The city of Aurelia watched me as I leave in silence.
From the carriage window, I saw familiar streets pass by slowly, it was like everyone wants saying hi to me. People selling stopped working, children stopped running, women and men bowed, everyone was being nice and respectful.
They were not cheering, they were mourning.
I sat upright, hands together and my face calm. Queens do not cry in public and they do not look back.
When the palace gate was finally closed behind us, I felt something inside me break.
I was leaving my home town, not on my own terms or excitement but because peace demanded it.
The carriage kept on going, Guards from both kingdoms rode alongside, Aurelia colours blending uneasily with Stonehaven dark banner, seeing it alone made my stomach tighten.
Dane sat across me and he was silent.
Since the wedding, we had spoken little,few words to one another and greeting when necessary. He watched the road ahead but he was alert as though he expected danger at any moment.
I wondered if he felt it too, the big space between us and the weight of everything unsaid.
On the second day of the travel, the land began to change.
The fields turned into rocks and big hills. It got colder, lots of trees grew, making it dark. We were getting close to Stonehaven.
"Your land is harsh", I said to him.
Dane looked at me, "it teaches endurance".
That sounds like a polite way of saying, "they don't show mercy".
He looked at him, "mercy is earned".
"Then that will make living there difficult", I said.
"For some", he replied.
The way he said it told me everything I needed to know. Stonehaven will not welcome me just because I wore a crown.
On the fifth morning, they were huge mountains before us like a wall.
Stonehaven was made out of rock, it had dark towers and thick walls, it looked strong and serious. No pretty colors or anything or even flowers.
It was powerful and not welcoming.
As the gates were opened, horns sounded, not celebration but for announcements. People gathered and they were all curious.
I saw how they are looked at me.
"She's the new queen, she is the price for peace, she doesn't belong here", were what the people whispered.
Dane came down first when we reached, he offered his hand but I hesitated but after a while I took it.
"Welcome home, Your Majesty", a man said, bowing down to Dane.
Then he lifted his eyes, "and to my Queen….Princess Amara"
Inside the building, everything was different. The halls were big but dark, they had torches instead of chandeliers, and stone instead of silk. The walls looked old and like they'd been in fights.
"This place feels like a fortress", I said.
"It is", Dane said. "Stonehaven has never trusted peace to last".
That, atleast I understood
Servants led me to my chambers prepared in advance. It was big, spacious, well furnished and arranged, yet nothing about it felt personal.
As the door close behind me, the silent pressed in.
I walked slowly around the room, touching the stone walls and carved furniture, everything felt beautiful in its on way, yet it felt like I was wearing someone else's life.
That evening, I joined Dane in the council chambers.
The men gathered there looked older, they were tough from years of war and politics. They looked at me as if they were assessing me.
"This if Queen Amara of Aurelia", he said. She will sit next to me.
People whispered.
"Until when", a man asked.
"Until death", Dane said calmly.
I looked at the man without flinching. "Or until peace no longer requires me", I said.
Everyone in the room was shocked.
The meeting continued but I felt the tension like a living thing. Every suggested I offered was met with hesitation, my opinion didn't matter.
When the meeting ended, I rose to leave.
Outside the chamber, I let out a breath I didn't realized I have been holding for long.
"They do not trust me", I said to myself.
"They do not trust anybody let alone outsiders", Dane interrupted me.
"I am not weak and I will not be treated like a decoration", I said.
"I know", he replied.
It surprised me.
That night, the castle felt colder than before.I was standing by my window, looking at the moon over this unfamiliar place. My family and people were somewhere out there, sleeping under a different sky.
"This is not my home", I said to myself.
The came a knock.
It was Dane, standing outside the door. "You should rest, tomorrow will not be easier", he said.
"None of my tomorrows here have been easy lately", I replied.
There was a pause.
"You did not choose this neither did I", he said.
I looked at him for some moment and for the first time, I wondered if his crown felt heavy as mine.
"I will not fail here even if I'm unwanted", I said.
He nodded one"Stonehaven respects strength"
"Then I'll give them something else", I said.
When he felt, I sat at the edge of my bed feeling really exhausted from everything.
I was a Queen without a kingdom beneath my feet, a bride with no joy, a stranger in a land that doesn't regard me, yet as I laid down staring at the ceiling, one thought refuse to leave me.
"If this land will not accept me as its own, then I'll carve my place into it then", I said to myself.