We were still following Zaki through the dusty backroads of Caravan Ribat, and I gotta say, this had all the red flags of a trap. Like, all of them. Red flags, crimson banners, danger sirens—you name it, this was it.
So naturally, I leaned in and nudged Lumine with my elbow.
"Sooo," I whispered, keeping my voice low, "we both agree this is a trap, right?"
She nodded without even looking at me. "Obviously."
"Cool, cool," I said. "So, what's the game plan? We throwing a few eremites into the nearest sandstorm? Because that's my top pick."
Lumine hummed thoughtfully. "No, we bury them in the sand. It's poetic."
I nodded, impressed. "Brutal and beautiful. But still a bit soft."
"Softer than yeeting them?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Debatable," I grinned.
Nilou, ever the sunshine of our group, leaned in between us with a hopeful smile. "Um, we could always just scold them gently and turn them in to the authorities... maybe give them a stern talking to?"
Lumine and I turned to her at the same time and both went, "No."
Nilou blinked. "Why not?"
I held up a finger. "One, because that's way too lawful good. Like, what are we? The Justice League?"
Lumine chimed in, deadpan. "Two, because it's boring. No flair. No drama."
"Three," I added, now counting on my other hand, "because if I don't suplex at least one bandit today, I might explode from pent-up energy."
Paimon floated above Nilou's head and sighed like a mother of chaos twins. "You should probably get used to this, Nilou. Paimon's already given up on them."
Nilou pouted slightly, folding her arms. "You guys have too much chaos in your blood."
"Facts," I said proudly.
Greg, who was riding on my shoulder like some tiny, judgmental dragon of doom, gave a slow blink, then curled his tail around my neck like a noose. A threat. Subtle.
And just as our brainstorming session for "How to Ethically Deal with Eremites" reached peak creativity, Dehya broke the silence.
"Are we there yet?"
Zaki turned around with the grin of a man who absolutely watched Saturday morning cartoons and chose to side with the villain.
"Yep," he said, spreading his arms. "This is the place."
I looked around. It was practically abandoned, the kind of place you'd expect to find a single broken crate, a suspicious puddle, and three skeletons playing poker.
Dehya narrowed her eyes. "This place is practically deserted... What are they doing here?"
Zaki chuckled, the sound greasy. "Why don't you take a guess? Go on, a wild stab in the dark... You're like lambs to the slaughter."
I blinked. "Okay, wow, did he just monologue at us?"
Greg clung tighter to my collar. He knew.
Dehya clenched her fists. "What's all this about, Zaki?"
Zaki, now officially a cartoon villain, wagged his finger. "C'mon Dehya, you really think we didn't hear what you said back in Aaru Village? The boys have had eyes on you from the moment you stepped in."
Paimon gasped. "Uh oh... Paimon knew leaving Cyno behind was a mistake!"
Lumine let out a quiet sigh. "He's gonna be so smug when he hears this."
Zaki kept going, because villains never know when to shut up. "Not only do I know you're looking for Delavar, I also know you've teamed up with Akademiya lapdogs to find missing scholars."
Dehya hissed, "So you've been watching us from the start."
"Heh," Zaki said, clearly enjoying himself way too much. "You left the strongest one behind. Who do you think you are? You really thought we'd fall for your little 'business deal' trick?"
"Tch," Dehya clicked her tongue.
"So you and Delavar have been partners all along," she spat.
Zaki's grin stretched. "Of course. Those of us who hang around the tavern have stronger bonds than you think. We're all looking forward to the day Sumeru rises up."
"You mean the day you all collectively lose your minds?" I muttered.
Then, as if summoned by a very bad plot twist, two more figures emerged from the shadows.
"I'll be honest with you," one said, voice as smug as a licked mirror. "If it weren't for what you said in the village, your monologue about the Wall of Samiel would've convinced me you were one of us."
Dehya turned slowly. "Delavar... and Engur. You're here, too."
"Long time no see," Engur said, arms crossed. "You should've known that traitors are what us followers of King Deshret despise most."
Delavar scoffed. "I thought you, a fellow desert-dweller, would understand. King Deshret is greater than the Dendro Archon. But you... you don't deserve to join us."
Dehya rolled her eyes. "Yeah, gee, what a missed opportunity. Radical views, kidnapped scholars, conspiracies based on rumors? Sounds like a dream job."
Delavar snarled. "See? That's the problem with mercenaries. Faithless scum. All you think about is Mora. Pathetic. You're like rats."
Dehya didn't even flinch. "You're not wrong. We follow Mora. My loyalty's with whoever pays me. Anyone can be a friend for the right price."
Zaki raised a hand. "Enough talking. Get 'em!"
And that's when I clapped my hands and grinned like a madman.
"Finally! Some legit action! It's punching time!"
Greg launched off my shoulder like a green torpedo and latched onto the nearest bandit's face.
Nilou spun forward, her movements like water and fire and "I don't get paid enough for this."
Lumine? Oh, she already vanished from sight and reappeared behind a guy with her blade against his back.
Paimon just screamed something about hiding behind the nearest boulder.
