Coming into this fantasy world, Xeno had resigned himself to many things. Like the fact the world would do some strange things.
You know, classic isekai stuff. One second it's clear skies, the next it's suddenly raining. Maybe accidentally turning into a child. Getting trapped in a pocket dimension. Being used as bait by Ram.
Or catching Rem sniffing his clothes. Which happened more times than he wants to admit. Things like that.
But having Crusch freaking Karsten sitting on his lap, being vulnerable and needing his support was not something he was prepared for.
Looking at her, she looked so... tired. He couldn't leave her in good faith. And now it's time to learn what made her like this.
Crusch, entirely at ease in his embrace, took in a deep breath. Mentally preparing herself to recount those dreadful events.
Crusch: "It all happened nearly two weeks ago. A day after your departure from my estate. It was around that time my camp preparations were finally completed."
Xeno: "And what were those preparations for?" He tilted his head curiously, still brushing her hair with one hand. He had always wondered what it was.
Crusch: "I was... preparing to slay the White Whale." She stared at the floor.
Xeno: "The White Whale!? You were planning to kill that overgrown fish!?" His eyes widened in shock.
Crusch: "Overgrown fish?" She caught on to his tone and specific wording.
If she understood Xeno as well as she thought she did, he wouldn't call a calamity like the White Whale something like that unless—
Xeno: "I know whales are mammals, but you get what I mean, right?"
Crusch: "Xeno... Do you have some history with the White Whale?"
Xeno's eyes vanished at the question. Oh, he had history with that thing, alright, and not good ones.
Xeno: "...Yeah, I do. I fought that damn thing to protect people." He admitted, a scowl on his face.
Crusch: "You fought the White Whale by yourself!?" Now it was her turn to be surprised.
She knew Xeno was formidable, having held off Elsa Granhiert. But this went far beyond that.
Xeno: "Actually, 'fought' is too generous. More like I annoyed it and almost died... Anyways, let's get back on topic, shall we?"
Crusch, shaken by the information, nodded, continuing her sorrowful tale.
"I had done extensive research on the whereabouts of the White Whale's position. Trying to find a pattern to where it would show up. It wasn't perfect, a rough estimate telling me it should be around the Lifaus Highway."
Xeno: 'Lifaus Highway. That's accurate. That thing did attack me there.'
Crusch: "But that turned out to be a fatal mistake. As my army and I set up camp at the Flugel Tree, the White Whale had ambushed us."
Crusch gritted her teeth in frustration at the memory.
"The White Whale was far more cunning than we thought. It had wiped out the scout team I had sent, meaning we were left in the dark."
Crusch's breathing sharpened, her body trembled, her eyes dulling even further.
"Its sudden attack had left us disorganised. I did my best to assemble the troops... But it was already too late."
"...It was a slaughter. All my men were either crushed under its weight, blown apart by its attacks, or simply erased by its mist. I couldn't even say how many were forgotten in that battle."
She clutched Xeno's free hand tightly. The sensation was slightly uncomfortable, but he continued to listen quietly.
"During the bloodbath, I was almost killed by the White Whale's devastating mist. It was then I was pushed out of the path of the attack at the cost of my leg and being left unconscious. Someone had saved me... But I don't recall them. I had no memory of who saved me."
"When I came to, it was over. All around me were the corpses of everyone else. I was the only survivor."
She turned her gaze towards Xenophanes, her eyes looking directly into his.
"Hundreds perished. All because of my hubris. I had gotten careless. Arrogant that I could have taken on the White Whale. And it cost me everything."
Her eyes turned teary. She looked on the verge of crying.
"I had no time to mourn those who died due to my carelessness. Alongside my men, my social standing is gone, the people, even some even my own people, think I'm nothing but an incompetent idealist. My political standing is gone, many of the deals the Karsten family had made were being retracted, and my chances at the Royal Selection are gone. The people have lost faith in me."
"The entire week I have been carrying this burden. Trying to stabilise everything. But it keeps falling apart and I can do nothing to stop it, only watch as everything i built crumbles away. And now it's the end."
She finished her tragedy with these words, staring back down.
"I failed everyone." Her voice was completely devoid of emotion. Like this was an absolute truth.
A single tear fell down her cheek. It was then Xeno acted, pulling her into a hug. Crusch desperately accepted the gesture, burying her head in his warm chest.
She finally let go. A metaphorical dam had been released, uncontrollable tears falling out and staining Xeno's shirt.
