The advantage of hot weather is the clear sky, which draws me to go out for a walk, even though the sunlight is so bright it hurts my eyes. But this kind of light makes for beautiful photos. Besides, there's nothing much to do staying in my room anyway.
I packed my stuff into a backpack, grabbed my favorite camera, and slung it around my neck, ready to head out for a walk and take pictures around downtown Chiang Mai. I've been here only a few days, arriving nearly two months before the school term begins. Soon, I'll be a first-year student in the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine.
It's a place far from home, unfamiliar, and I'm here all alone, not knowing much of anything. But it's okay because being alone here isn't much different from being alone at home. At the very least, it feels closer to something new.
When I took the entrance exam, my first choice was medical school, with veterinary medicine as my second. At first, I didn't think I'd pass either, but when I got into veterinary medicine, I hesitated for a while, debating whether to go or stay home to study for another year. In the end, I decided to come, for the same reason as always... I didn't want to stay home. Being here... should be better. And not just for me.
I moved into the dorm that my dad found for me. He even took care of everything already. He didn't hesitate or ask a single question when I said I wanted to study here. Of course, the farther away I get, the better for him. Dad has his secretary transfer money to me once a month. I talk to his secretary more than I talk to him. He works hard, but that doesn't mean he has no free time. He has free time, he just chooses not to spend it with me.
After divorcing Mom, his life seems to be going great. His one-year old daughter is adorable, a child anyone would envy. If I ever get the chance to know her in the future, I'd be a good big brother to her. I'd take care of her the way I wished someone would have taken care of me. But I doubt that chance will ever come.
Living alone far from home isn't as bad as I thought. The dorm is comfortable, and my dad's been supporting me financially for as long as I can remember. Cameras, camera gear, it's all the same. He transfers money without asking a word about what I'll do with it. As long as it's not too much and I don't bother him too often, that's enough for him. I am the secret chapter in my dad's life story. That woman must never find out that her new partner once had a son named
"Typhoon." But that's fine, I'm not here to make any claims. I've given up on finding a place where I truly belong.
So, I'll just be Typhoon, the storm, the wind that blows fiercely, destroying everything in its path, and unseen by anyone. I watch people walking back and forth on campus. On a holiday like this, it's not very crowded. The atmosphere here isn't bad, quite serene and peaceful, actually. I couldn't resist lifting my camera to take some shots. Honestly, I take photos of everything because I love photography so much. It's the only hobby I have, and if possible, I wouldn't want it to be just a hobby. A dream…
Today's weather is a bit hot, but I think Fun would love it. And the sky today? Not a cloud in sight. Completely clear. I've got another shot for Instagram. Typhoon is a collector of skies. The reason? Because he... is my one and only sky, always has been, and always will be. It is the sky of dreams and Typhoon.
I came here with the intention of meeting him, but honestly, it's not that simple. I still don't know how to find him, or what to do if I do. It's been four years since we last met. A lot must have changed. Four years, and we haven't been in touch at all. Why didn't we stay in touch, anyway?
And now, I've gotten lost… I've always been someone who gets confused about directions, ever since I was a kid. I struggle to remember routes, get lost easily, and even mix up left and right sometimes. I've tried trusting my instincts and following them, but the result? I ended up even more lost, and it was harder to find my way back.
The left-right confusion started in childhood. My teacher taught us to remember that the hand we use most is our right hand. She asked everyone to raise their right hand together since most people are right-handed. But I'm left-handed, so I've been confused about left and right ever since. I remember walking out of the university gate, but I have no idea which gate it was. I kept walking straight until I was probably outside the campus area by now.
Since I've only been here a few days, I hadn't noticed before that the sunset sky here is quite different from the one back home. Or maybe it just looks different today. I came to a stop when I encountered a red traffic light at an intersection. It's not time to cross yet. I have to wait for the cars on this side to go first. No, I'd rather not. I decided not to cross.
I'm pretty scared of heavy traffic. It's tied to the worst experience of my life, so I've always avoided crossing busy roads or driving during rush hours. I decided to walk back a bit and flag down a red songthaew instead.
"Behind the university, please," I told the elderly driver as the songthaew stopped when I waved it down.
"Oh, no, I'm not going that way. It's in the opposite direction. You'll have to cross the road and flag one from the other side," he replied.
"Oh..." I fell silent for a moment, looking in the direction the driver pointed. So, I'd have to cross the road and flag down a songthaew on the other side to get back to the university.
