The hunt was a resounding success. While Uzumaki took his water procedures, Caped Baldy hero dragged in several large rabbits first. Well, large? About a meter at the shoulder. Then he decided not to be petty and caught a huge mantis, twice the size of the one Naruto had run into.
This time, Saitama didn't scatter his strike power, preserving most of the monsters' bodies intact. So now, by a thick tree, lay neatly decapitated carcasses of four creatures. Once they had long ears and powerful fangs. They remotely resembled rabbits in their original form. By another tree lay the corpse of a brown insectoid.
"Is that really edible?" Naruto asked, eyeing the monstrous-looking insect warily.
The genin was now strutting in just swim trunks, showing off his slight but very defined musculature. The orange jumpsuit dried on nearby branches.
"Naruto, remember one truth. There are no inedible beasts, only unskilled cooks! I often ate monster meat from the ones I exterminated in City Z. And nothing, didn't turn up my nose."
The blond grimaced at first but soon remembered the meat in ramen. He liked beef best, though chicken worked too. What if he tried meat from other creatures? The Forest of Death was practically an endless meat source! And such "varied" meat at that.
Naruto's stomach growled deeply, saliva filling his mouth. A silly grin crept onto Uzumaki's face.
"Better help gather kindling. I'll butcher the carcasses myself." Saitama removed his old patched Hawaiian shirt so he wouldn't have to wash it later and stood in just shorts.
"Yes, Master Saitama!" the genin nodded and ran to fulfill his teacher's request...
A while later, everything was ready. Meat butchered, hides discarded as unnecessary, kindling gathered, and straight forked branches driven into the ground on either side of the future campfire. The mantis's blade-leg was planned to skewer several rabbit chunks.
However, there was one hitch.
"Hmm, didn't think of that..." Saitama drawled, eyeing the mountain of butchered monster meat nearby. Then he glanced at the improvised spit, then at the kindling.
"Damn!" the hero clutched his head. "You don't know any fire techniques by chance?"
"Sorry, Master..." Naruto shook his head. "The chakra paper Anko-sem pai brought showed I have wind affinity. I wanted fire myself."
Caped Baldy smacked his forehead:
"Damn! Of all things, forget matches on a picnic. How do we grill the meat now?"
Saitama berated himself for forgetfulness. True, besides matches, he'd taken nothing today: no salt, no spices, no dishes. Not even a knife for butchering; had to make do with Naruto's leftover kunai. Saitama had torn off the mantis's armor with bare hands. Though it caused him no real inconvenience.
"Well, I recently read a survival manual for the forest," Naruto began, furrowing his brow. "It described a few ways to make fire if you can't use katon techniques."
"Oh... see how useful reading can be sometimes, Naruto?" Saitama nodded approvingly. "Which method do we need? Hope not rubbing sticks?"
"No," the genin shook his head. "Use a kunai with a stone, striking sparks..."
"Ah, got it. Go for it then. Just hurry, I'm starving already..."
As if to confirm, both their stomachs growled loudly.
In the Hokage Tower
Hiruzen sat in his office, sprawled in the chair by his desk. Finally, he had some free time to spend usefully on himself. The burden of village leadership was heavy, and sometimes you had to know how to distract from pressing problems.
After preliminarily kicking out the ANBU from the office and telling them not to disturb him, he pulled a crystal ball from the top drawer. A anticipatory smile touched the man's lips. Sandai me glanced around just in case, but logically—found no one.
Holding the orb in one hand, he formed seals with the other and whispered barely audibly:
"Toom egane no jutsu...
The transparent sphere first filled with some mist, then outlines of women's baths began to appear in it.
"Hm-hm..." the Hokage's nostrils flared, cheeks slightly reddening. "Come on, girls, delight grandpa."
Zooming in, Sarutobi got a view of the slender toned bodies of kunoichi who had just started undressing. The girls chatted amiably, leisurely removing their top clothes. Moments later, they were down to underwear.