Xeno didn't mind, allowing her to let it all out of her system.
She needed it.
...
A bit of time had passed, and Crusch had finally calmed down. Wiping away the tears, she continued to rest against Xeno.
Xeno had moved the chair towards the window, so now Crusch was currently staring at the night sky. Neither of them spoke a word.
Crusch was tired and just wanted to enjoy the peace with him. And Xeno didn't know how to comfort her, so he didn't say anything.
The silence stretched on for a while longer. Before Crusch spoke something he couldn't hear: her throat was too dry to speak.
Xeno: "Wait, let me get you some water." Using Envy, he made two skeletal hands to pour her a glass of water.
"Here, drink up, Crusch." He handed her the cup.
Crusch straightened up, despite her current physical and emotional state, and drank it with grace.
Xeno: "Now then, you were saying something?"
Crusch: "I'm... Sorry." Her voice was heavy with guilt.
Xeno: "Sorry about what?" He raised a brow at the sudden apology.
Crusch: "I'm sorry I made you come here... The reason why I called you over was to offer my support. Losing your entire camp... I could sympathise with you. I wanted to offer my support to you, as little as it may be. At least, that's what I was telling myself."
"I was convincing myself of that... I have to thank you, Xeno. I am grateful that you listened to me and offered your support despite the condition you're in. But I can't hide the truth any longer. You deserve to know."
Xeno: "What do you mean by that?"
Crusch: "I was being dishonest with you. The real reason is that I was terrified, overwhelmed by everything, my life, everything I built for my dream, all crumbled away. I've been trying my hardest, sacrificing my sleep and well-being just to ensure that my home doesn't lose its standing. Day and night, I spent minimising the backlash."
"And it's too much. My body can't continue any longer. My mind feels so numb, I feel as if though I might collapse. But I can't stop for a moment."
Xeno: 'She's sacrificing so much just to stay afloat.' He now understands why she looked so pale.
Crusch: "But it's hopeless, my camp is gone alongside everything else. I wanted it to stop, I wanted myself to stop and to find a moment of peace... That's why I called you."
Xeno: 'Despite sacrificing everything, it all amounted to nothing.' That feeling was all too familiar to him.
Crusch: "I trust you, Xeno. You never lied to me, you were entirely honest with your intentions, you never regarded me as your enemy or something you needed to keep at a distance. You were refreshing to speak to and be around. I wanted everything to stop. Just for one moment to stop being Crusch Karsten."
Xeno: 'Was her Sacrifice worth the effort?' He started to think about that deeply.
She looked at him, her expression screaming how guilty she felt, being sorry for her actions.
Xeno: "..."
'Was sacrificing even worth it?' He reframed the question, the thought slowly began to consume his mind.
That was until Crusch's next broke him out of it.
"I know it is incredibly pathetic for me to do this. You were grieving the death of your lady and camp. But I was desperate for you. I needed you, Xeno, to hold me. I was incredibly selfish for forcing this on you... For that, I'm sorry."
Xeno: "Crusch..." His eyes widened at her confession.
Crusch: "That's why... I want you to punish me."
Xeno: "What!?" His eyes vanished in shock.
Crusch: "I took advantage of a grieving man, just for my own self-desires. This is something I can't look past. I want you to get back at me. It's only fair that you do so. And I will accept it."
She stated firmly. She wasn't going to take no for an answer. Xeno could only stare at her.
She closed her eyes, waiting for Xeno to decide. She really did mean it: she would allow Xeno to do ANYTHING he wanted to her. No matter WHAT it was, she would accept it.
...
Xeno: "..."
Crusch's eyes opened wide as she felt pain spread through her head. But it wasn't that pain that surprised her, it was Xeno's actions. He had flicked her in the head.
Crusch: "Xeno?" She stared at him wide-eyed.
Xeno: "There you go, I punished ya." He looked back at her.
Crusch: "Why?" She didn't get it.
Xeno: "Why what? I did what you said."
Crusch: "I took advantage of you, this is hardly enough for what I did. Aren't you angry?" She really couldn't understand it.
Xeno: "Yeah, out of context, what you did is really morally questionable." He agreed with her.
Crusch: "Then why are you going so easy on me? I deserve more than this." Why was he being so kind to her?
Xeno: "Do you, though? Eh, I don't think so. Besides, I think you're forgetting one thing." He let out a small smile.
Crusch: "Something I forgot?" Why didn't he blame her?
