The human lifespan is short. A mere 876,000 hours.
I sat in the corner of my classroom. With every breath they took, the timer towards death was steadily counting down, and yet none of my fellow sophomores seemed concerned in the least. I already had my first-period textbook out, as well as the complete set of notes we had to hand in today. I liked to use my limited time efficiently, and my current preparation was the result of that.
I looked around the classroom. There were clowns begging their friends to let them copy their notes, and girls who'd just given up on it all and resorted to mental masturbation.
My classroom was a circus.
It was their fault for wasting the ample time we'd had, and now that they realized, it was too late. Homeroom would be starting soon. While they scrambled around looking for spare notes to copy, I was getting on with my studies, so that I could improve my academic abilities even further. It wasn't much, but in this competitive society of ours, it could make all the difference. Maybe I was biased, but I fully believed that I, Ooboshi Akiteru, was as average as they came.
Math, Japanese, English, social studies, science, physical education... I got around 80% in every test. For everything.
That might sound impressive, but it was the best I could do while using my study time as efficiently as possible. It was my very best, and the fact that I never got 100% on a test, or even top of the class, just meant that I wasn't talented enough.
Though I didn't have any major weak points, I had no noticeable strengths, either. I'm talking appearance-wise too, of course. If you looked up "average" in the dictionary, you'd probably find my picture.
Since I was so average, the only way to get ahead of other people was to
use my time as best as I could. All I wanted was a guaranteed safe and stable future for myself. Though, there was one thing that set me apart from others...
"You dropped your eraser."
"Gah! Ooboshi! How long have you been there?!"
"Uh... a while."
"Oh... sorry. Guess I didn't notice. No offense."
The guy in front of me apologized as he rushed through his homework. He
was popular and handsome, unlike me, but at least his apology was sincere. I knew he meant no offense. Even if he was doing better than me in life, that didn't make him a bad person. Actually, I quite liked him; even though
we weren't really friends, he often took the time to chat with me.
The problem was that he usually didn't notice me. And there was a reason
for it.
I had no presence whatsoever.
Humans usually pick out single features to remember and categorize each
other by. If you wear glasses you're the "four-eyes;" if you're a pretty girl who wears make-up, you're a prep; if you have a mohawk, you're a punk; if your grades are good, you're the teacher's pet; and if you like to pull pranks, you're the class clown. Some of these names are more flattering than others. And some get even worse: "fatty," "baldy," "ugly"... but in all these cases, people are reduced to a single characteristic.
And what about me? I didn't have any of these negative features, but I didn't have any outstanding positive ones, either. I was completely plain. That was why no one remembered me, or even noticed me in the first place. It did mean that I never got outright ignored or bullied. No one talked about me. No one invited me to join in their conversations; I had to join in myself. Once I did, though, they just treated me normally.
It was the most efficient kind of life I could imagine.
I had complete control over what to do with my time, since it was never wasted by meaningless conversation or people trying to socialize with me. It was utter bliss!
That wasn't to say that I had zero friends, though. It just meant I could choose them. I could choose who I wanted to share my precious time with. And that's what I loved about my life.
"Heya, Aki..." someone said.
"You look dead today, Ozu," I replied. "As usual."
"Yeah, I was up all night. Look how red my eyes are!"
"Man, you always do this. Well, don't worry. You can borrow my notes if you want!"
"Thanks! You're the world's greatest friend!" He slumped down in the chair behind me, still letting out a series of yawns. I could practically see the fog of sleep threatening to come down on him.
This guy was so smart and handsome that he gave off a real main character vibe. Stick him in the middle of a poster surrounded by girls, and you've got yourself a perfect harem anime. That was my best and only friend: Kohinata Ozuma. I called him "Ozu" for short, and had decided to walk this life with him.
"I'll buy you some anmitsu to make up for it, all right?" Ozu said. "I heard that new place by the station is pretty good. You like sweets, right?"
"Really?" My eyes lit up. The combination of bean jam and fruit was to die for, but... "Nah, don't worry about it. It's no big deal."
"I feel bad though, copying off you all the time... Lemme make it up to you, yeah?" He grinned at me with all the charm of a fairytale prince.
I felt a jolt in my chest and tears welling up in my eyes. "You're... the nicest guy I've ever met..." I mumbled.
"C'mon, quit exaggerating. Didn't you say you liked to live life
efficiently? And now you're wastin' time getting all emotional?"
"I can't help it! My heart can't contain this much gratitude!" "Weirdo. Though I guess I always knew you were kinda emotional.
