I cannot let her go. I will not let her go. She is mine and what's mine stays with me under my protection. I know I lost control today and the wizard suspects... No he knows how I feel about her. I've seen the look of satisfaction on his face since then as if this is what he always intended to do when he brought the little devil here. I'm feeling things I've never felt. I've never felt this attracted to any woman ever. I want to be close to her, pamper her, love her, protect her. I want to feel her skin on mine and taste her soft mouth. Hell! I need her and she doesn't even know that. I don't want to scare her away. I want to show her what she means to me. She looked so tempting in blue today. It matched her eyes, and the rosy pink smile. I needed to come into the cool night air to release the tension in my shoulders. The night is beautiful clear dark sky with stars sparkling and then rain clouds moving in from the west. The crickets are singing and the smell of the night flowers in the air is making my nerves relax.
"Want some herb tea grumpy? I heard it helps sleep." I heard her at a little distance.
"No thank you, I'm fine." I say forcing myself not to turn her way.
"You feeling ok Thorin?" The concern in her voice was like a magnetic pull forcing me to turn towards her.
"You don't have to pretend to care Maur, you want to leave us anyway." I said my voice menacing and cruel. She didn't answer but kept staring at me as if I had punched her in the gut. Her eyes beginning to glisten as tears begin to pool.
"That's not fair Thorin. You know why I want to leave and not caring is not what's it's about." She said her voice choked.
I had a prick of guilt I shouldn't take my frustration out on her but I want her to feel what I'm feeling. I want her to experience my pain that I felt when she said she would leave.
"Really? I said taking a step towards her. So you want to tell me that you care enough for us that you want to leave? Please enlighten me with your chain of thought as we clearly don't possess that intelligence." I said my voice sharp.
She looks at me searching my face for any sign that would tell her why I'm so bitter today.
"Look.." she began slowly, " I think you've taken my words quite opposite to what I actually meant. I don't want anyone to cause harm to you or to others cause of me. I cannot live my life knowing that me being here puts you all in danger. "
I take another step towards her closing the distance between us. She stiffens as she feels my presence mere inches away from her. I'm sure she can feel my breath on her forehead. She is shorter than me by a few inches so she has to raise her eyes and tilt her face to look at me.
"Are you going to tell me now how to take care of my people? Do you think I don't know what's after you?" I bark.
She stares at my face surprised at my anger but she doesn't back down or flinch and this has me falling deeper in love with her a thousand times more.
"I'm sorry." She whispers, "I clearly made you feel inadequate and that wasn't my intention Thorin." She bites her lower lip to keep herself from crying and I have to put all my power in stopping myself from holding her face and kiss her mouth concentrating most on the lip that's between her teeth. "It won't happen again" she turned to leave when my hand shot out to grab her arm. She looked at me puzzled.
"I'm not done yet" I say through clenched teeth. I can see her searching my expression trying to figure out what's going on.
I take in a deep breath to calm my nerves a little. This woman has me sinking deep and I don't know how to react to it.
"What's wrong Thorin? Please tell me. What's bothering you so much?" She whispers not daring to raise her voice.
I look her dead in the eye and say, "I love you." Her mouth opens but no words come out, I feel the colour leaving her face and coming back in waves. "I love you so much Maureen and I will destroy anyone and anything that even looks at your way threateningly. I will not let you leave and if you do I'll hunt you down and bring you back. You are mine."
Her breathing grows heavier. " I know that I'm not the only one feeling this way and I also know that it would take you time accept how you feel about me but I can assure you there's going to be only one queen and that's going to be you."
I looked into her eye. Her irises seemed to have a purple outline. And from what I know this the colour of love for her kind. I was right she does love me. Now it's up to me to make her accept it
" No Thorin I'm sure you are misinterpreting your feelings for me. You can't be in love with me" she whispers. And then she suddenly turns and walks back inside quickly. I feel a rush of emotions so strong that my breath is knocked out of my lungs. I want to go after her, I want to know why she thinks that she can't be loved. Hell I'll make her see how much she means to me even if I have to wait another hundred years.
The world seems like the most beautiful place as long as she's there. I can't seem to control my feelings and after tonight I don't think I'll ever be able to until I claim every breath in her life.