The next day, I began my new life as Mashiro's slave.
In the morning, I waited for her at the school gates. Once I saw her, I immediately slid in to carry her bag for her, wagging my (imaginary) tail all the while. I wouldn't want her delicate hands to be destroyed by the weight of the extra baggage, and I wanted to make things as easy as possible for her. Mashiro was so grateful for my help that she was at an utter loss for words all the way to the classroom.
At lunchtime, I ran to the school store to get her three tuna-and-onion rice balls, and some special tea to pour over one of them if she wanted. I had done my research, and knew that these were some of Mashiro's favorites.
Mashiro was so choked up with joy, that she couldn't bear to eat or drink any of it.
After school I rushed to Mashiro's desk and kneeled down in front of her, offering her my back to carry her home. There was no way I could let her feet touch the dirty ground!
Again, stoic as she was, Mashiro was so moved by my wonderful display of devotion, that she could not utter a word. In fact, she hadn't said anything all day. Instead, she stood there, trembling.
"C... Come... Come with me!"
"As you wish, Your Majesty."
Mashiro grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and dragged me out into the
hallway. She led me all the way down to a storage room by the stairs, somewhere which saw very little traffic, before practically pinning me up against the wall.
"Why are you being so unbearably annoying today?!" She kept her voice low, but rage rumbled quietly through every syllable.
"Haha, yeah, I guess it is kinda annoying..."
"You 'guess'?! I've never known somebody to be so... so unbearable like you were today!"
"I gotta be honest, I was kinda doubting myself the whole time like: 'Damn, maybe I'm going a bit too far'..."
"Oh my God!"
"But you're being kinda mean to me right now, y'know? Would you kindly listen to what I wanna say?"
My slavish devotion was not without cause. Everything: carrying her bag, buying her lunch, offering to take her home... All of it was Iroha's idea. It was all part of a plan to get closer to the icy girl that was Tsukinomori Mashiro.
I knew from the outset that it would be super annoying, but if I didn't go all out, it would just damage the chances of the plan working. I couldn't afford to fail here.
Although around halfway through the day, I realized it was probably a bust. I realized I was toeing the line between lovable slave and crazy, obsessed stalker. I guess even the slave part was kinda weird.
At the end of the day, I was just lucky that no matter what sort of near- criminal acts I committed in her vicinity, the class just thought it was an act of deep and passionate love. My reputation was as tough as titanium at this point. In fact, maybe they were under some sort of hypnosis. Or maybe this was a Truman Show-type deal and they just had to pretend everything was nice and normal.
Anyway, I gave Mashiro a full rundown of the situation. As I explained, the anger in her eyes softened just a tiny bit, and I could even swear I saw a smattering of sympathy in them.
"Are you stupid or something?" she asked.
"I might just be."
After all, I did decide that Iroha was the best person to help me. I could
still remember that stupid smirk on her face as she told me about the plan.
"Listen up, Senpai! The first way to get in a girl's good books is to be nice to her!"
"That's it?"
"Abso-posi-lutely! Girls are super easy to understand! You just gotta sprinkle on the charm, and then they'll be up all night thinkin' about you!
Definitely! Maybe!"
"You have no clue what you're talking about, do you?!"
"'Snot my fault! I'm still a super pure, inexperienced virgin, after all! But
anyway, just do what I say, and it might work out!"
"Could you give me some specific odds on that?"
"Look, if you think I'm kidding, just try it out and then you'll know for
sure! Tee-hee!"
Turns out she was spewing shit the whole time.
I followed Iroha's plan down to a T. And now look what happened. Iroha must've been a special kind of genius to be able to make other people act as unbearable as her. It was almost impressive. Almost.
"Floor. Kneel. Now."
"Yes, ma'am."
The cold, hard floor froze my legs as the cold draft from the stairwell
chilled my body and Mashiro's cold gaze numbed me from above. There were a handful of highly-advanced beings in my class who would see this as a reward of sorts. I, in my lowly existence, saw it as nothing but pain.
"You knew you were being annoying, but you kept going. Do you really hate me that much?" Mashiro asked.
"Nah, it's more like... Well..."
"What?"
I could see Mashiro's frown deepen as I fumbled my words.
How the hell am I s'posed to explain?