Reminds me you're still human."
"I am not emotional! Everything I do and feel is so that I can live my life
at maximum efficiency!"
"Welp, it sure was kind of you to let me be part of your super efficient
life, Mr. Roboto."
"Whatever." I decided to put an end to the conversation.
Ozu tactfully moved on to something else.
"I also wanna make up for how my sister's been treating you. You said
she was at your place yesterday, right?" "Yeah."
"I'm really sorry about her. I keep hiding the key in different places, but she always sniffs it out somehow."
"Don't worry about it. It's not your fault."
I still couldn't wrap my head around how Ozu and Iroha were related. They were just so different.
Ozu was the kind of guy who always put others first. He was good at recognizing and not overstepping boundaries. You saw just now how he apologized for the stuff his sister did, right? He was an absolute saint.
In fact, he was the complete opposite of his terror of a sister. Whichever god was playing Create-A-Human that day either decided to mess around with her genes, or was just feeling particularly cruel, as though he were creating her just to trap her in a pool with no ladders later. Suddenly Ozu let out a laugh.
"Y'know, I think Iroha has a thing for you." "Huh?!"
"Oh, damn... You don't look happy about that." "Duh. Jokes are s'posed to be funny."
"O-Oh. Think you could forgive me, then?"
"I guess. Though my heart can't contain all this disgust."
"Right, right..."
"Anyway, there's no way she likes me. She's just messin' with me."
"To hide her true feelings, right?"
"Ugh! I knew you'd say that. Everyone does. But it's not true. Why would
anyone treat someone that way 'cause they were into 'em? You'd wanna be nice to the person you like, right? Otherwise, they're just gonna end up hating you. It makes no sense!"
"You're talking like girls make sense, dude."
"It's not about girls. It's about universal common sense. Besides, no one would be interested in me in the first place."
I wasn't looking for the kind of idealized teenagehood that you see in anime and manga. Plus, every girl I'd met in my life so far invariably hated me. If they even showed any sign of acknowledging me at all, it was always a negative one.
And so I gave up on romance. I had no hope anyway.
"I'm as average as they come. There's nothing about me that girls'd find attractive."
"I think you're pretty popular with them, though." "That's rich, coming from a chad like you."
"But you do have good parts. I mean, you're nice..."
"Yeah, 'nice.' The most average of the positive adjectives..."
"Man, just take the compliment. You're always so stubborn when it comes to this kinda thing." Ozu sighed and shook his head.
I did appreciate that he was trying to cheer me up. He was kind, handsome, and smart. There was no way that little old "nice" me could compete.
I already knew that Ozu had a bright future ahead of him. It wouldn't be long till the world saw just what a great person he was, like I did, and I was genuinely excited to see how far he'd go.
As a friend, I wanted to treasure him. It was a shame about his sister, but I supposed it was all in the name of making life a bit more exciting.
Just then, the classroom door swung open.
Immediately, the air seemed to freeze. Every voice in the room came to a sudden stop, whether it was one begging for notes, or one just cracking jokes. The only sound that remained was the clacking of heels as our young teacher made her way towards the desk.
Her hair was gathered neatly atop her head, and her eyes had a sharp, intelligent glint to them. Her body was as slender as any model's, with an ample chest to compliment it, while her suit hugged her figure perfectly. As usual, everyone was in awe of the beauty of this perfect teacher; she was the kind of beauty everyone wished to be taught by. Without sitting down, she swept her gaze over the gaggle of students scattered around the room.
"The bell has rung. Why are you not in your seats? If you pigs don't know how to read a clock, then I suggest you pack your bags and get out of here immediately."
Silence.
"Sit, or be punished. Your choice." The teacher slammed her heel down on the floor beneath her, leaving a dent and sending a crack through the room. Every face drained of its color as the students shuffled back to their seats.
Well, not every face. Some had gone red and were accompanied with a quiet panting. Best not to dwell on that too long.
"Every human starts as a worthless pig. Once you learn how to dance to society's tune, you become a monkey. You lot are still far off from becoming full-fledged humans."
It was hard to believe she was a teacher with all that disdain passing through her lips. Such a harsh teacher was rare nowadays, what with society
being more vigilant against corporal punishment and abuse of power in schools. But here she was: our math and homeroom teacher, Kageishi Sumire.
At first, many of the boys in our class rejoiced at having such a quick- witted and beautiful teacher like her, but now it was only a handful of masochists who still felt that way.
She was now known as the Venomous Queen thanks to her sharp tongue, strict teaching, and the murderous reign of terror she commanded. Any student who put a single toe out of line was instantly brought back under her thumb.
