(A Big thanks to Jawad Choua ,Hunter Waldo and Allen Pellissery for being a Quill Club patron.)
Ren Ishikawa arrived at the cafeteria and ordered a bowl of beef ramen. It was served quickly, with a rich, thick broth and a generous helping of meat.
After picking up his meal, Ren grabbed a cup of free purified water. Then, to the astonishment of the ramen chef and several nearby students, he proceeded to pour the water into his bowl, diluting the hot, heavy soup until it was merely lukewarm and perfectly salted to his taste.
With the ramen now ready to be eaten without the risk of burning his tongue, he began. The Japanese advocate for "simple food," which often means small portions. A standard bowl of ramen doesn't actually contain a large amount of noodles. Ren first ate the beef slices to whet his appetite, then turned his attention to the noodles. He devoured the entire bowl in what seemed like two or three massive bites, barely chewing. It wasn't so much eating as it was direct inhalation.
To show respect, Japanese people will often slurp their ramen with a distinct sizzling sound. Ren's respect was apparently far greater, as his sound was more of a gudong, gudong gulp.
Within moments, the bowl was empty. He immediately went back for a refill of noodles—a common free service in ramen shops, as the soup is considered the true essence of the dish.
In five minutes, after two refills, Ren had finished his lunch, feeling about 70% full. He left the cafeteria having earned the legendary title of "Ramen Destroyer" and a fresh wave of hatred from the cafeteria's ramen enthusiasts.
By the time he returned to the academic building, only ten minutes of the lunch break had passed. As he headed up the stairs toward the Class D classroom, he rounded the corner leading out of the stairwell.
Suddenly, a figure leaped out from around the bend, rushing directly toward him.
An ambush? Ren thought, his senses instantly on high alert. Did someone finally work up the nerve to fight me? Which of my brilliant strategies caused this? The classroom taunts? The information selling? Bullying the class beauty?
It didn't matter. It was time to fight.
The opponent wasn't moving particularly fast, but the attack was sudden. A person with slower reflexes would have been knocked over. Ren's reaction, however, was anything but slow. He pivoted, his hand shooting out to grab the attacker's collar. His plan was to execute a clean shoulder throw, launching his assailant into the optimal position for the nearest security camera to capture.
But just as his fingers closed on the fabric, he saw the person's face clearly.
It was a cute girl with an orange bob, an angelic smile, and a rather plump figure. He remembered hearing others call her "Kushida-san" and "Kikyo-chan." She was the sociable, helpful girl who was, alongside Hirata, a core figure in the class. She was also one of the girls who had cast a kind, curious glance his way that morning.
I believe there has been a mistake, Ren realized. She is not here to fight me.
In a split second, he shifted his momentum. The aggressive throw transformed into a defensive push, his hands landing flatly against her to skillfully absorb her inertia and bring her to a safe stop. As she came to a halt, however, he felt his hands press into something unexpectedly soft, which then "recoiled" against his palms.
He knew instantly what he had just pushed.
To avoid triggering a troublesome side plot that could derail his main mission of getting expelled, Ren decided to pretend nothing had happened. He slowly withdrew his hands, his expression a perfect mask of nonchalance, as if he hadn't just committed a classic blunder. If she was willing to play along, they could both escape the situation without embarrassment.
She was not willing to play along.
The moment his hands left her body, Kikyo Kushida hugged her chest, her face flushing bright red like an alarm light, emphasizing the very thing Ren was trying to ignore.
"I-I'm so sorry, Ishikawa-kun!" she apologized, her voice flustered. "It's all my fault for not slowing down at the corner. I almost ran right into you."
"It's fine, I wasn't hit," he said, still determined to escape the interaction. Besides, he thought, I hardly suffered any loss.
He prepared to sidestep her and continue to the classroom. But seeing him about to leave after taking such a liberty, Kushida grew anxious. She had accidentally given him a favor, and one was supposed to be gracious when receiving favors. Couldn't he at least say a few soft words? How was she supposed to start a conversation if he just walked away?
Before he could take a step, Kushida flashed her signature angelic smile. "What a coincidence, Ishikawa-kun~"
"Is it really... a coincidence?" Ren asked, his tone flat. He had already noticed a large shadow on the ground near the corner before she jumped out, which meant she had been waiting there. This wasn't an accident; it was deliberate.
