Xenophanes.
He could be described in many ways, some good, some bad. Among these qualities of his, one thing everyone unanimously agreed on was how strange he was.
A mystery to all in some way, be it his behaviour, his background, or his powers. For most, it was all of the above.
This was no different for Carlos Jaspmen, either. He was a great and faithful knight. Earning his title through years of effort and dedication.
He climbed the ranks, pushing himself harder than most, losing sleep, even a chance at a genuine relationship with someone just to improve himself.
He was proud of his position, his status, the admiration he received for his hard-working nature, and how he inspired other knights to do the same. Lending them a hand when needed.
Then came Xenophanes.
He still remembers that fateful day. The day where he encountered Xeno for the first time. His view on him being less than favourable.
Carlos thought he was noble due to his extravagant clothing, who seemed to be close to that half-devil, perhaps being her supporter.
It wasn't his place to judge who a noble supported. Yet Xeno wasn't nobility at all, in fact, he wasn't even someone with a high status.
He was a butler. A crippled butler. He made a mockery of everyone in the room. Just because he wanted to play dress-up.
If that wasn't bad enough, the Margrave then tried appointing him the knight of that half-devil.
It was a joke. Assigning the position, knight of a royal candidate, to someone like Xeno.
Yet the Margrave succeeded in that endeavour. Him, a crippled butler, someone with no formal training, who needed assistance just to walk.
He will admit his achievements are impressive, holding off the bowel hunter and killing hundreds of wolgram. He won't deny that. But that isn't the only thing that makes someone a knight.
He had none of the characteristics of a knight. Being childish, impulsive, and yet he was just handed the position just like that.
It was the biggest insult to hard-working knights like him.
But that wasn't enough. He furthered his treachery by his sheer disrespect, shouting, swearing at one of the wise men. Insulting them, then the knights themselves.
He called them hypocrites, stating that they had failed at their job, all just to defend that half-devil. But it was these words that sent him over the edge.
Xeno: "Sorry, Lord Roswaal, but what good is a position if it values 'Order' more than a lady's well-being and allows her to be belittled? If I'm expected to sit around while it happens, then... To hell with being a knight!"
That one moment made Carlos loathe Xenophanes with a passion.
His honour, his PRIDE wouldn't allow it. He needed to execute that brat for his disrespect to everyone.
He gathered some of his men, preparing to isolate Xenophanes and attack. Which worked out just as planned.
Which didn't turn out as he expected the brat was more troublesome dispite being crippled, then there were his strange abilities, unlike anything he seen.
He was convinced Xeno was a threat, a Witch Cultist. But, once again, Xeno shattered that belief.
He had nearly killed him, and instead of escaping, he saved him. That look in his eyes Carlos could never forget it. The look of dread at his own actions, he was scared.
That disrespectful brat, that cultist, that undeserving child... had saved his life. He couldn't understand it. His Pride couldn't understand it.
And so now he's here to get his answers.
...
But now he had the chance to do that. He was once again thrown off by the person in front of him, covering his arms and head in light purple bandages, trying to drown himself in alcohol and looking miserable.
He was nothing like the man who fought him.
Despite being covered in bandages, one could tell just how irritated he was seeing Carlos. His empty eye glared at him.
Xeno: "What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?" He dismissively shooed him off.
Carlos: "I hardly consider trying to waste yourself and screaming at others, important." He remained unmoved.
Xeno: "Ugggh, why can't you leave me alone! I don't want to talk to anyone, especially not you." He rested his head on the table.
Carlos: "Have some self-respect. Besides, I have only a single question. Answer it and I shall leave you alone in your wallowing." He crossed his hands together, looking at Xeno's sorry state.
Xeno tilted his head to stare at Carlos for a moment. Then went back to hiding his face.
"You really are annoying. Fine! But once we're done, go fuck off."
Carlos: "Believe me, I would rather not engage with a brat like you a second longer than needed." He said, disappointed by Xeno's recent actions.
"I'll get straight to the point, brat. Why did you do it? Why save me?" He narrowed his eyes, analysing his every movement.
Xeno flinched. He looked at Carlos in confusion.
Xeno: "...What?"
Carlos: "Don't play dumb with me. Despite everything I attempted on you, why did you choose to save me?"
Xeno: "..."
