Technoblade opened his eyes, only to be greeted by a blinding light. He winced, blinking a few times as his vision adjusted. Slowly, a blurry figure came into focus — a young woman with long black hair and a nasty glare aimed right at him.
HEH?! Technoblade thought, catching the tail end of whatever she was saying. It was in some foreign language he couldn't make sense of. The tone sounded soft, but the words meant nothing to him.
Lmao what a loser.
Imagine dying. Couldn't be me.
Agreed.
I mean, we all died.
Technoblade never dies Techno muttered instinctively, though his voice came out weirdly young and unfamiliar.
well not any more
hah
What a sad day.
F's in the chat for the Blade
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
Hold up, wait a minute. Techno mentally cut through the stream of F's. What do you mean, I died??? I literally just got out of Pandora's Vault! There was no dying involved! Last thing I remember was chatting with Philza. Nothing — and I mean nothing — about dying.
Yeah, don't remember that either.
Same.
Yup.
Nada.
Then what the hell happened?
Beats me, but it's obvious we're in the next host. Meaning you died and now the next Blood God's here. That lady called us Subaru. She's obviously the new mom.
Subaru? Techno frowned internally — or tried to. Given he seemed to be disembodied now, he couldn't exactly make facial expressions.
You guys even understand what she said?
Duh.
Obviously.
Wait… you didn't?
LMAO.
What a loser.
Skill issue.
Couldn't be me.
You're telling me you all immediately pick up whatever language is around you the second you wake up?
Yep.
Of course.
Built different.
Blood God chat perks, babyyyy.
Well, I didn't. Techno's mind raced. Something was really, really wrong.
That's not normal.
Maybe it's broken?
He's got a defective stat sheet.
Skill issue, confirmed.
Big L.
No Ws.
Ratio'd.
L
L
L
L
L
Zip it. Techno scolded, as the flood of chat messages continued.
Hey — isn't this whole situation kinda weird?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Yup.
Definitely.
We usually only wake up when the host turns one, right?
Yep.
That's the rule.
Standard Blood God reincarnation protocol.
Everyone knows that. But yeah, now that you say that. it is weird
Yeaaaaah, we were awoken the second this "Subaru" was born.
yo, true dat. why the hell are we awake now? we need our beauty sleep
no that's just you, but yeah. suspicious.
That's… not normal.
Nope.
Not even a little bit.
yo, aren't we supposed to remember how the last Blood God died?
100%
Every single time
I remember how Blood God #211 croaked
same
classic death
Shut up, I thought we promised not talk about that?
sorry sorry, it's just. pfft.
:(
*Sigh* so none of you remember mine? Technoblade asked, trying to understand the flood of chatters.
…crapHe's rightI got nothingblankcomplete wipe
never happened beforesuper weirdbig sus
Not kawaii
...
what? Why am I being branded as the weird one?
And before you say it — no, it wasn't in his sleep. He still had three lives left. He would've respawned.
Facts.
True.
Can confirm.
Yeah, so this is some big brain stuff.
uh huh
thank god for #9 and #11, he's the smartest out've all of us.
So, unless someone found a way to remove all his lives without triggering a respawn, he should still be alive, right?
sound logical
Yup.
Exactly.
resonable
So what gives?
maybe he got 3 heart attacks?
shut up dumb ass
but maybe
no shut up.
fine, but really what happened then?
yeah
What happened?
So nobody knows anything at all? Techno cut in, annoyed at the chat's constant conversation that basically went nowhere.
Hmm, nuh uh.
not a thing
zero
zip
zilch
Big L for all of us
Nope
Natta
no
Yeah no
No idea
F
double F
L stacked on L
Probably not
Don't look at me
oh please look at me
what?
:)
no
What are those 2 on?
Hey, it's not me.
yeah
Let's ignore #69
yeah
agreed
Makes sense, it's her
yeah, she's always been the downbad one
Im not down bad
sure you are.
remember the time when-
shut up. shut up shut up.
.
.
.
oh, wait, wait, wait.
Yo I got something
same omg omg
what is it?
hehehehe
…What? Spill it. he asked, excited to finally know something.
hmmm, you all want to know
yeah
yes
fucking of course
you know something?
of course we do
why do you think?
just tell us
well only a few of us know right?
yeah yeah
let the rest of us in.
how about we give a hint, isekai.
.
.
.
there was a pause.a long, rare, uncomfortable pause.the kind of pause you only get when a thousand voices suddenly shut up at once.
then all hell broke loose.
OMG we're that Natsuki Subaru?
wait, is this Re:Zero?
omg omg omg
ahahahahaha
wait I don't get it?
huh what's that
someone explain
bruh no spoilers
no way no way no way
I KNEW IT
called it since chapter 0
what the hell is a Re:Zero?
yeah, what's that?
anime series. trust.
wait… anime?
is that a thing that can happen?
yeah we heard about how an... a-n-i-m-e is a... novel with moving pictures? so does that mean we are in one?
yep yep
ahaha
I don't know what that anime is?
re:zero? I think I've heard of it?
hmmm
Hahahahaahha, this is amazing.
No fricking way
This didn't happen in the manga
Or the anime
The fuck you guys talking about?
We anime boys
We anime boi
Wait, I know the Blood Gods can be born in different worlds, but being born into a show? Really?