Xeno: "Yeah, you're forgetting I'm depressed right now. Which has a side effect of making me emotionally numb, I can't bring myself to be angry at you."
Crusch: "You're lying." Her Divine Protection detected his lie. This was the second time he had ever lied to her. Why was he so adamant on forgiving her?
Xeno: "Yeah, lie detector. Alright, Crusch, I'll give you a proper punishment." He bopped her nose.
Crusch blushed at the gesture. Regardless she looked at him intently.
Xeno: "As for your punishment... I want you to go to sleep right now."
'Looks like I have to do another one of these. Let's hope I improved since my speech to Meili.'
Crusch: "Sleep...? You want me to sleep?" She was once again shocked by that.
Xeno: "Yep, that's your punishment."
Crusch: "But—"
Xeno: "You said you would accept my punishment, didn't you? So I don't want to hear any ifs, ands, or buts. Got it?"
He narrowed his eyes, saying in a firm tone.
Xeno: "Look, Crusch, you may think you're guilty. But you're not. I don't mind, in fact, you helped me just now."
Crusch: "...I did?"
He wrapped both arms around her waist and hugged her. Crusch reflexively relaxed into him.
Xeno: "Yeah, you did, Crusch. Beyond that, I really appreciate the fact you trusted me so much that you were willing to show me your vulnerable side rather than continue acting strong."
"Because if you did continue like this, you would have collapsed, and if your situation is as dire as you said, then that would only cause more problems your camp isn't able to handle."
Crusch flinched. That was true. This was noticed by Xeno.
Xeno: "See, you agree with me. I know things are hard for you. I can't say if they get better in the future. But what I can say is that you should take a day off. Get yourself healed. So, for your own sake, Crusch, just rest. You have done enough."
Crusch: "I've done enough..." She repeated the words. They almost sounded strange on her tongue.
Xeno: "This is your punishment. And you'll accept it, wouldn't you? So just sleep, Crusch. You need it."
She still looked unwilling, not wanting to leave him. Xeno sighed. No problem, he still had a few things to say.
Xeno: "Don't worry. I'm planning on staying here."
Crusch: "You are!? Why?"
Xeno: "Well, I can't leave you like this. So I'm staying to make sure you're doing alright. And secondly..." He sighed.
"It's also because our talk here has made me discover something important. And I want time to think about it. That's why I'm staying, so can you stop worrying? I'm right here as long as you want, Crusch."
Crusch: "...Alright." She said with pure fatigue. She had been trying to hold back for so long. But now she was finally given permission to just... stop.
Her mind relaxed, her body finally caught up with her, and she closed her eyes. Gradually, sleep overcame her.
'Xeno, thank you. I'm glad to have met you.'
Breathing steadily, she fell into a slumber.
...
The next day.
Inside a luxurious room, the figure of Crusch was sleeping soundly. A rare instance for the Duchess nowadays.
Her complexion looked considerably better than the night before. Her eyes fluctuated, a sign of her slowly waking up.
The dark spots under her eyes had vanished, and her amber eye regained some of its colour, not completely, but it was noticeable.
The first thing Crusch had noticed was how much better her body felt. Not feeling sore like last night.
Taking in a fresh breath of air, she got up. The first thing she planned to do was freshen up, replace all her bandages, and then head to her office.
Which was easier said than done. Since losing her left leg, every day tasks had become difficult for her, requiring the assistance of crutches to move.
The reason she hadn't bought a prosthetic leg was because of the financial situation her camp was facing. Every coin mattered. Once, if, everything stabilised, she planned on buying one.
But for now, these will do.
Crusch slowly made her way to her office to start her usual work, planning on eating there directly.
On the way, she encountered merchants she wasn't familiar with in the hallway leading to her office.
She immediately went on guard. This situation could be really bad if she didn't take precaution.
One of the merchants saw Crusch and went tense, which was noticed by the others. It didn't take long for all of them to go still as rocks, sweat forming on their brows.
Crusch: "Who are you, and what business have you come for?" Speaking with authority, she went straight to the point.
"C-Crusch-sama, forgive our intrusion. We didn't mean to disturb you." One of them spoke, frightened.
"Y-Yes, we're here because our boss had called us over and told us to arrive here." Another one explained.
Crusch: "Boss?" She narrowed her eyes. From the looks of things, their 'boss' had invited them directly here to her office.
Crusch: "Is your boss inside?" A dangerous glare shot at all the merchants gathered.
"Y-Yes, Crusch-sama, our boss is inside. He told us to meet him there." One of them blurted out in fright.
