Keika opened his eyes to the soft morning sun… and immediately regretted it.
"Good morning," said the red-eyed tiger, bowing with unnerving precision. "Your students await, My King."
"Students?" Keika muttered flatly, trying to sip his tea. "I didn't sign up for teaching. I signed up for surviving."
Behind him, a line of nobles shuffled awkwardly, all holding notepads.The rabbits hopped in neat rows.The birds perched on chandeliers, clearly judging him.And three tigers sat cross-legged, waiting for instructions like overgrown kittens.
"…Oh gods," he muttered. "I'm teaching etiquette to everything alive in the kingdom."
Scene: Lesson One – Table Manners
Keika raised a hand.
"Lesson One: How to eat without destroying the palace."
Immediately, a rabbit dove into the soup tureen.
"Not again!" Keika groaned.A tiger tried to sip tea by smashing its face into the cup."…Do you even have lips?"The birds swooped down, stealing sugar cubes from the table.
Leonhart clapped enthusiastically.
"What a lively class! I knew your teaching methods would be revolutionary!""Revolutionary?" Keika deadpanned. "I call it 'disaster management 101.'"
A noblewoman fainted.
"That's two this morning," Keika muttered.The tigers hissed."Discipline, My King!"
"I'm trying, okay?!"
Scene: Lesson Two – Bowing Without Crushing Necks
Keika pointed to the rabbits.
"Lesson Two: Bow without killing anyone or yourself."
A rabbit tripped and tumbled into a noble's lap.
"STOP! STOP!" Keika screamed. "You're not a catapult!"
One tiger attempted a perfect bow… and smashed a chandelier.
"Maybe I should just set the palace on fire and start over," Keika muttered.
Leonhart, blissfully oblivious, clapped harder.
"Ah, the chaos is the true etiquette! What passion!""I… hate passion," Keika muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Scene: Lesson Three – Social Interaction
By noon, Keika was exhausted.
"Lesson Three: How to converse politely without scaring humans or birds."
A noble attempted small talk.
"Your Holiness, do you find the weather agreeable?"
Before Keika could respond, a bird swooped and snatched his tie.
"That's not conversational support!"
Meanwhile, a rabbit hopped onto the duke's shoulder.
"Your Highness, you may now be considered adorned," said Keika dryly."…Is that praise?""No. That's survival advice."
Scene: Surprise Visitor
Just as Keika tried to catch a falling teapot with magic…A portal opened in the middle of the hall.From it stepped a young man in shining armor, cape fluttering, sword gleaming.
"Are you… THE final boss?!" the newcomer shouted.
"…Excuse me?" Keika muttered.
"The one who has tamed beasts of legend and holds divine power over rabbits, birds, and tigers?!"
"…I'm just trying to drink tea," Keika said flatly, waving a hand.
The tigers growled.The rabbits squeaked.The birds screeched in alarm.
Leonhart stepped forward, eyes sparkling.
"Ah, another admirer of my beloved Saint!"
"NO! I'M NOT—"
Before Keika could protest further, the new hero raised his sword.
"Prepare yourself! I will defeat the monster threatening the kingdom!"
"…Monster?" Keika muttered. "I'm not a monster, you lunatic!"
A rabbit hopped onto his head for comfort.
"I swear," Keika muttered, "if one more person calls me a god, a saint, or a final boss, I'm abandoning this world and moving to another one."
The hero advanced, tigers flanking Keika protectively, rabbits forming a defensive line, and birds dive-bombing the intruder like tiny aerial nukes.
"You… you do have allies," the newcomer stammered.
"Yes. Yes, I do. And they all hate you right now," Keika deadpanned.
"This is… unreasonable."
"Welcome to my life," Keika said flatly, sipping tea as a bird perched on his shoulder.
Scene: Tactical Retreat
The hero tried attacking.A tiger swatted his sword aside.A rabbit tripped him into a fountain.A bird pecked his helmet off.
"How—why—what—" the hero yelled, soaked and humiliated.
"I told you," Keika muttered. "Don't mess with the Fluff Saint."
Leonhart clapped, clearly delighted.
"Your control over beasts is truly divine!"
"…No. That's terror management," Keika muttered under his breath.
Scene: Keika's Summary of the Day
By nightfall, the hero had been politely escorted back to his own dimension via portal.Keika sat on the balcony again, exhausted, rabbits huddled around him, tigers sprawled at his feet, birds chirping softly.
"I didn't teach etiquette. I didn't win any hearts. I didn't even sip tea in peace," he muttered.
Leonhart appeared beside him, smiling serenely.
"Yet, you are adored by all."
"…I'm adored by a disaster harem, not humans," Keika corrected.
The red-eyed tiger yawned. "Still, My King, you did survive."
"…Barely," Keika said. "But I guess surviving counts as a skill now."
A rabbit crawled into his lap and sighed.
"At least someone appreciates me," Keika muttered.The tigers purred in agreement.
"…I hate this life. And I love it," Keika concluded.
Above, the birds circled, squawking:
"Tomorrow, we teach manners to nobles' pets!"
"…I am going to die," Keika muttered, as the screen faded to black.