"Sarah help me get dressed"
"My lady you need to rest, please"
I stroke her hair gently. I always loved Sarah's silky black hair. It was straight and always reminded me of a dark nightfall with stars.
"I want to have breakfast with everyone today" I need to be proactive. My first step would be to act cutely and make my family fall for me. I can't give up.
Walking down the hallway to the dining area, my heart thumps so loudly I can hear it clear in my ears. 'No need to be so nervous, it's just breakfast' Sarah opens the door and I step in
" good morning father, mother and brother hope you all slept well" my heart was thumping as I walked slowly in this silence to my sit. It's okay I wasn't expecting them to warm up to me instantly. I just have to keep trying ' no regrets'
Breakfast was eaten in silence not a single word uttered. It made my insides churn and I felt like i was going to throw up.
"Clarisa" it was a low bellow, it sounded gritty like saying the name wasn't even worth it. I looked up to father his blond hair a mix a grey and gold his face was in a scowl like talking to me was a pain. His fist clench the knife and fork like they were the only things keeping him sane. He looked down as he continued his meal
" a carriage will be coming for you later today."
My heart started to beat louder ' a carriage' is he finally getting rid of me? Am I being sold? Why? i did nothing wrong. I most have missed what he said after that as my head kept spinning
"The engagement will be held when you turn 12 so for now you will act as his playmate till then"
" father please I don't want this i love you i want to stay in this family longer" with shaky breathes eyes glued to the ground
"Clarisa" it hear a loud slam and a scream that reminded me of my place. Stay quiet like you are dead, only say yes to my commands those are the words of my father.
"I will forgive you for the nonsense you just said, you better not disappoint me" the door creaks open and slams shut. It was silent but it was loud at the same time I couldn't breath and I was going to throw up. Engagement to who. I'm just 6 years old. I was waiting for mother or even brother to speak but nothing.
I looked up and mother's face look like she couldnt be bothered as she continued to eat her meal and brother looked uncomfortable and continued to avoid my gaze.
It slowly sunk in I'll never fit in here, 'no regrets' I think I'll have more regrets if I try to force them to love me.
i give up i felt my eyes well up as I sat there hoping I would awake from this nightmare. What's the point of having memories of the past if it's extremely useless. This is my reality. I've truly been disposed and abandoned in hell.
I don't remember how I got to my room but when I opened my eyes next I was in my room getting dressed and ready for my play dates. I felt sick, I wished I'd just wake up and realize this was a nightmare. I knew the count hated me but how could he sell his only daughter.
"My lady" i was suddenly brought to reality
"You look so pale my lady. Maybe we could ask the count to move the play date with the prince to another day"
"Play date with th.. the... prince"
Kneeling so she could be eye level with me Sarah holds my hands gently with a bittersweet smile.
"My lady i know I may sound silly, but to me you are like a sister. I want the best for you. This is the first time the count is letting you leave the manor alone. So I hope you can be happy even if it's for a short time"
So it's a prince. Maybe just maybe he could save me. If he is my intended betrothed and we get along, I could show him what the count has been doing to me and maybe he could ask the emperor to save me. I know this is but a pitiful plight but right now right now i need to hold on to whatever delusions I can or else I'll lose my sanity.
There is no love or space for me in this family. So maybe it could be like an adoption novel where i get saved by a family that will love me to the end.
I sigh, take a deep breathe and try to calm my nerves. I have only one chance at this. I need to make a great first impression that's the only way for things to turn out well.
The carriage wobbled and shook all the way to the palace i could barely enjoy the scenery as I had to stop myself from throwing up all the way there.
Led down a very long hallway, we stopped by a large door that lead to an outside garden sarah was asked to stand outside as i was led in by the princes attendant. A boy stood there with blond hair and blue eyes he looked to be about 8 years old. He was wearing a white official robe as he stared me down with a frown.
"Greeting your highness, lady clarisa dumont from count dumont family greets the small sun of the empire" with a bow that had been ingrained in my soul by my etiquette teacher baroness Sally.
The prince took small strides towards me i could hear him step closer as his legs came into view. I couldn't say anything or lift my head till he acknowledged me.
" i hate you" i lifted up my head in shock as I came face to face with a face with with a mix of hate and resentment. His icy blue eyes filled with a mix or hate, regret and despair
" your highness you cannot say that, apologies my lady, his highness must be in a bad mood" his attendant tried to remedy the mood but I could tell. Those icy blue eyes were filled with so much hate one could feel it.
" i hate you so much, I'll never marry you" he took off running into the gardens. I watch frozen as his attendant apologized and took off after him. In mere minutes I was left standing alone in this beautiful garden but all I could see was blue and grey.
The prince never returned, i was told that I should take some time exploring the prince's palace. And somehow I ended up in the library. Art, literature, politics, economics, fairytale.
It was astonishing with tall shelves and an amazing view with a table and chair. I could get lost just being here.
Just walking through the library and it caught my eye ' magic transcendent 1'. It looked old and forgotten like it was never meant to be seen by people it was placed on the lowest shelf as if to hide it from the eyes of those who wonder in . An abomination just like me.
"You must have been abandoned too" i stroke the book and wipe the dust off it.
Settling down but the window i decided to just read the book so one of us knows what it means to be remembered.