But I told you, I don't want to cross the road. "So, where are you headed next?" I asked.
"I'm taking some tourists to the walking street," he replied.
"Ah... the walking street? Okay, let's go," I said, quickly hopping onto the songthaew once I made up my mind. Might as well go for a walk at the walking street since I had nothing else to do.
I sat in the songthaew as it made its way through the rather congested traffic. Around 6 PM, it seems like traffic is the same everywhere in the world. The city's atmosphere felt so different from what I was used to, like a new world opening up for someone like me who doesn't get out much.
I was surprised to see a sign for the Faculty of Pharmacy. Does that mean the faculty is separate from the main university? And what about the other health science faculties like Dentistry or Medicine? They seem to have their own zone.
When the songthaew passed the sign for the Faculty of Medicine, my heart fluttered a little. I probably won't run into him yet. It's still the holiday break. I still have time to prepare myself, my words, my thoughts, my courage. Most importantly, I haven't even decided whether to tell P' Fah everything yet...
I got off the songthaew when I saw everyone else getting off. It was almost 7 PM now. This was my first time visiting a walking street in a different place. Slowly, I started walking down the path. The walkway was divided into two sides: one for going and one for returning. The items on sale were quite unique, like keychains shaped like elephant dolls or souvenirs representing the northern region's culture.
"How much is this?" I asked, pointing to one of the keychains.
"One hundred and fifty baht," the vendor replied.
Whoa... that's pricey.
"It's handmade, so it's a bit more expensive," the vendor said with a smile. I nodded and bought it right away. It's handmade, after all, expensive but worth it.
I continued walking, feeling excited to discover things I rarely got to see. I'm not someone who travels often, especially not to faraway places like other provinces. And most importantly, this was my first time traveling alone. It made me realize just how troublesome my poor sense of direction could be. See, I didn't expect the walking street here to have side paths. When
I turned onto one of them… Okay, where did I just turn? And if I keep walking this way, will I eventually find my way back to the main street? I stood there, confused for a while, but I couldn't block the way for too long, so I had to keep walking along the path I had turned onto.
Great, Typhoon. You thought you'd just stroll through the walking street and head back easily? How exactly are you planning to do that? With such a complex layout, I might stay lost until morning. I stopped in my tracks when I heard the sound of music. Following the sound, I found a large open space where a performance was taking place. Musicians were seated, playing their instruments.
I guessed the instruments were traditional folk ones. About six women dressed in traditional Lanna attire were dancing gracefully to the rhythm of the music. Wow! Incredible. Having never seen anything like it before, I felt so excited that I barely managed to lift my camera in time to capture the moment.
The performers were beautifully dressed, and the lighting was stunning. I didn't just photograph the performance, I also captured the stage decorations, the musicians, and the audience watching the Show. I moved to a spot with fewer people so I could take clearer shots. As
I panned my camera around, I came across someone through the lens. The image I saw made me freeze. Slowly, I lowered the camera and looked at him with my own eyes. P' Fah...I stood there, frozen, as my brain tried to process what I was seeing. My heart started pounding, and my hands went numb for no apparent reason.
It really is P' Fah... He looked different from how I remembered, but not far from what I had imagined. I'd always thought P' Fah must have grown into a very handsome man, but what I saw exceeded my expectations, he looked even better than I had imagined. Typhoon... is your heart racing too much?
It seemed like P' Fah wasn't alone, but because of the crowd and people blocking my view, I couldn't see who was with him. They appeared to talk for a while before walking away from the performance area. Are... they leaving already? What should I do?
His legs were moving faster than my brain could process. I just wanted to look at him a little longer. I didn't plan to approach him since I wasn't ready yet. But... is sneaking around and following him like this really a good idea, Typhoon?
P' Fah is so tall. He must be at least 180 cm. I raised my camera and took a photo of the person I was secretly following. After all, it was because of him that I started practicing photography. And in doing so, I caught a glimpse of the person who was with him. A woman.
I could only see the side of her face since she was talking to P' Fah, but even from this angle, it was clear she was stunning. Her hair flowed down to about her waist.
A girlfriend?
Phoon... why didn't it ever cross your mind that P' Fah might already have a girlfriend? Of course, someone like P' Fah... How could someone like him not have anyone?
"Ah!" I yelped in surprise when someone behind me bumped into me.
