(If you don't find a bunch of back and forth random self humor funny you can skip to ************, movie events continue there)
She was trying to fuck me.
My eyes widened slightly. She noticed.
"Interested?"
My mouth opened.
Nothing came out.
Goddammit. After everything I'd been through nothing compares to how weak this moment had me feeling.
WHY WAS THIS THE THING THAT BROKE ME?!
"Bla—" I almost babbled. NO. NOT AGAIN.
I cleared my throat.
"Possibly." Possibly?! Excellent response, Dabo.
Very charismatic. Twenty fucking points in Charisma and possibly was what I came up with.
She laughed. A strange fluty snorty laugh with her Rodian mouth and in that moment it was music!
Her eyes briefly flicked toward the door Obi-Wan had disappeared through.
Then, instead of walking away, she took my hand.
"Come on."
I looked down at our hands.
Then at her. Then at the nightclub exit. Then back at her.
Wait.
She was serious.
Like...
Right now serious. Obi-Wan and Anakin were outside. The Rodian was still interested. Her place was apparently three levels down. All I had to do was follow her.
...
...
Nope.
I gently pulled my hand free.
"I can't."
She looked surprised.
"Can't?"
"Jedi business."
I nodded toward the door.
She glanced at it.
Then back at me.
"They already caught her."
"...Yes."
"So?"
"So..."
She smiled again.
"My place isn't far."
Fuck.
"I..."
I looked at her. My eyes slowly drifted toward the exit.
I sighed dramatically.
"Unfortunately, duty calls."
The Rodian glanced toward the exit again.
"You could come back."
I gestured toward the severed hand.
"Assassination attempt."
Then toward the exit.
"Jedi investigation."
Then vaguely toward myself.
"Psychological disruption."
She stared at me.
I nodded solemnly.
"The moment has passed."
"The offer's still open."
Oh, for FUCK'S SAKE. I took a step backward. Her smile disappeared into confusion. The Rodian stepped backward, grinning again.
"Alright, Jedi."
She started walking backward into the crowd.
"Maybe next time."
I nodded.
"Maybe." She turned and disappeared. My heart was breaking.
...
What the fuck did I just do?
I slowly turned toward the exit.
One foot in front of the other.
My body moved automatically while my brain remained several meters behind, desperately trying to comprehend the magnitude of the decision I'd just made.
She had offered.
Explicitly.
There hadn't been ambiguity.
There hadn't been some complicated alien cultural misunderstanding.
She'd told me where she lived.
She'd taken my hand.
She'd offered to take me home.
And I said no.
Why?
WHY?!
I pushed through a group of clubgoers.
Okay. No. There were reasons. There were perfectly legitimate reasons.
First, I was technically in the middle of a mission. A Republic senator had nearly been assassinated twice in one day. We had the assassin responsible in custody.
So obviously I couldn't abandon Obi-Wan and Anakin to go get laid.
Perfectly reasonable.
Mature.
Responsible.
...
Fuck maturity.
I wanted to go back.
I slowed down.
No.
Absolutely not.
I'd already committed.
Turning around now would be humiliating.
Besides, there was another problem.
A significantly more...
Biological problem.
I looked down at myself.
Irken.
Right.
That.
One extremely important detail I'd somehow managed to ignore during the entire interaction.
Irkens didn't have reproductive organs.
At all. Nothing.
The Almighty Tallest weren't walking around hiding anything underneath those uniforms.
Neither was I. Irkens were an artificial species. Sexual reproduction had apparently been deemed an unnecessary design feature somewhere along the way.
Which meant that even if I'd followed her home...
Then what?
I pictured myself standing inside her apartment.
She closes the door.
Lights dim.
Clothes start coming off.
And eventually comes the inevitable moment of—
Where is it?
I physically cringed.
Oh GOD.
How did you explain that?
"Sorry, ma'am. Birth Pod didn't install that package."
I kept walking.
Maybe she wouldn't care?
THIS WAS STAR WARS!
There were thousands of sentient species!
Probably millions!
Some reproduced through eggs.
Some reproduced through spores.
Some split themselves in half.
Some were fucking rocks!
Surely the galaxy had figured out accommodations for species whose anatomy didn't match!
I stopped walking.
...
I should go back.
I actually turned halfway around.
Then froze.
No.
No, no, no.
Have some dignity.
You already turned her down.
Live with your decision.
I faced the exit again.
My steps became heavier.
Every meter brought me closer to Obi-Wan and Anakin.