I didn't exactly want to blame Iroha for all of this. Sure, her plan was the
most annoying idea man had ever concocted, but I was the one who chose to go ahead with it. I was the one who pestered Mashiro today, and I wasn't about to make excuses for it. I wasn't about to mention Iroha here.
But leaving her out of it left me with practically no explanation. So what was I—
"Aww! Look at the cute widdle couple! Are ya makin' out? Huh? Are ya?!"
There it was. That shrill, annoying voice echoing out from the stairs above us. I looked up to see the golden-haired girl leaning over the handrail, her mouth puckered, and her boobs dangling over the side.
"Come to heckle me, Iroha?" I asked.
"'Course not! I just came to see how amazingly my super genius plan went!"
"It went amazingly crappily, you dumb bitch."
"She's even got you kneeling on the ground!" Iroha guffawed. "Must be karma for beating me the other day!"
Quit laughin'!
She was in for a world of pain... as soon as I was allowed off the floor.
"Who is that?" Mashiro narrowed her eyes at Iroha suspiciously, a sensible reaction if I ever saw one.
"Hiya! I'm the one who set up this whole shtick for you, Mashiro-senpai!" "Dude, shut up!" I snapped.
"What? It's true!"
Maybe, but you still shouldn't say it.
There goes my whole "keeping Iroha out of this" tactic...
"Stop talking amongst yourselves! It's annoying, and... huh?" Mashiro stared up at Iroha, as though she'd noticed something. Her voice empty of emotion, she continued, "Oh, I see... Now I get it."
Huh? What? She was suddenly even madder than before, but I had no clue why. Before I even had time to guess, she turned on her heel with a squeak of her shoes.
"I'm going home," she announced.
"H-Hey, wait! What's the matter?"
"Isn't she the cute kouhai you get along so well with?"
"Well, she's a kouhai, but she isn't cute, and no, we don't get along. In
fact, I'm pretty sure she has it in for me."
"So she's flirting with you?"
"Wh-Wha...?!"
"You've been making fun of me together this whole time! You two can go
to hell!" Mashiro spat, before leaving us behind.
I watched her leave, gobsmacked. The aura coming off her was a hundred
times colder than anything I'd felt so far. Guess global warming was fixed. "Oopsie!" Iroha, who had slid down the handrail to stand next to me,
said. "Welp, guess she really hates you now, huh?"
"Yeah! And that's entirely your fault!"
"Nuh-uh! It's like, eighty percent yours!"
"Whatever dumb math equation you're using is way off!"
Secretly, though, I thought that was pretty accurate. All Iroha really did was give me the idea. I was the one who went to her for help, I was the one who carried it out, and I was the one who fumbled my explanation to Mashiro. I had no one to blame but myself for how much she hated me now.
"So how're ya gonna get outta this one, Senpai?"
"I dunno. But I'll have to think of something..." I sighed. I couldn't leave things as they were, but I also had no idea how to fix them. "I won't be seeing her until tomorrow, anyway. So I'll think of something to say to her tonight."
***
"Now for the widescreen TV! Come on, put your backs into it! But be careful!"
"Sir, yes, sir!"
As with all my decisions in life, I chose my current apartment building based entirely on efficiency. During junior high school, my parents were transferred abroad, but left me with enough of a budget that I didn't need to worry about money. I spent a lot of time looking into the apartments that were within walking distance to my new high school.
I decided to live on the fifth and highest floor of the apartment building, since it was the safest and least vulnerable to crime. And so, I ended up in Room 502. Room 501 was the corner room. I didn't choose that one, because it was so close to the neighboring building, that crime and privacy would become more of an issue. In the three years I've been living here, nobody had ever moved in there, so I guess I wasn't the only one who came to those conclusions.
I'm glad I chose to live here. I met the Kohinata family who lived next door in Room 503, and Murasaki Shikibu-sensei, AKA Sumire-sensei, was in Room 504. It was a happy little coincidence that most of the 05th Floor Alliance ended up on the same floor like this.
We were so happy in our cozy little paradise, that we'd forgotten there was still an unoccupied room.
"Now, the bookcase! If you guys are so smart, you should be used to lifting those!"
"Sir, yes, sir!"
An unoccupied room which could become occupied at any moment. That was fine, but why did it have to be like this?