He stared at him for a moment, then laid back down. Just saying this.
"I knew you were an idiot but not to this extent."
Carlos: "...What?" He said, clenching his fists.
Xeno: "I said you're an idiot. I saved you because you were dying. Simple as that."
Carlos: "You saved someone who was moments ago trying to kill you and your companion, for what exactly? Because I was dying?"
Xeno: "Yeah."
Carlos slammed his fist on the table, drawing the attention of the others in the tavern. But he ignored them.
Carlos: "What kind of nonsense is that! Don't pretend with me. I saw it, that look on your face when you were healing me. You were scared. Why? You could have just left. What were you hoping to gain from saving me?"
Xeno: "..."
"Nothing."
Carlos: "..."
...
Carlos: "Nothing... You didn't want to gain anything from saving me?" He leaned back in his chair, a complicated look on his face.
Xeno: "Ugh, how many times do I have to say it!? Yes, I saved you because you were dying. I'm not a killer. I can't stomach the act of killing. There, happy? You got your answer, now go away."
Carlos didn't respond, watching as Xeno sank further into his arms.
He didn't know what to say. He finally got his answer, didn't he...?
But why was he not satisfied? What more did he want from him? Carlos pondered this for a moment.
Everything would have been so much easier if Xeno had benefited from saving him.
Instead, he had done it simply out of instinct. He wanted to save him. Carlos once again looked at the figure across from him.
Once so brave, now so miserable.
The annihilation of his camp really did a number on him.
Carlos: "Do you blame yourself for it?" He asked with some hesitation.
Xeno: "It's none of your business." He didn't even bother looking up, understanding what the knight was referring to.
Carlos: "Perhaps not. But I can't help but wonder how you ended up like this. Did that half-devil real—" He stopped midway, his eyes widening.
A thin, dark-purple needle was inches from his face. Xeno had snapped awake. His purple pupil returned, glaring at Carlos.
Xeno: "Don't you call Emilia a half-devil, you damn bastard!" His voice was filled with anger.
"She's dead... but I bet you're really happy about that, aren't you? You detest her. You all did. And now she's gone."
Purple smoke poured from the corner of his visible eye.
Xeno: "All of you mocked her dreams. You made her life miserable, but she endured it... because she was too kind. But now?"
He clenched his teeth.
Xeno: "She's gone. Everyone I ever knew is gone. And it's my fault... because I couldn't save them. If I hadn't been such a damn idiot going on trying to play the hero, sacrificing myself to save everyone else, and look where that got me!"
His pupil flickered, the smoke rushing out faster, resembling tears.
Xeno: "Nowhere. Everyone died because of my carelessness. I did everything right, didn't I? Why did they still die at the end? So shut it, shut, shut, you damn hypocrite. I don't want to hear it. You already put Emilia through so much. Please."
His pupil grew unstable, unable to maintain a consistent shape.
Xeno: "So at least in death... Let her have some peace." His voice creaked at the end.
As his outburst ended, Xeno toppled back onto the table, the needle vanishing alongside him. He buried his face in his arms, muttering quietly.
Xeno: "You got what you wanted. Go away."
Carlos: "..."
Carlos watched on in silence as the "smoky tears" continued to escape, increasing more and more as his other eye began doing the same.
It was one thing to see someone like him "cry" and lose themselves in real time. He, no matter how much he disliked him, wouldn't wish such loss on someone this young.
He had miscalculated. Seeing Xeno like this, one thought escaped his mouth before he even realized it.
Carlos: "Your not who i though you were."
...
Xeno: "..."
He didn't respond. Undeterred, Carlos continued.
"I won't pretend to understand what you're going through, nor will I attempt to share my sympathy. I'm sure I'm the last person you want to hear that from."
He took a deep breath, thinking carefully about what to say next.
Carlos: "But I think I understand you a little better now... Xeno. Since you desire to be alone, I will only say this. Don't do anything more drastic. I know it will be hard, but... Try to live in honor of your lady."
Xeno: "You don't know a damn thing about honor."
Carlos: "...Perhaps, but it seems I have quite a bit of thinking to do. So... Goodbye."
He got up and walked away.
Exiting the tavern, Carlos Jaspmen had officially left. He and Xeno had stirred quite the commotion inside. Almost everyone was staring at him.