Anger boiled inside her. They may be facing ruin, but they haven't fallen so low that anyone could disrespect her like this.
Crusch: "All of you, stand aside. None of you will enter without my permission, not until I meet this boss of yours directly."
The raw fury inside her voice caused all of them to be scared shitless. Hurriedly, they stepped aside, allowing Crusch access to her own office.
'Let's see who this boss of theirs is.' She thought before stepping inside her office.
...
Once she was inside, she closed the door behind her, analysing the entire room. She didn't see anyone in the room. Eventually, her gaze turned towards her office chair.
Just like she expected, it's occupied, turned so she couldn't see who was sitting there. Crusch gritted her teeth. Someone had the audacity to sit on her chair.
"Greetings, my fellow merchants. You all have kept me waiting here." A deep, strangely familiar voice spoke.
Crusch: "Who are you? And how dare you not only enter my manor, but have the audacity to call several other people over to my office without my permission and sit on my chair!"
She yelled out, furious. What she didn't expect was what would happen next.
"Cough, ack! Crusch!?" The mystery man accidentally bit his own tongue in surprise, saying her name in shock.
Crusch was confused by this. Why did he sound so surprised, and importantly, was she imagining it, or was that...
Xeno: "C-Crusch, you're awake." Turning the chair around, he met her face to face, his eyes gone.
Crusch: "Xeno? What are you doing?" Her eyes immediately softened upon seeing him.
Xeno: "That should be my question. You're already awake!? I thought for sure you would be sleeping for a while longer." He got out of the chair and approached her.
Crusch: "I'm well rested." She replied firmly.
Xeno looked at her up and down, judging if she was okay. The Duchess in question stiffened under his gaze. The concern for her well-being made her heart beat a bit faster.
Xeno: "That's great, Crusch. If you keep it up, you'll look just as well as before." He nodded to himself, going forward to help her sit down.
She didn't mind Xeno's help, sitting down, her gaze turned to Xeno, standing at her side.
Crusch: "Tell me, Xeno, what were you doing here?" She asked curiously.
Xeno: "Oh, um, sorry about that. I hope you're not mad at me." He awkwardly scratched his cheek.
Crusch: "No, Xeno, I'm no longer angry, but I still need an explanation." Her tone was surprisingly gentle.
Normally, if anyone else had done the exact same thing, even her own, she would have been furious, or at the very least, disappointed in them. But...
If it was Xenophanes, she wouldn't mind.
....
Xeno: "Sigh, right, let me start from the beginning. After I tugged you in, I wrote a letter to Rein– Reinhard and Felt, telling them I would be staying here. At first, I was going to be all depressed, moping around here like before. "
Crusch: "Xeno..." Right, how could she forget? He had his own trauma he was currently dealing with.
Xeno: "Don't worry, I'm not going to do that. It was after I woke up here, I realised how empty this place is. After a bit of thinking, I decided, why not make myself useful and help you."
Crusch: "You want to help me, Xeno!?"
Xeno: "The alternative is being a depressed, shut-in parasite. Then why not?" He shrugged.
Crusch: "Don't call yourself that, Xeno. You're my guest. I don't mind if you did nothing." She reassured him the instant he said that.
Xeno: "Sigh... But what could I even do? I'm just a nobody now. My camp is gone, my title and position are gone. I'm entirely useless to help you."
Crusch tried to protest, but before she could, Xeno raised a finger, signalling her to stop.
Xeno: "While that it's true that Xenophanes can't help... But you know who can help you here? The great Ainavol. That's who." The corner of his mouth twitched up.
Crusch: "Ainavol!?" She was completely shocked by that name.
Xeno: "You've heard of him, right?"
Crusch: "Of course. Everyone in the commercial world knows of the legend of Ainavol, the man who turned Hanumas into a culinary-enriched town, making nearly all the merchants into a massive alliance, brought together an opposing wealthy family through marriage, and is hailed for his sense of justice."
She was genuinely impressed by Ainavol's achievements. Xeno, on the other hand, was embarrassed by that praise. Something that Crusch definitely noticed.
'It can't be!?'
Crusch: "Xeno... Are you Ainavol!?" She grasped at the realisation.
Xeno: "Heh... Hehe. No point hiding it then. Yes, I am, in fact, the man, the myth, the legend, Agem Ainavol." He introduced himself with a bit of dramatic flailing, but mostly embarrassment.