When I came home from school, I was greeted by the cheerful voices of
brawny movers as they transported furniture from the truck into the apartment building. It was only when I reached the fifth floor that I came across the same girl who sat next to me at school.
We stared at each other in silence.
I had no idea what I was supposed to do or say, so my brain decided to do the stupid thing and say exactly what I was thinking out loud.
"No way... You gotta be kiddin' me!"
"Ooh, what a coinkydink! Hiya there!" Iroha, who walked home with me, stuck her head out from behind me. I could hear the grin on her face from her greeting.
Why on earth wasn't she freaking out? There was no way this was happening! And yet there she was, the Tsukinomori Mashiro, the same girl who was scowling for hours next to me in school, anxiously watching the movers carry her things into Room 501!
The glare she was giving me now was immense. "Are you stalking me or something?!"
"Uh, no. I live here."
"Stop lying!"
"I live here too!" Iroha added helpfully.
"Huh?!" Mashiro's eyebrow twitched as Iroha hopped out in front of her. "Question. Who exactly are you to Aki?"
"I'm his little sister!"
"Aki has a sister?"
"I'm his friend's sister, which makes me his real sister. I wish people
would understand that!"
"Are you stupid or something?"
"Oh, ouch. Your burns are just as sick as Senpai's! Oh, teach me your
ways, Mashiro-sama! What's the secret? Eat a lotta spicy foods?" "H-Has anybody ever told you you're incredibly annoying?" Mashiro
asked, as though genuinely concerned.
Iroha continued to pummel on Mashiro's shoulders playfully, not deterred
in the least. Now that I wasn't the target, I had a renewed appreciation for just how unbearable her behavior really was.
It must be her dreaded extrovertism. How else could she justify treating someone she only just met like this?
"Quit it, Iroha. Why are you bein' such a pain to her? I thought you could act normal when you wanted to."
"I'm good at pickin' time and place, that's why! And this is how I'm gonna act with Mashiro-san. 'Specially 'cause it pisses you off!"
She had a one-track mind. Too bad the track was twisted and in desperate need of repair.
I ignored her grin and the accompanying inappropriate thumbs-up, and instead decided to be the decent one here and apologize to Mashiro.
"I'm sorry my kouhai's such a pain."
"That's her problem, not yours," Mashiro muttered, turning her disgruntled face away from me. Glancing back at me, she added, "She's your friend's sister, right? In other words, unrelated. In other words, you're living with a girl who isn't a relative. In other words..."
"N-No, it's nothing like that."
The way we acted together was a result of living in such close quarters for such a long period of time. I forgot just how that might look to an outsider. Plus, we did just come home together from school, which normally would mean we were planning to hang out in the same apartment. And we were of the opposite gender. That we were somehow involved was the most logical conclusion for Mashiro to jump to.
"We don't live together," I said. "I'm in Room 502, and—"
"I'm in Room 503!"
"What?" Mashiro blinked.
"Ozu lives here too. Y'know, Kohinata Ozuma, the guy in our class I'm
always talkin' to? He's this kid's brother."
"Who're you callin' kid?! How rude! C'mon, you can say my name like
you always do! 'Iroha, my sweet little Iroha'!"
"Wh-What?" Mashiro blinked in utter confusion.
Iroha was laughing now, but I wasn't sure why.
Mashiro dodged past us and scampered up to check the name plates
outside our apartments.
"'Ooboshi'... 'Kohinata'... Y-You guys weren't lying!"
"By the way, the next room over, 504, is where our teacher Kageishi
Sumire-sensei lives."
"Wh-Why do you all live here?" Mashiro asked.
"It's just a huge coincidence."
"Really..." She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
I couldn't blame her. I'd react the same way if it turned out I already knew
everyone on the same floor of my new apartment.
"Hm?" Her face suddenly darkening, Mashiro muttered something
inaudible under her breath. "5th floor... 05th Floor... Alliance? It can't be..." "Did you say something?"
Mashiro didn't answer me, instead sinking into a thoughtful silence, as
though on the brink of a huge scientific breakthrough of some kind. The pale skin on the back of her neck was tinged pink, but I couldn't tell if she was mad or if it was something else. After muttering to herself for a while, she spun round and thrust her finger out at both of us.