Remembering her friendly look from that morning, Ren immediately classified her as a member of Class D's "love-brained" faction. The "throwing herself into his arms" was just further proof. He suspected this ambush was not for a fight, but for an attempt to "make friends."
Kushida seemed to understand the skepticism in his eyes. She bowed her head in shame. "I'm sorry, Ren-kun! You're right, it wasn't a coincidence. I was waiting for you here. I have something I want to talk to you about, but I was worried you wouldn't respond to me, so I planned to 'run into you' at a corner. They say it can improve the initial favorability of a conversation."
"But the 'sacrifice' you made just to increase favorability seems a little extreme, doesn't it?" Ren said, gesturing uncomfortably with his hands.
"I actually practiced the move beforehand!" Kushida explained, her face still bright red in a way that was undeniably cute. "I was supposed to be able to stop myself, but something unexpected happened. You moved too fast! Before I could brace myself, you had already..."
Her blush was more potent than a thousand words of explanation. To go to such lengths just to initiate a conversation... Ren's mind leaped to a single, terrifying conclusion. She had a grand ambition, and she intended to get something of huge value from him. He raised his internal alert level to its maximum.
The worst-case scenario, he thought, his blood running cold. She's after me! She's going to confess!
"Even though... it's already like this," Kushida continued, her voice trembling slightly, "I still hope you can listen to my request seriously..."
With that, she took both her petite hands and clasped Ren's right hand between them. She held it in front of her face in a prayer-like gesture, bowed slightly, and looked up at him with wide, pleading eyes.
"Please!"
Ren tried to pull his hand away, but she held on surprisingly tight. He felt he could break her grip, but he didn't dare use too much force for fear of sending the small girl flying. Mentally preparing himself, he rehearsed a universal rejection phrase and finally steeled his resolve. "Okay," he said, his voice grim. "What do you want to tell me?"
"It's like this..." Kushida took a deep breath, looking deeply conflicted, as if she were about to reveal a difficult secret.
This is it, Ren thought, his last hope draining away. He carefully loaded a metaphorical shell into the chamber, ready to fire the moment the enemy revealed herself.
Soon, Kushida spoke. At the exact same moment, so did Ren.
"I want to be friends with Horikita-san!" / "I'm sorry, you're a good person!"
"Huh?" / "Huh?"
They both froze, stunned into silence.
After a beat, Ren said, his face a perfect deadpan, "You ambushed me here... just to ask me to help you make friends with Horikita?"
"Yeah, yeah~" Kushida replied with a look of pure innocence, as if to say, What other bad intentions could a little angel possibly have?
Ren slowly covered his face with his free hand.
Dark history +1.
So embarrassing... But then he stopped himself. No. Who cares? He was going to drop out anyway. It didn't matter if his classmates thought he was a narcissist. In fact, it might even lower their opinion of him. A win-win.
Since her goal wasn't a confession but to use him as a "friendship tool," he felt much more comfortable. He was an expert at handling purely transactional relationships. His mind instantly supplied a dozen sharp, unpleasant remarks to kill the conversation and end the encounter.
But just as he was about to speak, he stopped himself again.
No! I can't do what I did before!
Yesterday, he had been deliberately unpleasant, and the girls' favorability had somehow gone up. The "love-brained" students of Class D seemed to genuinely like the domineering, rude type. And Kushida was one of the prime suspects. If he acted like his usual abrasive self, he'd just be "rewarding" her, and her affection would grow.
That was a close call, he thought with relief. I almost gained more favorability points.
His mind, now primed for conspiracy, began to churn. What if this was all just a tactic? If he agreed to help her with Horikita, they would have to spend a lot of time together. Making friends with Horikita would be a long, difficult process, filled with setbacks. Every time Kushida failed, she would come to him for comfort. In the process of consoling her, their bond would deepen. Feelings would develop. He would be trapped, his dream of freedom lost, all because of a scheming girl.
Horrifying!
He couldn't be a domineering boss. But he couldn't be a warm, gentle knight either—that wasn't him. He longed for a wild, free life, not to be shackled by a persona. He needed an image that was the complete opposite of "domineering."
