The "UA High School for Gifted Shinigami and Pirates" didn't survive Goku's entrance. The roof was gone, Light Yagami was currently trying to explain to a very confused Anya Forger why his notebook didn't work on "The Bald One," and Dio Brando was still embedded in a wall, vibrating with theatrical rage.
"Alright, everyone! Calm down!" Goku shouted, his stomach growling with the force of a tectonic plate shift. "If we're going to find food, we need to go to the Nexus Mall. I heard they have a buffet that never ends, and the chef is some guy named Sanji!"
Saitama's ears perked up. "A buffet? Does it have a vegetable section? Specifically, cabbage?"
"It has everything!" Goku beamed.
Before Saitama could reply, a yellow blur zoomed past them. Naruto Uzumaki slid into the room on his heels, wearing a suit that was three sizes too big and holding a briefcase.
"Wait! Before you leave!" Naruto yelled, throwing a business card at Saitama's face. "Are you protected? Do you have Ninja Insurance? What happens if a Tailed Beast sits on your house? Or if your soul gets sealed in a reaper's stomach? For just ten ramen vouchers a month, I can—"
"Not interested," Saitama said, walking past him.
The Nexus Mall
Through the power of "Plot Convenience," the group arrived at the Nexus Mall—a shopping center so large it had its own weather system and a small moon.
As they walked through the sliding glass doors, they were greeted by the mall's head of security: Satoru Gojo. He was leaning against a fountain, wearing his signature blindfold and holding a limited-edition "Gojo-Brand" bubble tea.
"Yo," Gojo waved. "Welcome to the mall. Rules are simple: No Domain Expansions in the food court, no screaming about your 'Pride as a Warrior,' and if you see a guy with stitches on his forehead, tell him he owes me twenty bucks."
"Move aside, blind man!" a voice boomed from the crowd.
Eren Yeager pushed past them, looking incredibly edgy. He was wearing a hoodie despite the mall being perfectly climate-controlled. "I don't care about rules. I just want... Freedom. And a pair of cargo shorts that don't rip when I turn into a sixty-meter tall flesh-monster."
"The Freedom Sale is on the third floor, next to the Hot Topic," Gojo pointed out, not even looking up.
The Great Cabbage Crisis
Saitama sprinted toward the "Multiverse-Mart," his grocery bag fluttering behind him like a cape. He reached the produce aisle just in time to see the very last head of cabbage sitting under a spotlight.
But he wasn't alone.
On the other side of the aisle stood Denji (Chainsaw Man). He looked exhausted, his shirt was half-tucked, and he was staring at the cabbage with a look of religious devotion.
"I need that," Denji whispered. "If I bring home a healthy vegetable, maybe Power won't throw a cat at my head today."
"I need it more," Saitama countered, his eyes narrowing into "Serious Series" mode. "It's Saturday. My stir-fry depends on this."
Suddenly, the floor began to rumble. The ceiling tiles shattered as Monkey D. Luffy swung down on a piece of decorative tinsel.
"MEAT!" Luffy screamed, landing directly on the cabbage, crushing it into a green puddle. "Oh... wait. This isn't meat. This is just crunchy water."
Saitama stood frozen. His cabbage. His beautiful, discounted cabbage. It was gone.
The Manager Appears
"RETAIL INFRACTION DETECTED!"
A small, hover-chair floated into the aisle. Sitting in it was Frieza, wearing a tiny "Manager" name tag over his bio-armor.
"Do you monkeys have any idea how much that organic, non-GMO cabbage cost?" Frieza hissed, his tail twitching. "I'll have you all executed! I'll blow up this entire grocery store! I'll—"
"Excuse me," a polite voice interrupted.
A tall, handsome man with a neat black suit and a demon-like grace stepped out from behind the frozen peas. It was Sebastian Michaelis, the butler from Black Butler.
"Manager Frieza," Sebastian said, bowing perfectly. "I'm afraid your 'Execution Policy' is bad for quarterly earnings. Also, I have a message from the owner of the mall."
"The owner?" Frieza gulped. "You mean... Him?"
Sebastian nodded and gestured to the balcony above. Standing there, looking down at the chaos with a bored expression, was L from Death Note, squatting on a chair and holding a giant strawberry shortcake.
"The statistics suggest," L said, his voice echoing through the PA system, "that if Saitama doesn't get his cabbage in the next sixty seconds, this mall will be reduced to subatomic particles. Therefore... I have initiated the Ultimate Cooking Challenge."
The Challenge
"To the winner of the Master-Chef Multiverse Battle," L announced, "I will grant the Legendary Golden Cabbage of the Gods... and a 50% off coupon for a new jumpsuit."
Saitama, Goku, Denji, and Luffy all looked at each other. The air crackled with intensity.
"I can't cook," Denji admitted. "But I can chop things really fast with my head."
"I'll just eat the ingredients before the timer ends!" Luffy laughed.
"I'm gonna win!" Goku shouted, powering up to Super Saiyan Blue just to pre-heat an oven.