chapter 148
Haru began to regret telling himself that work would be easier if he simply stopped thinking about Chang-seo.
The thought had seemed reasonable the night before.
He would go to the set, do his job, and leave. Whatever history existed between Raiven and Chang-seo belonged to the past. Haru didn't need to understand every detail of it to continue with his own life.
At least, that was what he had told himself.
By the third week of filming, he was beginning to realize how difficult that was going to be.
The problem wasn't that Chang-seo was unpleasant.
If anything, that would have made things easier.
Chang-seo was polite to the staff, professional with the directors, and surprisingly easy to work with. He never raised his voice and rarely complained. When someone made a mistake, he corrected them without embarrassing them. When Haru struggled with a scene, Chang-seo gave him enough room to work through it without trying to take over.
There was nothing obvious to dislike.
And yet Haru disliked him anyway.
Perhaps because every time Chang-seo looked at him, Haru had the strange feeling that he was being measured.
Not judged.
Measured.
As though Chang-seo were quietly comparing the person standing in front of him with someone he already knew.
Haru couldn't decide whether that was real or simply his imagination.
Either way, it made him uncomfortable.
The morning shoot went smoothly.
They were working through several scenes that required Haru and Chang-seo to remain together for most of the day. Haru had expected it to become exhausting, but once the cameras started rolling, instinct took over.
He became his character.
The set disappeared.
The crew disappeared.
Chang-seo became nothing more than the person standing opposite him.
For a while, Haru managed to forget everything else.
After the director called for a break, Haru moved toward the refreshment table and poured himself a cup of water.
He had barely taken a sip when Chang-seo appeared beside him.
"You're different when the camera is on."
Haru glanced sideways.
"You said that already."
"I know."
"Then why say it again?"
Chang-seo smiled.
"Because it's still true."
Haru looked down at his cup.
"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"
"It is."
"Then thank you."
He turned away.
Chang-seo didn't leave.
Instead, he leaned against the table.
"You weren't like this when we met before."
Haru's expression tightened.
"You remember a lot."
"I told you. I remember people."
There was something almost nostalgic in his voice.
Haru didn't like it.
He set his cup down.
"People change."
"They do."
Chang-seo looked at him.
"You especially."
Haru stared at him.
There was a pause.
Then Chang-seo's expression softened.
"I mean that positively."
Haru picked up his script.
"I have to go."
He walked away before the conversation could continue.
But the words stayed with him.
You especially.
It shouldn't have bothered him but for some reason it did.
Because Haru knew exactly how much he had changed.
He wasn't the same person he had been before his death.
He wasn't even the same person he had been when he first met Raiven.
There were parts of himself that still felt like they belonged to another lifetime.
Sometimes he wondered whether people could see it.
Whether Raiven could see it.
Whether Chang-seo somehow could.
The thought unsettled him enough that he forced himself to concentrate on work.
The next scene took nearly two hours.
By the time filming paused again, Haru was tired and hungry.
He sat down in a quieter corner of the set with his lunch and began scrolling through his phone.
There were several messages from his manager.
A reminder about an upcoming interview.
A schedule change.
A message from Sehee complaining about something trivial.
Haru smiled at the last one.
It felt good to see something ordinary.
Then another message appeared.
From Raiven.
Have you eaten?
Haru's smile widened.
He typed a quick response.
Eating now.
Three dots appeared almost immediately.
Good.
And you?
the response took longer than needed making harus eyebrows furrow.
not yet later.... before he could reply and reprimand him Raiven sent another text don't start.
Haru stared at the message.
It was such a simple exchange.
But after everything that had happened recently, he appreciated the normality of it.
He put his phone down and began eating.
A few minutes later, someone sat across from him.
Haru looked up.
Chang-seo.
He immediately felt his shoulders tense.
Chang-seo glanced at his phone.
"Raiven?"
Haru didn't answer.
Chang-seo looked back at him.
"Sorry."
Haru continued eating.
"you are uneasy around me"
"why do you say that?"
"For one I know you don't like talking about him with me."
Haru's chopsticks paused.
He looked at Chang-seo.
"Then why keep bringing him up?"
Chang-seo didn't answer immediately.
Instead, he looked down at his own food.
"I guess I was curious."
"About what?"
"Whether he's happy."
The question caught Haru off guard.
He slowly put his chopsticks down.
"He is."
Chang-seo looked at him.
"Good."
There was something strange about his expression.