I sighed.
Deeply.
Painfully.
This was worse than Verdara. Thirty billion people had died. But emotionally? At this exact moment?
Comparable.
I reached the nightclub doors. I looked back one last time.
Somewhere inside that crowd was an attractive Rodian woman who had apparently looked at four-foot-five-inch, dickless, green-skinned me and thought—
Yeah. That one.
My shoulders sagged.
"...I'm a fucking idiot."
Cool Coruscant air hit my face.
There they were.
Obi-Wan. Anakin. And the assassin Zam Wesell
Anakin glanced toward me.
"What took you so long?"
I didn't answer.
I was grieving.
He frowned.
"Dabo?"
"Give me a minute."
Obi-Wan looked between us.
"We don't have a minute." Of course we didn't.
I sighed and walked toward them.
Then my eyes landed on Zam.
...
Wait. An idea began forming. A terrible idea. An intellectually dishonest idea.
An idea that would allow me to avoid accepting responsibility for my own decisions. Perfect. My eyes narrowed. Zam looked at me.
Yes.
That's right.
You.
This was your fault now.
Had she actually stopped me?
No.
Had the Rodian still been completely willing afterward?
Yes.
Had I personally turned her down?
Also yes.
Irrelevant.
I had been distracted.
Emotionally compromised.
Forced to consider the logistical difficulties of having absolutely no reproductive equipment.
Clearly, the assassination attempt had ruined my decision-making process.
Therefore...
Cockblocked.
"YOU!"
All three of them looked at me.
They barely had time to react before I marched forward, grabbed Zam by throat with both hands, and yanked her to my level.
"You fucking BITCH!"
"What—?!"
"This is YOUR FAULT!"
"Dabo!" Obi-Wan barked.
I ignored him.
Zam stared at me with genuine alarm.
"I don't even know you!"
"OH, DON'T GIVE ME THAT!"
I shook her.
Not particularly hard.
But definitely more than was appropriate for an interrogation.
"You knew EXACTLY what you were doing!"
"What are you talking about?!"
"She was willing!"
Zam blinked.
"...What?"
"She gave me her ADDRESS!"
Anakin's expression changed. His eyebrows rose.
Obi-Wan, meanwhile, looked completely lost.
"Dabo, release the prisoner."
"NO!"
"Dabo."
"She ruined everything!"
"I tried to shoot you!"
"EXACTLY!"
Zam stared at me.
There.
Confession.
Straight from the assassin's mouth.
I shook her by the throat again.
"YOU COCKBLOCKED ME!"
Silence.
Complete silence.
Even the distant noise of Coruscant traffic seemed to disappear for a moment.
Zam's face twisted in absolute bewilderment.
"I... what?"
"You heard me!"
Anakin made a strange choking sound.
"What happened in there?!"
"NOTHING!"
"Apparently!"
"FUCK YOU!"
Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Dabo."
I turned back toward Zam. I didn't even understand why I was yelling anymore! I had turned her down! The Rodian had still been willing! She had explicitly left the offer open! Zam hadn't actually stopped anything! I knew that!
But acknowledging that meant accepting the horrifying reality that I was a coward.
And I wasn't emotionally prepared for that level of personal responsibility.
So—
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" My eyes started twitching. Anakin started laughing.
"No."
I tightened my grip again.
"No, fuck you. I'm not accepting responsibility for this."
"What?!"
"YOU'RE THE SCAPEGOAT!"
At least I was being honest now. I had the sudden urge to ignite my lightsaber and cut off her other hand.
"Dabo!"
Obi-Wan finally grabbed my wrist.
At almost the same time, Anakin wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me backward.
"Come on." Anakin dragged me away
"Easy." Zam said softly genuine fear in her voice
"I'M EASY!"
"That isn't what she said."
"Are you finished?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Yes!"
He stared at me. I turned and looked into the polluted skies of Coruscant.
"..."
I never got her name...
***********************
I folded my arms and turned toward Zam(the assassin).
Obi-Wan began questioning her about the attempt on Senator Amidala's life.
With nowhere left to run and three Force-users surrounding her, the situation wasn't exactly favorable. She was speaking.
Anakin had locked in, his expression hardened.
"who hired you? tell us"
when she didnt respond Anakin's eyes narrowed.
"tell us now"
Jesus.
There it was.
That little glimpse of future Darth Vader that occasionally slipped through the cracks.
"It was a bounty hunter—"
THK.
Zam suddenly jerked.