"Sorry!" the person quickly apologized. I turned to look at him, and he asked with a worried expression, "Are you hurt?"
"N-no, it's fine," I quickly replied. Judging by the force, it seemed like he bumped into me pretty hard.
"Typhoon"
"..."
"Typhoon"
"..."
I turned toward the voice calling my name.
"Uh…"
The person calling me looked very surprised and stared in my direction. P' Fah seemed shocked to see me here before quickly walking over. The woman with him looked a little puzzled but followed him.
"Typhoon, do you remember me?"
"Y-yes."
"Are you here sightseeing?"
"Yes."
"By yourself?"
"Uh… yes."
"That's unusual."
"Huh?"
"Typhoon isn't the same kid who always got lost anymore, huh?" P' Fah teased, flashing a playful smile. Just like always…P' Fah is just the same as always…I offered a small smile to the person in front of me.
"Uh…" I glanced at the person standing next to P' Fah.
"Oh, this is my neighbor, Typhoon," P' Fah introduced.
Ah… so Typhoon is the neighbor.
"Oh, hi! Are you a first-year?" she asked, nodding at P' Fah's words and giving me a warm, friendly smile.
"Yes."
"You don't have to be so formal! Typhoon, right? I'm Mona. I'm about to start my first year too."
"Oh…"
"What faculty are you in?" Mona asked.
"Veterinary Medicine."
"Oh, I'm in Medicine."
"Are you heading back now?" P' Fah asked her.
"Yes, my brother is waiting for me," she replied.
"What should I do?" P' Fah said thoughtfully. "Okay, Phoon, can you wait here for a bit? I'll take you out to eat. Have you eaten yet?"
I shook my head.
"Alright, then wait for me here. I'll take Mona home first and then come back for you."
I nodded.
"Bye-bye! See you!" Mona said, waving at me. I gave her a small smile and waved back, watching the two of them walk away. He asked me to wait here… because Mona's a woman, and walking home alone might be dangerous. But Typhoon can wait here alone just fine too.
I moved to stand between two shops because standing in the walkway would only block others. My hands were clammy for no reason, and the pounding in my chest started to feel like a dull ache. What am I even doing here, Typhoon? Will P' Fah really come back? I wasn't sure. My gaze drifted upward. The night sky had no stars, only darkness. It wasn't bad, though, it was still beautiful.
I couldn't help feeling a little happy that P' Fah was the same as ever. He's as kind to everyone as always. That's just the way P' Fah was raised. His parents are kind too, no matter who looks at them, they'd see it. At first glance, it was clear that P' Fah had been raised well in a perfect family. Perfect… in every way. A sky that's untouchable.
"Excuse me, please."
"Oh! Sorry," I apologized when someone came to buy something and
I realized I was blocking their way. I quickly stepped aside, but no matter where I stood, it felt like I was in someone's way. Eventually, I ended up back on the walkway, blending in with the flow of people. Forced to follow the crowd, I was jostled back and forth until I found myself in an unfamiliar place. This is bad... P' Fah told me to wait there. Where am I now?
That day, it rained, like every other day during the rainy season. My province is often hit by monsoon rains.Typhoon, the stubborn kid, wasn't going home again, or rather, I was trying to go home but got lost because I heard the sound of a kitten and followed it.
A tiny, soaking wet kitten in the pouring rain. "Hey there, come here,"
I whispered as I gently picked it up and held it in my arms. It must have been so cold.
"It's okay now," I comforted it, even though I was shivering just as much.
The orange kitten looked up at me.
"We can't just stand out here in the rain like this. We'll both catch a cold and die for sure."
I started running, not knowing where I'd end up. I often got lost. Fun always reminded me not to wander into unfamiliar places. That's why I only knew the way between home and school. I found a bench with some shelter from the rain. The area didn't seem very safe, but I had no other choice. Once I sat down, the kitten in my arms started burrowing closer to me, as if it was seeking warmth.
"Typhoon's soaked too, little one. Burrowing won't make you any warmer."
"Or are you scared?"
Of course, it must be a little scared. Who knows where the mother cat went? Why would she leave her kitten alone? It probably wouldn't dare wander far on its own, especially since there were so many dogs around here.
"Don't be scared."
"I'm not just trying to comfort you. Someone will come to help."
"Really. A hero will come."
"Typhoon can't take you back. I don't even remember the way home anymore."
"So, let's be good and sit here and wait, okay?"
