"Fent. Fent can you hear me? Don't step into the light Please! We both know you're going straight down."
I opened my eyes to something I just couldn't accept, I was about to lose the weekly knife fight behind 7/11!
Ducking and sidestepping the downward thrust from Charlie Change's rusty Stilleto I yank him by the wrist, kicking him in the knee.
"YEEOUCH!!!!!" He yelled out as a few quarters fell from his pants.
Going for my signature move I reach into my tool belt and finally-
"Hepatitis Thrust!" I manage to stick Change with my signature move... The dirty needle!
"Heh. Now answer me this, which one did I give you? B or C?" I run my filthy hands through my hair as I strike a pose for the other homeless men watching.
"Holy shit! Charlie Change Is down and out! Fent you won has won!" The lead bum announces my victory
As they drag Change to a hospital I bask in the glory of my victory.
"One at a time homeless women! One at a ti- Ack!" I'm slapped upside the head.
Looking up I see my mentor, Old Man Jenkins.
"You're too arrogant. Have you overdosed so many times that your eyes can no longer see the homeless shelter?" the old man inquires.
"Sorry Master-" another slap rings out.
"Call me Daddy- I mean Sensei!" He rubs his head sheepishly
"Sorry Sensei!" I break into a salute. "I'll be a good boy..."
"You are forgiven Fent, now for your next piece of training.." He thinks for a few seconds.
"I need you to help me hide from my baby mamas." Behind him is an angry mob of single mothers.
"Here they come!" old man Jenkins hops on my back without warning, his green aura with flies overwhelming me.
But as I'm about to pass out from the sheer stench, something miraculous happens. I can finally see the homeless shelter! I have eyes that can see Financial Aid!
"Hold on tight Sensei!" I say before snorting the pocket coke I keep in case of emergencies.
"LET IT RIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" I yell as the ground beneath us (which arguably Is made of recycled cement and stripper blood) shatters as these single mothers see feats of speed comparable to a cornered Cheetah seeing an out.
Passing through streets and alleyways I feel invincible as I outran Jenkins's baby mamas
"No child support for you Jade Beauty-" I yelled out right before a leg came out of the corner of the Applebee's parking lot, sending me and Jenkins flying through the parking lot.
"WHAAAAAAA?" "THIS IS WORSE THAN THE TIME I GOT SYPHILLIS!" Jenkins hit his head on a lamppost knocking himself out
Thankfully due to the cocaine in my system I brushed the pain off.
"Phew, No lasting dama-" A fist flies through the air and knocks me back through multiple cars.
"KAHHH!" Finally a green mini cooper breaks my flight, I try reaching for the emergency pocket Fent in my right pocket only to have my hand stomped by none other than.
"Did you really think I'd let you off the hook after you gave my brother Hepatitis B?"
"Preston Pennies?!?!?!?!" The brother of Charlie Change.
"In the flesh. 3 time winner of the annual homeless knife fight tournament, bums and frauds from all over the country made their pilgrimage to come and try. They promised us a house if we won, a JOB!"
Pure unadulterated fear ran through my broken body, There was no way he said T-T-T-T-The... THE J SLUR!!!!
"J-J-Jobs?..." He finally let go of my hand to start what I assume was his monologue.
"A Job!" I flinch in fear at his words, that was the one word you NEVER EVER say to a professional Bum like me.
"You- You're a monster."
"So are you. Now, Apologize to my brother. In hell!" He raises his AIDS Machete to slice my head off.
"I guess this is it then... I'm sorry, Epstein." I close my eyes as he swings down with full force, having accepted my fate.
But nothing came. I open my eyes and see
"S-Sensei?..." Old man Jenkins stood between us, having took the hit square in the chest.
"Do you remember the day we met? You were nothing more than a freshie, just a junior courting death without knowing it. I took you in, taught you the blade." "actually sensei it's a dirty needle-" "Shut up I'm having my death monologue!" Old man Jenkins yelled at me.
"Yeah Fent You Won, don't you understand how rude it is to interrupt your dying mentor while he monologues?" Preston said casually while pulling his AIDS machete out of Jenkins.
"So does this mean I'm like Magic Johnson now- Oh right! The monologue!"
Clearing his throat he turns to me and puts his hands on my shoulders, they glow Lean Purple as he says his final words.
"Take everything. Leave no Molly, Perc, and Xan untook." He smiles for the first, and the last time.
"I leave the rest to you." After a lifetime of hardcore drug usage, Jenkins finally succumbed to AIDS.