Episode 3: Life in Bangkok
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Taeyang's POV
Episode 3 – "The Illusion of Kim"
It's been a year.
Three hundred and sixty-five fucking days.
And each one has felt like a punishment.
I missed Kim. I missed us. No amount of hookups, fake relationships, or mindless flings could even scratch the surface of the void he left behind.
I became the kind of guy I used to hate. A playboy. A heartbreaker. The type who changed boyfriends like socks.
But every time a pair of lips touched mine, I'd feel this wave of nausea crawl up my throat. So I'd pull back. I'd apologize. And then I'd break up with them.
I hated myself for it.
I hated myself more for leaving him.
But I did it for him.
My brother kept me updated. Kim still came to school and went straight home. No clubs. No smiles. No mischief in those green-blue eyes. He'd become even more fragile.
And I was too fucking scared to go back.
Too scared I'd be the reason he collapses again.
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Bangkok High — Present Day
I walked into class and, surprise surprise, no empty seats. I scanned the room, then sighed and dropped down next to the only guy with an open chair—our class nerd.
Blue hair. Glasses. Baggy hoodie.
He looked… too much like him.
"Hi," I muttered. I didn't even expect a reply.
But the boy looked down shyly and mumbled back, "Hi."
His cheeks turned red.
I blinked. My heart skipped.
Without thinking, I reached out and gently ran my fingers through his hair.
It felt exactly like Kim's. Soft. Silky. Real.
And then he smiled.
That same crooked, adorable, heartbreaking smile.
My breath hitched. "I've been looking through hell to find you… Where did you disappear to?" I asked, my voice a whisper. My heart screamed: It's him. It's really him.
He blinked at me in confusion. "What are… what are you doing?" the boy stuttered.
Reality snapped back.
I froze.
Fuck.
It wasn't Kim.
I was hallucinating again.
"I—I'm sorry," I muttered, stumbling to my feet. I walked out of class without looking back.
---
Later that afternoon…
I sat alone under a tree near the back of campus, staring into nothing.
I'd officially gone crazy.
I saw him again.
Touched him.
Heard his voice.
And now?
Now I just felt empty.
But then…
A hand.
A familiar hand holding out chocolate.
I looked up.
My breath caught in my throat.
"Here," he said. Soft. Sweet. Blushing.
Kim.
No… was it really?
He ran off.
I looked at my palm.
The chocolate was still there.
I wasn't imagining it.
I took off, heart racing, legs moving on their own. I turned a corner—
There he was. Waving.
I pulled him into a hug.
"I thought I lost you…" I whispered against his neck. "I thought you were gone."
I leaned in.
I kissed him.
But something felt wrong.
Off.
I pulled away, eyes wide—
It was the nerd again.
"I—I'm so sorry," I said, stumbling back, hand on my head.
I was losing it. Truly losing it.
"Are you okay?" he asked, concern all over his face.
He helped me sit down, gently rubbing my back as I cried.
Yeah. I cried. Ugly, broken sobs.
"I'm sorry about earlier," I mumbled. "And just now. And for letting you see me like this…"
"It's okay," he whispered. "But… if it's not too much… what's wrong with our hot kid?"
I chuckled weakly. Hot kid, huh?
"I'm going crazy," I muttered.
He gasped. "What?"
"I see him everywhere," I said, covering my face with my hands. "He's everywhere."
He said nothing, just kept rubbing my back in slow circles.
"I don't really know what you're going through," he finally said, "but… I'm sorry."
His kindness cracked something inside me. I turned to face him, our eyes locking.
He blushed, ears going bright red.
"Kim was—is—my first love," I told him. "We loved each other like our lives depended on it… but then…"
I told him everything. Well, almost everything.
By the end, he was crying.
"Hey—hey, are you okay?" I asked gently.
"I'm sorry," he said, sniffling and wiping his tears. "I just… I've only ever read this kind of love in books. I never imagined I'd meet someone who lived it… and lost it."
I smiled sadly.
"I'd give him my heart," I said. "But I know he'd reject it. He'd rather die than hurt me."
"You guys need an award for 'World's Most Tragic Couple,'" he tried to joke.
I chuckled.
---
The Next Morning – My Apartment
I dried my hair after a shower and opened my chat with Shinwoo.
Babe:
Hello.
Shinwoo:
Hi babe.
Babe:
How's my boyfriend?
Shinwoo:
Same as always…
But I became his friend.
Babe:
Okay. Thanks.
Just make sure not to
FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM.
Shinwoo:
I can't promise that…
But I'll try.
Babe:
Bye… I just got
Jealous.
I logged off.
Ugh.
His birthday was tomorrow.
I had to go back to Korea.
Our school had just started a two-week break. Perfect timing.
I convinced myself I'd just watch him from afar. Just make sure he's okay.
Nothing more.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Tae.
But deep down, I knew I'd never be able to just watch.
I went shopping. Got him a new hairpin, his favorite perfume, and a fresh set of makeup.
I even picked out a few cute girl outfits.
Yeah, he used to love crossdressing when we were alone. His secret. Our secret. And God, he looked divine in every single piece.
I smiled at the memory. Bittersweet.
I booked a flight online. Tonight.
That would give me enough time to coordinate with Shinwoo and plan how to get the gifts to him.
I packed fast. Clothes. Phone. Gifts.
Took a week's leave from my part-time job.
Then I left.
---
At the Airport
As I waited at the terminal, I felt it. The ache. The excitement.
Korea… here I come.
Kim… baby, I'm coming back.
After a year, I'll finally see you again.
But what will I do when I see you?
Will I be able to stop myself from running into your arms?
Probably not.
Maybe I should've just mailed the gifts to Shinwoo instead.
Maybe I'm being selfish.
But maybe…
Maybe love makes us all a little selfish.
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