You know what they say about the desert?
Nothing. Because the desert doesn't talk.
But that didn't stop me from trying to make it laugh.
"Hope this Aaru Village trip doesn't end up messier than juggling one girlfriend who wants to stab me and another who's way too sweet for me!"
Silence.
Not even a tumbleweed. Not even a grain of sand willing to shift for me.
Lumine gave me a look. A long, slow, drawn-out death glare. The kind that said, if I had a bow right now, you'd be a cactus with arrows for needles.
Greg, my ever-loyal lizard companion, slapped me across the cheek with his tiny claw.
Paimon? She floated five feet further away from me, like I was contagious with terminal cringe.
Only Nilou saved me. Sweet, radiant Nilou with the heart of gold and the patience of a saint. She let out a small, nervous chuckle. The kind you give when someone trips in public but you don't wanna be mean.
Even Cyno turned, expression unreadable, and muttered, "He's worse than me."
And that, dear diary, was the lowest point in my entire life.
Eventually, after I swore off puns (for now), we made it back to Aaru Village. Home of sand, suspiciously fit villagers, and one very stern goddess of protection: Candace.
She was in the middle of a very serious fashion debate when we arrived.
"...Right, the darker fabric definitely looks a lot better. That'd be my choice, too," Candace said, holding up a bolt of cloth like it was a holy artifact.
Paimon zipped in like she was late for an appointment. "We're back, Candace! We've got a lot to tell you!"
Candace turned, pleasantly surprised. "Ah, welcome back."
And then, like a surprise boss battle, Dehya leaned against the doorframe with arms crossed and smirk fully loaded.
"Heh, sounds like everyone's friends already."
"Oh, Dehya's here too!" Paimon chirped.
I gave her a tiny wave. "What's up, desert muscle cat."
Dehya raised a brow. "Excuse me?"
"I said 'Dehya, the desert's fiercest tactician and dazzling sun of the sand,'" I lied effortlessly. Lumine actually choked on air.
"You bet," Dehya said, either buying it or choosing to let me live. "So, everything go smoothly?"
Cyno, who had not yet developed the power of facial expressions, replied, "Reasonably."
Dehya looked around. "Alhaitham didn't go with you?"
Paimon shook her head. "We haven't seen him at all!"
"Huh," Dehya muttered. "I saw him at the village entrance earlier. Figured he was with you guys... Guess he wandered off. Typical loner."
Candace cut in. "Did you find anything useful?"
Lumine took the lead, explaining what we'd found: the incense, the scholars, the creepy footprints, the confirmed lack of cactuses with exposition. I added my own commentary to spice things up.
"So we found a Dendroculus, but Greg almost ate it. Honestly, still counts as a win."
Candace blinked slowly. "...Right. Anyway. Someone used a kind of incense to lure the scholars away."
Dehya scratched her head. "The resurrection of King Deshret? First I've heard of it. That kind of incense is only popular past the wall. Scholars love it, but there's no profit selling it here. No one around here's got the patience to make it either."
She tossed me a look. "You barely had the patience to walk here without making twelve more puns."
"I only made six," I protested. "And one was actually pretty solid. 'Sand-witch'—come on, that's gold."
Greg tried to crawl into my shirt to escape the shame.
Dehya, meanwhile, went full desert intel mode.
"If someone's supplying that incense, it has to be from outside. The radicals must have outside help. The locals don't have the means."
"So what do we do now?" Paimon asked, eyes wide.
"Normally," Dehya said, "you'd head to the Akademiya. But lucky for you, you've got me. Tavern connections. And ears everywhere."
"Do the ears belong to people or... furniture?" I asked cautiously.
Dehya ignored me. "I heard about the radicals. Delavar, Engur, Jabari. Colorful nicknames. Broke as heck. Radicals like them want King Deshret back so they can change the world—or at least their wallets."
Lumine frowned slightly. "I feel like I've heard those names before..."
"Probably wanted posters," I offered. "Or graffiti. Or carved in a bathroom stall."
"These guys see resurrection as their one shot," Dehya continued. "And they're willing to risk chaos to get it."
"Wow, Dehya! You're amazing!" Paimon said.
I opened my mouth to compliment her too—gotta keep that party cohesion up—but Lumine made a weird expression.
"Huh? Dehya's winking at me... Should I say something?"
Dehya gave a little smirk. "No merc can afford to slack off on intelligence. Every Mora I've spent in taverns has been a good investment."
Cyno nodded. "Let's head out."
Dehya held up a hand. "Nope. You're staying here."
Cyno blinked. "Why?"
"You're General Mahamatra. You stand out here more than a Pyro Slime in a snowstorm. Word about you's probably spread already."
Dehya turned to Lumine, her voice firm but her gaze softening. "You and Paimon are coming with me. We're heading to Caravan Ribat to dig deeper." She glanced at Nilou with a small smile. "You'll come as well—and bring that idiot with you."
Shigeru blinked, pointing at himself. "Wait, when you say idiot… are you referring to me?"
Lumine gave him a sidelong glance, her expression unreadable—until a faint smirk curled on her lips. "That would be obvious."
Cyno paused. "Understood."