But Xeno couldn't care less. He stayed like that, certain he was forgetting something, but didn't feel like moving.
Even when the door burst open, he didn't move. Only when a familiar voice called out.
"Big bro!"
Did he flinch, slowly backing up, he saw Felt and Reinhard approach him, worry appearing on their faces.
Felt: "Big bro!" She rushed to his side and squarely whacked him on the head.
Felt: "We've been looking everywhere for you! Do you have any idea how worried we were!" Anger mixed in with her worries.
Reinhard, however, addressed the more important question.
Reinhard: "Xeno... Have you been drinking?" He said, smelling the extensive alcohol covering him.
Xeno: "I did." He replied mechanically, getting up to walk away.
Felt: "Are... you alright? Can you still walk by yourself?" She said, fearing he might have wasted himself.
Hearing this, Xeno let out a depressing smile. He waved her worries off, saying,
"Don't bother. I'm fine. Hehe." He grabbed a bottle of wine from one of the waiters and tossed a coin in payment.
Reinhard: "Xeno, you really shouldn't be drinking." He cautioned.
His words fell on deaf ears as Xeno drowned the entire bottle in front of them. Placing it on the table, he moved on, finishing his sentence.
Xeno: "After all no matter how I drink, I just can't get drunk. It's funny, really. I can't even numb myself."
He walked out with an amused chuckle. Reinhard and Felt only looked at each other. Who knew how much things were going to get worse from here now?
But no matter how bad things got, they would be there to help him, as much as they could. Silently nodding, they went after him.
...
The next few days went by in a blur, with Xeno's mental state varying from time to time.
If he was feeling somewhat better, he would leave his room to eat with the others. Engage with them in some way for a few minutes before wandering off.
But if he was in a worse mood, he would outright refuse to leave his room for the entire day. The sounds of crying, wailing, and screaming coming for an unknown amount of time.
Throughout all of this, Felt, Reinhard, and Rom had tried, in their own way, to cheer him up. They couldn't let this continue any further.
Reinhard was the gentlest of the three. Trying to make sure Xeno never felt alone, reminding him that he'll always be there to listen.
Felt tried to cheer him up, dragging him to do various things. Xeno would wordlessly play along, maintaining some degree of interest. And if things turned out great, he would even creak a smile.
Rom, however, tried to motivate him. That was the only way to truly break him out of his depression. At first, the old giant tried the obvious approach.
Revenge against the Witch Cult. A chance to make some sense of peace, knowing he ended the ones who hurt him so much.
And the result was... something he didn't expect. Xeno didn't show any strong emotions to this.
Rom just couldn't help but ask why that was. Xeno's answer was simply.
"Killing them won't matter in the end." Which was true, he was going to Return by Death. That was a guarantee. So killing them now... What would be the point?
As for when that day would come when he resets... Xeno didn't know, or more accurately, he didn't think of it.
Besides, he couldn't care less about fighting or anything related to it. He just wanted to be left alone.
...
Almost an entire week had passed. Inside his room, Xeno blankly watched through the window. One of the few rare moments Xeno wasn't in a self-deprecating mood.
Unfortunately, the reason wasn't because he was feeling better. Instead, something interesting had happened with his ability.
Creating a mirror, Xenophanes gazed at himself. His bandage-covered self looked as miserable as ever.
Ignoring that, raising his palm, a basketball-sized ball of energy formed. Power cackled from the orb, powerful enough to destroy a wall.
Xeno: "Only two points of Envy?" What made it special was its price. Normally, it would cost 3 points.
Yet the price was reduced? He had only noticed it just now. Ever since he had removed the limiter from Point of Obsession.
All his constructs were halved, but in this loop, the price was still reduced? Then there was the change he felt in the ability itself. It was growing stronger continuously.
Eventually, it would reach the same state as in the previous loop, perhaps even more towards a new form entirely.
It was all speculation, but something told him... He was correct. How exciting.
"Hey, kid, you alive in there?" Rom's voice interrupted his musing.
Turning towards the door, he frowned, not wanting to be disturbed, but answered anyway.
"For now, at least. Can't say the same for later, though." He said without much emotion.
Rom: "Good, he's in one of his good moods right now."
"Great, 'cause someone sent a letter for you specifically. By someone you know quite well."
