Chapter 29: Unworthy
Everyone turned to look. A woman stepped out from the back of the crowd. She wore a gray-white robe, her hair pinned up with a bone hairpin. Around thirty years old. High cheekbones. Thin lips. Deep brown eyes that glowed like two burning coals in the firelight.
Leon's fingers moved.
Violet noticed. It was the first time she had seen Leon react to someone like this. Not nervousness. Alertness. Like a hunter hearing movement in the grass.
"Ella." Leon spoke her name.
Ella didn't look at him. She walked from the back of the crowd to the front of the fire and stood before Violet. She was half a head taller than Violet. She looked down at her.
"You're Cecilia?"
"I am."
"Do you know who I am?"
Violet glanced at Leon. His expression was unreadable. The firelight jumped across his face. "I don't."
"I'm the daughter of Gray Rock Tribe's former shaman."
Daughter of the former shaman. Violet searched the original book at high speed in her mind. The shaman. The greatest presence in a tribe. Most matters of the chieftain had to pass through the shaman. Gray Rock Tribe's shaman had died before she arrived. Killed by a mysterious force backlash during a divination. The original book had mentioned it once. A single line. No name written. No details. She had thought it unimportant. She had been wrong.
"When my father died, where were you?" Ella asked.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You were in Silver Spring. You didn't even know my father was dead. You didn't even know Gray Rock Tribe's shaman had died. You've been here four months. Have you ever seen Gray Rock's shaman shrine? Have you ever bowed before Gray Rock's ancestors? You don't even know Gray Rock's rules. What gives you the right to stand here and say Water City is yours?"
Violet clenched her fingers. "Water City's wells are in my hands. Water City's maps were drawn by my hand. Water City's trade routes were opened by my hand. What gives me the right? These give me the right."
The corner of Ella's mouth curved. Not a smile. Something colder than a smile. "Wells? Maps? Trade routes? You think those are enough?"
"Not enough, then say what is."
"You've only been taken in for a few months, and they already listen to you? You told Gray Bone to dig a well, he dug. You told Finn to learn characters, he learned. You told Darryl to watch the wall, he watched. What gives you the right?"
Violet was silent.
"By that face of yours?" Ella took a step forward. "By taking off your clothes and climbing into Leon's bed?"
"Ella." Leon's voice came from behind Violet. Low. Hard. Like stone striking stone.
Ella didn't look at him. Her eyes stayed fixed on Violet. "Dare you say you're not? You were rescued from Thornveil Gorge. First day you slept in Leon's tent. Wore Leon's coat. You say you're not relying on him. Then what are you relying on?"
Violet didn't answer. Her fingers clenched tighter. Nails bit into her palm. It hurt, but she didn't loosen them. She couldn't not answer. And she couldn't answer either. If she answered, she was arguing. If she argued, she lost. She couldn't afford to lose right now.
"I asked you a question." Ella's voice sharpened a little.
"I heard it."
"You heard it and you're not answering?"
"I don't want to."
"Why?"
"Because you didn't come to ask questions. You came to fight. I don't fight with people."
Ella's face changed. Her lips trembled. The firelight in her eyes jumped. "You're unworthy to stand here. Unworthy to wear his coat. Unworthy—"
"Enough." Gray Bone's voice cut in from outside the crowd. He walked over, shovel in hand, and stood between Violet and Ella. "She's right. You didn't come to ask questions."
Ella stared at Gray Bone. "You're defending her too?"
"I'm not defending her. I'm sparing you from further embarrassment."
Ella's tears fell. She threw what was in her hand to the ground. The bone hairpin. The one she had used to pin up her hair. It shattered into three pieces, bounced into the fire, and sent up a smell of scorched bone.
"My father is dead. Gray Rock's shaman is dead. None of you remember anymore. You only care about drinking water, walking roads, earning coin. You forgot him. You forgot!"
She turned and ran. The hem of her robe dragged along the ground, kicking up dust.
The crowd was silent. The shattered hairpin crackled in the fire, giving off the smell of burning bone.
Leon walked over and stood beside Violet. "Are you alright?"