Me?
I cracked my knuckles. Grinned wide.
And jumped into the fray like I was auditioning for a desert-themed action movie.
Time to bring the chaos.
***
I didn't trip.
Let me just start there. I know that sounds like a low bar, but for me? It's a win. I launched myself into battle like a true hero—no face-plant, no twisted ankle, no Greg scream-jumping off me like a traitorous frog. Pure, clean entry.
And I didn't even bother pulling out Haran or Mistsplitter.
Nah.
This was personal. This was fists. This was punching time.
The first eremite lunged at me with a spear. I sidestepped, grabbed the pole midair, and yoinked it out of his hands so fast he spun like a top. Then I clotheslined him with it. Greg screeched in approval.
Lumine dashed past me, blade gleaming, leaving behind a trail of destruction and at least three emotionally-damaged eremites who regretted their life choices. Nilou, all grace and fury, was dancing circles around them, dropping them with whirlpools of hydro. Her attacks were elegant, yes. But her smack talk?
"You should rethink your decisions and hydrate more!"
Bless her heart.
I turned to see another guy charging at me with twin blades. I met him head-on, caught his wrists, and headbutted him.
"Not today, mustache man!"
He dropped. Greg crawled on top of him and kicked his nose. With his lizard foot.
The chaos was glorious. Sand flying, bodies flying, Greg flying—wait, never mind, he landed on Lumine's head. She didn't even flinch. Queen behavior.
Then I saw one of the bandits trying to crawl away.
Nope.
I stomped over, grabbed his foot, dragged him back into the center, and proceeded to bury him in the sand up to his shoulders.
He yelled something about surrendering.
I patted his head. "You live here now."
When the dust finally settled, we were standing victorious. Greg had his little claws on his hips, like a smug green war general. Dehya stood tall, not a scratch on her. Lumine was cleaning her blade. Nilou was catching her breath, hair slightly tousled, cheeks pink. And me? I was glowing with pride and mild sand rash.
Zaki, very much not glowing, looked around at the chaos and sputtered, "Impossible! H—How could you..."
Dehya walked toward him like a queen about to drop the most savage TED Talk.
"So, what do you think about your meticulous network now, Zaki? Remember what you said? 'It's only natural for a traveling mercenary like me to be out of the loop.'"
He swallowed hard.
"I'm guessing your little spy told you I'm just an incompetent merc with no real skills, right? I said it myself, after all."
She circled him, voice calm. Deadly.
"You believed everything. That Candace did all the work, that I just used connections to get by..." She paused, leaned in. "Pathetic."
With one swift kick to the gut, she knocked him out cold. He folded like wet parchment.
"Okay," she said, brushing her hands off, "that should be all of 'em."
Paimon floated down from her hiding spot behind a rock. "Whoa... so you planned this from back in Aaru Village?"
Dehya gave a half-smile. "You can't do anything in the desert without planning. I noticed a few sketchy guys watching us."
Paimon blinked. "So instead of catching them, you let them run back and report?"
"Exactly. We needed the big fish."
Lumine crossed her arms. "Those names you dropped earlier..."
"Ah yes," Paimon chimed in, "The Scar-Bandit-Wide-Eye-Butcher-Crook something or other."
Dehya snorted. "They made those up themselves. Drunk talk. Engur and Delavar like to sound cooler than they are."
Paimon puffed up. "What about Zaki, then?"
"Best hidden of the lot. But still a moron. I only mentioned Jabari so our eavesdropper would think it was all just nonsense."
"Wow," Paimon blinked. "You're kind of a genius."
"Just mercenary instincts," Dehya said with a shrug.
Paimon tilted her head. "So... that stuff you said about only caring for Mora? Is that true?"
"Does it bother you?"
I chimed in, brushing sand off my sleeves. "You literally helped us for free. No contract. No Mora. No threats. That makes you a terrible mercenary but a pretty damn good person. And hot too."
Dehya didn't reply immediately. Then she smirked. "Maybe I'm just bad at my job."
Lumine looked at her. "Do you dislike the Dendro Archon like the radicals?"
Dehya shook her head. "No. I don't. I've heard too much from Dunyarzad. Lesser Lord Kusanali sounds like the real deal."
She clenched a fist. "The Akademiya's the real enemy here. The rest are just victims of their manipulation."
Paimon put a tiny fist on her chest. "Dehya... you're really cool."
Dehya turned to me. "Shigeru, help me tie these losers up."
"Aye, aye, Flame-Mane ma'am."
I stretched dramatically, scooped up an unconscious guy, and tossed him over my shoulder.
"Man, that was a nice warm-up," I grinned. "I think I'm ready to fight a god again."
Nilou laughed softly and reached up to pinch my cheek. "Don't get overconfident, okay?"
"Yes, Goddess," I saluted.
Smack.
Lumine hit me on the back of the head.
"Ow?! What was that for?!"
She smiled. The smile that turns all my mental defenses to sand. "Just felt like it."
I groaned. "I have no idea if you love me or just really like violence."
She kept smiling. "Both."
