Kōichi looked at Dust, who was still sitting on the floor rubbing his nose, then at the adventurers around them craning their necks, their faces practically screaming that they wanted to see some drama. He took a deep breath and spoke in a matter-of-fact tone tinged with pity.
"Everyone, stop guessing. This is... Iris, a trainee Swordsman I just recruited. Starting today, she's the newest member of our Party."
The previously noisy Adventurers Guild hall fell deathly silent.
The mischievous grin on Dust's face froze instantly. The hand he had been about to reach toward Iris snapped back as if he had been electrocuted, and he scrambled three meters backward, his eyes filled with horror and sympathy.
"Wh-what?! Kōichi, have you finally stooped so low that you're even going after little girls who look like they haven't been weaned yet?!"
Dust's voice cracked. He pointed at Iris, then glanced at Aqua, who was grinning foolishly at thin air nearby, and the Explosion maniac still unconscious on Kōichi's back.
"Hey, did you guys hear that?! This little girl is joining that freak show! It's over. It's all over! Axel is about to gain another hopeless weirdo!"
The surrounding adventurers all wore expressions that said, Of course. The looks they had been giving Iris out of curiosity or interest immediately changed into the wary stares one might give some dangerous creature on the verge of mutation.
"Tsk, tsk. Such a cute little girl. Why would she throw her life away by joining Kōichi?"
"Shh, keep your voice down! Did you forget that Crimson Demon Clan girl named Megumin? And that masochistic knight who's only good at defense? Anyone who joins that Party definitely isn't normal!"
"Exactly. This kid must have some insane quirk too. Maybe she's actually some lunatic who likes poking wasp nests with a Holy Sword..."
In an instant, every male adventurer who had been eyeing Iris with dubious intentions or simple curiosity uniformly took one step back, leaving a huge empty circle around her.
In their eyes, the little girl in the crooked hat was now practically radiating a dark aura labeled abnormal.
Iris blinked in confusion at everyone's reaction and tugged on Kōichi's sleeve.
"Kōichi-sama, why does everyone look like they're afraid of me? Is my disguise so convincing that I look like some incredibly powerful master?"
"Ahaha... In a way, I guess you really are."
Kazuma gave an awkward laugh and wiped the cold sweat from his forehead.
"Don't worry, Your Highness. As long as you stay in this Party, I guarantee nobody in Axel will dare make a move on you. They're all terrified they might catch idiot disease or the pervert bug."
"Who are you calling an idiot?! Kazuma, you rude jerk!"
Aqua finally came rushing back from the bar, clutching a chicken drumstick she had somehow swiped from somewhere.
"Iris, don't listen to them! Joining our Party is a blessing! As a Goddess, I can make a special exception and let you become my number-one follower. All you have to do is make an offering to me every day... Ow!"
Without changing expression, Kōichi grabbed Aqua by the back of her collar and moved her away from Iris as though taking out the trash.
Under the pitying gazes of everyone in the Adventurers Guild, as if they were watching an innocent young girl descend into the abyss, Kōichi led his large and thoroughly ridiculous Party back through the moonlit night to the gloomy mansion on the outskirts of Axel.
When they pushed open the mansion's heavy front door, it was hard to believe this place was supposedly home to a group of heroes. In reality, it looked more like a useless layabout den infested with all kinds of bizarre creatures.
"Wow! This house is huge! Is this Kōichi-sama's secret base?"
Iris took off the crooked leather hat, allowing her waterfall of golden hair to spill free.
Like a curious kitten, she ran around the spacious hall, completely unaware that Kōichi and the others had only managed to live here for free because the place had been haunted.
"Phew... We're finally back."
Kazuma set Megumin down on the sofa. Even unconscious, she was still mumbling something about Explosion magic being art.
But before Kōichi and Kazuma could even catch their breath, the atmosphere suddenly turned extremely strange.
Aqua, Darkness, and even Megumin, who had looked half-dead only moments earlier, had somehow gathered around Iris in perfect unison. Three pairs of eyes gleamed beneath the dim lights with a look that immediately made Kōichi feel uneasy.
"Um... Iris-san."
Darkness's face was bright red, her breathing quick and heavy as she nervously twisted her hands together.
"Tonight... tonight, please share a room with me! As a Knight of the kingdom, I have a duty to protect Your Highness at close range! Even if I must sleep on the floor, or Your Highness uses me as a footrest while sleeping... please entrust that humiliating yet sacred responsibility to me!"
"Get lost, you horny Crusader!"
Aqua shoved Darkness aside, wrapped both arms around Iris's arm, and clung to her like an oversized accessory.
"Iris! Obviously you're sleeping with me tonight! I'm a Goddess, you know! Sleeping beside a Goddess will nourish you with divine energy. You might even grow a whole centimeter taller by tomorrow! And most importantly, if you get scared and can't sleep, I can perform Nature's Beauty for you all night long!"
"...You're too loud."
Megumin staggered to her feet. Although she still hadn't recovered from exhausting all her magic, her eyes were unusually determined.
"Iris is the most talented Swordsman I've ever seen. As the Crimson Demon Clan's greatest prodigy, I need to have a certain... deep, soul-to-soul discussion with you before bed about ultimate magic and swordsmanship. Therefore, Iris is mine tonight."
"Huh? Huhhh? Does everyone want to sleep with me?"
Overwhelmed by the sudden enthusiasm, Iris looked toward Kōichi for help, her eyes showing equal parts anticipation and panic.
Kazuma rested both hands behind his head, clearly enjoying the spectacle.
"Kōichi, looks like your teammates are already fighting over who gets to sleep with the princess. As the captain, shouldn't you exercise your privilege, throw all of them out, and then take her for yourse... Ow!"
Kōichi punched Kazuma on the head, then looked at the three women who were already on the verge of an all-out brawl over Iris and felt a profound sense of helplessness.
Then Kōichi caught Aqua making a suspicious move.
While Darkness and Megumin were busy arguing, the useless Goddess moved with the speed of a top-tier Thief, slipping a thick stack of papers reeking of cheap perfume under the pillow in the room where Iris would be staying.
"Hehehe. Once Iris feels the call of the Axis Order in her dreams, she'll wake up tomorrow morning begging and crying to become my chief priestess. Then the royal family's offerings will come pouring straight into my pockets! I really am a genius Goddess!"
Aqua covered her mouth and let out an utterly villainous snicker.
***
...
If you'd like to support my work and unlock advanced chapters, you can follow me on p-@-treon.
[email protected]/PinkSnake (50 Chapters Ahead for now).
You can also follow as a free member to read a few advanced chapters.
***