By December, we started studying together in the city library on weekends. The heating system always blasted warm air into the quiet room. We sat across from each other at a small wooden table tucked behind the tall bookshelves.
She tried to read a thick literature textbook, but the warm air made her tired. I watched her fight the heavy fatigue for twenty minutes. Her eyelids fluttered. Her head dipped lower and lower. Finally, she just gave up. She crossed her arms on the wooden table and rested her face on her sleeves.
She fell completely asleep in the middle of the afternoon.
I put my pencil down. The quiet hum of the library heater filled the silence. I didn't open my own books. I just sat there and watched her sleep.
Her breathing was slow and steady. Her long eyelashes rested dark against her pale skin. Her lips were parted just slightly. I felt a desperate, heavy ache in my chest. I wanted to reach across the narrow table. I wanted to brush the stray hair away from her cheek. I wanted to interlace my fingers with hers.
But I couldn't do anything. I was just her friend.
She stirred after an hour. She blinked her eyes open and looked up at me. A faint red mark lined her cheek from resting on her sweater.
"Did I fall asleep?" she mumbled. Her voice was thick and raspy.
"Just for a minute," I said quietly. I kept my hands safely on my side of the table.
She rubbed her eyes and offered a slow, sleepy smile. "You should have woken me up, Zenjiro-kun. I have so much to read."
"You looked like you needed the rest," I replied.
I could not pay attention to the teachers when Monday rolled around. The words on the chalkboard just looked like blurry white smudges. The loud lectures sounded like distant static. My entire world shrank down to the small physical space around her desk.
It was a slow, agonizing burn. I wanted to reach out. I wanted to hold her hand under the wooden desk. I wanted to carry her heavy bag. I wanted to walk her home under the tall cherry blossom trees.
But I was entirely terrified of ruining the fragile peace we had built.
If I pushed too hard, she might step back. She might feel awkward. She might stop saying good morning to me entirely. Losing her casual friendship would completely crush me.
So I kept my mouth tightly shut. I suffered in complete silence for two whole years. I swallowed my feelings every single day. I just let the crush consume every bit of my attention.
Then the summer break before our third year arrived. It completely destroyed me.
Most normal teenagers loved the long holidays. They celebrated the empty calendar. They went to the crowded beach. They played video games all night long.
I hated it.
The red days on the kitchen calendar mocked me. The quiet house felt like a heavy, stifling prison. I could not see her. I could not hear her say my name. The silence in my bedroom was completely unbearable. It pressed down on my shoulders like a heavy stone.
I paced across the wooden floorboards for hours. My bare feet slapped against the wood in a frantic, restless rhythm. I checked my black phone twenty times a day. I stared at the blank screen until my eyes burned. I didn't have her number. I had no logical reason to expect a message from her. I just hoped for an impossible miracle.
The physical ache of missing her was exhausting. My chest felt totally hollow. I lost my appetite. I just pushed my white rice around my ceramic bowl with my chopsticks at dinner. Mother watched me with worried eyes across the low table. She probably thought I was deeply depressed.
"Eat your food, Zenjiro," she said.
"I'm not hungry," I replied. I stood up and walked right back to my room.
The final week of spring break was pure torture. I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned on my mattress. The quiet separation annoyed me to the point of total madness. I pulled my fresh uniform shirt from the dark closet. I ironed it three days before the opening ceremony of our third year.
I stood in the small laundry room. I pressed the hot metal iron against the white cotton fabric. I made the collar perfectly crisp. I smoothed out every single wrinkle. I wanted to look completely flawless for her.
Liora walked into the small laundry room. She didn't just stand at the door. She stepped right up behind me and wrapped her arms tight around my waist. She rested her chin heavily on my shoulder.
"You are ignoring me, Onii-chan," Liora complained. She squeezed my ribs.
"Why are you ironing a shirt three days early? Play a game with me."
I didn't answer her. I just kept pressing the hot iron against the collar. She let out a loud, frustrated groan and clung to my back even harder.
She was right to be annoyed. I was acting completely insane.
I could not survive another year of this quiet torture. If I didn't say anything, we would graduate. She would pack up her things and walk right out of my life forever. She would go to a different university. She would meet new people. I would never see her smile again.
I made a sudden decision right there under the hum of the laundry room lights. It was not planned. It wasn't safe. It was just a desperate, blind leap in the dark.
The very first day of our third year finally arrived. The morning air was crisp. The cherry blossoms bloomed outside the classroom windows. I walked into the room. Asuka and I were classmates once again. She looked up and smiled at me. The sight of her face almost knocked the breath out of my lungs.
The final bell rang at three o'clock. The loud chime echoed sharply through the long hallways. The other students quickly packed their textbooks and rushed toward the sliding door.
I stood up.
My legs felt like heavy lead. My throat went completely dry. My hands started to shake, so I squeezed them into tight fists. I walked the two short steps to her desk.
Asuka looked up from her open notebook. She smiled.
"Are you going straight home, Zenjiro-kun?" she asked.
"No," I said. My voice cracked a little bit. I swallowed hard. I tried to clear the big, nervous lump in my throat. "Can you meet me behind the old gymnasium in ten minutes? After everyone leaves."
Her smile faltered slightly. Confusion flashed in her bright eyes. She tilted her head to the side.
"The old gym?" she asked. "Why?"
"Just please come," I said.
I turned around and walked away fast. I did not give her a reason. I fled before my courage completely shattered. My heart pounded so hard I could actually hear it ringing in my ears.
I walked out of the main school building. The cold spring wind hit my face. I walked all the way around the back of the rusted, white metal gym. Tall green weeds grew through the cracks in the old concrete.
It was the exact spot where I caught her smoking two years ago. The afternoon sun cast long, dark shadows over the dirt. It was completely secluded. Nobody ever came back here.
I stood near the rough brick wall. I wiped my incredibly sweaty palms against my dark uniform pants. I waited.
Five minutes passed. The heavy silence pressed down heavily on my shoulders. My breathing grew shallow. Maybe she wouldn't come. Maybe I creeped her out with my sudden request.
Then I heard the soft crunch of gravel.
Footsteps moved slowly around the corner of the brick building. Asuka stepped into the afternoon sunlight. She held her heavy school bag tightly with both hands. She stopped a few feet away from me. The wind blew a stray lock of dark hair across her cheek. She reached up and tucked it neatly behind her ear.
She looked at me with pure curiosity. She probably had absolutely no idea what I was about to do.
I dropped all my walls. I let the cold mask fall completely away. I took a deep, shuddering breath. The cool air filled my tight lungs. My hands stopped shaking.
"Asuka," I said. My voice rang out loud and clear in the empty space. "I like you. I have liked you since the very first day of high school. Please go out with me."
I bowed my head slightly. I stared down at the dirty concrete near my shoes. We had spent two full years building a quiet, comfortable closeness. I held my breath. I staked all my desperate hope on the heavy bond we shared.
The quiet wind blew past us. The heavy rustle of the tall weeds filled the incredibly long silence.
Then Shinohara Asuka smiled and spoke.