So, funny story.
I died.
And not even in a cool way. No monster attack, no betrayal, no epic sacrifice. Just... a truck.
Yup, your classic, cliché Truck-kun got me. I pushed a kid out of the way, and bam. Game over.
But I didn't wake up in heaven. Or hell. Or even a dark void.
I woke up in an office.
No, seriously. It looked like your standard bureaucratic nightmare. Gray walls. Cheap chairs. Buzzing fluorescent lights. A bored guy with six eyes and a tie was typing on a floating crystal terminal.
"Name?" he asked without looking at me.
"…Kaito Ren?"
Tap. Tap. Ding.
"Oh. You're that guy." He finally looked up. "Congratulations. You've been approved for godhood."
I blinked. "I'm sorry—what?"
"Divine Error. Clerical mistake. Karmic score got multiplied by a billion due to a decimal bug. Instead of being reincarnated as a farmer's third son in Peaceful Village #143, you're now a Class-4 Conceptual Deity."
He said it like I'd just won a minor raffle.
"Wait, hold on, I'm not qualified to be a god!"
"Well, tough. The system doesn't allow reverse processing after the divine transfer is initiated. Paperwork's done. Enjoy your new existence."
Before I could scream "WAIT—", a portal opened beneath my feet.
I fell.
Through clouds, colors, space, time—I don't even know. And then—bam.
I crashed face-first into a shrine altar made entirely of cake.
Don't ask. I'm still sticky.
---
Apparently, I landed in a village called Elrun. Quiet, forested, surrounded by mountains. Kind of pretty.
But the moment I hit the ground, everything went sideways.
The villagers saw me descend in golden light, and their reaction?
"THE PROPHECY IS TRUE!"
Cue mass hysteria. Old ladies crying. Farmers dropping pitchforks. A guy fainted.
And then—get this—when I sneezed (still covered in frosting), a beam of divine energy shot out of my nose and healed someone's chronic back pain.
They literally started worshipping me on the spot.
---
Now, I'm sitting inside a small stone temple with a sarcastic shrine maiden named Eris, who keeps giving me side-eye.
"You're telling me you're not a god," she says flatly.
"I swear I'm not. I was a college student. I worked at a ramen shop on weekends."
"You fell from the sky in a beam of holy light."
"That was an accident!"
"You made the harvest triple just by scratching your head."
"I HAVE HAY FEVER!"
She crosses her arms. "Well, congratulations. Divine or not, you've got a village full of believers outside. They're expecting miracles. Guidance. Blessings. Maybe a rain of gold."
I groan. "I don't even know how this world works!"
Eris smirks. "Then you'd better learn fast, O' Almighty Pancake God."
That's how my new life began.
Not as a hero. Not as a demon lord. Not even as an adventurer.
But as a bugged-out newbie god in a world that apparently runs on belief, blessings… and a whole lot of broken divine mechanics.
---