"Both of you are annoying. And you bring that with you wherever you go!" She turned her back on us. "Don't act all buddy-buddy with me, just because we're neighbors now."
"This is getting a bit old now, y'know? Why not just be friends? That would be way... Gah!"
"The refrigerator! Come on, lift with your legs!"
"Sir, yes, sir!"
Just as I was about to stop Mashiro from retreating into her castle, I was
blocked off by a wall of buff men. They marched in front of me in a row, leaving me with only a glimpse of Mashiro's back as she disappeared into Room 501.
"Dammit. Talk about bad timing..."
"Aaaah! The JPS men are so hot! Did you know that 90% of them are big on bodybuilding, and that there are all kinds of popular doujinshi about them? I looked it up!"
"Don't care."
"You're pretty muscly too, even though you look like a soyboy with your clothes on. Guess I'll be seeing you in some doujinshi too sometime!"
"You haven't seen me with my clothes off."
"Have too! Since you always wear just your boxers when you come outta the bath! Even if I run away the moment we make eye contact, I already took a proper screenshot with my brain! Those screenshots are how I know all your secrets!"
"Do you think if I smash your head in, it'll corrupt your data?"
"No, but it might be kinda hot!"
"Oh my God, stop it. Also, quit coming into my room when I'm in the
bath. I didn't know that was you."
Yes, I did call the police when I heard someone calling out to me as I was
whistling and washing my hair. I told them it was a cat, though (because I thought it was a cat).
"Oh, come on! You've got nothing to be ashamed of! The definition on your abs is pretty good, y'know!"
"It's not much, and it's to be expected, since I work out every day. I'm still a stick compared to a pro wrestler or a rugby player."
"Duh, if you're gonna compare yourself to people like that, 'course you look bad!"
Daily work-outs were a habit by now. I wanted to waste as little of my life dealing with injury and illness as possible. To optimize my physical resource use, I looked into every way you could keep yourself healthy.
Turns out routine and moderate exercise are the best ways to do that, believe it or not. Ever since then, I started daily muscle training. I wasn't taking supplements, making goals, or going to the gym or anything, but my daily exercise meant that my body was just a bit more muscular than average.
"Anyway, that's not important right now. What's important, is—" "That Mashiro-san ran away from you?"
"No, I don't mind that. I was expecting that the moment we ran into her
here, actually."
I paused, before breaking into a grin. Iroha's eyes widened.
"Hey, I don't think you've been this pumped up for ages!"
"Not since I had Murasaki Shikibu-sensei sniveling at my feet," I agreed.
"You shoulda seen the look on her face..."
"I-I didn't know you were such a sadist!"
"Say whatever you want. But Mashiro's not getting away from me,
either." I cracked my knuckles, my grin widening.
There was only so much I could do when my interactions with Mashiro
were confined to the classroom. Even if both our teacher and my uncle badgered me to keep my eye on her, and act as her boyfriend, I still couldn't do anything if Mashiro kept pushing me away.
But she was on my turf now, like a fly caught in my web. And that wasn't
on me. That was on her making the mistake of moving into the same building. Let her call me annoying, or a hypocrite. I didn't care.
"I'll show her just how nosy I can be!"
"All right, now it's finally time for the bed! It's not gonna fit in the elevator, so shove it through the window!"
"Sir, yes, sir!"
I cackled to myself silently among the movers' grunts and shouts.
Princess Mashiro had finally emerged from her castle, and was now living with a group of happy little dwarves. And these dwarves were just what Snow White needed right now.
I wasn't worried that I was going too far, nor was I prepared to take Mashiro's cold front into consideration. There was no way she wanted to be alone.
There was no way that she wanted to go back to her old life, where she had nothing but lonely memories of being bullied. She had left her old house, which wasn't even that far from our school, to move in here.
Why would she have gone through all that trouble if she didn't want a fresh start? I was sure that, in her own way, she wanted to be able to live a fun and happy life for her remaining school years.
There was only one thing for me to do now. It was the most efficient and effective thing I could do, to fulfill that wish of hers.
***
"So my fake girlfriend is now living next door to me, basically," I explained to Ozu over the phone.
"Your harem nest is gettin' more packed by the day, huh? Welp, 'slong as I get to sit back and watch the drama unfold..."