Life didn't go as planned again, and at this point, I suppose I have to accept it as my fate. I thought to myself as I patted Maki's back.
Everything had been going according to plan; I just needed to say a few final words, and she would have stopped loving me. But for some reason, I felt as though her entire personality had vanished along with those feelings. Don't ask me how I knew—I had no idea I possessed the inhuman sense to predict the future.
Why am I being such a simp?
I should just look at my own interests and move forward without care for others, but here I am, trying to meddle with emotions, which are beyond mine to save. I know that loving someone is like giving a knife to hurt you but trusting them not to use it; more often than not, the knife will plunge deep into your heart in such a way that you simply can't take it out. I know that; I experience that; I overcome that; and I made a promise to myself that I would not do that.
But I am still following action, which will guarantee that history repeats itself. Haa, I let out a deep, weary breath; at this point I didn't even know myself. My actions are always contradictory to my thoughts. What do I even want? My plans are always scrambling in front of emotions.
Just then, I felt Maki's hold around my rip tighten; she buried her face deep in my chest. "I love someone, Naoya." Maki slowly murmured.
"Oh," I furrow my eyebrows in surprise.
"I want to confess to him, but I think he will reject me without a second thought, even though we are close. We literally grew up eating from the same bowl and sleeping in the same bed, but he is cruel to the point he won't even give me a chance. What should I do, Naoya?"
Maki didn't raise her head from my chest, and she was still hugging me. Oh, I see what she is doing. It's one of those indirect things women ask.
"I think you shouldn't confess to him." Maki snuggles close to me. Why is acting so spoiled all of a sudden?
"Why do you think that?"
"I think the boy you like is a coward who will drop you and run at the first sign of trouble. You deserve someone better than him, Maki, someone who will love you with all their heart instead of someone who is unable to feel love or anything at all."
"You're wrong about him being unfeeling, Naoya," Maki murmured. She looked up at me, her eyes revealing a trace of a dried tear stain at the corner. "I think he feels things so deeply that he's terrified of being rejected or, worse, being hurt and left to deal with the pain alone. His paranoia is just a shield for that fear."
"Where did you get that idea?"
"I am with him for half a decade, Naoya; I pick one or two things about him that he, himself, won't know."
"He would reject you if you confessed. And he will tell you to look for someone greater; there is no shortage of guys in the world who are, at any angle, much more worthy than him. I think he will also tell you that what you are feeling currently is just a fling because of your young age; when you grow up and meet new people, you will forget all about it."
Maki let out a muffled laugh. "To which I will reply, 'You still have much to learn about me.' And once I seal the deal, there's no way he'll be able to reject me."
Just then, the door to the room opened. "What are you two doing?" It was Mai and Mei.
One that asked the question was Mai; she looked identical to her twin sister Maki but had shorter hair. She had mid-length dark green hair that reached just to her neck with bangs swept to the right side, dark amber eyes and thin eyebrows. She was in her school uniform, which consisted of the traditional outfit.
"Were you two flirting?" Mei Mei said with a teasing remark as she looked at Maki, who separated herself from me.
"Like hell I was, that too with this perverted panty theft."
"What the hell, Maki? When did I become a panty thief?" I shot at her. What is this saying? Dragging my hard-earned reputation through the mud. What if someone else heard it? They would label me as a pervert.
"I lost one of the panties that I was wearing the day before yesterday. I thought you took it; boys of your age do have the tendency, right?" Maki said with a straight face.
"Oh," Mai suddenly exclaimed, "Did you also come to Kyoto? Mine was also missing."
"Stop it, you two." It was Mei who came in clutch to save me from this slandering remark that would otherwise label me as a pervert. Then she looked at me. "Naoya, if you want, I can give you one, for only 10,000 yen. The warm one too. Interested." She said in such a sensational tone that I almost lost the reins of my emotions. She is dangerous. I almost nodded at her words, but God knows my control.
"My body belongs to Buddha; my heart is already enlightened. So stop tempting me, you all," I said as I exited the room.
If I stay with all of them any longer, I feel like they would test the limit of my self-control. "God, give food to someone hungry, not someone with anorexia."
~~~
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