I could hear it move me forward. The voice has been quiet for right now, but I could just feel it lurking around me. It was guiding me; I didn't know where I was or where exactly I planned to go. But the same thought was in my mind, and that was revenge.
But for what purpose? Who did I plan to unleash my anger on? To hurt them—make them suffer.
All of them.
The voice returned, startling me from my thoughts. I paused, realizing that I had climbed a hill overlooking the lake I had just been in. The fog was much less dense up here, allowing me to see better than I could before. I pushed the thoughts aside, allowing the pull to tighten around me and drift me down.
I used my wings to fly up into the murky air, which looked disgusting. It was much different from Wonderland.
The thought brought a pang to my heart, sending goosebumps along my spine. It irritated me more, the images and thoughts of what I will never have again, because of Dawson, because of Bunny, because of...
You know who.
No, I shook my head. No, I didn't know who.
Really? A shiver grew louder, and it shivered through my entire body until I almost dropped from the pressure. Who betrayed you? Who deserves to feel the same pain?
I shifted from the force taking control of my trembling wings. They evened out, allowing me to glide with the strong wind, almost pushing me off the path. It was freezing, the clothes I wore weren't really practical for this weather, I shivered to myself. I missed the warmth I had. The warmth of arms that would cradle me and keep me safe from the cold-
She put you down here.
I stopped as the voice pierced through my frostbitten skin. I thought of Janus, how she would cuddle me to keep me warm. She would take away the pain and protect me from myself.. she would believe in me.
It was all a lie.
No, it couldn't have been. Janus was so much more than I was. She was more than Dawson.
It was a job for him. None of it was real to him.
I let out a growl, fighting off the tears of how right that voice sounded. I still tried to refuse, but the love and warmth Janus gave me felt real.
Didn't Dawsons love feel real as well?
It was different-
How is it different? A snicker followed by a low husky tone. They are the same. They do not love you; they never did.
…
She never loved me, didn't she?
Dawson laughed at my face, watching as I bled to death from my wrists, his eyes wide and amused. Janus, she snickered lowly, if I was not even important to her. I knew there was a difference; she wasn't like that.. it couldn't be real-
She betrayed you, just like Dawson died.
"No, she-" I stopped, feeling something hot press against my neck. I let you gasp, wings tightening up before they curled up, and I fell back. I didn't feel the ground. I did something, but I was out before I could realize what it was.
It was no longer cold; I felt the heat travel from my neck all the way down to my hands and arms. It pulled at me, opening the darkness that I scrambled and cried out from. I flailed at it, only to find that I was going in circles. The same thing happened over and over again. The darkness wasn't comforting; it was a sickening place that trapped me and mocked me for my cowardly voice screaming at it.
I didn't want to be scared, I didn't want to be weak-
A hand suddenly came out, grabbing me with a strong force. I let out a startled yelp, getting pushed beneath it as it wrapped itself around my throat and squeezed. I let out a strangled cry, choking up at the force the large hand used to scrape into my skin. I wiggled around, desperately pushing away from it.
But it did nothing; they had a hold on me while I could do nothing but thrash and cry. Darkness swarmed my vision. I tried to fight off the consuming light that peered from the corner of my eyes, but it was too much to keep my eyes open.
Light..
Light?
Janus emerged, but not to help me. She was above me, a large hand around my throat and squeezing hard. I grabbed her hand, scratching and tugging to be released, but the goddess gave me an smile that sent my eyes watering.
"So pitiful.." Her voice mused, tinged with a dark tone that clashed with her usual soft voice. She leaned forward, clawed nails scraping under my chin and digging into the flesh. I strangled out a scream, no longer able to gasp. "You were always pitiful."
No..! This isn't real, this isn't Janus! I know that-
She tilted her head, the blur of her hair almost wrapping around my eyes to obstruct my vision. She snickered louder, sharp teeth hanging above my face just as the claws dug deep enough to pour blood over my chest and her hand.
"I never liked you…" Her mocking voice turned hard, glaring down with the tips of her lips, frowning. She looked at me like I was nothing, just a speck of dirt to walk over.
Is it really such a shock? If someone like Dawson, the man I loved just as much as I loved Janus, could raise a gun to my head and shoot… What a shocker it would be if it were all a lie for Janus as well? That she did what she was supposed to, just like sending me down to Hell, she did it because she was a goddess, and she had to get rid of the danger.
I was in danger..
I screamed, kicking my legs up just as Janus disappeared. Light blurred with the darkness, welcoming a small Hellbeing sitting on top of me. Nails dug inside my neck, cutting and pulling at my clothing. I thrust my head forward, knocking right into its head, which threw the thing off me and sent me tumbling to the ground; I landed next to a few other beings that looked similar to it.
I stood to my feet, shaking from the anger and adrenaline at being attacked once again.
The demon creatures tilted their heads. All had the same tails and horns, long pointed ears that rivaled my own, as they laughed and snickered at their fallen "friend," if that was even their friend.
Their dark black eyes found me, crouching down like they were inspecting a dangerous creature, and they took a step forward. I refused to let them back me into a corner, refused to let them make me fearful. Scared.
Because I wasn't.
I wasn't scared of them.
"Back the fuck up." My voice was shaking, but it held a stone-cold expression. They stopped, and one of the creatures lowered to the ground while the other backed up.
The one on the ground scrambled to their feet, rubbing angrily at the bruise on their cheek.
Right, they can feel pain just like me.
The blood got hot under my chin, and half of my shirt was ripped and exposing the side of my chest. I wasn't fully exposed, but the sight alone made me rage at them.