"Let us begin."
Image Here
At Her Majesty's command, homeroom began. I rested my chin in my hand.
Look at that smug expression on her face. Must be easy being a teacher if all you need is a harsh word to keep your class in line.
I wasn't stupid enough to voice my complaints out loud. ***
The school day came to an uneventful end, as usual. "Home time!" Ozu cheered. "Let's go—" "W-W-Wait... Have you... H-Have you got a second?" "Huh?"
It was one of our classmates who had spoken, but I couldn't understand what anyone other than Ozu would want with me. I didn't even know this guy. I knew he sat on the other side of the classroom, but I couldn't put a name to the face at all. I took a wild guess and decided it was probably Suzuki.
I was completely baffled. He looked completely baffled too. "O-Ooboshi. S-S-Someone's here to s-see you!"
"What's with the stuttering?"
"Sh-Shu-Shut up! Y-Y-Y-You'd be st-stuttering too! I-I mean, sh-she's...
she's just so hot! Sh-She's waiting i-in the c-c-corridor. It-It's a first-year!" "Oh."
There was only one "first-year girl" who could cause this kind of reaction that I knew of.
"She's super well-dressed, but not in a flashy way, y'know?! Sh-She's smart, polite to everyone, and she's an honor student! She's just so perfect! Y-You're so lucky that she's here for you, Ooboshi! W-Were you a saint in your past life or something?!"
"Meh, more likely a crook like Robbin' 'Ood." I sighed, left probably- Suzuki behind me and headed into the corridor.
"Hiya, Ooboshi-senpai!"
There was Kohinata Iroha, grinning at me. Not that I was expecting anyone else, since she was the only girl I spoke to. I still had no idea what she wanted, though. So I asked.
"What do you want?"
"Huh? You don't look pleased to see me." She blinked at me.
I hated this innocent act of hers when she was playing the courteous honor student. The fact was, much as I struggled to believe it, her grades were impeccable.
I knew what she was really like, though. She couldn't fool me.
"Why would I be? What's the point of calling me, just for me to go and get Ozu for you?"
"Because I don't want to see him. I want to see you."
"Quit talking like that, and go back to acting like the crazy dumbass I know you are."
"Whatever are you talking about?" she asked softly, as though reprimanding me for daring her to misbehave in a place of learning.
Now she was trying the puppy-dog eyes on me. In reality, she was a sneaky snake. The students streaming out of the classroom behind me had no idea. They shot glances our way, the girls looking confused while the boys' eyes blazed with jealousy.
"What. You wanna walk home together?"
"That's right!" Iroha trilled with a bright grin.
I was glad she was so short. If the petty boys behind me were able to see
how she smiled at me, I'd be in for it. They'd wonder about our relationship. What we were, how far we'd gone, etc., etc. Didn't matter if I replied aggressively, or politely told them no, we weren't an item, it'd be a massive pain in the ass either way. Not to mention that I wouldn't be able to blend into the background anymore.
"Fine. Lemme just grab my stuff, and I'll get Ozu too."
I wanted to avoid hanging out with her right outside the classroom if I could avoid it. The possibility of a misunderstanding occurring was going up with each passing second. I spun around to head back into the room.
"Oh, don't bother getting my brother," she called after me cheerfully. "Huh? Why not?"
They lived in the same apartment, and I lived right next to them. It made
perfect logical sense for all three of us to go home together.
Iroha began to sway bashfully. Her cheeks were tinged pink as she spoke
in a shy, quiet voice.
"D-Do you really have to ask me in front of all these people? I... I want it
to be just you and me..."
"I told you to stop talking like that! I don't even like you, but you're
making my heart twinge!" I took a step back to distance myself from her. Iroha stared at me in shock.
"How... How could you say something so cruel?" she sniffed. "We're
supposed to be going out..."
It was the worst thing she could have said.
"I beg your pardon?!" I snapped loudly.
"Don't you remember how we made love so passionately yesterday? And
now you're saying you don't like me? Are you just... playing with my heart?" "We're not going out! I was trying to get you out!"
"Please don't make a scene! When you're so loud, it reminds me of when
we're alo—"
"Stop blushing! People are just gonna get the wrong idea!"
I was sure that her words just now were clearly audible inside the
classroom, and I could feel the curious stares of my classmates burning into me. To say it was uncomfortable would be an understatement. Just then, Ozu appeared, summoned no doubt by our shouting match.