…
"Typhoon"
"P' Fah."
"So stubborn, huh?"
"..."
"A cat?"
"Yes, it was all alone, so I stayed with it."
"Let me guess, you ran off chasing it and didn't know where to go, so you ended up here, right?" P' Fah asked as he sat down next to me, looking slightly out of breath. I glanced at him and felt a wave of guilt. Why do I always rely on P' Fah so much?
"Yes. I'm sorry. I made things difficult for you again."
"It's fine."
"..."
"What did P' Fah tell you before?"
"If you get lost, just sit and wait, and I'll come find you," I repeated the words P' Fah had told me before. Because if I tried to find my way back on my own, I'd only get even more lost. P' Fah and I had agreed that he would always come to find me, so I just needed to stay put and be a good kid.
"Exactly. You didn't want to get lost on purpose, right?"
"Right."
"If Typhoon hadn't helped, this kitten would have had a really hard time."
"Yeah, it's trembling so much."
"Let me take a look," P' Fah said. I carefully handed the kitten over to him. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around the kitten. "Let's have it wear this for now," he said. I nodded in agreement because P' Fah always wore a jacket when coming to find me. He had mentioned before that he brought it specifically for me to wear.
"P' Fah."
"Yes?"
"Can we keep it?"
"Uh... wouldn't it be better to find someone else to adopt it?" P' Fah suggested.
"But I want to keep it."
"..."
"It must feel lonely, just like Fun. If it stays with me, it won't be lonely anymore."
"You won't feel lonely, Tyhoon. You've got everyone with you."
"No one ever has time."
"Alright, let's talk to Auntie about it."
"Yay! Thank you!"
P' Fah… he's always so kind.
…
"No!"
"But Mom, I really want to keep it. Please, I promise I'll take the best care of it."
"I said no, and that's final."
"But…"
"That's enough. If you're going to argue, there's no point in talking. Leave now, I need to work."
"…Okay."
…
"Mom won't let you?" Fun was waiting downstairs. She turned to look at me as I walked down the stairs.
"Yeah, she's really mad."
"She's probably in a bad mood from work," Fun said, glancing at the kitten nestled in a pile of old fabric. P' Fah was gently drying it off.
"Maybe."
Not really, Mom's always in a bad mood when I try to talk to her.
"What a shame. Maybe you should ask Dad instead?" Fun suggested, sitting down and looking at the kitten. "It's so cute. Does it have a name yet?"
"Not yet. I haven't even thought of a name for it," I replied.
"Right. Fah, help us think of a name," Fun said.
"Hmm," P' Fah looked up, raising an eyebrow slightly at Fun's request. "I'm not very good at naming things."
"But why should we name it if it's not going to stay with us?" I said, my face falling.
"I can take care of it," P' Fah offered.
"Really?"Torfun asked in disbelief. "You're seriously going to take care of it?"
"Sure. You can come play with it whenever you want," P' Fah said with a smile.
"Will your parents allow it?" Fun asked.
"Probably. I'll ask them," P' Fah replied. "So, Fun, you can give it a name, since it's not going anywhere now."
"...Thank you, P' Fah," I said gratefully.
I named it "Si Thong" (Golden) because of its orange-gold fur. When P' Fah eventually moved out, we had to take Si Thong in. Mom and Dad grumbled a bit but ultimately allowed us to keep it. Maybe they saw that we were responsible enough to take care of it. But now… Si Thong isn't with us anymore. It passed away just a few months ago. I couldn't hold on to anything…
"Typhoon."
"..."
I turned toward the familiar voice again, distracted as I had been looking at the items on display. He found me again…
"Yes?"
"Why didn't you stay where you were?"
"Phoon got pushed along by the crowd," I explained. The person in front of me looked slightly surprised by my answer. I guess I can't refer to myself as Phoon like I did when I was a kid anymore.
"Alright, let's go get something to eat."
"Oh… okay," I replied.
I followed P' Fah, too nervous to say anything or make a move. I'm not very good at talking, so I had no idea how to start a conversation.
"Do you feel like eating anything in particular?" he asked.
"No, nothing in particular."
"How about this place?"
"Sure."
We went into a small roadside restaurant that P' Fah had chosen. It was a casual eatery that seemed to operate even on days without the walking street market. After placing our orders, the waiting period was filled with an awkward silence... at least for me.
"So, what made you decide to study so far from home?" P' Fah asked, breaking the ice. It's natural, I guess, when you haven't seen someone in a while, you'd ask about these things.