I didn't have a weapon, anything to protect myself from them. After my voice sounded hard and threatening, they did nothing but stare at me. There was no emotion, only that little one looking slightly annoyed.
My neck was sore and scratchy; it stung even if the pain wasn't bad enough to distract me. I was too annoyed to register the pain, so I focused on the ugly creatures in front of me.
"Where am I?" They tilted their heads again. Slimy smiles painted their faces as they laughed.
Could they even understand me? I doubted they would speak at all.
I found myself in a different place; it was definitely hotter, and there was a thick cloud of smoke instead of fog. The ground was rocky and dirty, with a few piles of bones scattered around. It felt as though I were in a den. As I turned back to the creatures, I noticed they had stepped closer while I surveyed my surroundings.
I gritted my teeth, feeling fed up. Even with no weapon, I still could use some of the bones to stab them, to weaponize the dead.
"Whatever." I huffed out, stepping over to the pile as the black eyes followed me. I pulled out a long one with a sharp tip, fighting the urge to vomit when the stench made me gag. I turned away from it, stepping towards the little monsters.
To my surprise, all of them scrambled away. Their tails swished, wide eyes looking amused yet terrified. I wielded the thing, using my courage to step between them. None of them attacked me.
Watching as I went, I opened my wings and winced. It was followed by a growl, and I felt the stiffness of my bones ache every time I flexed my wings. I swallowed the pain, jumping up to escape the gross place that smelt of death.
Loud laughter followed after me, but it slowly went quiet the further I flew up and away from that place. I let out a breath, finally feeling like I could breathe without throwing up.
I took a look at the bone I had; it wasn't too long, but the tip wasn't as sharp as I would want it to be. But I could still use it, a part of me thought of how I could use it, how I could make her pay-
Bad weapon.
It mused out, making me feel stiff once again. I let out a breath, rolling my eyes at the irony that I was getting used to it chiming in. It mocked me, but it never lied to me.
Dawson betrayed me, and it was obvious Janus did the same.. even if a part of me was so blinded by my love for her that I refused to see it as it was..
You want her to pay, right? It giggled as I held back a stiff nod, not trusting myself to speak as I passed the smoke rising in the air. You will need something better, something worth using.
Really? I used it, looking down at the ground adorned with bones, smoke, blood, and a few small Hellbeings fighting. Well, what do you think I should use for a voice?
Hmm… Something more substantial, something that is worth being in your hand.
"Take me to it then."
I could just feel the voice smirk, lips pressed against my skin that curled painfully into me. It didn't respond, but the pull around my heart grew stronger, forcing my wings to flap faster until I was led further and further away from the bone piles and the Hellbeings crawling around on the ground below me.
I finally stopped when the darkness around my heart made a bold move. I let out a gasp, feeling the coldness overtake me with a sudden possessive urge. I thrashed at it, feeling my wings cramp up at the motion.
It was taking over again, the feeling of uselessness, of betrayal, of vengeance.
I was getting tired of it, eyes dropping from their hold until I finally snapped out of it. I hit something hard, plunging back to take in whatever I had smashed into.
It was a... building?
A tall, elongated building made of stained stone, marked by both blood and grime, loomed above. It rose from the ground, towering over the intricate carvings within. There were no windows in sight, and it seemed to lack a roof altogether.
It was open, but it was better than being down on the ground where I could hear the thumping of feet, or claws scraping into the dirt.
I perched myself on top of the room, my leg hanging over the edge as my vision took in everything. I kept a hand over my neck, making sure I was no longer bleeding. It came back stained with blood, but it was crusted now. My sigh was filled with restlessness. I wanted to keep going, but the tug around my heart had stopped and settled just as I did. So I decided to rest, well.. tried to sleep.
I couldn't, not with all the horrible screams, the horrible sound of sharp claws and mangled cries. Not only did it sound bad, but it smelt just as bad. Smelt like ash, blood, guts, and vomit.
I curled my arms around my knees, trying not to watch the creatures below the building. Even through the smoke, I could make out.. creatures of some kind…
Some of the Hellbeings that attacked me were there, but there were other creatures as well. Their skin was blood-red, and they had pointed ears adorned with carved symbols. They possessed bat-like wings and had horns protruding from their heads, backs, and even their tails. They looked incredibly creepy and dangerous.
Long claws from their fingertips, even down to their bare feet.
Their clothing was ripped up, some were even bare naked as they fought around the dirt and blood. The cloth around their bodies dragged, chains jingling around as they screamed. Nothing captivating about them, nothing.. humane.
I felt a strange connection to these things as I rested my head against the stone. My wings curled around me, and I could sense the dirt accumulating on the tips of the feathers; my feet and skin were just as dirty. I was a mess, as disgusting as the creatures down there.
It's good to be dangerous.
It wasn't a good back in Wonderland.. I let out sourly, curling closer along the cold stone. I didn't want to miss it, but I did. I missed the warmth, the lovely sky, the angels making me happy, my friends-
It was all fake. They lied.
I didn't respond, feeling tears well up inside my eyes. I really didn't want to believe it; it couldn't make sense. Yet it did, and I hated how it felt.
They should feel this way. They should be in pain. It growled, curling my skin forward and almost out of my body.
It felt revolting; everything around me filled me with disgust. Even my own thoughts seemed like a betrayal. I knew they cared, yet I couldn't help but second-guess everything because it… it was likely all a lie. It reminded me of what happened with Dawson. They were all the same, and they had all deceived me.
I always felt alone back in my cove, even with Casper there.. I always felt alone at the camp, even when my team members spoke to me.
Even now.. I felt so alone..
And I was. Nothing but that shivering voice and my own tearful journey to rest was there.