Hiruzen zoomed a bit more on one beauty, eyeing the appetizing mounds barely contained by a tight bra. The Third's eyes grew oily, breath held. The shinobi god bit his lip, awaiting the sight of true beauty.
There—the girl was unhooking her bra clasp from behind, one strap slipping...
*TOK-TOK-TOK*
*TOK-TOK-TOK*...
Startled, Hiruzen jumped in his chair, and the crystal orb slipped from his hand. Flailing wildly, the Hokage managed to catch the ball before it hit the floor. But the telescope technique was already interrupted.
"Rikudo damn you..." Hiruzen muttered quietly, putting the orb back in the desk.
Dismissing the one-way soundproof and isolating barriers, he bellowed:
"What bijuu are you pounding?! Save that for makiwara on training!..
But the door flew open, and two ANBU burst in.
"Sorry, Hokage-sama!" one shinobi quickly began, forgetting even to bow. "Training Ground 44, red zone, code zero one!"
The Hokage stared at the reporter in stupefaction, processing what he'd heard.
"What?" he asked on autopilot.
"Red Zone perimeter in the Forest of Death," the second ninja explained. "Signal circuit breached, containment barrier pierced."
Hiruzen cursed elaborately.
And there was reason to.
The Forest of Death—this training ground name usually hosted the second stage of the chunin exams. Located on the village outskirts, surrounded by modest rocks. Of course, such a name was too grandiose and served merely as a bogeyman for the younger ninja generation. In Konoha's entire history, only a few fatalities had occurred in the Forest—and those due to genin stupidity, thinking themselves the most skilled, strong, and smart.
However, on the eastern edge was a special territory—forbidden. Or rather—restricted. Roughly ten kilometers in radius. Separated from the rest of the Forest by illusion, containment, and restriction barriers. This area was called the Red Zone.
Using a complex fuin formation, the area was sealed by Uzumaki clan masters in Hashirama's time. Entry was possible only with a special fuin key, still kept by the Hokage. True, there was another option. Breach the barrier by force, but that required several S-rank techniques at once on one point. Even that would open a gap for mere moments. After a time—depending on barrier damage—the gap would seal itself, drawing from the fuin formation that absorbed ambient natural chakra.
This zone was visited very rarely. And only with the Hokage present. Reasons were mostly harvesting rare ingredients for poisons or medicines. Guests were mainly ANBU elite or Root. Some large clan heads knew of this mystical zone's existence but didn't even try entering. For without the key and ruler's permission, it was deemed extremely difficult.
*Just what we needed. Who the hell needed to go there? And without my knowledge? Danzo?..* thoughts raced through Sandai me's head.
This area hid many secrets.
Evidently, even before the times of Hashirama Senju, that place had an elevated background of natural chakra, which positively influenced the development of the local flora and fauna. Hence the presence of huge dangerous beasts and carnivorous plants. Moreover, when the First Hokage explored this anomaly together with his wife, they discovered a network of caves underground, full of unknown mighty monsters, and also sensed the proximity of a colossal source. The source of what—they never figured it out, as Mito Uzumaki talked her husband out of going too deep and demanded they seal this strange anomaly immediately.
Hashirama Senju resisted for a long time. Curiosity paired with a thirst for new knowledge was eating away at him. And the desire to find adventure on his legendary rear end was also present. However, Mito was categorical: "Either they seal the area, or they'll have to find another place for the village..." After prolonged arguments, Hashirama finally listened to his spouse. Some time later, the territory was cleared of dangerous creatures, and the area itself was sealed. Over the next few years—the "Forest of Death" was grown around the Red Zone.
"Hokage-sama, what are your orders?" one of the shinobi inquired.
Hiruzen thoughtfully chewed his lip.
