Sebastian barely slept.
He closed his eyes.
Opened them.
Turned onto one side.
Then the other.
Then stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours.
Every time he started drifting off, his mind returned to the same thing.
The box.
The bottle.
The sip.
The secret.
By the time sunlight began filtering through the curtains, he felt worse than he had the night before.
Exhausted.
Restless.
And painfully aware that he had only himself to blame.
Eventually he gave up on sleep entirely and got out of bed.
A few minutes later he entered the kitchen.
Lillian looked up from the stove.
The moment she saw him, she frowned.
"You look awful."
Sebastian paused.
"Good morning to you too."
Normally that would have earned a laugh.
Today it didn't.
Because he genuinely looked terrible.
There were dark circles beneath his eyes.
His shoulders were tense.
His expression exhausted.
Lillian immediately became concerned.
"How much did you sleep?"
"Enough."
"That's not an answer."
Sebastian reached for a glass.
"It's the answer you're getting."
Lillian narrowed her eyes.
"You slept badly."
It wasn't a question.
Sebastian sighed.
"Maybe."
"Sebastian."
"I'm fine."
Lillian immediately knew he wasn't.
But before she could continue, a small voice interrupted.
"Daddy!"
Ellie came running into the kitchen.
Her hair was slightly messy.
One sock was missing.
And she looked entirely too energetic for this time of morning.
Sebastian smiled despite himself.
"Morning."
Ellie wrapped her arms around him.
Immediately.
As though she hadn't seen him in years instead of ten hours.
Sebastian hugged her back.
The simple affection eased something inside his chest.
Just a little.
Breakfast passed peacefully.
Ellie talked.
Lillian listened.
Sebastian mostly watched.
Trying not to think.
Trying not to remember.
Trying not to feel guilty every time he looked at either of them.
Eventually it was time for school.
Lillian helped Ellie gather her things.
Shoes.
Bag.
Stuffed rabbit.
The rabbit apparently needed to attend school too.
No one questioned it.
Before leaving, Ellie ran back toward Sebastian.
He looked up just in time to catch her.
Tiny arms wrapped around his neck.
"Bye Daddy."
Sebastian smiled softly.
"Bye."
Ellie pulled back.
Then added:
"See you later."
Something tightened painfully in his chest.
Because she said it so confidently.
As though she'd never have to worry about him disappearing.
As though she trusted him completely.
"I'll be here."
Ellie grinned.
Then ran toward the door.
A few moments later she and Lillian were gone.
The apartment became quiet.
Far too quiet.
Sebastian hated it immediately.
At first he tried distracting himself.
He picked up a book.
Read three pages.
Then realized he hadn't absorbed a single word.
He turned on the television.
Watched it for ten minutes.
Couldn't remember what he'd watched.
Then he tried organizing some of Ellie's toys.
That lasted approximately five minutes.
Nothing worked.
Every distraction eventually failed.
And every failure led him back to the same thoughts.
The box.
The alcohol.
The knowledge that it was still there.
Waiting.
By midday his headache had started.
A dull ache behind his eyes.
His hands were shaking worse than usual.
The tremors made holding a glass annoying.
His stomach felt unsettled.
And exhaustion dragged at him constantly.
When Lillian returned after dropping Ellie off, she immediately noticed.
Again.
She was beginning to think noticing things about Sebastian had become a full-time job.
"You're pale."
"I'm always pale."
"Not this pale."
Sebastian looked away.
Lillian crossed her arms.
"Have you taken your medication?"
"Yes."
"Have you eaten?"
"Yes."
"Have you—."
"Lillian."
She stopped.
"What?"
"Please stop interrogating me."
The words came out sharper than he intended.
The moment they left his mouth he regretted them.
Immediately.
Lillian blinked.
The hurt wasn't obvious.
But it was there.
Small.
Quiet.
And somehow that made it worse.
A long silence followed.
Then Sebastian rubbed a hand over his face.
"I'm sorry."
Lillian looked surprised.
Not because he never apologized.
But because he did it so quickly.
Without being asked.
Without arguing.
Sebastian sighed.
"You were trying to help."
Another pause.
"And I know that."
Lillian's expression softened.
"Okay."
The tension eased slightly.
But not completely.
Because she still knew something was wrong.
She just couldn't figure out what.
The rest of the afternoon passed quietly.
Lillian worked from the dining table.
Sebastian wandered the apartment.
Trying and failing to relax.
Eventually his attention landed on something sitting beside Lillian's laptop.
A notebook.
The notebook.
The one she'd started after his discharge.
He picked it up.
Opened it.
And froze.
Page after page filled the notebook.
Medication schedules.
Doctor's instructions.
Emergency numbers.
Warning signs.
Appointment dates.
Notes.
More notes.
And even more notes.
Everything carefully written down.
Everything organized.
Everything designed to help him recover.
Sebastian stared at the pages.
His chest tightened.
Because Lillian had done all this for him.
Spent hours making sure he was safe.
Making sure he recovered.
Making sure he stayed alive.
And in return he'd lied to her.
The guilt hit hard.
Hard enough that he had to close the notebook.
Hard enough that he couldn't look at it anymore.
That evening, after dinner and bedtime routines, the apartment settled into silence once again.
Ellie was asleep.
Lillian had retreated to her room.
And Sebastian found himself standing in the hallway.
Outside her door.
Not because of the alcohol.
Not this time.
His hand hovered near the wood.
He could tell her.
Right now.
One conversation.
One confession.
That's all it would take.
Tell her about the sip.
Tell her about the cravings.
Tell her how badly he was struggling.
The truth.
For several seconds he stood there.
Heart pounding.
Hand half-raised.
Almost knocking.
Almost.
Then another thought appeared.
What if she was disappointed?
What if she stopped trusting him?
What if she looked at him differently?
What if she decided letting him stay here had been a mistake?
What if she asked him to leave?
The fear settled heavily in his chest.
Slowly his hand dropped.
The moment passed.
And Sebastian stepped away from the door.
One step.
Then another.
Until he reached the living room.
The confession remained trapped inside him.
The secret remained hidden.
And as he sank onto the couch, one realization became impossible to ignore.
The craving was dangerous.
But carrying the secret was becoming worse.
Much worse.