"That's going to kill me."
Ishikawa Hikaru yawned and waved lazily at Hayato Hayama, but he didn't see Yui Yuigahama among the group of popular kids.
"Writing novels, researching materials, managing social media, and constantly watching public trends and hot topics just to stay relevant… that's a heavy burden."
"I went to the bookstore with Yumiko and the others yesterday to check out your work. It's really well written," Hayama said with a smile. "I hope you finish the fifth volume soon."
Ishikawa looked surprised.
"Miura-san is interested in that kind of work too?"
Yumiko Miura looked unconcerned.
"We just happened to pass by and saw it. Everyone was curious, so I just took a quick look."
One of Hachiman's group's "satellites," Hube, jumped excitedly into the conversation.
"I bought your novel yesterday! I almost stayed up all night because I couldn't stop reading! It's amazing! I never thought a smart toilet could be written about this well! Before reading it, I never imagined an otherworld job panel could be assigned to a smart toilet instead of the protagonist! And the [Hero] title going to the smart toilet while the protagonist becomes the [Holy Sword]! Even now, thinking about the protagonist's experience points going to the toilet still makes me laugh!"
"Ishikawa-sensei!"
A strange gleam reflected off the red glasses of Hina Ebina.
"I really loved the relationships between the male characters in the first volume! The camaraderie between Warabiko Kenshin and the elf Guresu was great! Have you considered exploring their emotional arc? Or maybe the relationship between Guresu and Duke Edmond! I ship that pairing too!"
Hayama laughed.
"That request might be a bit troublesome."
"Even if I wanted to write it, my editor wouldn't approve," Ishikawa said after a deliberate pause. "But I could write it privately for you."
Ebina's eyes widened.
"Eh? Really?"
"Yes," Ishikawa nodded seriously. "In the future I might have to rely on writing BL novels just to make a living, so writing some now counts as practice."
Ebina trembled with excitement.
"I-I-Ishikawa-sensei—!"
At that moment, heavy footsteps sounded outside the door.
Everyone instinctively looked toward the entrance and saw Shizuka Hiratsuka standing there with a gloomy expression.
"Ishikawa! Are you trying to sneak home again today?!"
"My apologies, everyone."
Ishikawa immediately stood up.
"For the sake of my personal safety, I must go attend club activities."
"Well, don't actually die, okay?" Miura said with a raised eyebrow. "You still promised to treat us to a meal."
"Got it! That gives me the will to live!"
Ishikawa waved without looking back and followed Hiratsuka out the door toward the Service Club.
---
On the way there, Ishikawa protested loudly.
"I went home yesterday to write my novel!"
"Of course I know," Hiratsuka replied. "I saw it on your social media."
She smacked the top of his head lightly.
"But do you think that's an excuse to skip club activities? I already let you sleep openly in class. Do you take me for a fool?"
"Sorry, meow."
Ishikawa immediately surrendered.
"If I catch you skipping club activities again," Hiratsuka warned, "I won't be polite."
"Okay, meow."
Ishikawa firmly upheld the principle that a good man should not fight women, should respect elders, and should take care of older single women.
It definitely had nothing to do with the fact that Hiratsuka-sensei looked capable of unleashing something like a Pegasus Meteor Fist and crushing him physically.
Hiratsuka opened the Service Club door.
"I'm coming in."
"Ah! Ishikawa-kun is here!" Yuigahama said happily. "He's the most suitable person to handle this request!"
Ishikawa froze as soon as he entered.
"What?"
"Let me introduce him!"
Yuigahama pointed to a stout, white-haired boy wearing a trench coat.
"This is Zaimokuza-kun, who calls himself the Sword Saint General. He wrote a novel for a newcomer award but doesn't have any friends who can give feedback, so he came to ask the Service Club for advice."
Ishikawa froze as if struck by lightning and immediately retreated toward the door.
