I fought sleep with everything I had.
Irkens didn't sleep! We didn't need to!
Our PAKs handled rest cycles, mental maintenance, biological upkeep—all that shit happened without us needing to spend a third of our lives unconscious like some primitive mammal.
And yet...
My body was betraying me.
My eyelids kept sinking.
My thoughts were getting slower.
The Geonosians continued forcing that red paste into my mouth, and somewhere along the way my throat stopped resisting.
GULP.
Another mouthful disappeared.
"No—mmph!"
GULP.
Again.
My body was swallowing everything as quickly as they could shovel it in.
My head dipped forward. Vision blurred. Sounds stretched into distant echoes.
I was almost gone.
Then—
DING. Skill gained: Sleep Resistance (Lv 1 / 10).
My eyes snapped wider. A tiny surge of clarity returned to my mind. The suffocating weight dragging me toward unconsciousness weakened just enough for me to cling to the edge.
"Fuck... you..."
The Geonosian stuffing another handful into my mouth did not appear particularly offended.
Then—
DING. Trait gained: Growth Phase II of IV - this one hurts.
Heat exploded through my torso.
"AAAAAGH!"
A burning knot formed somewhere deep beneath my chest and spread outward through my organs. My stomach. My spine. My ribs. Everything began heating up. My skin darkened.
Within seconds I had become the deepest shade of green I'd ever seen on an Irken.
CRACK!
My arm bent. I screamed.
The Geonosians holding me immediately dropped me.
CRACK! CRACK!
"AAAAAAAAAGH!"
Bones fractured inside both arms. My skeleton was breaking itself apart.
The warriors reacted instantly. Several grabbed me and rolled me onto my back.
And then—
They kept feeding me.
"STOP!"
SHLOP. GULP.
CRACK!
My leg spasmed.
DING. Skill Progression: Pain Resistance (Lv 7 → 8).
"Oh, FUCK YOU!"
An aristocrat descended from somewhere above. One of the noble Geonosians.
He landed beside me and leaned over my twisting body.
Click.
Clack-clack-click.
The workers responded. The aristocrat examined my arms. My legs. My torso. Then made what looked disturbingly like an approving gesture.
Apparently this was going exactly according to plan.
My skin stretched. I felt it tightening across my bones.
For one horrible moment I genuinely thought it was going to split. My entire body was getting larger.
Another empty jar hit the floor. Twelve empty pots were already thrown aside and workers kept bringing more.
Then movement caught the corner of my eye.
Several Geonosian workers approached carrying something large between them. They placed it beside me. An egg. A fucking enormous egg. About the size of a watermelon.
Why?
Another arrived. Then another. And another. Soon there were dozens.
Rows of eggs being carefully arranged beside me while my body systematically destroyed itself.
DING. Trait gained: Growth Phase III of IV - Almost there!
CRRRRACK.
My spine elongated.
I arched violently. My entire body lifted from the ground as vertebrae stretched and shifted beneath my skin.
My thin little Irken noodle arms—
The same stupid skinny arms I'd had for decades—
Began thickening. Muscle formed. Definition forming. My shoulders broadened. My chest expanded. My legs lengthened. Muscle tightened around them.
Then something else happened.
A smell. Strong. Sweet. Strange. It poured from my skin.
Clicking erupted throughout the chamber. The Queen practically vibrated with excitement.
Her arms moved. Her mandibles clicked. The nobles responded.
"What is HAPPENING?!"
My PAK was still screaming.
WARNING! DEFECT DETECTED!
WARNING!
Then—
Silence. The alarm stopped.
A new message appeared.
INVADER DEFECTIVE.TERMINATION AUTHORIZED. SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED.
60.
59.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!"
DING. Skill Progression: Sleep Resistance (Lv 1→2).
My eyes snapped fully open. I reached mentally for my PAK. DIAGNOSTIC. Nothing.
My PAK was refusing me.
Emergency permissions.
Locked.
Maintenance routines.
Locked.
35.
FUCK!
There was no time.
I reached for the Force. I flooded my PAK with the Force. The sensation was immediately wrong. Because the PAK wasn't merely a machine I carried. It was integrated into my brain. Trying to manipulate it through the Force felt like reaching into my own skull and attempting to hypnotize myself.