Her body went rigid.
I heard the impact before I understood what had happened.
A tiny projectile had struck her neck. Her disguise immediately began to fail. Features twisting her entire face rippled as the humanoid appearance melted away, revealing the greenish features of her native Clawdite form underneath. She muttered something in her native tongue. I didn't understand a word. Didn't need to.
Jango.
I immediately looked toward the surrounding rooftops.
Too late of course.
Obi-Wan examined the small dart.
Anakin crouched beside him.
Zam's breathing weakened rapidly.
And just like that, the ridiculousness of the last few minutes evaporated.
I stared at the dart in Obi-Wan's hand.
A Kamino saberdart.
The breadcrumb.
The tiny little piece of metal that would eventually lead Obi-Wan to an army the Jedi didn't even know existed yet.
And somewhere above us...
Jango Fett was already getting away.
I looked toward the skyline.
My frustration disappeared.
A grin slowly replaced it.
Oh.
Right.
So close to the fun part.
~LATER~
Following the assassination attempt, the three of us ended up standing before the Jedi Council.
Obi-Wan did most of the talking.
He described the assassination attempt at Padmé's apartment, the chase through Coruscant, Zam Wesell, and finally the mysterious bounty hunter she'd mentioned moments before dying.
The Council's decision came quickly.
Obi-Wan would investigate the bounty hunter.
Anakin and I?
We were being assigned to escort Senator Amidala back to Naboo and remain with her until the threat was dealt with.
Great.
Just what I wanted.
A front-row seat to Anakin Skywalker acting like a complete fucking horndog.
In the final moments of the meeting, Master Windu gave us one additional task.
Speak with Chancellor Palpatine.
Get his assistance convincing Senator Amidala to leave Coruscant.
Apparently, the Council already anticipated that Padmé wouldn't be thrilled about abandoning the Senate while the Military Creation Act was still being debated.
Smart.
Because she absolutely wasn't going to be.
---
"I will speak with her."
Chancellor Palpatine sat comfortably behind his desk, fingers loosely folded before him.
"Senator Amidala will not refuse an executive order. I know her well enough to assure you of that."
"Thank you, Your Excellency," Anakin said.
I gave a respectful bow of my head.
"You have my deepest respect and loyalty, Chancellor."
Brownie points. Never hurt to collect brownie points. Especially when the person standing in front of you was secretly a Sith Lord.
If everything somehow went catastrophically wrong in the future, perhaps he'd remember me as that polite little green bastard who always treated him respectfully.
Palpatine smiled toward me. Just that warm, grandfatherly smile he was so fucking good at.
Then his attention returned to Anakin.
"They've finally given you an assignment. Your patience has paid off."
"Your guidance more than my patience," Anakin replied.
"Truly so wise," I added.
Anakin glanced sideways at me. I ignored him. Brownie. Points.
Our meeting was apparently over, so Anakin and I turned toward the exit.
"You boys don't need guidance."
I nearly stopped walking.
Boys.
Plural.
Interesting. He hadn't just addressed Anakin.
"In time, you two will learn to trust your feelings. When you do, you'll be nearly unstoppable."
I glanced back toward him.
Palpatine's pleasant expression hadn't changed.
"I believe you two to be among the most gifted young Jedi I have ever met."
"Thank you, Your Excellency," Anakin and I said almost simultaneously.
"You boys may someday become even more powerful than Master Yoda."
That one was definitely aimed at our egos.
Anakin's especially.
But I'd be lying if I said mine didn't enjoy hearing it too.
"You're too kind, Chancellor," I replied.
The elevator doors opened behind us.
Anakin and I stepped inside.
"Goodbye, Chancellor. May the Force be with you," Anakin said.
"And with you."
The doors slid shut.
I stared straight ahead.
...
Well.
That wasn't ominous.
---
"I do not like this idea of hiding." Padmé made her displeasure abundantly clear almost immediately after she finished speaking with Jar Jar Binks.
Jar Jar had only just finished speaking with her, and now she was moving around her quarters packing clothes while Anakin and I stood nearby.
"Don't worry," Anakin assured her. "Now that the Council has ordered an investigation, it won't take Master Obi-Wan long to find this bounty hunter."
Padmé continued folding her clothes.
"I haven't worked for a year to defeat the Military Creation Act just to be absent when its fate is decided."
Anakin straightened slightly.
"Sometimes we must let go of our pride and do what is requested of us."
His voice got slightly deeper. I slowly turned my head toward him.
