Inside one of Alderp's guest rooms, so extravagantly decorated that it bordered on vulgar, two bedraggled figures sat sprawled across the expensive carpet, gasping for breath.
Kōichi Hayashi disgustedly brushed the salted-fish-scented dust from his clothes while glaring at Kazuma Satou, who was furtively trying to stuff that piece of lace fabric into a vase.
"Huff... huff... We made it. For a second there, I thought I was going to die in that stinking alley."
Kazuma flopped onto his back with his arms and legs spread wide, completely unconcerned with appearances. His face showed the utter exhaustion of someone who had narrowly escaped death.
"Hey, Kōichi, that Wind Blade smoke bomb of yours worked, but it smelled horrible! I feel like a walking can of salted fish right now. Claire's definitely going to track us down by the smell!"
"Shut up. If I hadn't been trying to save an idiot who kept waving the evidence around, would I have needed to sacrifice my reputation like that?"
Kōichi Hayashi rubbed his throbbing temples as his mind began racing.
"Our top priority is coming up with a believable excuse. Claire already saw the two of us together, and she definitely saw that... ahem, piece of justice. If we can't explain this properly, we'll be sent to the gallows first thing tomorrow morning."
"How about... we just pin everything on that fat pig Alderp?"
Kazuma abruptly sat up, a sinister gleam appearing in his eyes.
"We'll say he's secretly a pervert and hired us to steal underwear! We can even say he used magic to force us into cooperating! The guy already looks like a villain anyway. Claire will definitely believe us!"
Kōichi Hayashi stared at Kazuma in silence for three seconds, looking at him as though he were mentally deficient.
"Do you think Claire is an idiot? If Alderp had enough control over us to make us steal underwear, why would he need to put on this whole act of sucking up to Her Highness Iris? Besides, that fat pig can barely walk quickly. How are you going to explain him suddenly appearing in the royal palace's back garden? There are too many holes in that story. An excuse like that will only get us killed faster."
"Then what are we supposed to do? Am I really supposed to admit that I'm the perverted Thief?" Kazuma asked despairingly.
"No. We have a much better excuse."
The corner of Kōichi Hayashi's mouth curled upward into his trademark wicked grin.
"In a world full of magic, what makes the most versatile scapegoat? A Devil, Kazuma."
Kazuma froze for a moment before his eyes lit up.
"A Devil? You mean..."
"Exactly."
Kōichi Hayashi lowered his voice, suddenly sounding completely serious.
"We'll say that while the two of us were taking a walk near the mansion last night, we were suddenly attacked by a high-ranking Devil from the Demon King's Army. That Devil had some kind of possession or mind-control ability. It seized control of our bodies, infiltrated the royal palace, and forced us to commit those deranged acts, all to destroy our relationship with the royal family! As for the underwear... that was a trophy the Devil forced us to take in order to humiliate Lady Claire!"
"Genius! Kōichi, you're a genius among scumbags!"
Kazuma sprang to his feet in excitement.
"Yes! Exactly! I'll say my body wouldn't obey me at all! My mind was screaming, 'This is incredibly rude!' but my hand activated [Steal] all by itself! Even that deep breath earlier was because the Devil was controlling my lungs! This excuse is flawless!"
"To make it more convincing, we'll also need some signs that we fought back."
Kōichi Hayashi stood up and looked at Kazuma with obvious ill intent.
"Come on, Kazuma. For the sake of proving our innocence, let me punch you in the face. We'll say the bruise came from the Devil beating you."
"Wait! Why am I the one getting punched?! Weren't you possessed too? You should have to get punched as well!"
...
Early the next morning, an enormous crash echoed through the mansion, sounding as though someone had nearly kicked Alderp's front door off its hinges.
Claire stormed into the reception room with a squad of fully armed Royal Guard Knights behind her, murderous intent radiating from every step.
Her bloodshot eyes locked onto Kōichi Hayashi and Kazuma Satou, who were sitting on the sofa with several pieces of bandage plastered across their battered faces.
"Kazuma Satou! Kōichi Hayashi! You two shameless bastards! How dare you sit here calmly eating breakfast after what you did?!"
Claire thrust her longsword toward Kazuma's nose, her voice trembling so badly that she sounded close to tears.
"Give me back my... give that thing back! Then get yourselves into the dungeon and repent before the Goddess!"
"My, Lady Claire, please calm down. That expression of yours is terrifying."
Kōichi Hayashi set down the slice of toast covered in jam and put on an extremely weak, traumatized expression.
He pointed toward the badly swollen side of his face, courtesy of Kazuma taking revenge during last night's chaos.
"Actually, we were just about to come and beg your forgiveness. What happened last night was never our intention!"
"Exactly! Lady Claire, you have to believe us!"
Kazuma immediately joined in with an anguished wail. With his face bruised and swollen, he actually looked even worse than Kōichi Hayashi.
"Last night, the two of us were taking a walk through the garden when this terrifying Devil suddenly appeared! It had horrible goat horns and black mist pouring off its entire body! Then it used evil magic to control our minds and manipulated us like puppets, forcing us to sneak into the royal palace... Waaah! I wanted to scream for help the whole time, but all that came out of my mouth was 'hehehe'! Do you have any idea how horrifying that was?!"
Claire froze.
Her rigid mind struggled to shift back and forth between the possibilities of a perverted Thief and demonic possession.
"A-A Devil? You seriously expect me to believe such a pathetic excuse?!"
At that moment, Alderp, who had been sitting in the seat of honor with a dark expression after having his sleep disturbed, suddenly reacted at the word "Devil."
The layers of fat covering his body visibly trembled.
A flash of intense fear and unease appeared deep within his narrowed eyes. He was so shaken that he did not even notice the silver fork slipping from his fingers and falling to the floor.
"Cough! Cough, cough!"
Alderp suddenly broke into a violent coughing fit.
His fat face turned a dark reddish-purple, and for once, he actually stood up. His voice came out stiff and hurried.
"Lady Claire, I think... what Kōichi Hayashi and the others are saying may not be entirely impossible. After all, the magical fluctuations around the Royal Capital have indeed been strange recently. If a Devil from the Demon King's Army truly managed to infiltrate the city..."
Kōichi Hayashi immediately noticed how unnatural Alderp's reaction was.
Something was wrong.
Why was this fat pig so nervous?
Could there actually be a Devil hidden somewhere in his mansion?
"Lord Alderp?"
Claire stared at the lord in disbelief. Normally, Alderp enjoyed nothing more than kicking someone when they were already down.
"Even you're defending them? This involves the reputation of the royal family..."
"Exactly because it involves the royal family's reputation, we cannot rush to judgment!"
Alderp wiped the cold sweat from his forehead, his voice becoming increasingly urgent.
"Think about it! If this really was a Devil's conspiracy and we executed the heroes who saved the nation, wouldn't we be playing directly into the Devil's hands? As for this matter... I think it would be best to investigate first. Since the evidence has already disappeared, the two gentlemen can remain confined to the mansion while cooperating with the investigation."
The evidence, namely the underwear, had been burned by Kōichi Hayashi the previous night.
Kazuma stared at Alderp in disbelief.
Unable to contain himself, he leaned closer to Kōichi Hayashi and whispered into his ear.
"Hey, Kōichi... did that fat pig eat something weird this morning? He actually saved us. Don't tell me he's secretly one of our kind?"
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