Britain's winter was harsh.
But tonight, compared to the trial that had befallen the Black Knight Ector's cabin, this cold was like a spring breeze.
"…Father."
And his son, still so young, Kay, washed his face with shaking hands, trying to deny the scene before his eyes.
On the dining table sat baskets. Not one or two, but eight of them.
Inside them squirmed newborn babies, each with the same blonde hair and eyes of every hue.
"Explain this to me. Wha—what are… these creatures?"
Kay turned his gaze, glaring at the man responsible for this fiasco.
Merlin.
Britain's greatest magician, the half-blood son of a dream demon—and at this very moment, the man Kay most wanted to throttle.
He wore that trademark sly grin, shrugging his shoulders.
"Don't be alarmed, Kay. This is a miracle! A magical glitch—no, a blessing—where parallel-world possibilities overlapped at one coordinate! The single prophesied child has proliferated into eight!"
"Proliferated? You said 'proliferated'? Is that the right word?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes! Now, let me introduce them. This one here is the original Artoria! Then there's Alter, Lily, Lancer, Lancer Alter, Caster. And in that corner, those with an almost cosmic aura are X and X Alter."
Merlin pointed to the babies as if showcasing apple varieties at a market stall.
"Has he lost his mind?"
Kay muttered sincerely.
It was then from one of the baskets that a growl rumbled—louder than thunder.
It was the signal.
Waaaaaaaah!
The eight babies burst into tears simultaneously, their cries shaking the cabin roof. In an instant, the peaceful household transformed into a hellscape of chaos.
"Oops, looks like they're hungry. Ector, I'll leave it to you then. I've got to go make some macro-preparations for the future king."
With that, Merlin backed toward the window in a flash.
"Wait, wait! Hey! What about nursing? Diapers? Food expenses!"
"I left money for groceries! Oh, and their magical energy efficiency is off the charts—they'll eat at least ten times what a normal person would! Cheer up!"
Bang!
With a burst of smoke, Merlin vanished.
Left on the table was a single pouch of gold coins.
Kay stared blankly at the pouch. It was heavy—enough to let a normal family live off for ten years.
But Kay sensed immediately:
'This money… won't last a week.'
Ten times a normal person's intake? Times eight—this meant food for eighty grown men. This wasn't childcare; it was a disaster.
"Kay… Kay…"
Ector, who had been in shock in the corner, called out to his son with a trembling voice.
"How much of the dried boar meat in the storeroom is left?"
"We finished it all last week. We're out of flour too."
"Then what are we going to feed them? There's no milk, either. Merlin said they could digest things other than milk since they're special, but still…"
Kay looked down at the eight wailing little 'dragons.'
The baby swaddled in the blue blanket, Artoria, latched onto Kay's finger and began sucking. As soon as she realized it wasn't food, she spat it out and resumed crying with contemptuous eyes.
"…I'll have to go hunting."
Kay gathered the hunting bow and sword hanging on the wall.
Outside, the winter storm raged. But a terror gripped him that if he didn't leave now, by morning he and his father might end up as this lot's breakfast.
"Father, distract them… I'll bring back a bear or something."
"A-a bear? One in hibernation?"
"You said your back hurt. And the nearest den around here is a bear's. They must have plenty of fat stored up for hibernation. Gotta take that one down. Are we in Impel Down? Or is their mother some Big Mom? Big Mom once gave birth to ten sets of twins—these aren't even up to her standards."
Kay cursed under his breath and kicked the door open, rushing out.
The cold night air stabbed his lungs, but it was far preferable to the chorus of eight infants from behind.
Thus began the legend of the man who would later be called the Round Table's caretaker: a brutal night of racing with a baby bottle, boar meat, and bear meat in hand, rather than sword and shield.
2Comments (0)PostChapter 2: Childcare Hell 1
Britain's winter wind blew like it could rip a child's flesh to shreds.
But the small figure trudging through the blizzard did not stop.
His name was Kay.
He was just five years old.
At that age, most kids would be snuggled in their mother's arms, listening to old folktales before drifting off to sleep. But in Kay's hand was a rusty dagger his father, Black Knight Ector, had discarded.
"Damn… damn…"
The short legs of a five-year-old were no match for snow piling up to his knees. Each step sent him staggering.
But he couldn't turn back.
Waiting behind him were eight monster siblings with gaping, black-hole maws.
'Big bro… food…'
A haunting telepathy in his head. Their eight pairs of terrible eyes.
If he went back empty-handed…
They would kill him.
Deep in the forest. In front of a massive rocky cave.
This was territory even the village elders avoided. Not quite a monster, but a ferocious beast nonetheless.
Kay hid behind a boulder, gasping for breath.
His heart felt like it would burst, and he was terrified. He wanted to run so badly he felt like he was about to wet himself.
Then his stomach growled. Not his own. It was the babies back at the cabin sending their hunger across the woods like a mental broadcast.
Grrrr~
A giant bear the size of a house lumbered out of the cave. It had woken from hibernation, its stomach empty. The bear reared up on its hind legs—three meters tall.
"Christ…"
The bear turned its head. One eye was missing, the scar a testament to past battles. Its lone eye locked onto a tiny human child hiding behind the rock.