24.
Irken programming. The code resisted. I poured everything I had into it.
BEND!
10.
My vision shook.
9.
Come on!
8.
The self-destruct routine flickered.
7.
Then—
SELF-DESTRUCT ABORTED.
I stopped breathing.
The relief was indescribable.
I'd just overwritten part of my own PAK.
Something tore.
Wet.
Hot.
Deep below my abdomen.
My eyes went wide.
"AHHHHH!"
Green blood splattered across the stone.
My hips convulsed.
Bones bent.
Rotated.
Shifted into angles they'd never occupied before.
"What—WHAT THE FUCK?!"
Something between my legs was changing.
No.
Not changing.
Opening.
My flesh split as new tissue forced its way outward.
I couldn't see properly from where I was lying. So I activated Force Sight.
Immediately regretted it. Something was pushing out from my groin.
Flesh wrapping itself into shapes my Irken anatomy had never possessed. My panic skyrocketed.
"AM I GIVING BIRTH?!"
No.
No no no no—
Something wet dropped between my legs.
A membranous sac settled there.
Inside it—
Two distinct rounded structures.
Then another structure began emerging.
I stared through Force Sight.
My thoughts stopped.
No way.
Slowly—
Painfully—
Something I hadn't possessed for more than eighty years...
Finished forming.
A dick.
My mouth fell open.
A Geonosian clicked excitedly.
Another wave of pain ripped through my pelvis.
"AAAAAGH!"
"WHY DOES IT FUCKING HURT?!"
It became very apparent why most Irkens would probably sleep through this. No sane creature should've been conscious for any of that. A completely new reproductive system violently installing itself between my legs.
And yet...
Despite everything...
Despite the pain.
Despite being surrounded by giant insect aliens.
I felt something.
A tiny spark of joy.
My brain immediately went somewhere very specific.
The Rodian.
Ohhhh.
I was going to find her.
Slowly, mercifully, the pain began fading.
The freshly torn flesh knitted itself back together.
Raw skin closed.
Tender new tissue replaced what had split apart.
Even the unnatural darkness of my skin began receding.
My original green returned. Brighter. More vibrant. Healthier.
DING. Trait gained: Grown - You're all grown up!
STR +10
END +10
DEX +10
CHA +30
Thirty?! My eyes widened.
DING. BiologicalSkill gained: Trophallaxis (Lv 1 / 10).
Trophalla—
What?
Power surged through me. My muscles tightened. My body no longer felt like the same body I'd inhabited for decades. Another scent filled the chamber. Mine.
The reaction was immediate.
The Geonosians stopped feeding me.
I swallowed the last mouthful already in my throat.
Then breathed.
For the first time since this nightmare started.
I looked around.
Everything seemed...
Smaller.
The average Geonosian standing nearby no longer towered over me.
Actually...I was taller than most of them.
One of the aristocrats clicked rapidly.
The warriors surrounding me stepped backward.
They were giving me space.
I slowly rolled onto my stomach.
My arms caught my weight.
Strength.
Actual strength.
Not tiny Irken noodle-arm strength supplemented by training.
My arms were defined.
My shoulders had broadened.
My torso had filled out.
I pushed myself upward.
I stood.
TALL.
...
Holy shit.
I looked down at myself. My entire body had taken on roughly the proportions of an athletic adult human. Lean. Defined. Properly proportioned.
Still obviously Irken, though. Three fingers. Ruby-red eyes. Green skin. Antennae.
I flexed one arm experimentally. Oh yeah. I could get used to this.
Apparently the Geonosians decided I'd been allowed enough time for self-admiration.
The aristocrat suddenly clicked sharply into the air.
A worker approached.
Carrying something.
An egg.
"What now?"
The worker shoved it against my torso.
Reflexively, I grabbed it.
The thing was warm.
Wet.
Covered in some kind of disgusting slime.
I held it away from myself slightly.
"...Eugh."
What exactly did they expect me to—
The Queen began clicking from across the chamber.
Loudly.
Commandingly.
Then, mixed between the alien noises—
"CLICK... FERTILIZE... CLICK."
...
My eyes slowly dropped toward the egg.
Then toward myself.
