Chapter 35: Not Wanting to Lose Again
Silver Spring. Violet arrived at dusk.
She didn't enter through the main gate. She circled around to the eastern wall and found the drainage ditch. The one Gray Bone had drawn. She crouched down and felt the stones. Still loose. No one had touched them. She didn't crawl through. She stood and walked through the main gate.
The guard recognized her. His expression shifted. He went inside to report. She stood at the gate a while, watching the people of Silver Spring come and go. Hauling grain. Moving goods. On patrol. The same as months ago. And yet different. Before, when they saw her, Silver Spring people would stop and stare. Hatred in their eyes. Now they glanced at her, looked away, and went back to whatever they were doing.
The hatred was gone. But it hadn't turned into liking. It had turned into something fainter. Indifference.
Astrid waited for her in her quarters. Violet had been to that room once before. The last time she came to rescue Leon and Gray Bone. Astrid hadn't been there then. She had only seen the pitch-dark cellar. This time the door was open. Everything inside clearly visible. Stone walls. A wooden bed. A gray wolf pelt spread across it. The window was open. The wind rustled the pages of a ledger on the desk.
Astrid stood beside the desk, a waterskin in her hand, pouring water into a rough clay bowl. She saw Violet. Didn't stop. The bowl filled. She set the waterskin down and pushed the bowl to the other side of the desk.
"Drink."
Violet sat and lifted the bowl. Took a sip. Cold. Silver Spring well water. Not sweet. Not bitter. Just water.
"What are you here for?" Astrid sat down. Her fingers tapped twice on the edge of the desk.
"Come to see you."
"See me or see my granary?"
"Both."
The corner of Astrid's mouth moved. Not a smile. Something between mockery and resignation.
"You checked the granary ledgers last month."
"I did. The numbers were correct. But there are things the ledgers don't record. I came to see those."
"What things?"
Violet set the bowl down and looked into Astrid's eyes. "At the last assembly, you said your people wouldn't follow an outsider's command. Are you truly afraid they won't listen, or are you afraid you won't be the one giving the orders?"
Astrid's fingers stopped. She stared at Violet. Something churned in her eyes. Not hatred. Not anger. Something deeper. Older. Like a well sealed by a stone for too long. The stone shifted. The water beneath surged up.
"What gives you the right to ask me that?" Her voice was very low.
"The fact that I pulled you down from the position of Silver Spring chieftain."
"You didn't. Silver Spring is still mine."
"It is yours. But you know in your heart. Before, Silver Spring people feared you. Now they don't. Before, Silver Spring people obeyed you. Now they still obey. But the reason they obey has changed. Before, it was fear. Now, it's because they don't know who else to obey."
Astrid's fingers clenched the edge of the desk. Her knuckles went white.
"You came here just to tell me this?"
"No. I came to return something to you."
"Return what?"
Violet pulled the small notebook from inside her coat. Flipped to the last page. Tore it out. She placed the piece of hide on the desk and pushed it toward Astrid. A single line was written on it. Silver Spring. Doesn't want to lose again.
Astrid looked down at those words. She looked at them a long time.
"You recorded me?" Her voice had gone a little hoarse.
"I did."
"When did you write this?"
"The day you stood at Water City's gate and said, 'You're not one of them.'"
"That day?"
"That day I went back and thought about what you said. You were right. I'm not one of them. I'm someone Silver Spring didn't want. But you're not someone who didn't want me. You're someone who pushed me off a cliff. You owe me a life. I owe you Silver Spring. We're even. After we're even, you're not the chieftain of Silver Spring. I'm not Water City's mapmaker. What are we?"
Astrid didn't answer.
Violet pushed the piece of hide a little farther forward. "You don't want to lose anymore. I don't want to win anymore either. Winning and losing are too tiring."
Astrid's tears fell. She didn't wipe them. They hung on her face and dripped from her chin onto the desk.
"The first time you came to Silver Spring to rescue Leon, I already knew. You're more ruthless than me. More ruthless than me, and still more generous than me. You walked out of Silver Spring alive because I let you go. But after you walked out of Silver Spring, did you ever come back? You came to Silver Spring once, and it was to rescue your people. You never came to Silver Spring to see me."
"Today I came."
"Today you came because you're about to fight a war. You need Silver Spring's soldiers."
"It's not only today that I needed them. I've needed them for a long time. But I couldn't come. If I came too early, you'd think I was begging you. If I came too late, you'd think I didn't care. I came today because you're the only account left in the ledger. Before I cross it out, I had to come see you."
