Tim Cheese:
"Ah, so you've decided to indulge in this little tale, have you? Curious about the legend of John Pork and the chaos we've woven together? Well, sit tight. This isn't your typical bedtime story."
He pauses, adjusting his tie with a deliberate slowness.
"Let me take you back to the beginning. To the days before the fame, before the memes, before the inevitable betrayal. There was a time when John and I were... partners. Not in crime, mind you. No, our bond was deeper—rooted in shared ambition and a mutual understanding of the game's rules."
His smile widens, revealing sharp teeth.
"But as with all things, change is the only constant. John, in his newfound glory, began to drift. The allure of popularity, the intoxicating scent of success—it clouded his judgment. And when he turned his back on our shared past... well, let's just say I don't take kindly to abandonment."
He leans back, his expression darkening.
"That's when I made my move. Cold, calculated, and precise. John Pork had to go. And go he did."
The screen glitches momentarily, a subtle nod to the digital nature of the narrative.
"But here's the twist—John didn't stay gone. Oh no. He came back. And now, he's out there, lurking in the shadows, plotting his return. But don't worry. I'm ready. Always ready."
He leans forward again, his eyes locking with the viewer's.
"So, are you ready to continue this story? To delve deeper into the web we've spun? Or would you rather turn away now, before it's too late?"