Then toward the Queen.
...
Lady.
I JUST GOT THIS THING.
Can I have five fucking minutes?!
I stared at the egg again.
Then a strange thought occurred to me.
Wait.
Cross-species offspring weren't exactly unheard of in Star Wars.
Actually, considering the sheer number of species in this galaxy, hybrids happened surprisingly often.
Humans and near-humans.
Different alien species. Species that didn't even look particularly compatible sometimes managed it. The Geonosian Queen wasn't stupid. She knew I wasn't Geonosian. Everyone in this chamber knew that.
Which meant...
I looked at her enormous egg sac.
Then at the egg in my arms.
Then toward the nobles watching me.
This was an experiment.
From her perspective, I was some completely unknown alien male who had wandered directly into her colony during some sort of biologically immature stage.
Then their food—or hormones, or royal jelly, or whatever the fuck that red sludge had been—had somehow triggered my species into reaching adulthood.
And she wanted to know whether I was reproductively compatible. A once-in-a-lifetime biological experiment. Potential hybrid offspring. Possibly an entirely new genetic line.
Scientifically?
I could understand the curiosity.
Personally?
Different story.
I gave the aristocrat a strained smile.
"You know, slight problem."
Click.
"I don't actually know how to ferti—"
CHK.
Something cold pressed firmly against the side of my head. My eyes moved sideways. Point-blank Sonic cannon.
...
Ah.
So this wasn't a request.
slowly looked back toward the aristocrat.
My smile became significantly more strained.
"Right."
Click-click.
"Very persuasive argument."
I took a risk.
I hurled the egg in my arms directly at the aristocrat.
His eyes widened. He caught it instinctively.
My lightsaber appeared from my inventory. Already in my hand and igniting.
VWOOM!
One swing.
The amethyst blade passed through the egg and the aristocrat holding it. Both halves hit the ground almost simultaneously.
The warrior beside me snapped his sonic cannon toward my head.
His finger tightened—
Then the Queen screamed.
A piercing series of clicks and shrieks tore across the chamber.
Every Geonosian carrying a sonic weapon immediately redirected their barrels away from me.
...
I blinked then grinned.
HAHA!
They couldn't afford to kill me.
Whatever the Queen wanted me for(denial), she wanted me alive.
More screeching echoed through the chamber.
Dozens of wings erupted into motion.
Warriors armed with long electrified staffs came rushing toward me instead.
One thrust the staff like a spear.
I sidestepped.
SHHK!
My lightsaber cut through the weapon and the arm holding it.
Another came from behind. I spun.
VWOOM!
I ran.
And—
Holy shit. I was fast. My legs launched me forward harder than I'd ever experienced before. My longer frame covered ground effortlessly.
The Queen shrieked behind me. Louder. More frantic.
I sprinted into the tunnel we'd entered through.
Immediately—
A wave of wingless drones flooded toward me.
Dozens.
They threw themselves into my path without hesitation. No weapons. No tactics. Just bodies. They tried to dogpile me.
My blade flashed. Flesh parted. Limbs hit the floor. One corpse fell across my shoulders. Heavy. Annoying.
INVENTORY.
Another collapsed against my legs.
INVENTORY.
I started stuffing corpses into my inventory whenever they got in the way.
I had absolutely no idea where I was going. This place was a maze.
"God..." I cut down another drone.
"If you're listening..."
"An exit would be GREAT."
My navigation strategy rapidly became—
Does this tunnel go upward?
Anything with even a slight increase in elevation immediately became the correct direction.
The Geonosians did not make this easy. They were relentless. Wings buzzed behind me constantly. Drones crawled through side passages. Warriors dropped from ceilings.
Every few seconds—
VWOOM!
Another body.
Then—
DING. ClassSkill gained: Spirit Binding (Lv 1 / 10). - The restless souls of the dead are within your reach.
I kept running. Another Geonosian came around the corner.
But my attention was suddenly somewhere else entirely.
Spirit Binding?
That sounded interesting.
I risked opening my status for barely a second.
Lv 10.
OH!
When the fuck did that happen?!
Apparently between the Tusken village, the Geonosians, and everything else I'd killed recently, I'd finally crossed into double digits.
Interesting.
