you seen Souh?"
Kai's voice pulled me back, shook me gently.
His eyes—
they looked like they were on the verge of tears.
Even if I couldn't hear it, I knew how hard his heart must have been pounding.
That face—
I had never seen it like that for me. Not even once.
I wasn't allowed to answer him.
Or maybe I just didn't want to.
I just nodded
And he walked away, hurried, disappearing from me again.
In that moment, something was planted in my heart—
something I'd never felt before.
And I knew—
whatever it was, it would carve a distance between me and Souh.
And that terrified me.
Souh was more than a brother.
He was my best friend—when neither Mom nor Dad were around.
But now…
Kai had stirred something in me.
Something I had never, not even once, felt before.
And time flew.
It had been a while since Souh left.
And my once colorless world had started gaining shades.
Over the years, I spent more and more time with Kai.
But my jealousy—
the anger that had cocooned itself in my heart for years—
grew louder.
Still, I understood one thing.
Kai was a kind of pain that gave my life meaning.
Without him, none of this made sense.
But whenever he spoke of Souh,
his eyes lit up—
the same way I looked at Kai.
That look tore me apart.
His gaze stirred a storm in me—
a rage that made my heart ache.
But I always wore a mask to hide it.
Why can't I be him?
Why won't you ever look at me like that?
Can't you see how much you're hurting me?
These thoughts kept me up at night.
As a child, I was never the type to want something this badly.
Kai was the first.
Even if my heart tried to let him go—
I couldn't.
When my thoughts made my head ache,
all I wanted to do was go—
go to the only place that still calmed me.
The park.
A place where I could breathe without guilt or rage.
The moment I pushed open the iron gate,
my eyes landed on the swing.
The same one we used to play in together.
He stood there in silence,
no words—just stillness.
I sat down on the swing beside him.
I wanted to sink into my thoughts.
Until someone called my name.
It was him—Kai.
Sweat on his forehead, breathless, eyes heavy.
My heart started racing again—
like it had learned to do that around him.
But he wasn't even looking at me.
Since Souh left, he had changed.
Quieter. Distant.
I wanted to hug him tight—
but I knew if I reached for his hand,
I'd never be able to let it go.
I sighed.
Like all the feelings I had buried were rising again.
Like a question I already knew the answer to,
but needed to hear it out loud.
Even though I didn't want to.
Even though I knew the moment I heard it, I'd end up crying…
"Kai…
do you love Souh?"
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"Tonight,
the air has dissolved into the cold silence of darkness—as if the sky is quietly aching, wishing only to soothe itself with snow"