"Damn it—"
Ishikawa Hikaru stood up blankly, shook his head like a wet dog, then rubbed the back of his head where he'd been hit, looking indignant.
"Even my dad never hit me like that!"
Hiratsuka Shizuka scolded him loudly.
"Your dad spoils you too much! Is there anyone in this world who grew up without being disciplined at least once?"
"I'm not eating ramen anymore!" Hikaru protested. "Who wants to eat some random Hōraiken ramen anyway!"
"I'm going to Hōraiken right now."
Hiratsuka Shizuka put her hands on her hips.
"Ishikawa—if you refuse to eat Hōraiken ramen, then you're a hopeless good-for-nothing! I originally thought you had the talent to appreciate ramen properly and might even surpass me one day—but you've disappointed me greatly!"
"Shizuka-sensei! You tricked me!"
"Don't call me Shizuka-sensei!"
---
27. So, Will Problem Children Become Mature Commodities?
Hōraiken Ramen Shop.
Hiratsuka Shizuka generously ordered several side dishes, clearly familiar with the menu like a regular customer.
Ishikawa Hikaru simply ordered the ramen she recommended and sat at the counter, waiting for the chef to place the bowls in front of them.
"Yesterday, Zaimokuza was deeply shaken."
"Because Club President Yukinoshita went all out?"
"Not really," Hiratsuka said with a smile. "It was more because of Hachiman's comment: 'Go on, tell me. Where did you plagiarize that from?' That became the final blow that crushed Zaimokuza's dream."
"But honestly, Zaimokuza is closer to what young people should be like—impulsive, immature, confused, pressured, yet still full of effort and dreams."
"You kids are all too mature."
"Modern people value efficiency," Hikaru said casually, picking up his chopsticks.
"Complete a task, defeat an enemy, and you get upgraded equipment. Read a light novel and you gain enjoyment. Watch a TV show and relax. Watch a great movie and feel happy all day."
"The same applies to people."
"That's why people call children who grow up too quickly precocious, and those who surpass their peers early child prodigies."
"Children also want to grow up quickly—to escape adult restrictions."
"If you look at it from that perspective, I actually like Master Hachiman and Club President Yukinoshita."
"But Shizuka-sensei… your values are a bit anti-social, aren't they?"
"I've always believed young people should behave like young people," Hiratsuka replied casually.
"And besides—you believe that too, don't you?"
"That's true," Hikaru said with a smile.
"I value my time as a high school student."
"But most high school students don't really understand what high school life means. Adults tell them to go to school, so they go. They meet people, feel confused, and keep moving forward."
"That's what youth looks like."
"But for some people, school is just an assembly line."
Hikaru continued speaking casually, as if discussing theories he himself didn't care much about.
"If school is an assembly line, then students are raw materials."
"They enter the assembly line called school, get processed into semi-finished products, and then get sorted according to quality."
"The final product is a commodity called a degree."
"And companies welcome that commodity."
"That's all."
"That's exactly why you don't act like a high school student," Hiratsuka said.
"Do I really not?"
Hikaru paused.
"Maybe that's just how things are right now. I can't always be cheerful and carefree."
Then he spoke seriously.
"Hiratsuka-sensei… I feel like we're losing something beautiful."
"Kindness. Gentleness. Consideration."
"These things seem to be slowly disappearing."
"That's why I asked you to watch over them," she replied.
"But I'm not their babysitter," Hikaru complained.
"There are always things I miss. Besides, I have my own life."
"Wasn't the Zaimokuza incident enough?"
"I made sure things didn't go in the wrong direction. The rest can be handled by Master Hachiman and Club President Yukinoshita."
"You can't expect me to monitor everything all the time."
"Then do you think Zaimokuza will still try to become a light novel author someday?"
"Maybe. Maybe not."
At that moment, the ramen chef placed their bowls in front of them.
Hikaru thanked him and brought his hands together politely.
"Thanks for the meal."
"I'm digging in," Hiratsuka said as well.
Hikaru picked up some noodles, blew on them, and cautiously brought them toward his mouth.
"—Hot!"
He quickly pulled them away and dropped them back into the bowl.
From beside him came the sound of rapid noodle slurping.
Hiratsuka chuckled.
"Oh? So you have a cat's tongue?"
"I'm just not used to eating extremely hot food," Hikaru retorted. "This is already scalding. If I ate food this hot every day, I'd probably get esophageal cancer."
"Then you definitely can't eat hot pot."
"I think Shizuka-sensei should apologize to hot pot," Hikaru replied.
"You don't actually have to eat ingredients straight out of the pot, right? Most people let them cool down and dip them in sauce first."
"That's exactly what someone with a cat's tongue would say."
Hiratsuka suddenly pulled his bowl toward herself and pushed her own luxurious ramen—already partially eaten and full of toppings—toward him.
"This ramen tastes best when it's piping hot."
"So now you can eat mine. It's already cooled down."
Hikaru immediately leaned back with a disgusted expression.
"…Eh."
Hiratsuka's face flushed with embarrassment.
"What's with that look? I'll hit you again."
