On the day clarisa turned 6, her world was turned upside down.
'Anna ' she mumbled as she stared blankly into space.
Was it all a dream?
It makes no sense.
Anna Adams.....
The life of Anna Adams, in a world without carriages or magic. A world with flying planes and houses that touch the sky.
I think i lived in that world till the age of 20, where I passed away from a hereditary disease. I had family that loved me and stayed by my bedside, even when i had given on me.
There was a saying in that world ' you only live once'
So why?
Why?
Why am I here right now?
Why do I have to receive mother's hateful glare each day, brother's neglectful gaze, father's daily torture?
' you only live once' what nonsense. Her little hands slam against her sheets, as her eyes well up and tears begin to pour down. I'm not even sad, i'm just angry, I'm just so very angry.
If I wasn't going to live once then why?
Why?
Why did I have to live so modestly?
Even when my illness took over my body, I still lived everyday without any greed or desires.
Because if you only live once, I wanted to live my life to the fullest, I wanted live without regrets .
A life devoid of greed and envy, i wanted to be happy with the little things in life.
I never gave love a chance because I was dying anyway. I didn't want to leavs anyone behind; wrecked in grief.
I never once wished for or asked for what wasn't mine.
So why?
Why did it happen to me?
I don't want a second life.
I don't want a do over.
My first life was more than enough for me.
One was more than enough.
The tears continued to pour as her head began to throb and her throat close up, as breathing was getting harder. Her hands clenched tightly against the sheets as they began to pale and go numb.
Maybe this is hell, it Cannot be heaven.
if this Is the heaven that people always spoke about i don't want it, take me back.
But this can't be heaven. If this was anything it would be the pit of hell. The deepest, darkest and loneliest part of hell. And i was the main attraction, an object of hate and scorn.
Clarisa lay her head back down. Her golden locks sprawled across the pillows as her tears continued to soak the sheets. She felt nauseous as bile rose up to her throat.
I remember reading novels on transmigration and reincarnation, but what good is that to me? Right now, I'm just 6 years old. What exactly can a powerless child from a counts household possibly achieve?
Clarisa Dumont, is the name i was given in this new life. The only daughter of count Arno dumont and countess Olivia dumont. I have a brother named Clark dumont, who is 10 years older than me, and is a magic genius, who was able to use 6th circle magic at the age of 10.
The door creaked open " my lady" a maid walked in looking disheveled. Her black hair looked unkempt and her face was pale with puffy eyes like she had cried all night. Her brown eyes dulled, as the black circle under her eyes tell a cruel story.
" Sarah" I say her name softly, as if trying to ingraine it in my head.
"Did you cry all night long?" She rubbed her eyes softly as she furrowed her brows, biting her lips to stiffle a sob.
She closed the door gently, running to my side and tearing up again.
"The count was too much this time my lady... hic... how could he hit you on the head with his cane... hic.... the healer said you should be fine..hic... but.. but what If it happens again? What if I can't run fast enough to save you.. hic... my lady... please dont die... i can't live without you... please... please don't die on me...." she cried holding my hand to her face.
"Sarah, look at me" i clasp her face staring into her eyes
"I'm fine" I say flexing my arms. But I knew she was right.
I don't know why, but father hates me, he always has. He would usually only slap me across the face or kick me in the abdomen or scream and curse me out.
Yesterday, was the first time he hit me on the head, I was so caught off guard when I saw him lifting the cane that it had already hit my across the head before I could react.
The trauma to my head must have been the reason I remembered my first life, which I still find very hard to believe in.
I stroke Sarah's head gently as she sobs by my bedside.
What do i do now?
Those novels always portrayed an abused and pitiful female lead and whenever they were reincarnated as a child, they would use memories of their past life to start up a business, and act adoable and cute to gain their family's love, before gaining an harem of handsome men.
Could something like that happen to me too? Then maybe someday I could see father smile brightly as his blue eyes sparkle while he tells me that he loves me.
Mother would stroke my head affectionately, while we talk about dresses.
Brother and I could go on outings where he would loudly speak about his adorably cute little sister.
I want it...
So maybe this time, in this life, I could be a little selfish.
Maybe this is the reason I was given a second chance at life.
God must have taken pity on my sick first life and decided to give me a do over.
I will live my life to the fullest, this life is a blessing, and I plan to use it wisely.
A chance to live life to the fullest, a life filled with love and happiness.
I'll try harder this time, I'llplay harder, I'lllove harder and I'll live harder.
I will have no more regrets.