...
Did you just intentionally deepen your voice?
He did. He thought that sounded cool?
Padmé stopped what she was doing and looked at him.
"Anakin..."
Her eyes briefly traveled over him.
"You've grown up."
What the fuck?
Did she think that sounded cool too?
Anakin practically lit up.
"Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it."
Oh boy. Here we go. I turned away. I couldn't watch this.
Across the room, repair droids were still working on the window Obi-Wan had launched himself through during yesterday's assassination attempt.
Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. Look at them go. Repairing glass. Wonderful craftsmanship. Much better than watching whatever the fuck was happening behind me.
"Don't get me wrong," Anakin continued. "Obi-Wan is a great mentor. As wise as Master Yoda and as powerful as Master Windu."
Okay. Strong opening. Respectful. Mature.
"I am truly thankful to be his apprentice."
"In some ways..."
There it is.
"In a lot of ways, actually, I'm really ahead of him."
I closed my eyes.
"I'm ready for the Trials, but he feels I'm too unpredictable. He won't let me move on." Just wait until he cuts your legs off, big guy.
"That must be frustrating," Padmé said sympathetically.
"It's worse than frustrating. He's overly critical. He never listens. He doesn't understand."
Anakin's frustration grew with every word.
"It's not fair!"
I stared at one of the repair droids.
Don't laugh. Do not laugh. Padmé remained considerably more understanding.
"Our mentors have a way of seeing more of our faults than we'd like. It's the only way we grow."
Anakin sat on the edge of her bed.
"I know."
Padmé watched him for a moment.
"Anakin... don't try to grow up too fast."
Nope. That was my limit. I started walking toward the other side of the room.
"But I am grown up."
I stopped. Anakin's voice had changed again.
Oh no.
"You said it yourself."
I glanced backward. His eyes were locked onto hers. Deeply. Intensely.
Padmé immediately noticed.
"Please don't look at me like that..."
"Why not?"
Because you're giving her fuck-me eyes, Anakin. That's why.
"It makes me uncomfortable." she turned away.
I stared at the wall. Me too, Padmé.
---
We stopped at what I could only describe as the Star Wars equivalent of a bus station. Padmé was saying tearful goodbyes to her handmaidens while Obi-Wan gave Anakin one final lecture.
"Do not do anything without first consulting either myself or the Council."
"I understand, Master."
Obi-Wan gave him the kind of look that said he absolutely did not believe that. Then he looked at me. I waited.
...
He nodded.
That was it. Just a nod.
Huh.
Apparently, Obi-Wan had decided that Master Shaak Ti was the only person responsible for lecturing me.
He turned toward Padmé and offered her a few final words of reassurance before stepping away.
Then it was time.
Padmé, Anakin, R2, and I joined the stream of passengers heading toward the transport that would take us to Naboo.
And the moment I got aboard...
I realized this ship was a fucking dump.
There wasn't even assigned seating!
Actually, calling it seating was generous.
Most passengers were grabbing small cargo crates, benches, or whatever flat surface looked capable of supporting their weight and claiming territory.
Eventually, the three of us found somewhere to sit and decided to get something to eat.
R2 disappeared toward the food service area.
A few minutes later, I heard—
"Get out of here!"
A cafeteria droid angrily waved R2 away.
R2 responded with an aggressive series of whistles and beeps.
I didn't speak fluent astromech binary.
But I knew profanity when I heard it.
The little bastard rolled back toward us carrying a bowl of soup.
One bowl.
He stopped in front of Padmé.
She smiled as he presented it to her.
"Thank you, R2."
R2 chirped pleasantly.
You're welcome.
I stared at him.
...
Motherfucker. I glanced at Anakin. Nothing for him either.
Oh. Okay. I see how it is.
I guess Anakin and I can just go fuck ourselves then, huh, R2?
"It must be difficult to have sworn your life to the Jedi."
I looked over.
Interesting opening.
Was that a subtle hint?
Like—
Hey, Anakin, hypothetically speaking, have you considered quitting?
Although, realistically, he didn't have much longer anyway.
Seven years or so?
Then Order 66 hits and the whole employment contract becomes rather irrelevant.
"Not being able to visit the places you like," Padmé continued, "or do the things you enjoy."
Anakin looked at her.
"Or be with the people that I love."
Oh God. I lowered my head. I suddenly realized the fatal flaw in this entire assignment. I was trapped. On a ship with them. Hours of Anakin Skywalker trying to get into Senator Amidala's pants awaited me.