The reminder that I wasn't just a Jedi with an inventory immediately changed how I was thinking about this situation.
Right.
Necromancer.
I had options.
I ducked into a slightly wider cavern and reached into my inventory.
Corpses.
Tusken corpses.
Twenty-six of them.
I dumped them onto the stone floor.
Bodies appeared in a heap.
Some still dressed in desert robes. Some missing limbs.
"RISE!"
Bodies twitched. Then began standing upright, blue glow in their eyes.
All twenty-six stood. My previous control limit had been ten.
I would figure it out later.
Wingbeats echoed from behind me.
I pointed forward.
"You twelve."
Dead heads turned.
"Clear the path."
Half the group immediately charged into the tunnel.
Geonosian screeches erupted almost immediately.
Then fighting.
I followed behind while the remaining undead surrounded me.
And as I watched the dead Tuskens crash into the incoming Geonosians...
A strange thought hit me.
Wait.
The Geonosian Queen.
I actually knew another type of egg she could lay.
Smaller ones.
The kind that hatched those disgusting brain-worm parasites. Those little bastards could crawl into a living host, hijack their nervous system, and pilot the body around like a biological puppet.
I blinked. That meant the Queen was basically a necromancer.
I looked toward my undead.
Then back down the tunnel toward the hive.
Convergent evolution. I thought jokingly.
The farther I pushed toward the surface, the fewer undead I had left.
Every tunnel became another meat grinder.
Geonosians poured out of side passages, dropped from ceilings, or simply threw themselves into my undead until sheer numbers started doing the job.
One Tusken took a sonic blast directly to the chest. Its entire ribcage collapsed inward.
Another lost both legs and kept crawling until three Geonosians pinned it down.
One of my undead drove a stolen gaderffii through a Geonosian's throat.
Another tackled a winged warrior out of the air and smashed its head against the stone.
DING. Skill Progression: Raise Undead (Lv 2→3).
My undead were actually racking up enough kills to earn me experience.
"Good boys."
I kept moving. The remaining undead obeyed without hesitation. No fear. No pain. No self-preservation.
By the time I found another upward-sloping tunnel, I was down to nine.
Then seven.
Then five.
The last five followed me through a narrow passage that suddenly opened into something much brighter.
Light.
Actual sunlight.
My eyes widened.
"Oh, thank fuck."
I sprinted toward it.
One undead fell behind.
Then another.
I didn't stop.
The tunnel widened.
Noise began bleeding through.
At first I thought it was machinery.
Then I realized—
Wait.
I knew that sound.
I stepped out of the tunnel.
Sunlight hit my face.
And below me stretched an enormous arena.
Packed stands.
Geonosians everywhere.
Battle droids flooding the floor.
Jedi scattered across the sand.
Purple, blue, green, yellow lightsabers flashing in every direction.
Blaster bolts filled the air.
Bodies were everywhere.
And right in the middle of it all—
Anakin. Padmé. Obi-Wan.
My jaw dropped.
Then I looked down at my three remaining zombies.
"Go back."
They stared blankly.
I pointed into the tunnel behind me.
"Fight whatever comes through there."
They turned and shambled away without question.
I was free.
I stepped toward the edge of the tunnel, ready to jump into the arena and—
A cold gust of air blew across me.
Directly across one very new, very sensitive part of my anatomy.
I froze.
I looked down.
I was still naked.
Completely fucking naked.
My entire transformation had happened underground, my robes had been torn off, and in the middle of fighting for my life I had somehow forgotten the extremely important fact that I was currently running around Geonosis with my brand-new Johnson swinging freely in the breeze.
I immediately jumped backward into the tunnel.
"FUCK!"
I opened my inventory.
Clothes.
I had clothes.
Problem solved.
I summoned one of my usual outfits.
Held it up.
Those clothes had been made for a four-foot-five Irken.
I was now roughly five-foot-eight.
The pants looked like children's clothing.
Great.
Fantastic.
I had been slinging around my new Johnson this entire time and apparently had absolutely nothing that fit over it.
I peeked back toward the arena.
The tunnel had opened into the spectator stands.
Convenient.
Also horrifying, considering I had nearly charged into full view of thousands of people completely naked.