To the bear, Kay wasn't even prey. He was like a frog that burst if stepped on—utterly beneath notice. That contempt was his chance.
As the bear casually stepped forward with its paw, Kay sprang into action.
"Eat this, you pig!"
Fwoosh!
In an impossible blur for a five-year-old, Kay grabbed the bear's fur like a cicada and clung on. He drove the rusty dagger into the bear's scruff.
Thud!
But the strength of a five-year-old wasn't enough to pierce through the bear's thick hide and fat. The dagger bounced off.
"Ugh!"
The bear snorted in annoyance and shook its body.
The simple motion sent Kay flying like a leaf into the rocky wall.
Crack!
"Kuh!"
The pain felt like his spine was shattering. Blood spat from his mouth.
Everything went white. A normal child would have died instantly. But Kay had the blood of a hero—and, more importantly, the will of a firstborn who couldn't return empty-handed.
The bear raised its massive paw. If it came down, Kay would be pulp.
Summoning every ounce of strength, Kay crawled along the ground. All he found was a jagged stone.
'I'm going to die. I'll die. I haven't even had a girlfriend yet!'
At that moment, the bear roared, its jaws parting wide.
ROOOAAAR!
Inside that red maw was a soft throat. Kay's instincts kicked in—if you can't dodge, you go in.
"Die!!"
Kay dove into the bear's embrace, plunging the jagged stone and the broken dagger blade into the roof of its mouth with all his might.
The tiny arms of a five-year-old sank deep into the bear's throat.
Squelch!
The bear let out a scream of agony. It thrashed, trying to bite Kay, but Kay grabbed its tongue and held on.
The bear raged like mad, smashing into trees and rocks. Kay shook like a ragdoll but refused to let go.
"Die! Die! Turn to meat!!"
The struggle that felt like hours only lasted minutes.
Finally, the mountain of a beast collapsed.
Silence fell over the snow. Blood and foam dripped from the bear's lips.
And from that bloody maw, the small, blood- and saliva-soaked Kay crawled out.
He rose on trembling legs.
His left arm hung limp, dislocated, his body bruised all over. Yet his eyes burned bright.
"I… won…."
He spat at the bear's corpse.
"Meat."
Moments later, the cabin door swung open.
"F-father…"
Black Knight Ector nearly had a heart attack.
There, standing in the doorway, was his five-year-old son—soaked in blood and frozen solid like a snowman.
Behind the small boy was the massive bear he had hauled in by rope. The sight proved he was extraordinary from the very start.
"Kay, Kay!! You didn't really… take that from a bear, did you! When I was your age, I slew wyverns!"
Kay had no strength left to answer.
"Goddamn it… give me… food. Those brats…"
Before he finished speaking, the eight baby beasts crawling across the floor had caught the scent of meat and charged.
They were ready to gnaw on raw flesh, gums and all.
"You crazy bastards! They're supposed to be cooked!"
Kay clutched his dislocated arm and screamed.
While Ector fumbled to cook the meat, Kay sank down against the wall.
As the warmth of the fire spread, tension melted away and tears poured down.
'I'm five years old. Meanwhile, Tom next door is probably riding a hobby horse right now. And here I am, hunting bears….'
Kay staggered to his feet. His body was already starting to heal, fitting for the son of the Black Knight, nicknamed the Immortal.
Black Knight Ector brought the roasted meat over, and Kay tore it into pieces and fed it to the babies.
Munch munch munch slurp slurp slurp
A mealtime storm.
Artoria swallowed the meat like liquid, Artoria Alter crunched the bones to splinters, Artoria Lancer pretended to eat delicately while clutching meat in both hands, and Artoria X caught pieces tossed into the air with bizarre skill.
In an instant, a whole bear leg was gone.
With full bellies, they quieted. One by one, they collapsed onto the floor and fell asleep.
Their bellies round and full, the little shadows looked almost angelic as they sighed in slumber.
"Ha…"
Kay slumped back against the wall.
Black Knight Ector flopped down beside him.
"Kay… you did well."
"Father… do we have to do this every day?"
"According to Merlin… until you come of age…"
Come of age? Fifteen years?
Kay stared up at the ceiling. The world went black.
"That bear… should last us two days, right?"
"And after that?"
"After that… we'll have to go annihilate a herd of boars."
Kay looked down at the eight sleeping babies.
One of them, the smallest, Lily, shifted in her sleep and rested her head on Kay's knee.
It was warm.
"…Damn it. Cute or not."
Kay grumbled as he reached out to pat Lily's head.
Then he heard a heavy, wet sound from Lily's bottom.
SquishBlorp!
The feeling of awe didn't last three seconds.
On Lily's diaper—or rather, on Kay's knee—something hot and heavy spread.
It was the signal.
Pbbbt!Krrumble!Pshoo!Splash!
Eight simultaneous eruptions.
The cabin was immediately transformed into a CBRN training ground.
The smell of meat vanished, replaced by the hellish stench of ammonia.
"Aah! Dad! Diapers! Bring diapers!!"
"We have no cloth! Take off your underwear!"
"Goddammit!!!"
Kay—who didn't cry when he killed the bear—finally broke down in tears in front of eight dirty diapers.
So began the great prologue of Kay, Hero of Britain and Knight, stained with bear blood and baby excrement.