Hikaru sighed deeply.
"Now I understand why Hiratsuka-sensei has bad luck with men."
"Huh?"
"Hiratsuka-sensei…"
Hikaru reluctantly grabbed the noodles.
"Men generally prefer women with feminine charm."
"Not tomboys who read Weekly Shōnen Jump, have absurd combat ability, and act louder than most boys."
"If you're like that, no matter how many matchmaking parties you attend, the only men who approach you will be gigolos looking to take advantage of you."
"Pfft—cough!"
"At least in Japan, that kind of personality doesn't have much market competitiveness."
Hikaru slurped the noodles.
They were actually delicious.
He began eating enthusiastically.
"You brat! I'm not some unwanted old woman!"
"I used to have a boyfriend!"
"He was completely devoted to me—but I was the one who dumped him!"
Hearing this, Hikaru quickly swallowed his noodles and looked at her sympathetically.
"Hiratsuka-sensei is beautiful, kind, a teacher who guides others, and comes from a respectable family."
"Someone like you is naturally excellent."
"So it's perfectly normal for a good man to fall deeply in love with you."
"I apologize, Hiratsuka-sensei."
"I judged you too quickly from my own perspective."
"Please forgive a narrow-minded high school student who hasn't yet experienced the real world."
"Waaah…"
---
28. So, Will Problem Children Chant on the Battlefield?
Ishikawa Hikaru slept through another entire afternoon.
"Ishikawa."
The familiar lifeless voice woke him.
Seeing Hachiman Hikigaya's dead-fish eyes instantly cleared Hikaru's mind.
"Teacher Hachiman, meow. What's up, meow?"
Hachiman's mouth twitched.
"Can you stop saying that? It's making me sick."
"Hiratsuka-sensei ordered me to drag you to the Service Club after fifth period."
"…Eh?"
Hikaru stretched lazily.
"If you don't come, Hiratsuka-sensei will come claim your soul," Hachiman said flatly.
Hikaru yawned and stood up.
He waved casually at Miura and the others watching them before following Hachiman out of the classroom.
"By the way, why would Shizuka-sensei come after my soul?"
"Because she threatened you."
"But bringing me to the Service Club was your task, right?"
"So if I don't go, you're the one who failed."
"Which means she should collect your soul first."
"If that's your last wish," Hachiman said dryly, "I'll remember it."
Hikaru sighed.
"Master Hachiman is really strict with people."
Hachiman ignored him and opened the Service Club door.
Yukino Yukinoshita was already seated by the window.
A long table had been placed in front of her.
Hachiman sat down beside it.
"My classmate Ayaka Totsuka from the tennis club asked me to join the club," he said immediately.
"The third-years are leaving for the national tournament, so the club will become weak and won't attract new members."
"He thinks if I join, it will motivate the members."
"Impossible," Yukino replied coldly.
"Why not—"
"Impossible means impossible."
"But if they see me as a threat, they might unite against me."
"I said it's impossible."
She placed her book down.
"You alone cannot threaten them."
"And even if they unite, it will only be to eliminate an enemy—not to improve themselves."
"That's based on my personal experience."
"…Personal experience?"
"Yes."
"When I transferred back from abroad during middle school, all the girls in my class—and even the entire school—wanted to get rid of me."
"But none of them tried to improve themselves to defeat me."
"What a group of incompetent people with no initiative."
Yukino's voice carried a hint of irritation.
At that moment—
Ishikawa Hikaru spoke casually.
"You're the same type of Stand as me."
Both Hachiman and Yukino turned toward him.
Hikaru stood up, carried his chair to the opposite side of Yukino's table, and sat down.
"To be honest," he said calmly, "I also transferred back from overseas during middle school."
"But I was extremely popular with both boys and girls."
"Still, I won't judge your experience based on mine."
"However…"
"Is it possible the problem wasn't you?"
"But rather Japanese-style thinking?"
Hachiman raised an eyebrow.
"Japanese-style thinking?"
Hikaru tapped the table lightly.
"Japanese society values superficial harmony so much that bullying continues to exist."
"And mediocrity tends to unite against excellence."
"You said those exact words yourself when teaching Yuigahama how to bake cookies."
"I'm not interested in discussing why that rule exists."
"But there's one thing worth noting."
"Unspoken rules are still just unspoken rules."
"That means they can be broken."
"But once broken, two outcomes are possible."
"Either the people who lived under the rule attack you…"
"Or a new rule replaces the old one."
Yukino sneered.
"So you're saying you created a new rule and everyone accepted it?"
"That's right."
Hikaru stopped tapping the table.
"But I'm not saying my success means your failure was inevitable."
"I'm saying those social rules themselves are flawed."
"So your failure wasn't entirely your fault."
"The problem lies more with the rules themselves."
"Which is why I believe Teacher Hachiman's idea is theoretically sound."
"Introduce an external force strong enough to break the old rules."
"Destroy them."
"And replace them with new ones."
"That could unite the tennis club."
"But…"
Hikaru leaned forward slightly.
"This plan needs a small adjustment."