The opposite of strong and masculine is kind and soft. He couldn't be effeminate, but he could be cruel, vicious, insidious, and cunning.
If you like the hero type, he thought with a wicked grin, then I'll play the villain.
His new plan was to trick her, to play a game so cunning that when she finally realized she'd been had, her IQ would feel thoroughly insulted. She would see that he wasn't a "boss" to be admired, but a devious old schemer. Her affection would instantly curdle into hatred. And since Kushida was the beloved angel of the class, once everyone found out how he'd "bullied" her, they would all turn on him.
New hatred combined with old grudges. Perfect.
He looked at Kushida's pure, angelic face and a wonderfully devious idea came to him. He couldn't help but let out a low, villainous chuckle.
"Hehehe..."
Kushida saw him thinking and took it as a good sign. He wasn't just agreeing perfunctorily; he was seriously considering her request. He seemed so reliable. Ren-kun is such a nice guy! she thought.
Then she heard his laugh. Huh?
"You came to the right person!" Ren declared. "You want to get closer to Horikita? Find common ground with her?"
"Yes! I want to know!" Kushida said, her eyes shining.
"It won't be easy. To have a common language with someone like Horikita, you must learn the corresponding skills!"
"Skills? I'll do my best! Please, teach me!" she begged, bowing eagerly.
"Good! Very spirited!" Ren said. "From now on, you will learn from me how to argue with people!"
"Okay! I'll study har—wait," she said, her angelic face scrunching in confusion. "Argue with people?"
"Don't worry, I think you have a talent for it," Ren said, patting her clasped hands reassuringly.
"No, that's not what I'm worried about..." she stammered. "Why do I have to learn how to argue to make friends with Horikita-san?"
Ren shook his head like a devil tempting a saint. "Kikyo Kushida, who are we talking about here? That's Horikita Suzune. Is she a normal person?"
"N-no! She's totally abnormal!"
"Exactly! Do you know how hard she works?" Ren asked. Kushida shook her head. "You know nothing! Let me tell you. Horikita exercises for three hours a day, studies for fifteen, and still gets eight hours of high-quality sleep."
"Wait," Kushida interrupted. "That adds up to twenty-six hours. A day only has twenty-four."
"See! This is the gap between you and her!" Ren said with a look of disappointment. "Can't one study while eating or bathing? Can't one practice running on the way to class?"
Kushida was stunned into silence. Ren pressed his advantage.
"Will eating affect your ability to recite vocabulary? Will showering prevent you from stretching?"
"B-but our school uniforms are skirts..." she finally managed.
"Ah, right. My mistake," Ren conceded. "But the point stands. She works so hard she's under immense mental pressure! And how does she vent that stress? By arguing with and beating people! So if you don't want to learn how to fight her, you'd better learn how to argue."
"Then... I'd better learn how to argue," Kushida said, lowering her head as if resigning herself to a terrible fate.
Ren was a bit surprised. He had expected more of a fight. Is she really this easy to deceive? Maybe she's not a schemer, just a simpleton? He felt a pang of sympathy, but quickly crushed it. In fact, he decided to increase the intensity. This will be a good lesson for her. After this, she won't be so quick to trust others.
What Ren didn't see was that the moment Kushida lowered her head, her angelic expression twisted into a dark, hideous scowl.
He's asking me to learn how to argue? she thought, panicked. Does he know something? Did Horikita tell him? Is this a threat? She didn't know how much he knew, but she had to find out. She would play along, get close to him, and pry the information from him. She had to protect her new world, no matter the cost.
Quickly, she adjusted her expression. When she looked up again, her face was once more that of a pure angel, now filled with a look of serious determination.
"I sense your passion for learning!" Ren declared. "Let's strike while the iron is hot! Follow me!"
He turned and led her back toward the stairwell. Kushida took a deep breath, clenched her fists, and followed.
"Alright," Ren said seriously once they were alone. "Let's begin with your traditional Japanese national curse. Repeat after me: Ba~ka~"
____________________________________________________________________________
Part 2 Of The Slacker's Guide to Surviving the Heian Court is out for free so check it out on Patreon.
Check out my Patreon to access advanced chapters.
patreon.com/UrbanQuill