"I Know Something's Off"
Morning comes without asking her if she slept well.
The alarm rings.
She turns it off.
Five more minutes.
Her phone lights up with notifications. College group. A reel from a friend. A motivational quote:
"You're not confused. You're just growing."
She stares at it for a few seconds.
Saves it.
Doesn't fully believe it.
At breakfast, her mother talks about forms.
Deadlines.
Courses.
"Business is good. It has scope."
She nods.
Her father adds,
"Music can be hobby. Degree should be practical."
She nods again.
It's not that they're wrong.
They're not.
On the way to college, she watches people outside the window.
A girl laughing loudly with her friends.
A boy walking confidently with headphones on.
Someone running late but still smiling.
Everyone looks like they know where they're going.
She wonders if they actually do.
In class, the professor explains future opportunities.
Packages.
Growth charts.
Career graphs.
She writes everything down neatly.
On the last page of her notebook, small and tilted, she writes:
"What if I choose wrong?"
She quickly closes the notebook.
Afternoon.
Her friend asks, "You're so quiet these days. All okay?"
She smiles automatically.
"Yeah. Just tired."
That answer works everywhere.
In the evening, she sits with her earphones on.
Not to escape.
Just to breathe.
Music plays softly.
She opens her notes app and types:
"I don't hate business."
"I don't hate music."
"I just don't know which one is me."
She deletes the last line.
Then writes:
"Maybe clarity doesn't come in one big moment.
Maybe it comes in small honest ones."
Night.
She studies for two hours. Properly.
No distraction.
Then she spends thirty minutes watching music tutorials.
Also properly.
No rebellion.
No big decision.
Just trying both.
Before sleeping, she whispers something new tonight:
"I don't need to decide my whole life at 17."
The ceiling looks the same.
But her breathing feels slightly lighter.
Not clear.
But not completely lost either.
Maybe that's enough for now.