"Aki, what's the matter?" Then, he spotted Iroha. "Huh? What are you doing here?"
"Hi!" Iroha bowed her head and gave him her bestest, sweetest, honor- studentest smile.
Ozu knew what she was really like, so it was no wonder he looked as confused as I did. He opened his mouth to say something, but Iroha carried on before he had the chance.
"Aki-senpai and I are dating!"
"I... Wh...?"
"Oh my God! I can't take it anymore! Get your ass over here, Iroha!" "Eek!"
I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away from the classroom door.
With Iroha in tow, I stomped down the hallway as fast as I could, only stopping to catch my breath when we reached a deserted stairwell.
"What the hell was that all about? Is this some kind of newfangled scam?!"
"It's not a scam!" she said sweetly. "I mean, we're basically dating, right?"
"Quit the act."
"Ouch! You're so cold, Senpai." She giggled. "It's not like anybody was
falling for that, anyway!"
Iroha returned to her usual self once she noticed we were really alone.
She was doubled-over with laughter and struggling to catch her breath.
"I mean, you said you'd be in trouble if you had a girlfriend, right? So I
decided to take that spot!"
"That's some twisted logic you got there..."
"It's really not deep enough to be talking about 'logic.'"
"Whatever. No one's gonna believe you anyway." I sighed and prepared
to walk away.
Iroha began to twiddle with a strand of her hair.
"I dunno. I think it's pretty believable."
"I don't care what you think. It's not. All you've got going for you is your
looks. We're totally incompatible."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm way too gorgeous for a plain-lookin' dude
like you."
I kind of wished she'd sugarcoated that. But whatever.
"Anyway," Iroha continued, "if you told everyone we were dating, they'd
be like: 'Yeah, dream on, virgin!' But if I tell them, they'll all believe me!" "So what you're saying is, they'd believe you but not me?"
"Yup!" She smiled at me cheerfully.
"Gimme a break..." I looked towards the ceiling in exasperation and
applied palm to face. "Look, this concerns my whole future, okay? So please stay out of it."
I needed Tsukinomori-san's support if I wanted any hope of achieving my dreams for the future. The last thing I needed was this troublemaker sticking her nose in and destroying everything I'd worked so hard to build up. I turned around and started walking. Hopefully my actions were clear enough to let her know that I wasn't prepared to put up with this.
"You're so dense, Senpai. I can't believe you haven't noticed..."
I felt something pressing lightly against my back. Hot breath scorched my ear as the warmth from her soft chest seeped through the thin material of her uniform. I could feel a small, constant vibration from underneath... Was that her heartbeat?
What on earth was she doing?
"Would I be doing this if I didn't like you? You're always so mean..." "Wh-What are you plotting? I'm not gonna fall for this cutesy act!"
"What if I asked you to turn around?"
"Ngh!"
"I know you're serious about your future. But you're forgetting what
you've got right here in the present... It kinda hurts, you know..." "Iroha..."
"I don't want you to go... I want you to stay with me forever. Forever and ever..." Iroha's voice quivered desperately.
Usually, the sound of her voice gave me an instant migraine. But now, I could feel something stirring inside my heart. Something warm and pleasant. Was she for real? After all this time... Did she really feel this way about...
"Just kidding! Gotcha, didn't I?! I've always wanted to do that, y'know? Like a super-serious confession to make your heart pound for once! Your reaction was so cute, too! What didcha think?!" She paused for my answer, but I gave none. "Oooh, I get it! You're too embarrassed, huh? You're so red, too, all the way to your ears! I can't take it! You're just too adorable!"
Iroha was still clinging onto my back, her fists digging into my stomach as she laughed with glee.
She was right, though. My face was red.
Red with rage!
"I'm never believing another word that comes out of your mouth, you
bitch!"
"Uh oh! Gotta skedaddle!" Iroha squealed.
It had taken her less than thirty minutes to break me down with those
crafty tricks of hers.
I swore to myself that next time, I wasn't going to fall for her bullshit.
***
"What the heck was she thinking showing up at the classroom like that?!" "Looks like she really likes you."
"Dude, are you blind?!"
"No, but you are. You know our classroom is like, on a completely
different floor from hers? That's dedication right there. You really think she'd come all that way for a guy she couldn't give two hoots about?"
"Sure, she gives hoots about me, but they're hoots of hate!"
"You're so stubborn. I'm sure she's into you! You think way too badly of
yourself, seriously."
"Shut up. If she gives me a proper confession, maybe then I'll believe
she's into me."
"Whatever, dude. I'll be happy just as long as you two get along."