Here's the thing they don't tell you about becoming a god:
There's no manual.
No tutorial. No "Welcome, Deity-san!" starter pack. Not even a FAQ.
Just vibes and very unstable magic.
---
"So," Eris said, handing me a broom, "You're gonna clean the shrine now."
"Shouldn't you be the one doing that?"
She jabbed a thumb at the door. "You broke the roof when you crash-landed. Divine responsibility, remember?"
Godhood, apparently, did not exempt me from community service.
---
[Divine Status – Open]
I finally figured out how to access my "God Panel" after sneezing while holding my breath and thinking about tax returns. (Don't ask.)
What I got was... a glowing, floating window with very questionable UI design.
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[KAITO REN – GODLING OF UNDEFINED CONCEPT]
Title: Beginner God (Bugged)
Divine Influence: 67 (Confused Villagers + A Cow)
Belief Type: Accidental Worship
Abilities:
— Reality Flicker (Unstable)
— Minor Miracle (Randomized Effect)
— Divine Sneezing (100% activation rate)
Faith Accumulation: Low
Warnings:
— You have not selected a Domain.
— Divine Stability at 23%.
— Godhood may crash unexpectedly. Please save frequently.
---
"…I have a sneeze power."
"Hey," Eris said, "it cured a guy's arthritis and made a chicken lay solid gold eggs. That's two for two."
"That chicken exploded afterward."
"Still counts."
---
Later that afternoon, the villagers gathered for a "Divine Q&A" session.
By that, I mean: they sat on the grass and stared at me like I was the second coming of Ultimate Ramen Jesus.
"I am not a god!" I tried, hands raised.
A child raised his hand. "Then why do you glow sometimes?"
"I don't—"
I looked down.
I was glowing.
Again.
---
Eventually, I gave up arguing.
So I just sat there. Gave vague wisdom like:
> "Balance is important."
"Yes, potatoes are divine."
"You should always wash your hands."
They nodded like I'd just unlocked the secrets of the universe.
Honestly? I was terrified.
What if I messed up? What if I triggered another divine sneeze and turned someone into a tree?
Worse—what if someone really needed help?
I didn't know how to be a god.
I just wanted ramen and a quiet life.
But fate had other plans.
---
Later That Night…
Eris and I sat outside the shrine, sipping tea (mine still had frosting in it).
"You're not a bad guy," she said. "Just… a disaster."
"Gee, thanks."
She looked at the stars. "Still. The village is happier than they've been in years. Even if you're weird, you give them hope."
I blinked. "…I do?"
She nodded. "Hope is powerful. Just don't let it get to your head."
I stared at my flickering status window.
[Warning: Faith Level rising uncontrollably]
"…Too late."
---