"Uh… I just wanted to try it," I replied hesitantly.
"Veterinary medicine, right?"
"Yes."
"That's surprising. I thought you weren't really into that field."
"N-not really. I kind of like it," I mumbled, looking down and reaching for my glass of water. "What about you, P' Fah? You're studying medicine, right?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
"Yes, that's right. Are you here by yourself? Any friends studying here too?"
"No, I'm completely on my own."
"Really? That's impressive."
"How about you, P' Fah? How have you been?"
"I'm doing well. How about you, Typhoon?"
"I'm... doing okay," I replied, exhaling quietly to calm my nerves. Why am I so tense?
"Earlier... was that your girlfriend?"
"Oh, Mona? No, she's just someone I know," P' Fah replied casually.
Just someone he knows...
"I see," I said softly.
Typhoon is just "someone he knows" too.
That's how P' Fah is, kind to everyone equally. He's good to everyone. I've seen people fall into the trap of that kindness, thinking they're special. But in the end, they're no different from anyone else. P' Fah doesn't think anything of it… That kindness, it's the cruelest thing. Like a sky that feels close but can't be touched, can't be claimed.
"How are your parents doing?" P' Fah asked.
"Oh, Dad's doing fine," I replied honestly, turning to thank the waiter as they placed our food on the table. "But... I don't know how Mom's doing."
"Why's that?" he asked.
"My parents got divorced. After that, Mom just disappeared."
"...I'm sorry to hear that."
"Ah... it's okay."
"And Torfun? How is she doing?"
"Fun..."
…
How much pressure can one child endure from their family? I believe I've always been someone who endures, enduring, obeying, doing everything as told, trying harder and harder. But it's never enough. No matter how much, it's never good enough.
"Stop meddling, will you!"
"Typhoon..."
I looked at her face, filled with worry, fear, and sadness. Torfun was crying, standing at the gate in front of the house, watching me. I had lost all patience with everything and ended up snapping at her. I yelled at Fun... for the first time ever.
"Don't call me again. It's annoying."
"Typhoon... don't go."
"Drive," I told my friend, who was at the wheel, as I got on the motorcycle. It pulled away from the front of the house.
Yes... My patience had run out. It turned into rebellion.
After carrying everything throughout my childhood, I reached a point where I just couldn't take it anymore. During high school, I began to feel that it wasn't fair, it wasn't just. Why me? Why did I have to go through all of that? Why? I tried my best, but no one ever acknowledged me. If you didn't love me, why did you even bring me into this world? Everything was about Torfun. Fine. Then maybe I didn't need to exist.
Looking back now... Typhoon became a troubled kid. Who could I blame? I craved acceptance, praise, and attention, things I couldn't get at home but found with my friends. Where would I be happier? Typhoon became a lost kid... and wandered far, far off track.
"Typhoon, not staying home again tonight?" one of my friends asked as we gathered at his condo, a regular hangout spot for us. It had become our usual spot.
"Yeah."
"Why? Did you have a fight?"
"Yeah, just annoyed."
"Who was that I saw when I picked you up?"
"My sister."
"She's pretty. Does she have a boyfriend?"
"No way, not her," I said, grabbing a glass of whiskey from the table, raising it, and letting the bitter taste slide down my throat. "Turk."
"Pass me a smoke."
"Here," he said, handing me a cigarette. I placed it in my mouth and lit it. At first, I didn't like it, but after trying it a few times, I started to get hooked. All my friends smoked, how could I not? At the very least, the booze and cigarettes helped numb some of the pain.
"How many days has it been since you last slept at home, Typhoon? You've just been crashing at my condo."
"What's it to you? Can't I sleep here?"
"Sure."
"Do we really have to go to class? I don't feel like it," another friend asked. Our group was pretty much labeled as troublemakers.
Skipping classes became routine, something I had never done before. Skipping class like it was nothing. Yeah… Why bother studying so hard anyway? No matter how hard I tried, I never got any praise. If my grades slipped even a little, I'd get Scolded. Might as well not go at all.
"I'm not going," I said.
"Typhoon, you're already on the verge of failing."
"I don't care."
"Damn, that's hardcore. That's the spirit. I'm not going either."
I glanced at my phone, which was ringing with a call from Torfun. Sighing in annoyance, I stepped out onto the balcony and answered.