Regret, perhaps.
Haru couldn't tell.
"You don't need to worry about him," Haru said.
Chang-seo nodded.
For a moment, neither spoke.
Then Chang-seo said something that made Haru's stomach tighten.
"Does he still hate driving when he's upset?"
Haru froze.
The question was so specific that it took him a moment to process it.
"What?"
Chang-seo blinked as though he hadn't realized what he'd said.
"Nothing."
"No."
Haru leaned forward slightly.
"What did you mean?"
Chang-seo looked at him for a few seconds.
Then he gave a small shrug.
"Raiven used to drive for hours when he was angry."
Haru stared at him.
He knew Raiven drove when he needed to clear his head.
But he had never heard that before.
Chang-seo continued eating as if the conversation meant nothing.
"Sometimes he'd disappear for half the night."
Haru's stomach tightened.
"How long ago?"
"A long time."
"Before you two broke up?"
Chang-seo's eyes lifted.
"Yes."
Haru waited.
He wanted more.
He wanted to ask why.
Why did Raiven drive?
Where did he go?
What happened when he came back?
But something stopped him.
Pride.
Fear.
Maybe both.
Instead, he picked up his chopsticks again.
"People change."
Chang-seo looked at him.
"Yes."
The answer was almost identical to what Haru had said earlier.
But somehow, coming from Chang-seo, it felt different.
The rest of lunch passed without another word.
Haru couldn't concentrate.
He kept replaying the conversation in his mind.
Raiven used to drive for hours when he was angry.
It was a meaningless fact.
It shouldn't have affected him.
But it did.
Because it was another piece of Raiven that Haru hadn't known.
Another small window into a life that existed before him.
And Chang-seo had been standing inside that window.
That was what bothered him most.
Not the information itself.
The fact that Chang-seo could reach into Raiven's past and pull out pieces of it whenever he wanted.
Haru hated that power.
That evening, filming ended shortly after sunset.
Haru changed and gathered his belongings.
His manager had already told him Raiven was waiting outside again.
Haru didn't know whether to feel comforted or worried by that.
When he stepped outside, he saw his familiar dark vehicle parked near the curb.
Raiven was inside.
Haru smiled.
"you know you bought me the car to drive right?"
"i wanted to spoil my boyfriend that's not a crime"
"aren't you tired?"
"seeing you makes it worth it"
"we live together!!" haru exclaimed in disbelief as he shifted on the seat to grab the seatbelt.
Then he noticed someone standing beside the car.
His smile disappeared.
Chang-seo.
For a moment, Haru simply stared.
Raiven was speaking to him still making up excuses why he wanted to spoil him.
Then he looked at the direction Haru was staring, something about Raiven's posture immediately made Haru uneasy when he looked back at him.
His shoulders were stiff.
His face was unreadable.
"lets go" haru stated breaking the tension.
Raiven looked away as he drove from the parking lot.
That night, Haru woke sometime after two in the morning.
He wasn't sure why.
The bedroom was dark.
Raiven was asleep beside him, his face turned slightly toward the pillow.
Haru watched him quietly.
For a moment, everything looked peaceful.
Then Raiven shifted.
His brow furrowed.
His breathing changed.
Haru sat up slightly.
Raiven murmured something under his breath.
Haru couldn't make out the words.
He waited.
Raiven's expression tightened again.
Then he whispered a name.
Haru's heart stopped.
He knew the name.
He had heard it enough times now.
Chang-seo.
Raiven's eyes remained closed.
He didn't wake.
Haru stared at him.
For several seconds, he didn't move.
He didn't know what the dream was about.
He didn't know whether it was a memory or simply a nightmare.
He didn't know what exactly Chang-seo had done to him.
But suddenly, the fear Haru had been carrying for weeks felt different.
This wasn't simply an ex returning to their lives.
This wasn't jealousy.
Whatever had happened between Raiven and Chang-seo had left something behind.
Something deep enough to follow Raiven into sleep. Deep enough to leave a mark even after so many years.
Haru slowly reached over and brushed the hair away from Raiven's forehead.
Raiven's expression gradually relaxed.
Haru stayed awake beside him.
And for the first time, he realized that he wasn't afraid of Chang-seo because he thought the man might take Raiven away.
He was afraid because he was beginning to understand that Chang-seo had already taken something from Raiven once.
And Haru didn't know if he was strong enough to watch someone he loved lose himself a second time.