"She's right."
"About what?"
"I don't know the people of Gray Rock. Forty-seven people. I only know six. I don't know the shaman shrine. I don't know the ancestors. I don't know the rules."
"You can learn."
"I don't have time to learn. The beast tide is coming."
"No time isn't a reason. You make time."
Violet raised her head and looked at him. "Are you blaming me?"
"I'm not blaming you. I'm stating a fact."
The two of them looked at each other for a few seconds. Violet looked away first.
"Let's end tonight here." She said.
The crowd dispersed. Gray Bone was the last to leave. After two steps, he stopped. "Ella isn't a bad person. After her father died, no one took care of her. She's carrying bitterness in her heart."
"I know."
"Good you know." Gray Bone left.
Only Violet and Leon remained beside the fire. Violet crouched down and pulled the half-burned hairpin from the flames. The bone was already brittle. A light touch and it crumbled. She placed the fragments on a stone.
"She said I took off my clothes and climbed into your bed." Violet's voice was flat.
Leon's fingers clenched on his knee. "She was wrong."
"She wasn't wrong. I do wear your coat."
"It was freezing. You were cold."
"I've kept wearing it. I'm still wearing it now."
Leon said nothing.
Violet took off the coat, folded it, and placed it on the stone between them. "Returning it to you."
Leon looked at the coat. He didn't pick it up.
"Are you angry?"
"No. I just can't wear it anymore. She was right. I'm unworthy."
Leon's hand reached over and picked up the coat. Violet thought he was going to put it back on. He didn't. He folded it twice and placed it on his own knees.
"The coat is mine. Who wears it is my decision."
"Your tribe won't accept it."
"You are my tribe."
"Ella says I'm not."
"Ella is not me."
Violet stared at him. The firelight danced in her gray-blue eyes. Flared bright a moment. Then dimmed.
For the first time, the two of them sensed something standing between them. Not a misunderstanding. Not a quarrel. Something deeper. Harder to speak. She needed his tribe to follow her. His tribe refused her. She wore his coat. His tribe wouldn't accept it. She needed him to stand at her side. But the position where he stood, half a step behind her, was beginning to be seen by his tribe as betrayal.
A contradiction is shattered glass. Stepping on it doesn't make you bleed right away. You only find the cuts all over your soles after you've walked far.
Violet stood.
"Keep the coat with you for now. Tomorrow I'll buy a new one."
"No need to buy. I'll have someone make one for you. Gray Rock Tribe has good leather."
Violet nodded. Didn't say thank you. The folded coat lay between them. The coat was theirs. And not theirs. Worn for four months. Kept her warm for four months. In the end, a garment that should never have been worn.
She turned and walked away. After a few steps, she stopped. Didn't look back.
"Leon."
"Yes."
"Starting tomorrow, I'll live in the small house beside the granary. The one that's been empty a long time. A little farther from your place."
Leon was silent for three seconds. "Fine."
She didn't look back. She walked into the alley. Moonlight fell on her, stretching her shadow long. She had no coat on her now. The wind came through. Cold.
In the distance came the sound of stones being moved from the east side of the city. Cassian was gone. The sound of stones moving remained. Stone by stone raised atop one another. The wall growing taller day by day.
Violet stood in the alley. The wind blew through her hair. The chill crept in through her collar. Before, with the coat keeping her warm, she hadn't noticed. Now she had returned the coat to Leon, and she realized. Four months, and she had only worn one coat. No second one.
Not that she couldn't afford one. She didn't want to change.
Now she had no choice.
---
End of Chapter Twenty-Nine
The bone hairpin Ella threw shattered into three pieces, smoking in the fire. She said "unworthy." Unworthy to wear his coat. Unworthy to stand here. Unworthy to make the people of Gray Rock listen. Violet didn't argue. She folded the coat and returned it. The next day, she would move into the small house beside the granary. Four months, and she had only worn one coat. Not that she couldn't afford another. She didn't want to change. Now she has no choice. The wind comes through. Cold. The cracks aren't on the table. They're underfoot.