"Hold down the village," Dehya added. "We'll try to track the radicals."
Greg licked my nose.
I took that as a sign. A disgusting, sand-covered sign.
And so, once more, our team split. But don't worry.
I still had jokes left.
And probably an emotional lizard hug waiting for me at the end of all this.
Tuesday things.
***
You know your reputation's ruined when you can't even finish a joke without being threatened with lightning-infused sand to the face.
"No desert puns," Lumine warned me as we left Aaru Village, her eyes glowing with the kind of intensity that made electro users jealous. "Or I'll toss you into the nearest sandstorm and personally fry you into a desert delicacy."
I jolted, hands raised. "Noted. Pun filter on. Sandstorm death off."
Greg slapped his tiny claw against my cheek like he was agreeing with her. My only ally had betrayed me again.
So yeah, we were headed to Caravan Ribat. Dehya had a plan, and apparently, my job was to shut up and follow it. Which, in theory, should be easy.
In theory.
As we trudged across the desert once more, I couldn't help but admire how majestic it all looked. Golden dunes. Ancient ruins. And an ominous sky like something dramatic was about to drop any moment.
"My last three brain cells are working overtime," I muttered as Dehya led us forward with the confidence of someone who actually knew what they were doing. "One of them's just dancing. The other's screaming. The third's filing a complaint."
We finally reached Caravan Ribat, where the desert breeze felt suspiciously like plot progression.
Paimon floated ahead and spun around mid-air. "Well, here we are again."
Dehya gave her a half-smile. "Sounds like you're starting to get familiar with the area."
"I mean, Paimon's amazed every time we see the Wall of Samiel," she said, pointing dramatically at the enormous wall looming in the distance. "How can something that tall even exist? It's like... unreal!"
Dehya tilted her head thoughtfully. "I know what you mean. When I was a kid, I used to ask myself the same thing every time I passed by."
She narrowed her eyes at the horizon. "Also, why is this wall here at all? Can it really stop sandstorms?"
Lumine remained quiet, her gaze heavy.
Then Dehya continued, her tone darker. "But I figured it out eventually. The Wall of Samiel isn't just here to block sandstorms. It's to block people like us."
She turned to us, voice sharper now. "The sages of Sumeru run things from their ivory towers, and to them, desert folks like us are nothing more than disposable labor. Livestock. Tools."
Nilou's expression dimmed. Even Greg's tail stilled.
Dehya wasn't done. "Even if a desert kid gets their hands on an Akasha Terminal, it won't matter. The Akademiya just denies everything. They think we're unworthy. People like Setaria? They're rare. Most of us never get a chance."
Paimon's voice was small. "That's... horrible."
Dehya stared at the wall. "I'd tear this thing down myself if I could."
Lumine stepped up beside her. "I understand how she feels," she whispered. "But I hope she doesn't do anything drastic here."
Paimon floated closer, alarmed. "Wait, Dehya, you're not gonna do something scary, are you?"
Dehya blinked, then laughed a little. "No, no. I'm just thinking. That's all."
Then she turned and gave us her signature smirk. "Besides, we're here for intel, not demolition. Let's not forget why we came."
Paimon brightened up. "Right! We're here to catch those—"
"Shhh!" Dehya hissed.
We all froze like Paimon just accidentally summoned the Fatui with her volume.
Dehya lowered her voice. "Caravan Ribat is crawling with people. Be careful what you say. We don't want anyone figuring out what we're doing."
Nilou nodded. "Understood."
Greg clung to my scarf like a mini ninja.
Dehya's eyes scanned the bustling station. "Our mission started the moment we got here."
She pointed toward a nearby building. "Let's head to the tavern. Maybe I'll find someone I know."
"Oh great," I muttered. "Tavern mission. Classic RPG stuff. Time to interrogate some drunken NPCs."
Lumine rolled her eyes. "Just behave."
"I always behave," I argued.
"You behave badly," she clarified.
Nilou covered her mouth, giggling softly.
"I will personally dunk you into a cactus bath if you mess this up," Lumine added without missing a beat.
"...Noted," I squeaked.
Greg licked his eye. It felt judgmental.
As we made our way into the tavern, I whispered to Nilou, "This place smells like secrets and spicy hummus."
Nilou smiled gently. "It smells like a story waiting to be told."
"Ohhh, that was poetic."
Greg sneezed.
Inside, the tavern was dim, full of suspiciously hushed conversations and mugs being slammed a little too hard. Dehya walked in like she owned the place. Lumine followed like she could end it.
Me? I walked in like I was gonna trip on something.
Paimon floated close to Dehya. "So, what now?"
Dehya's eyes scanned the crowd. "We find a loose tongue. Someone who drinks more than they think."
"Should I try distracting them with interpretive dance?" I offered.
"No," Lumine said instantly.
Nilou tilted her head. "Actually, that could work if we—"
"No," Lumine repeated, firmer.
Greg tugged at my ear. He agreed with Lumine.
Dehya approached the bar and flagged down the barkeep, starting up a conversation like she was just catching up with an old friend. Meanwhile, we waited.
"Why do I feel like we're about to get swept into something big?" I whispered.
