Ria:
It has been 6 weeks since everything blew up. Dr. Surenka hasn't stopped, basically yelling at me, about my eating habits, which are basically non existent, and my weight, which is again decreasing.
I'm doing what I can, but it seems depression and severe anxiety, are not conducive to a healthy appetite. So, I'm getting hooked up to IVs fairly often.
The girls have gotten big and heavy, and I feel like I'm toting around a bus. I can't get up from anything without help, which means I practically have to have someone with me constantly, as I constantly have to pee. I am most definitely ready to have them out.
We had already discussed, and the decision made, that I am having a cesarean delivery. Three is just too many to try and do the old fashioned way. Not to mention, dragon doctors don't have experience with multiple births. Some aspects of high risk pregnancy, sure no problem, multiple births, wtf is pretty much it.
So, for everyone's peace of mind, we are going with the easiest option. Tomorrow is the day I meet my girls face to face.
My boobs have turned into leaky faucets, so I have already been pumping to fill the freezer. I am obviously going to need help, and as I am not sure I can even feed 2, 3 wasn't even on the radar as possible. So this way the guys get to feed them and I'm not an assembly line milk bar.
Since the entire 3rd floor was turned into the master suite of rooms, there's not a dedicated area for a nursery. Also, knowing that I will probably loose my damn mind, if the girls are a whole floor away from me, if we turned one of the other rooms into a nursery, we have decided to just use bassinets right now.
I moved the storage bench into the closet, and now 3 bassinets reside side by side, at the end of the bed. The guys bought a new matress for my bed, and the new rule is nothing happens in my room.
If it were up to me nothing would happen anywhere, but my dragon apparently has Stockholm Syndrome, and can't remain angry with the guys or their dragons. So, we are back to her causing shit, and me getting the bad end of the deal, at least now they've clued in that it's not really me, and I fucking hate it. Doesn't stop them from fucking me though.
It would be different if she could push me completely out of the way, and I could be oblivious to the whole thing. The guys have informed me that's not the case, ever. So, apparently, even when I'm able to shift fully, and she takes over, I'll still be aware of what's happening.
The guys are tripping all over themselves being super "nice" to me. It was never about them being nice to me. It's not about me at all. It's about my girls, and nothing about that has changed.
Apparently, one of the reasons for the agreement in the first place, was the increase in criminal groups of supernaturals crossing territorial lines. So one thing the families are working on is cooperation, and joint missions. There have been 2 such operations so far, both of which were supposedly successful.
It's not that I can't appreciate the need for the families to cooperate and develop positive relationships. I just can't forgive the use of my children to do so.
Drago and I are sitting in the living room. He is currently on duty for hauling my ass everywhere, and he is still trying to convince me that my fears are unfounded. They are trying to say my experiences as a child has colored my perspective. I think my experience has made me a realist, and more likely to see things how they are, and not how I would wish them to be.
I decide to try a new tactic, "Drago, what if someone came to take me. They were able to do absolutely anything to me, and there wasn't anything you could do about it."
He immediately turned murderous, his dragon immediately pushed forward and scales started rippling across his skin. Deep growls erupted from his chest.
"I would rip them limb from limb and dance upon their mangled corpse."
I pointed at him, "that, that right there is how I feel about this whole fucking thing. Now, ask yourself why you have that reaction when it's me, but not when it's your daughters."
He just looked at me blankly, "you never thought of it that way did you Drago?"
"No, not really. In my mind I can't change you out with them."
"This is going to sound bad, sick, and wrong, but the difference is you fuck me. I am mate, so I am yours, in your male mind because you fuck me, I have become your property, and no other males can shit on your property. However, the girls don't fit that context, cause if they did I'd have to kill you, but that small, male ego distinction is what separates our views on this."
He looked genuinely surprised.
"There's no difference between me and them. If you couldn't allow someone to do something to me, why is it okay for them to do it to our daughters?"
"I don't know Ria. Honestly, I would like to think that the other families will treat them well."
I sighed, "Drago, a beautiful cage is still a cage. Rape branded as mating with hearts and flowers, is still rape, and it's still devastating. The men may treat them extreamly well, but without the girl's express concent, it's just dressed up kidnapping, captivity, and rape. I don't believe in fairy tales, even if they'd make life more pleasant."
For a moment he turned positively green, "do you still feel that way about yourself and us?"
I looked at him with complete sincerity, "do you honestly want me to answer that, or are you hoping I absolve you?" I held up my wrist with my shackle bracelet.
He stared at it and swollwed hard. I could read sadness all over his face. He got up and walked out of the room. About 10 minutes later Cole came in and took his place.
I am laying on an operating table for all intents and purposes. The clinics in this town hardly ever have any kind of medical situation that requires surgery. Basically, if a dragon is hurt that bad they are dead or will be soon and surgery would be superfluous.
There are other clinics that deal with births and the children before they shift. Drago had specifically built this clinic for Dr. Surenka when she came here for me. Part of that was a surgical room.
So I am on the table, drapped with sterile sheeting, and am numb from the chest down. Cole is helping her deliver the babies, and there are others here to take care and check on the babies after they are delivered.
It actually goes really well, and we currently have 3 babies screaming their heads off. I am getting stitched up. The girls have each been brought over to me for me to see for a moment. Then they have been cleaned up, measured, and checked out. So far even though they are a bit early, there's clean bills of health all around.
The babies got carried out to the other guys. Then they wheeled me into another room, and got me comfortable. Then the guys all came in with the babies, followed soon after by Cole.
The girls are fraternal, so none of them are exactly alike. Since the guys all look so much alike there's no way to know, just from looks, who's the fathers, but we all decided not to find out.
The names we decided on are Desiree Alisa, Marielle Noel, and Elizabeth Analise, they will be called Desi, Mari, and Eli. I had thought about giving one the middle name Cin, but her real name had been Cinnamon, and she'd hated it. So, I decided for now, to honor Beth.
I am currently holding and nursing Elizabeth, the smallest at 4lbs 11oz. Drago is giving Desiree a bottle and she was 5lbs 1oz, the biggest girl Marielle was is 5lbs 3oz, and Cinder is fawning over her.
It's not as easy as it looks to breastfeed a baby, getting her to latch on the right way took some doing, but Cole was actually helpful with that.
I am in awe of all three of them. Probably no one would understand that my joy is tinged with sorrow. The family I had chosen, and would have sworn would be here for this moment, is no more. They will never lay their eyes on my daughters. The other is knowing we are at an impass with the whole agreement thing.
Every moment with my girls will be tinged with what I feel is an impending disaster. It will be my biggest responsibility to make sure they never feel that from me. They can never know the burden I carry about that. There will be a time that they find out about the agreement, and I will be honest, always, about my thoughts on it. Yet, making sure their lives are full of happiness is a priority for me.
There are so many things that I will hide from them, out of necessity. It's not ever their job to try and make me feel better or happy, so the days the bars of my cage loom tall, I will hide from them with every atom in my body. Maybe some would disagree, but I remember the weight of my mother's sadness, and I swear my children never will.
I will make sure they believe in fairy tales, Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, tooth fairy, unicorns, and everything magical as long as possible. They will also know beyond a doubt they are loved every second of every day.