Raising a brow, this certainly grabbed his attention.
Xeno: "From whom?"
Rom: "Crusch Karsten. She wants to meet you."
Xeno: "Crusch!? She wants to meet me!?" His eyes widened in surprise. Why suddenly call him?
Rom: "Yeah, she wants to talk. So how about it, kid? You interested?"
He didn't immediately respond, instead thinking about it. Did he even want to meet Crusch right now? Was it even worth the effort?
Xeno: "..."
In the end, he decided to go meet up with her. A change in scenery and getting away from the others would do everyone some good.
Xeno: 'Crusch... Sigh. At least she's a pretty face to look at.'
...
The dragon carriage ran down the road, inside being Xenophanes. He had come alone on this journey and was currently gazing at the surroundings.
The journey went smoothly, so hours later, he reached Crusch's Manor, it being the same as usual.
Xeno exited the carriage, setting his hair straight. Since he was going to meet Crusch, he had made himself a bit more presentable.
Gone were the bandages on his arms and head. Instead, all that remained was a visor tightly covering his eyes.
And before you ask, Xeno had a legitimate reason to do this. He didn't just do it to look cool. Recently, Envy had been reacting to his emotions.
The last thing he wanted was anyone freaking out on him releasing purple smoke.
Stepping inside the mansion, he made his way in order to find Crusch. He grabbed a nearby servant to ask her location.
"C-Crusch-sama...!? She's currently in her office." The servant looked shaken by the question, almost hesitant even.
Raising his brow, he walked over to Crusch's office. That was strange. In fact, now that he paid attention, the entire atmosphere felt off here.
Xeno: 'I don't know how to describe it. But it had an empty feeling to it?' He put it off for now.
Arriving, Xeno made sure he looked decent one last time. He knocked on the door.
Xeno: "Crusch, it's Xeno."
Crusch: "...Come inside, Xenophanes." Her voice came moments later. It sounded hoarse.
Entering the room and closing the door behind him, Xeno's eyes widened in shock.
Crusch: "I'm grateful you could arrive, Xeno. I hope the journey was pleasant?" Her strained voice greeted him, like her current condition wasn't a problem.
Crusch was in terrible condition. Though her clothes were currently open, layers of bandages covered her body. Her face was pale white, and she wore an eye patch over her right eye.
She looked drained of vitality, but that wasn't all. Her usual fierce amber eye had dulled, giving the expression of loss.
Crusch, sitting in her chair, offered Xeno a strained smile, looking at his visor with a small degree of curiosity.
Xeno: "Crusch!!!? What happened to you!?" He couldn't help but yell.
Crusch: "Have a seat, Xeno. I'd like to say a few words." She gestured at the chair in front.
...
Xeno: "Crusch, what happened to you!?" Sitting, he immediately got to the point.
Crusch: "...Worry not, Xeno. While I may look severely injured, I am fine."
Xeno: "You call that being fine!?" He said in disbelief.
Crusch: "I'm not in a life-threatening state, so yes, I am fine." She responded mechanically.
Xeno opened his mouth to argue, but Crusch cut him off. She clearly didn't want to talk about this topic. So he won't ask right now.
Crusch: "Getting back on the topic at hand. Xeno... How are you feeling?"
Xeno flinched at the question, unconsciously scratching his thigh, while Crusch continued.
"I heard the news, about what happened to Emilia's camp. I want to know, Xeno, how are you doing? I don't want to imagine the burden you must be facing right now."
Her voice carried obvious concern for his mental health. Surprisingly, though, it was also gentle.
Xeno: "I'm... Fine." He looked away, avoiding eye contact, the lie obvious even without her Divine Protection.
Crusch: "This is the first time you have ever lied to me, Xeno. But given the circumstances, I can't fault you." She gave him a sympathetic look.
Xeno: "..."
Crusch: "Xenophanes, I truly wish I could lift your spirits right now. But that's not what you want to hear, is it?"
Xeno: "..."
Crusch: "I can offer you my condolences, Xeno, for the tragedy you suffered... That's why I have called upon you here."
Xeno: "..."
Crusch: "Xeno, I can't help you gain what you lost, but... I want you to know that if you ever need something, you can always come to me."
Xeno: "What!?" He turned to her in shock, not expecting that.