(Phoon, where are you? Come home.)
"I told you not to call me anymore."
(Can't we talk calmly?)
"There's nothing to talk about. Stop meddling already. You're so annoying."
(Typhoon…)
I ended the call and took another drag from a cigarette to calm my nerves.
When did I start to feel… hatred toward Torfun? Deep down, I knew it wasn't her fault. But at that time, I wasn't able to manage my own emotions. Mom and Dad only loved Torfun, cared about Torfun. She was perfect in every way. With constant comparisons, I began to feel so inferior. The only way I could stop myself from feeling worthless was to build a wall to protect myself.
Torfun probably understood where it all stemmed from. Even though I was completely out of control, Mom and Dad didn't care. They didn't even bother to show up when the school called for a parent meeting. Instead, it was Torfun who spoke to the teachers on their behalf. Torfun was an excellent student with great behavior, beloved by all the teachers. Because of her, some of my mistakes were overlooked, as she would plead with them on my behalf.
She was the only one who called and tried to get me to come home. But it doesn't matter anymore… that house isn't my home. I spent nearly a month drowning in that destructive lifestyle, thinking I'd reached a point of no return. Sometimes, guilt would creep into my mind, but then I'd remember what I'd face if I went back, and I'd choose to stay away.
Every time I returned home to change clothes, Torfun and I would fight. She'd plead with me not to go, but I wouldn't listen. I'd start yelling, snapping, and using harsh words that I shouldn't have said. I didn't know how much pain Torfun must have felt… and what made it worse was that the version of me back then didn't care at all.
…
"Turk, that guy's staring at your girl," one of my friends at the drinking table said. Tonight, we were at a bar celebrating another friend's birthday.
"Where?"
"That guy over there, in the orange shirt."
"How long has he been looking?"
"From what I saw, quite a while."
"Should we deal with him?"
"Let's do it. Looks like he's from that other school too."
"Hey, we have to handle this."
And just like that, my friends got up to start trouble with guys from a rival school. One thing I didn't particularly like was fights. Call it cowardice if you want, but I genuinely hated violence.
"Typoon, you coming?"
"You guys go ahead."
"Coward, huh?"
"You guys go ahead," I replied evasively. A few friends stayed behind too, mostly the girlfriends of those who went. I stayed with the women, watching as my friends started provoking the other group. It began with the usual minor scuffle, just some shoving and punches.
Usually, it didn't escalate much, and they'd end up settling things with one or two people. But this time, the other group called in reinforcements, and the entire bar descended into chaos.
A scream pierced the air when a bottle of alcohol was thrown toward one of the women. The bar staff rushed in to break things up, only to get caught in the crossfire. Eventually, the manager came out to ask other customers to leave for their safety.
"Hey, running away, are you?"
Huh?
Me?
"Wait, what?" I stammered as someone suddenly grabbed my shirt collar. Before I could react, a heavy punch landed squarely on my face, snapping my head to the side from the force.
"Friends with those guys, huh? Gotta teach you all not to interfere."
I didn't even do anything…
"One more," he said, throwing another punch. I clenched my teeth as the second blow hit. Damn, it hurts like hell. This is exactly why I hate fighting.
Before things could escalate further, bar staff intervened to pull the guy off me. I took the opportunity to slip away and hide elsewhere. I quickly grabbed my phone when I heard it ringing. It was Torfun calling again. I immediately declined the call. But Torfun called again. Reluctantly, I had to pick up.
"Typhoon, are you at a bar?"
"How do you know?"
"A friend told me they saw you. Did you get hurt?"
"No, I didn't."
"I'm coming to get you."
"Now?"
"Yes, I'm coming to take you home right now! Do you want me to go crazy worrying about you? I'm not listening to you anymore, and don't argue with me. Stay right there. I'll be there in ten minutes."
Torfun abruptly hung up without waiting for my reply. I tried calling back, but she didn't pick up. Are you kidding me? It's late right now. It's dangerous, and Torfun sounded so panicked. I bet she's rushing to get here. No, this can't happen. It's way too dangerous, especially at this hour.
I was so anxious that I couldn't sit still. I didn't dare call again, thinking she must be driving. Nearly thirty minutes passed, and the commotion at the bar had settled down, but Torfun still hadn't shown up. I stayed where I was, waiting, but Torfun never arrived.
…
A strange sense of relief washed over me when I saw her number calling again. But when I answered, the voice on the other end wasn't hers. And what they said made my heart sink.