Dehya shook her head, chuckling. "You guys are something else."
Paimon floated above with a resigned sigh. "Don't mind them, Dehya. Paimon's already used to this. They're like this all the time."
I brushed off my pants and struck a pose. "Alright! Let's head back to the Hydro Mommy with the shield! To Aaru Village we go!"
Greg squeaked approvingly.
We were a mess.
But we were our mess.
And that was more than enough.
And so. We were on our way back to Aaru Village, dragging along our half-conscious collection of eremites like particularly ugly luggage. I had two slung over my shoulders—yes, both, because apparently I've become the designated idiot with muscles. Dehya wasn't far behind, yanking another by the collar like it was a misbehaving pet. We looked like a wandering parade of bruises, dust, and questionable decisions, marching toward civilization with all the grace of a drunk caravan.
And then I saw it.
A broken cart. Just lying there. Alone. Unused. Sad.
My brain: Don't do it.
Me: Absolutely doing it.
I smirked and tossed both eremites onto the cart like I was dunking laundry into a basket.
It collapsed with a spectacular CRACK, a wheel flying off into the sand like a dramatic stage exit.
"...I think throwing them was not a bright idea," I admitted, staring at the crime scene I had just created.
Paimon, with the accuracy of a sniper, immediately shot back. "You're not even bright in the first place."
Lumine nodded solemnly, like she was mourning my brain cells.
Greg, perched on my head, gave a slow blink and then turned his tiny lizard face away from me in judgment.
I placed a hand to my chest. "Rude... but fair... Still, how rude."
We marched onward until we reached our destination: the familiar walls of Aaru Village. The kids waved as we passed. A granny offered us dates. One guy saw the eremites and noped back into his house.
Standard day, honestly.
We made our way to where Candace was, standing all calm and composed like a beautiful statue that could throw you through a wall if you sneezed wrong.
Dehya gave her the nod. "This should be all of 'em. I'll let you take it from here."
Candace's gaze swept over the pile of unconscious desert thugs like she was taking inventory at a very cursed supermarket. "Alright. I'll be in touch. Until then, please stand by."
Paimon hovered beside her, wings flapping gently. "Candace, do you need any help?"
Dehya shook her head. "Candace will be okay on her own. I trust her, so you can too. She's been guarding Aaru Village for a long time. If anyone knows how to deal with trash, it's her."
Candace nodded, stoic as ever. "While I'm questioning them, why don't you pass some time by exploring the area?"
Dehya waved casually. "I'll meet you back here tomorrow morning, Traveler."
Lumine smiled. "Sounds good."
Dehya turned toward the eremites and muttered under her breath, "As for these idiots... Let's just hope they live to see another day."
Curiosity got the better of me. I lingered by the door. Technically not eavesdropping if the door's slightly open, right? Right?
Inside, Candace was already going full Hydro Inquisition.
Her voice was sharp. "You heard the question. Now answer me."
There was a yelp. "Arrghh!!!"
I peeked.
Delavar had just been shield-slapped.
My eyes went wide. "Damn... Hydro Mommy just bitch-slapped him with a shield. I'm learning a new torture method today."
Lumine peeked as well. "Interesting."
Nilou tilted her head, both horrified and impressed. "That's a little rough... but kinda cool."
Greg, on my shoulder, raised his tail like a salute.
Paimon whispered, hands together like she was praying. "May Celestia have mercy on them."
We stepped back from the door like respectful war crime witnesses.
Dehya leaned against the wall, arms crossed. "Candace is an expert at dealing with people like this. All we have to do is wait for her word."
I nodded, wiping imaginary dust from my hands. "Well. That was cathartic."
Lumine smiled. "Very."
Greg curled up into a loaf. Nilou sat on a bench, humming a little tune. Paimon started floating upside down, because that's what she does when she's bored.
Me? I watched the sunset.
Today was weird.
But satisfying.
Also, I may or may not now have a new level of fear and respect for Candace.
Hydro Mommy with a shield...
Note to self: never make her mad.
____________
End of Chapter 119
Quests Completed:
*Follow the intel from Aaru Village and uncover the connection between the eremite radicals and the missing scholars.
*Survive the ambush. Defeat all eremites with style.
* Extract information at Caravan Ribat without blowing your cover.
*All enemies KO'd with a mix of blade, fists, dance, and Greg violence. No injuries to party members (except my pride).
*Await Candace's interrogation results and determine the radicals' true backers and motives.
*Take a breather before the next storm. Explore the village, interact with locals, and unwind (or cause light chaos).
Quest Failed:
*Attempt to do something intelligent without being insulted by everyone within earshot.
Rewards:
*EXP: +650 (Character), +450 (World)
*Reputation: +20 (Aaru Village), +10 (Dehya Affinity)
*Greg Morale: Slightly increased (after lizard nose-kick and successful mission)
*Title Earned: Desert Suplex Specialist
*Bandit Notes with suspicious symbols
*Dehya's approval (rare drop)
*Assorted Mora (picked off unconscious eremites)
*1x Broken Cart Remains ("I thought it was a good idea.")