My eyes scanned the battlefield.
Jedi.
Droids.
Geonosians.
Corpses.
Lots of corpses.
Then I saw one.
Oh.
Perfect.
A headless Mandalorian body lay sprawled in the arena.
Jango Fett.
My eyes widened.
Ohhhh.
That'll work.
I extended my hand.
The Force wrapped around Jango's corpse.
Then—
YANK!
His body suddenly lifted from the arena floor.
Several nearby battle droids actually turned to watch as the headless corpse flew through the battlefield like the galaxy's most disturbing piece of luggage.
It sailed over blaster fire.
Past fighting Jedi.
Through the air.
Straight toward me.
I caught it awkwardly.
"Gotcha."
Then placed one hand on the stump where his head had been.
INVENTORY.
The corpse vanished.
His armor and clothing immediately collapsed inward without a body to support them.
I pulled everything into the tunnel.
A minute later, I stepped back out.
Fully dressed. Mostly.
The armor fit surprisingly well. I looked cool.
Then another thought hit me.
The helmet.
Jango's helmet was still somewhere out there.
My eyes scanned the arena.
I wanted it. Not needed. Wanted. Like a fucking hoarder.
Complete the set.
I stepped toward the edge again.
Ready to jump.
Then I actually looked at the arena.
Really looked.
...
Oh.
Oh shit.
There were barely any Jedi left.
Bodies covered the sand.
What had started as a massive rescue force had been butchered down to a fraction of its original size. Nine out of ten? Maybe worse.
That gave me second thoughts real fucking fast.
...
I could leave.
Then I saw them.
Obi-Wan.
Anakin.
And—
Master Ti.
Still fighting.
Blades flashed around her as battle droids pressed inward.
I stared.
...
Fuck.
My life would absolutely be on the line if I jumped down there.
Very high chance of death.
Extremely stupid decision.
Possibly one of the worst decisions I'd made all day.
But—
I grinned.
If I was going to die...
This would be one hell of a cool way to do it.
I jumped.
The Force caught me halfway down.
I redirected the fall.
Boots slammed into the arena floor.
A B1 turned toward me.
VWOOM!
My amethyst blade cut it in half.
Another fired.
I deflected the bolt into a second droid.
In fact every action after that one slice was a forced deflection more than a proper attack.
The battle was going horribly wrong.
Jedi were dying left and right.
And then—
Someone noticed me.
Shaak Ti.
Her gaze moved over the Mandalorian armor. My height. My build. My face.
The fact that I had apparently grown more than a foot since she'd last seen me.
I grinned.
"Hi, Master!"
Shaak Ti's expression somehow became even more confused.
A B1 raised its blaster toward her.
She cut it down without even looking.
Then pointed one of her lightsabers at me.
"Dabo?!"
"Yes!"
I ducked under a bolt.
VWOOM!
A droid lost both legs.
"What happened to you?!"
"Growth spurt!"
Her eyes narrowed.
Even while surrounded by hundreds of murderous battle droids, I could practically feel the disbelief coming off her.
"You grew over a foot!"
"Very aggressive growth spurt!"
A Geonosian swooped toward me.
I sliced through one wing.
It spiraled into the sand.
Shaak Ti moved closer, cutting through two B1s along the way.
Her eyes moved over me again.
"Where are your robes?"
...
"Growth spurt."
"Dabo."
"They didn't survive."
That part was technically true.
Another barrage forced us apart.
I spun my lightsaber, batting two bolts away before driving my blade through a super battle droid's chest.
Fighting felt amazing now. My body actually kept up with what I wanted it to do. Even the Mandalorian armor barely seemed to restrict me.
I hadn't realized how much of my old combat style had been compensating for being built like a green stick figure until I suddenly had an actual adult body.
Then—
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?!"
I recognized that voice.
Anakin. Hair disheveled. Lightsaber in hand.
Padmé was nearby firing a blaster into the droid lines.
Obi-Wan fought beside them.
I grinned.
"ANIKIN!"
Anakin almost took a blaster bolt because he was staring at me.
Obi-Wan deflected it for him.
"Focus!"
"Sorry!"
Anakin immediately looked back at me.
"No, seriously, what happened?!"
"I hit a growth spurt!"