He needed to go and personally check who had managed to breach the perimeter. The Hokage had no idea what goals the intruder might be pursuing. However, whoever it was—they were extremely dangerous. An ordinary shinobi wouldn't just break through—they'd have trouble even detecting the barrier, as the camouflage there was excellent. Modern fuinjutsu masters couldn't even conceive of such fuinjutsu techniques and sealing marks. The Uzumaki in the founders' times had done a splendid job.
The Third pulled a pipe from inside his robe and moments later was puffing away vigorously in the office.
"Gather three dozen operatives," he exhaled a cloud in the shape of a ball. "We're heading out..."
Sarutobi didn't finish, as a shinobi with red hair and a rabbit mask, whose callsign was Usagi, burst into the office.
"Baldy and the jinchuriki..." he said instead of a greeting. "Hokage-sama, they've vanished!"
Hiruzen choked on the smoke and started coughing.
"Khe-khe... what do you mean vanished? When?"
"Fifteen minutes ago. As for how—I don't know..." the red-haired shinobi hastily spread his arms. "They came for training, talked about something, and then just disappeared..."
With each word from the operative, the Hokage grew paler and paler.
"Bijuu! Could Danzou have been right and Saitama is a spy? But how..."
"Councilor Shimura has already been warned," Usagi added curtly.
For half a minute, the office fell silent, and the Hokage even stopped smoking.
His face seemed to darken, etched with more wrinkles than usual.
Remembering his pipe, he decided to calm down anyway. Slowly inhaling the smoke, he held his breath, then exhaled just as leisurely, forming the kanji for "fire" on the way out.
Hiruzen opened the desk drawer again and pulled out a crystal ball to use the observation technique on Naruto. Tuning into the chakra of the Kyuubi jinchuriki, he murmured:
"Tobimegane no Jutsu!"
The sphere filled with mist, but moments later returned to its usual transparency. The jutsu was blocked.
"Damn it!" the Third blurted out in frustration, jumping to his feet.
He tossed the sphere into the armchair and began pacing the office. But moments later, Hiruzen composed himself and added:
"Send a message to Danzou. Have his people comb all the nearby outskirts of Konoha. Our units will assist them. I'll head to the Forest of Death for the intruder. Execute!"
"Yes sir!" the elite ANBU shinobi responded and vanished in shunshin...
*Chirk...*
*Chirk...*
*Chirk...*
Saitama's bald head bulged with throbbing veins. His eyebrows twitched. His eyes filled with blood, and his teeth ground against each other involuntarily, producing an unpleasant grinding sound. It seemed like just a little more, and he'd reek of bloodlust.
"Damn it!" Saitama yelled. "I'm starving. You goddamn tinder. Are you going to catch fire or not?!"
The bald hero and the genin had been trying to make fire for over ten minutes, striking sparks with a kunai and a stone. Unsuccessfully. The tinder refused to ignite.
Initially, Saitama, seeing the blond boy's futile attempts, encouraged him. Then smirked. Then he got bored and got his own fire-starting tools...
*Chirk...*
*Chirk...*
"Naruto! You have to master fire techniques no matter what. Wind is useless in cases like this."
"Uh... right now? I doubt I can, Master..." Uzumaki shook his head dejectedly.
"No," Saitama interrupted. "I mean in general. Ask Anko, she showed something like that."
Uzumaki just nodded, continuing to strike sparks over the tinder.
The Caped Baldy paused for a couple of seconds, setting aside his tools and calming himself.
"Anyway, in the future, I think we'll often have these picnics. Just think," Saitama started counting on his fingers: "First, for you—it's great training for gaining combat experience and survival instincts. Second, saving money. Cool, right! No need to buy food. Hunt it yourself—cook it yourself from the kill. Perfect option."
The hero grinned, rubbing his hands, and a thought crossed his bald head:
"Heh-heh. At this rate, I can slowly save up the old man's stipends, and maybe in a year or two buy myself a TV. Still, the huge downside of this world is no Saturday discounts. Only pre-holiday ones..."