Guess so
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
First time for everything
If this is a show some of you guys watch, Techno asked, then do you know who we are?
Subaru natsuki, protagonist.
Oh yeah!
Suck it Ranboo! We're the main character now!
Whoo!
Huge W
What OP move set are we gonna get?
Yeah! Since we're the protag now, we can just fuck every one up with our broken powers!
Can we blow up Earth?
Can we create stars?
Are we god?
Can we one-hit God?
hmm
Should we tell them?
no
nope
Spoilers are bad
Don't tell them, let them experience it
yeah yeah.
no
nope
Spoilers are bad
Don't tell them, let them experience it
yeah yeah
agreed
they're gonna shit themselves lmao
hahahahahahaha
Wait is it bad
no spoilers no spoilers no spoilers
I hate all of you
You love us
this sucks for us tho, no powers.
yeah
suffering fun
lol
No, I specifically hate you, actually
:0 meany.
Yeah, she's mean, we should exile her.
But how? We've tried doing that in the past, but
.
.
.
And once again, Chat started protesting very loudly amongst themself. Techno could already feel a headache incoming. As weird as this situation was, however, he couldn't help but feel sorry for his successor (?), this Subaru kid. Dealing with Chat since one year old had been bad enough for him, but from birth? He could only hope this kid could last longer than his predecessors and not get into too much trouble.
Shut up, technoblade thought, trying to quell the argumentative brain-rotted chat. and quiet them down. we get to drop kick children now with little repercussions again. so look on the bright side, even though I have no clue why you are this pissed.
It was just in time as well, since a young man, presumably the father, slammed on the door, huffing in. he was a good-looking, relatively tall man, with sharp, sleek black hair and eyes. with glasses, and a very muscular body to boot.
And off Subaru went, as he was handed over to said man after he conversed with our new mother for a bit, after being given the baby, he quickly proceeded to snuggle and poke the boy's chubby cheeks, yet... Techno still felt like his cheeks were poked instead.
Which was completely ridiculous, and utterly stupid. As soon as one became part of the Chat, they would no longer be in control of the body anymore, they wouldn't feel a single thing that the current Blood God felt. be it pain or plesure.
but techno, not adjusted to this new life, and Still feeling the poking, Technoblade annoyedly batted the hand away...
...
...
...
He... batted the hand away... He-HE WAS IN CONTROL!?
Chat?, he asked.
That definitely isn't normal
Ooh, maybe it's because we've awakened so soon that his conscious hasn't been form yet
Does that mean we get to control the baby's body
Ooh, let me try
No, me first
No, me
I wanna try.
Gimme gimme
I'm the youngest, I get to go first!!
No you aren't,
yeah, you're the second oldest.
But in spirit I am still 13 year old maden hmpf.
No you're a granny.
So it should be me then, since I'm the youngest.
yeah by only 4 days.
well fuck cancer, that's not even something I could control
well L L and L
But Mom said it's my turn!
Well I'm the mom, and I say it's my turn
No, it's mine!
That's not mom...
Move, bitch. Get out of the way.
Fuck off, I should get to go first!
*sigh* how immature.
Oh yeaaah, so proud Mr I got stabbed in the back by my wife.
yo-
Time passed, but nothing changed from their perspective, as no movements were made.
It seemed that apart from him, no one else could control the body, no matter how hard they tried. It was just like when he was the Blood God. He was the one in control of his body while Chat were simply the voices in his head, Voices that couldn't control the body unless under certain very specific, special situations.
as if he were back in his old body, his old life.
This makes no sense.
This is unfair.
Yeah, we didn't get a second try.
You tell me
thanks fucking captain obvious.
:O profanity.
We all know you swear as well Missy.
but anyway, this is odd. It's like Techno is still the Blood God, just in a different body???
It's like the reincarnation of some kind.
Hah, this is so dumb. Are we in a fic or something? ahahaha. (awkward whisling)
Or maybe a manwha?
maybe.
transmigration much?
No, reincarnation and transmigration are different.
ugh
what the fuck happened?
I'm so confused
Same
Saem
seem
Ditto
I am confusion
we are venom
dude, wrong reference.
.
.
.
Wait, does that mean techno's the protagonist now?
Oh shit. Does that mean he's Natsuki Subaru?
whoop whoop
fuck yeah, techno's the real protagonist now.
yeah.
Who's techno?
get out
not cool
hah, rem lovers get fuuucked.
You should kill yourself. all of you
Hah, piss baby.
---
techno, is tired. not even trying to stop his "dad" from booping him all over and touching his face. cause he doesn't understand what the fuck they are talking about even more.
Maybe I could finally get to rest this time? Oh, who am I kidding? They called me the protagonist, meaning I'm probably going to have to save the world or something.
A/N if you see any OOC please tell me, uh. i may have mostly forgotten DSMP since I only cared for techno and tommy. but I hope you enjoyed (I love Technoblade. rest in piece for him. it was sad to see him go.)
I am writing cause I wanted to see where techno would be doing in re:zero. and well. it devolved into me loving the making of chat being chaotic as fuck
I don't remember how I got this head cannon, but I love it for the sole reason of loving the avater TLAB. the previous blood gods are the chatters.
hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.