Crusch: "Incredible." She softly whispered. The more she got to know him, the more outstanding he was.
Xeno: "So yeah, I'm going to use my authority as Ainavol to help you, Crusch."
Crusch: "If you're Ainavol, then..." She processed the information, Ainavol was both famous, powerful, and well-connected.
If Xeno helped, it really could lessen her burden.
Xeno: "So, Crusch, here's my plan."
It would definitely make things easy, but...
Crusch: "I'm sorry, Xeno, but I can't accept your help." She shook her head.
Xeno: "Huh? Why not!?"
Crusch: "Don't misunderstand. I'm grateful you want to help me, I really am. But I can't allow that. I don't want you getting dragged through the mud with me."
Xeno: "What do you mean?" His voice creaked.
Crusch: "Xeno, you have to understand. Your Ainavol persona is popular and definitely influential. Yet that won't matter if you associate yourself with me."
"In the eyes of the public, I'm an incompetent idealist. People had lost faith in me. My political credibility has suffered severely, and association with me now carries substantially political and economic risk. "
"If you were to try and help, you'll only make your own standing vulnerable. There are many who want to cripple or ruin Ainavol. Helping me would give those people the perfect chance to do so."
She let out the heavy truth. Helping would be difficult. That's why she can't accept his help. Also because he is her guest, someone she promised to help.
She couldn't let anyone harm Xeno. She won't let them.
...
Xeno: "...Sigh, you know I really hate the fact I can't argue with that." He slumped.
Crusch: "I appreciate the thought, Xenophanes." She held his arm in a comforting manner.
Xeno: "You're right if you think about it that way. My rep would take a hit. But I still have a trick up my sleeve." He grabbed her hand in return, looking into her eyes.
Crusch stared back at them, then at his pupils. Watching in surprise as they turned from purple to red.
Xeno: "You know, Crusch. I'm not some secret genius businessman. In fact, I'm one of the most clueless when it comes to that stuff, so want to know how I succeed as Ainavol?"
Crusch: "Yes... I would like to hear it." A small blush crept up her cheeks at the intensity of his stare.
Xeno: "The secret of my success is my eyes and luck, like a ludicrous amount of luck. Luck so absurd, calling everything I did a miracle... Would be an understatement."
Crusch: "How much of it do you think was luck?" She questioned, curious.
Xeno: "At a conservative estimate... Around 90%." He shrugged.
Crusch: "..."
Her Divine Protection didn't react, meaning this was the full truth.
Crusch: "How do your eyes factor into this?" She moved on from that shock.
Xeno: "Right, you know about that rumour about why most merchants are terrified of me? These red eyes are the reason why."
Crusch: "Those eyes are the Eyes of Judgement!?"
As much as Ainavol is respected for his fairness and sense of justice, the same couldn't be said for most merchants.
All because of what the people have dubbed the Eyes of Judgement. What started out as rumours that Ainavol could "see the sins of others" have time and time again proven true.
It's because of this that the higher-ups of Ainavol's merchants alliance are kept in check. By fear. Do anything shady or illegal, and Ainavol would know about it instantly.
And with his strong sense of justice, he would present all of your sins without hesitation. Even if it causes a loss.
Crusch: 'It makes sense now that I think about it. Xeno cares more about honesty than about money.'
Xeno: "Great, I know my people back in Hanumas would definitely object to it. So I thought of something better."
He let out a confident smile.
Xeno: "Why not make a new branch at the Capital instead? And you want to guess what type of merchants I happened to call over today."
Crusch: "The ones with backgrounds you can easily exploit." She instantly connected two and two together.
Xeno: "Correct. Those guys' fates are already sealed. One word from me, and their entire business goes up in smoke, so they have no choice but to do as I say. And with the Capital being a den of rot, I can practically make a new workforce easily."
Crusch: "That's incredibly risky, Xeno. I can't allow that." She turned serious.
Xeno: "I know, Crusch. But I have to try." He said it seriously as well.
Crusch: "You won't give up on this, will you?" She could see the stubbornness in his eyes.
Xeno: "No."
Crusch: "In that case, I'll allow it only under my condition: you have to consult me first about everything, okay?"
Xeno: "That's fine by me." He nodded.
Crusch relaxed, not even noticing she had tensed up. But if she was there to keep Xeno safe, she would allow it.
Xeno: "Thanks, Crusch. Now let's get started, shall we?"
Crusch took his hand and gently squeezed it, holding it.
Crusch: "Yes, Xeno... Let's get started."