"You were gone for like an hour!"
"Late bloomer."
Mace Windu reached us.
Turned.
Saw me.
And froze.
"...Dabo?"
"Oh, come on! How many times are we going to do this?!"
"You've grown."
"THANK YOU."
"That wasn't a compliment."
"I'll take it."
His eyes narrowed at the armor.
"Is that—"
"Don't."
Anakin stepped closer.
He was still staring at me.
Then he suddenly held his hand above my head.
I slapped it away.
"What are you doing?"
"Checking."
"Checking what?"
"You're almost as tall as me."
"Almost?"
I straightened my spine.
He immediately did the same.
Motherfucker.
Anakin grinned.
"I'm still taller."
"For now."
Shaak Ti appeared beside me.
"Dabo."
I looked at her.
Her expression had changed.
That mentor look.
The one that said—
You will explain everything.
Eventually.
"Master."
"What actually happened?"
...
I considered my options.
No.
Absolutely fucking not.
"Growth spurt."
"An unusually severe one."
Her montrals twitched slightly.
I had the distinct impression this conversation was merely being postponed.
A blaster bolt passed between us.
Right.
Battle.
We turned back toward the droids.
---
The fighting kept getting worse.
Every time I thought we'd stabilized one side of the arena, another wave poured in.
B1s.
B2s.
Droidekas.
I watched another Jedi fall. Then another.
A blue lightsaber disappeared beneath a wave of droids.
The circle tightened.
Eventually, those of us still alive were forced together near the center of the arena.
I glanced around.
Mace Windu.
Obi-Wan.
Anakin.
Shaak Ti.
Kit Fisto.
A handful of others.
Padmé.
Me.
I started counting.
...
No.
That couldn't be right.
I counted again.
Sixteen Jedi.
Sixteen.
Plus Padmé.
Out of the more than a hundred Jedi who'd entered the arena.
Jesus Christ.
We stood back-to-back while an ocean of battle droids surrounded us.
Blasters aimed inward from every direction.
Then—
The droids suddenly stopped firing. Weapons lowered.
For a moment, the entire arena went eerily quiet.
My eyes landed on Anakin.
Then Padmé.
Then Anakin again.
...
Oh.
I couldn't resist.
I pointed toward Padmé. Then gestured vaguely toward the field of dead Jedi surrounding us.
"This is how I know Anakin's the Chosen One."
Obi-Wan slowly turned his head toward me.
Anakin's eyes narrowed.
I continued.
"Padmé survived and over a hundred Jedi died."
Silence.
Anakin's face went blank.
Padmé stared at me.
Shaak Ti closed her eyes.
Before anyone could say anything—
"Master Windu!"
Count Dooku's voice carried across the arena.
Every surviving Jedi looked toward the balcony.
Dooku stood above us, calm as ever.
"You have fought gallantly. Worthy of recognition in the archives of the Jedi Order."
He paused.
"Now it is finished. Surrender, and your lives will be spared."
...
Honestly? Maybe because my life was part of the equation.
That sounded pretty fucking reasonable.
I glanced around.
Sixteen Jedi.
Thousands of droids.
No obvious way out.
Maybe—
"We will not be hostages to be bartered, Dooku," Mace said firmly.
I slowly looked toward him.
Why the fuck not?
I mean—
I respected the confidence.
But statistically speaking, our current odds were what professionals would describe as dogshit.
Being alive and imprisoned seemed substantially preferable to being turned into smoking robes on the arena floor.
Dooku's expression barely changed.
"Then..."
A hint of regret entered his voice.
"I'm sorry, old friend."
The battle droids raised their weapons again.
Hundreds of blaster barrels snapped toward us.
...
Ah. Well. Guess we're dying.
I tightened my grip on my lightsaber.
Mace Windu settled into stance.
Then—
"Look!"
Padmé pointed toward the sky.
I followed her gaze.
Gunships.
Republic gunships poured over the arena walls.
One after another.
Clone troopers packed inside.
Their weapons opened fire almost immediately.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Droid formations exploded apart.
B1s went flying.
Geonosians scattered.
The surviving Jedi looked upward as the LAATs descended toward us.
And despite everything that had happened today—
I grinned.
The fucking clones.