"Because we are," Lumine said.
Nilou looked between us. "But we'll handle it. Together."
Greg blinked. My brave little lizard.
The desert wasn't done with us yet.
But hey, at least we had a plan.
Kind of.
Sort of.
Maybe.
Hopefully with fewer sandstorms and more leads.
***
"Just our luck."
Dehya said it first, but I was thinking it before we even stepped inside the tavern.
None of the people she was looking for were there. Not a single shady bandit or questionable ally in sight. Just a bunch of guys that looked like they were debating whether sand tastes better with salt or cumin.
Paimon pouted as she floated by the door. "You mean, you don't see anyone you know?"
"None of them are here today," Dehya muttered, eyes sweeping the crowd. Her frown deepened like the universe had personally offended her.
Just as I was about to suggest we order drinks and pretend to be productive, a cheerful voice cut through the air.
"Dehya, is that you? Haha, what a coincidence! You're here for a drink too?"
A guy with a very punchable smile approached. Friendly, yes. Suspicious? Absolutely.
Dehya blinked, then her face lit up. "Zaki? Finally, a friendly face."
Zaki looked at the rest of us. I smiled with exactly 40% charm and 60% suspicion.
"Oh? And who do you have with you here? Guests from another land?"
"Hello!" Nilou greeted with a graceful wave. She always sounded like spring incarnate.
I followed with, "Hey there. I'm Shigeru. Traveler, adventurer, part-time comedic relief, full-time mistake."
Lumine visibly sighed. "You didn't have to say that last part."
Greg clung to my shoulder, tilting his head sideways like he was trying to read Zaki's alignment.
Zaki grinned. "Hello, hello! I'm Zaki, Dehya's... How would you put it? Drinking buddy?"
Dehya chuckled. "We've had drinks together a few times. You could say we go back a ways."
Then she gave us a sideways glance. "Anyway, my friends here aren't too shabby, are they? You rarely see outlanders this friendly."
Zaki laughed. "Absolutely. Much better than those people on the other side of the wall. So, Dehya, looking for someone?"
"Yeah," Dehya said, eyes sharpening. "Have you seen Engur, Delavar, or Jabari lately?"
Zaki nodded, rubbing his chin. "Matter of fact, we were all here drinking just a few days ago."
"Oh good, we're only a few days behind a bunch of chaos-hungry desert thugs," I muttered to myself. Greg slapped his tail against my back like he was trying to keep me grounded.
Dehya leaned in slightly. "I've got a spice-trading deal from another nation. Thought maybe Delavar and his buddies might be interested. Know where I can find them?"
Zaki blinked, then grinned knowingly. "Ah, how thoughtful of you. Then I assume you know Delavar's been having a hard time making ends meet these days. So you came to help him out, huh?"
Dehya raised a brow. "Hey, keep it down. I'd rather keep this deal quiet. You guys here at Caravan Ribat are like family. If there's Mora to be made, let's do it together. Besides, Delavar and his friends got muscle—they'd be perfect for escorting the goods."
Zaki gave a dramatic laugh, clapping his hands once. "Yes, yes! How considerate of you. Delavar's my friend too, so of course I can take you to him. Come with me."
As he turned to leave, I leaned over to Lumine.
"This is definitely a trap, right?"
She didn't even blink. "Obviously."
"Good. I was starting to worry things were too normal."
Nilou stepped up beside me, her steps light but steady. "Even if it's dangerous, we'll handle it. Together."
I nodded. "You're right. I mean, what are we if not a chaotic group powered by questionable decisions?"
Greg stared up at me with one blinking eye. He licked his eyeball.
That was lizard for 'you're an idiot.'
And yet, I followed Zaki without hesitation.
Because in the end, nothing screams team spirit like walking headfirst into a potential ambush while your lizard silently judges your life choices.
_____________
End of Chapter 118
Quests Completed:
*Returned safely to Aaru Village with intel, avoided (most) puns, and handed off vital clues about the incense plot. Managed to deliver information before being drop-kicked by Lumine.
*Heard Dehya's honest perspective about the Wall of Samiel and her anger toward systemic oppression. Bond level increased. Player warned: Dehya is about to emotionally punch the plot.
*Met Dehya's "drinking buddy" Zaki, who's too friendly to not be shady. Suspicion levels high, charisma checks rolled, and a probable trap willingly walked into. Great job, team.
*Survive long enough for Greg to approve of your decisions
*Make it through the day without getting murdered by the team's lead.
Rewards:
*Dehya's Trust Flicker (Lv. 1)
*Zaki's Suspicious Friend Tag (Temporary)
*Lumine's Threat Aura (Radiant)
*Nilou's Emotional Sync Buff (Minor) – (Nilou stood beside you more than once. She believes in you. This is dangerous. Do not fail her.)
*1x Broken Incense Censer
*2x Sandstorm Scarf Threads
*1x Half-Eaten Jerky (Not Ours) – (Greg claimed it. Tried to take a bite and earned a scar.)
*1x Suspicious Drinking Token (Zaki's Tavern)
*"Sand-witch Pun Debuff" (Active) – (Causes nearby party members to lose patience when you speak. Greg included.)