Padmé seemed genuinely curious.
"Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi."
Anakin hesitated.
"Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden."
"Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life."
I slowly looked toward him.
"So you might say we're encouraged to love."
Smooth. I'll give him that one. Just the one. That was actually pretty fucking smooth.
Padmé stared at him for a moment.
"You've changed so much."
Anakin smiled.
"You haven't changed a bit."
Anakin...
"You're exactly how I remember you in my dreams."
I physically recoiled.
GOD, SPARE MEEEEEE. I covered my face with both hands.
Why? Why was I here?! I knew this happened! I'd watched the fucking movie!
I peeked between my fingers.
Padmé looked caught somewhere between flattered and uncomfortable.
Anakin was staring at her with those fucking eyes again.
R2 chirped.
I looked at him.
"You."
He beeped innocently.
"Don't pretend you don't see this."
Another chirp.
"Bring me soup."
R2 whistled.
~LATER~
Hours later, we finally landed on Naboo. And Jesus Christ. I hadn't gotten a proper look at this place the first time I'd been here.
Naboo was fucking gorgeous. Rolling green hills. Clear blue skies. Massive waterfalls spilling from cliffs, though back then it was deadly acid. Beautiful architecture that somehow managed to look ancient and advanced at the same time.
No wonder Padmé loved this place.
Anakin and I, meanwhile, had been reduced to our true purpose as Jedi protectors. Bag carriers.
Padmé walked ahead of us while Anakin and I hauled her luggage up a long flight of stone steps.
Poor R2 had been completely abandoned behind us and was struggling his little metallic ass up each individual stair.
"You got this, buddy."
R2 responded with something that sounded suspiciously like fuck you.
"I wasn't the youngest queen ever elected," Padmé said as we continued upward.
I nearly stumbled. Wait.
What?
She became queen at fourteen! Fourteen wasn't the youngest?! What kind of crazy democratic hippies were running this planet?! Was there a twelve-year-old somewhere in Naboo's history sitting on a throne signing trade agreements?
"But now that I think back on it," Padmé continued, "I'm not sure I was old enough. I'm not sure I was ready."
"The people you served thought you did a good job," Anakin replied.
There was that voice again.
That soft, supportive, please notice how mature I've become voice.
Nope. I was done.
I had spent hours trapped on a transport with these two.
I'd listened to the flirting. I'd watched the staring. I'd reached my limit.
I stopped walking.
Anakin took another step before suddenly receiving the entirety of my luggage.
THUMP.
He stumbled.
"What the—Dabo?!"
"Excuse me, Queen Amidala."
Padmé stopped and turned.
I straightened myself.
"I've just remembered that I have an acquaintance on this world who promised to give me a tour of a nearby town."
Complete fabrication.
"Its only a few moments away by speeder, and frankly, two Jedi guards seems excessive on such a beautiful, tranquil world."
Padmé blinked.
"Oh."
She actually seemed disappointed.
"Well, that's unfortunate. I wanted to show you both around." Her voice sounded sincere but her emotions gave her away. Relief. She was glad I was leaving.
I wonder why.
"Another time," I said.
Anakin stared at me.
"You have an acquaintance on Naboo?"
"Yes."
His expression immediately said he didn't believe me.
I sighed.
"I think you're forgetting that I destroyed a few B1s while I was here." Technically true. "So obviously I left an impression on some people."
Anakin still looked unconvinced.
I glanced toward Padmé.
"Honestly, I'm more surprised he isn't getting a parade."
Padmé stopped walking.
"What do you mean?"
"You would've lost the battle against the Trade Federation without him."
Padmé's eyebrows rose.
"What?"
Anakin looked between us.
I pointed directly at him.
"Well, don't you know who destroyed the Lucrehulk containing the central control computer?"
"Ani?" She looked genuinely stunned.
"Is that true?"
...
Ani?
Ani?!
Oh, scandalous.
Anakin suddenly looked much more interested in the conversation.
"You didn't know, Padmé?"
Oh, look at him. Trying to play it casual.
"I flew a Naboo starfighter inside the control ship and destroyed the reactor core."
Padmé stared at him.
Then this huge, shocked smile spread across her face.
"You did?"
Anakin smiled back.
"Yeah."
Padmé opened her mouth to say something else.
I immediately raised a hand.
"I'm going now."
"Have fun."
I turned and started walking away.
And as I did, one thought occurred to me.
...
I think I just helped Anakin score.