"Excuse me, are you a relative of the deceased? This was the most recent number dialed on their phone."
"..."
"What?"
"..."
"Sir?"
…
"No!" I screamed, my voice cracking as the sharp sound echoed in my ears. The owner of that voice shoved me against the wall. Her small hand struck my face repeatedly, leaving blood seeping from the corner of my mouth.
"Stop it! Please, stop!" someone nearby pleaded.
"You wretched child! My child died because of you!" I looked up at the woman standing before me, furious and nearly hysterical. Mom...
"...I'm sorry," I whispered, lowering my head. Tears streamed down my face as blood dripped from the corner of my mouth. But I didn't feel any pain, not from the blows just now, not from anything.
I was completely numb. "I'm sorry…"
I'm sorry, Torfun… Torfun, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Torfun's body was taken to the hospital for examination. She had been hit by a drunk driver. The person responsible didn't even realize they were intoxicated and later faced legal consequences. After the examination, her body was brought back home.
The funeral was held simply. Apart from the locals, not many people knew about it. The family didn't want gossip spreading, that their daughter had snuck out late at night to pick up her brother from a bar and ended up being killed in an accident. Even P' Fah's family didn't know about it. Since they had been benefactors to my father, he insisted that they couldn't find out. Otherwise, he'd never be able to face them again.
I sat in front of the casket, placed in the house, not wanting to go outside to greet the visitors. I didn't want to face their stares or hear the words they whispered.
"If he hadn't behaved like that, his sister wouldn't have died."
"Exactly. What a mess. I heard his parents have given up on him. It was only Torfun who looked after him. Now what will he do?"
"When no one loves you, life ends up this way. That kid is just trouble."
"Think about it. What kind of decent person goes to a bar so late at night? I heard he even got into a fight that night."
"Torfun, honestly, why did she even care? If it were me, I wouldn't
have gone out."
"Yeah, and look what happened, she got hit by a car. If she'd stayed home, none of this would have happened. Such a shame. She was a bright student too, her parents' pride and future. Poor Torfun." Late at night, I couldn't sleep, not since the day Torfun passed away.
I locked myself in her room, staying there all night. My tears kept flowing endlessly, and no matter how much I cried, the pain wouldn't lessen. Only now did I truly understand what it felt like to be so drained that you couldn't even stand up.
My whole body was exhausted, too weak to move, yet the tears wouldn't stop falling.
Was that... Dad's voice?
I could hear my parents arguing downstairs. Not wanting them to fight, I struggled to get up, thinking I'd try to intervene.
"Enough! I'm sick of men like you!"
"What about men like me? What's wrong with me?"
"You can't keep it in your pants! Even after we got married, you went and got someone else pregnant. How could you do that?"
"We've already talked about this. Why bring it up again?"
"Why? Why can't I talk about it? Are you scared someone will find out? Scared of being the talk of the town? Worried about your precious reputation, Mr. Rit? Embarrassed that people will know you're nothing but a shameless man?"
"Quiet! This isn't the time to talk about this."
"Why not? Why shouldn't I say it when that bastard child of yours caused my child's death!"
"I've tolerated raising him for over ten years, and that's already more than enough. Every time I see him, I can't forget how despicable you are. He's a constant reminder that our family is in ruins because of you."
"I didn't mean for it to happen! I didn't mean to get her pregnant!"
"And so what? She still got pregnant, didn't she? And in the end, it's because of that child that my daughter died!"
"Torfun was my child too, you know."
"Then why did it have to be Torfun? Why couldn't that bastard die instead? Huh? Why did it have to be Torfun? Why, my dear Torfun... Why did it have to be you?"
Mom collapsed onto the floor, crying uncontrollably, while Dad stood there, helpless and at a loss for what to do. And so did I. It felt as if my entire world was crumbling apart, shattering into irreparable pieces. That's right, Torfun… why wasn't it me instead?
"Typhoon."
"..."
"Typhoon."
"Huh, yes?"
"What are you zoning out about?"
"Uh… n-no, nothing."
"How about eating? Your food's gone cold."
"Okay," I said, quickly scooping food into my mouth and using my hand to wipe away the tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn't cry here, absolutely not.
"So... then?"
"Huh?"
"The question I asked earlier," P' Fah said. "You still haven't answered."
"..."
"How is Torfun doing?"
…
"Torfun…"
"She's doing fine."