Astrid picked up the piece of hide and held it in her hand. Held it tight. The hide crumpled into a ball.
"Cross it out."
"And after it's crossed out?"
"After it's crossed out, Silver Spring's soldiers are yours to command. Silver Spring's granary is yours to manage. Silver Spring's trade routes are yours to use. But one condition. Silver Spring remains Silver Spring. I remain Silver Spring's chieftain."
Violet stared at her. "You don't want to be Water City's people?"
"No. Water City is yours. Silver Spring is mine."
"Silver Spring is my trade route, my granary, my soldiers."
"Yours. But the name is mine."
Violet was silent a moment. She pulled the charcoal stick from inside her coat. Took the crumpled hide from Astrid's hand. Drew a horizontal line through the row marked "Silver Spring." Crossed out.
She handed the hide back to Astrid.
"Crossed."
Astrid looked down at the horizontal line. Her tears hadn't dried. New ones flowed down.
"I owe you a life. You owe me Silver Spring. We're even. But after we're even, we can't be enemies anymore. Can't be friends. Can't be enemies either." Her voice was as rough as sandpaper scraping stone.
"Then what?"
"Do business. You're the chieftain of Silver Spring. I'm Water City's partner. You give me grain. I give you water. You give me soldiers. I give you a way to live."
Astrid folded the piece of hide and placed it inside her coat.
"Fine. Business."
She held out her hand. Violet took it. Astrid's hand was very cold. But her grip was tight.
"You still owe me one thing." Astrid said suddenly.
"What?"
"The day I pushed you off the cliff. That white dress you were wearing. Torn to shreds in Thornveil Gorge. I've always wanted to repay you one."
Violet paused.
"No need. That dress wasn't pretty."
"It wasn't pretty. But I shouldn't have pushed you."
The wind blew through the window and flipped open a few more pages of the ledger on the desk.
"I'm going." Violet stood.
"Not eating?"
"Not eating. Things to do back home."
"What things?"
"Drawing maps. The beast tide routes aren't finished."
Astrid didn't keep her. She stood and walked Violet to the door.
"Cecilia."
"Yes."
"When the beast tide comes, you'll win."
"How do you know?"
"Because you even won against me. What else can't you win against?"
Violet didn't look back. She walked out of Silver Spring's gate. The sky was fully dark. Beside the drainage ditch under the eastern wall, she paused. Crouched down and touched the loose stone. Still there. She didn't know what use that stone would ever have. But she knew one day it would have its use.
By the time she returned to Water City, it was deep night.
She walked into the small house beside the granary and closed the door. Pulled the notebook from inside her coat. Five horizontal lines. Five crossed-out accounts. She flipped through from the beginning. Frost Claw's roads. Shadow Clan's woods. Ironwood's blades. Ice Wolf's Gray Ear. Silver Spring's business. Every account clearly recorded. But what the ledger didn't record was this. The days she had been gone, Leon had stood on the city wall every day, watching her direction.
She didn't know if he was waiting for her to come back, or guarding this city.
She placed the notebook beneath her pillow. The egg beside the pillow. Its light brighter than yesterday. She picked it up and held it to the window. Moonlight fell on the shell. The thing inside could now be seen in shape. Curled up. Four limbs. A round head. Two small protrusions on the head. It moved. The shell wobbled with it.
"What are you really?" She asked again.
The egg didn't answer. But the thing inside turned its face toward the light. Its eyes not yet open. But it knew where the light was.
She placed it back beside the pillow and blew out the lamp.
In the darkness, the egg's light floated beside the pillow like a small moon. She turned onto her side and closed her eyes. Five accounts. All crossed out. But the ledger wasn't finished. It had only turned to a new page.
In the distance, the sound of stones being moved stopped. The wall had risen to the height of a man.
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End of Chapter Thirty-Five
She crossed out the last account in the notebook. "Silver Spring. Doesn't want to lose again." Astrid cried. Folded the hide and placed it inside her coat. Said, "You even won against me. What else can't you win against?" Violet didn't answer. Victory wasn't the goal. She just didn't want to lose anymore. Five accounts. Five horizontal lines. Crossed out. But the ledger isn't finished. It has only turned to a new page. The egg glows beside her pillow. The thing inside turned its face toward the light. Its eyes not yet open. But it knows where the light is. The beast tide draws closer.