Crusch: "I truly mean it, Xeno. If you ever need my help, or need someone to talk to, I'm willing to help." She said with the utmost sincerity.
Xeno was stunned into silence. Neither of them talked after that. Crusch patiently gave Xeno all the time he wanted.
Xeno: "Thanks." That's all he said before going quiet again.
...
Xeno: "Crusch... What happened to you?" After the silence, he spoke his main question in his mind.
Crusch: "...As I have said, I'm—"
Xeno: "Don't give me that, Crusch! Look at you, in no world are you fine, physically or mentally! I can see it in your eye." He took off his visor, his empty eyes looking into Crusch's eye.
"The same look as me." He said before sighing, covering his eyes with his hand.
Xeno: "Sorry for yelling at you, Crusch. I'm having... mood swings lately." He said apologetically.
Crusch: "...Do you wish to know what happened to me?" She spoke hesitantly.
Xeno: "Huh? Yeah... If that's okay with you."
Crusch: "..."
'I'm sorry.'
"Xeno, could you come here for a moment?" She requested.
Xeno, curious, nodded. Getting up, he walked to the side of the table, maintaining a respectful distance.
Crusch: "I... Need your help." She also got up, putting her arms on the table, with their help.
She struggled to move, but once she came into view, Xeno was shaken at her state once again.
Xeno: "How...!!!?"
Crusch's left leg was missing from the knee down. She tried her hardest to maintain balance at the table's edge.
It wasn't enough. She stumbled, falling forward. Xeno, reacting quickly, caught her before she could fall.
Xeno: "Crusch, you okay?"
Crusch: "Yes. Thank you, Xenophanes." She said, gripping him to steady herself.
Xeno: "Right..."
He stared at her missing leg, clearly wanting to ask, but not sure how to.
Crusch: "Xeno....Can you do me a favor?" She looked at the ground, asking.
Xeno: "Yeah?"
Crusch: "Could you please... bring me to the balcony? The one where I invited you?" Her voice slowly turned to a whisper.
Xeno: "Ummm... Sure." He agreed, but a problem arose.
How was he supposed to do that, exactly? Walking someone injured, weak, and with only one leg up several stairs. That sounded very difficult.
After giving it some thought, he came up with something. He just hoped Crusch wouldn't mind.
Crusch: "Ekk!?" She let out a surprisingly girly squee when Xeno, without warning, picked her up in a princess carry.
Xeno: "Sorry about that, Crusch. I, um, couldn't think of anything better. I hope you don't mind." He awkwardly laughed.
Crusch: "I-It's okay, Xenophanes. Let's just move on." A bright red blush appeared on her cheeks.
Xeno: "Well, if you don't mind, then let's go. It might get bumpy."
Crusch: "I don't mind if I'm close to you." She whispered, resting her head comfortably against his chest.
Xeno: "Did you say something, Crusch?"
Crusch: "No!" She replied instantly.
Xeno: "If... you say so." He shrugged and started walking.
...
Xeno, being as careful as he can, got Crusch all the way back to the balcony. Reaching it, Xeno noticed it was approaching nighttime now.
Xeno: "Here we are, Crusch. Let me put you down properly." He approached the chair and gently tried to put her down.
As he attempted this, he felt Crusch's grip on him tighten. Like she didn't want to move.
Trembling slightly, she curled deeper into Xeno's arms.
Xeno: "Crusch!?"
She muttered something quietly, looking at the ground.
Xeno: "Crusch, did you say something? What happened?" He began to worry.
Crusch: "Can we stay like this?" She whispered faintly.
Xeno could barely believe it.
Xeno: "...What!?"
Crusch: "I said let me stay like this!" She snapped her head toward him. Pleading within her voice.
Xeno: "..."
Crusch: "I'm sorry, Xeno. But please... I want to stay like this. I'm sorry."
Xeno didn't know what to say. Crusch Karsten, the woman he respected and who had unwavering confidence, was desperately clinging to him.
He didn't know what happened to her, but... He can't leave her like this. She offered her immense support to him.
Why not repay the favour?
He pushed back the chair with his feet and sat down with Crusch... On his lap. He pulled her into his embrace, running a hand through her hair in a comforting manner.
Xeno: "Okay, Crusch, let's talk. Tell me what happened?"