Before either of them could stop me, I picked up my pace.
Freedom.
Sweet fucking freedom.
------
After several hours trapped with those two...
I needed a drink.
Which was interesting because I'd never actually consumed alcohol before.
Not once.
Not in all my years as an Irken.
Irkens didn't exactly have a thriving social drinking culture. We had military conquest, snacks, propaganda, and enough sugary beverages to kill a human child.
Alcohol?
Never bothered.
But Anakin Skywalker had caused me to break a streak of decades of sobriety.
He drove me to drink.
I found a bar in one of the nearby towns.
Walked inside.
Climbed onto a stool.
Ordered something strong.
The bartender placed a tiny glass in front of me.
I stared at it.
...
How bad could it be?
I grabbed the shot.
Threw it back.
Swallowed.
My throat immediately caught fire.
"oooooooooo" i wasn't ready for that
The bartender looked at me strangely.
I coughed.
Then—
DING. Skill gained: Poison Resistance (Lv 1 / 10)
...
I stared into the empty glass.
"That's just great."
I pushed the glass forward.
"Another."
--------
Several hours later...
Anakin sent me the address of Padmé's family lake house.
I looked at the message.
Then at my drink.
Then back at the message.
...
Nah.
Not yet.
I ordered another.
I had absolutely no idea how much alcohol an Irken could safely consume.
But apparently the answer was—
A surprising amount.
Poison Resistance might have been helping.
which was good because i was on that grinddddddd, the grind to level up poison resistance babbyyyy. Every shot was experienceeeeeeeeeee. If only they had podracing here.....
Eventually, after throwing up my last 3 drinks I decided I was sufficiently prepared to rejoin the lovebirds.
Meaning...I was drunk.
By the time I reached the lake house, evening had settled over Naboo.
The setting sun painted the lake gold and orange, the surrounding mountains reflected perfectly across the water, and the whole place looked like it had been specifically designed for romantic bullshit.
The speeder stopped. I climbed out or tried as I stumbled forward, recovered magnificently, before turning and paying the driver.
Then I stumbled toward the house. And one look at Padmé made me stop dead.
She was wearing one of the most beautiful—and frankly sexiest—things I'd ever seen.
A flowing dress covered in dazzling colors, leaving her back and shoulders almost completely exposed.
My alcohol-addled brain reached an immediate conclusion.
This bitch was seducing him.
There was no fucking way she put that on by accident.
Nope.
I refused to believe it. And I'd missed the sand speech! Thank the Force for small mercies.
Apparently Anakin sensed my presence because he slowly turned.
His eyes narrowed.
Then widened. Confusion spread across his face as he took in my appearance.
I suppose I looked...Slightly rough.
My robes were wrinkled. And there may have been a small amount of vomit and alcohol drizzled across the front of my clothing.
I grinned. Then raised one finger dramatically into the air.
"Thee..."
Anakin stared.
"...Do..."
My finger drifted sideways.
"...dog..."
"...has..."
I hiccupped.
"...arriveeeedddd."
Silence.
Then my balance shifted. I leaned dangerously to one side. Anakin moved forward and caught me by the shoulder before I could topple over.
His entire face changed.
"Dabo..."
"Hmmmm?"
"Have you been drinking?"
I gasped. Offended. The accusation.The betrayal. I placed a hand against my chest.
"Ani..."
I stared deeply into his eyes.
"...I'm eleven." then i brought my hands to my lips. "Ssshhhh"
Anakin froze. I pointed accusingly at him again.
"How..." My finger wobbled.
"...dare you."
Anakin stared at me.
"You smell like a cantina."
...
Huh.
"Your point?"
Padmé covered her mouth. Was she—
Was she fucking laughing at me?!
My gaze traveled between her and Anakin.
Slowly. Suspiciously. I pointed at Padmé.
"You."
Her eyebrows rose.
"Me?"
I pointed more firmly. My arm kept moving.
"Yooooou...you didn't do anything to this poor boy, did you???"
Padmé stared at me. Anakin's eyes widened. I narrowed mine.
"...Seductress."
"Dabo!"
Anakin immediately grabbed my wrist and forced my accusing finger downward.
I leaned toward him.
Very quietly.
"You see what she's wearing?" Padmé definitely heard me.
Anakin went rigid. I nodded slowly.
"She's trying to fuck you." Anakin's face went scarlet.
"DABO!"
I wasn't finished.
"Just like my Rodian."
Then I blacked out.