"Ish—ka—wa—"
Hiratsuka's voice echoed from behind him like a summons from hell.
"Ahem."
Realizing he couldn't escape, Ishikawa placed his hands on his hips and loudly declared:
"The only useful advice I can give someone who wants to become a light novel author is this: Don't become a light novel author! Otherwise you might still be unemployed in your twenties! With no income! Living off your parents—or even ending up on the streets!"
Yuigahama looked shocked.
"He jumped straight into the cruel adult world the moment he opened his mouth!?"
"Because the light novel industry is extremely cruel," Ishikawa said quietly.
"You outsiders think that winning a newcomer award and debuting means success. But if the book doesn't sell, the publisher cancels it."
"Many authors think they can write another hit after being canceled—but in reality, winning an award might already be the peak of their career."
"Even works that get anime adaptations can fail if the adaptation is poor."
"And if an author says something careless online, angry netizens will treat them like villains and tear them apart."
"Without the determination to step into a slaughterhouse, you cannot survive in this industry."
"So my advice is simple—don't write light novels."
"This isn't a place for dreams."
"It's a white-bone purgatory filled with the corpses of dream chasers."
---
The room fell silent.
The white-haired boy collapsed into an OTZ position and trembled.
"W-what kind of slaughterhouse is this…"
Yuigahama sighed.
"And Ishikawa-kun still became a light novel author under those conditions… that's amazing."
Ishikawa immediately placed his hands on his hips smugly.
"Actually, I never experienced anything that tragic."
"I debuted by winning third place in the Dengeki Bunko Newcomer Award."
"My first volume sold one hundred thousand copies in its first month."
"My four volumes have already sold more than five hundred thousand copies."
"My editor said that once the series reaches the length needed for an anime adaptation, the popularity will rise again. My sales might even exceed one million."
Hachiman sighed.
"As much as I hate to admit it… everything he said is true."
"He's basically a genius in the light novel industry."
Yukino Yukinoshita touched her chin thoughtfully.
"So in practical terms, Ishikawa-kun skipped the stage where beginners need feedback."
"His talent allowed him to bypass the novice stage entirely."
"Exactly," Ishikawa said, looking pityingly at the kneeling boy. "Chuunibyou Otaku—you have no obligation to face an enemy you cannot defeat."
Yuigahama raised her hand.
"But since you're already a successful author, shouldn't you be able to give him advice?"
"Oysters!"
Ishikawa immediately crossed his arms in an X.
"I absolutely cannot!"
Hiratsuka frowned.
"Why not?"
"Shizuka-sensei," Ishikawa said seriously, "can you imagine Frieza teaching Yamcha how to increase his power level?"
A vein appeared on Hiratsuka's forehead.
"Stop calling me that!"
Yukino nodded.
"I understand. His talent cannot simply be taught."
"In conclusion—"
Ishikawa crossed his arms again.
"This matter has nothing to do with me."
Yuigahama sighed.
"What a firm refusal…"
The white-haired boy burst into tears.
"Waaah…"
"Zaimokuza-kun," Yukino said calmly, correcting herself. "Your request will be handled by me and Dead Fish Eyes."
"We will review your manuscript and help you improve."
"O-okay…"
Zaimokuza ran out crying.
Everyone turned toward Ishikawa, who shrugged innocently.
"Ishikawa-kun is so mean," Yuigahama said. "He made him cry."
Yukino replied calmly:
"From the beginning, Ishikawa believed the best outcome was for him to give up writing."
"That's why he deliberately destroyed his confidence."
Hachiman immediately protested.
"He's the most dangerous person in this club! Hiratsuka-sensei, I once again request that Ishikawa be expelled from the Service Club!"
"Application denied."
---
Facing everyone's criticism, Ishikawa only shrugged.
"It's not that I refuse to help."
"It's just that some paths…"
"From the very beginning…"
"…are paths no one else can walk for you."
Yuigahama tilted her head.
"Can't help?"