"Master," Naruto interrupted his musings, "maybe strike sparks on paper instead? You have a book..."
"Naruto, that's blasphemy! You suggesting I rip pages out of this bestseller?" Saitama huffed, pulling out a thin booklet.
In response, Naruto's stomach growled again. Then Saitama's belly issued a similar rumble.
"Damn! Fine..."
The bald guy opened the book to the first pages.
On one hand, way back in school, they'd told him ripping pages out of books was bad. On the other, hunger ain't no auntie. Especially since he was going to rip out a page he'd already read. So all good.
"Forgive me, author..."
Just as Saitama was about to tear out the sheet, a senbon whistled toward his hand. The hero caught the thrown projectile right above the book.
Moments later, the silhouette of a man in a dark jumpsuit loomed over the pair. And a powerful wave of bloodlust flooded the surrounding area...
The Hokage, dressed in his combat outfit, approached the approximate location of the sealed section of Training Ground 44.
Nothing but forest around. Huge branched trees almost completely blocked the sun, plunging the surroundings into twilight. If Hiruzen didn't have the key, even he might wander for a long time looking for the entrance to the Red Zone.
"The barrier must have already recovered from the damage..." Sarutobi thought, futilely trying to see through the barrier illusions' haze.
He pulled a round medallion engraved with a whirlpool symbol from inside his robe. Channeling a bit of chakra into it, the old shinobi saw the engraving glow faintly. Moments later, he noted a similar glow nearby: right at the roots of one of the wooden giants.
Approaching the wide trunk, Hiruzen squatted, then removed the medallion from his neck and pressed it to the manifested whirlpool pattern. The ethereal glow of the fuin patterns spread across the tree.
To the man's right, between the trees, a small passage mouth began to manifest, its edges twitching slightly and outlined in purple haze.
The Hokage smiled faintly and channeled more chakra, causing the mouth to expand. When the passage reached three meters wide, he stopped supplying chakra, hung the fuin key back around his neck, and tucked it inside his robe. Standing abruptly, he looked around, then strode firmly into the Red Zone. Moments later, the entrance contours flickered, and the mouth began to shrink gradually until it vanished completely.
Hiruzen tensed up. On forbidden territory, dangerously close to the unknown who dared enter the Zone, he began circulating chakra through his body and entered a combat trance. A couple of kilometers east, Sarutobi sensed one chakra source. It seemed vaguely familiar.
The shinobi decided not to dawdle and, leaping onto the nearest branch, followed the treetops toward the target. He chose not to take extra precautions or send an earth clone ahead. After all, they didn't call the old man God of Shinobi for nothing. Even now, he could confidently be considered one of the strongest Kage-level fighters. Despite his age and relatively harmless appearance, Hiruzen could still unpleasantly surprise his opponents. So even if an ambush awaited ahead, he could take care of himself.
Moreover, the unknown had trapped himself, as even if the enemy tried to retreat, he'd just hit the barrier, which would take strength and time to breach.
"Away with stray thoughts. I'm in position..." Hiruzen hastened to steel himself for combat.
Just as he formed the concentration seal in case of a sudden attack or trap, all the air seemed to rush out of him. Sarutobi stared in shock at the scene unfolding a hundred meters ahead. His eyebrows slowly crawled upward.
"Shit of Rikudo..." he muttered. Then rubbed his eyes. Then whispered "Kai," forming the appropriate hand seal. Futile. The illusion he was under didn't dispel.
Hiruzen cursed silently, and a senbon materialized in his hand, which he immediately plunged into his palm.
But this genjutsu removal method proved useless too. Realizing what he saw wasn't an illusion but quite real, he froze in bewilderment.
Through the branches, Sarutobi saw an idyllic scene. A nearly naked blond boy sat by a future campfire, trying to strike sparks on the tinder using a kunai and stone. Nearby, a bald guy with a bare torso sat; he seemed to be trying to make fire with flint too.
And at first glance, nothing special about this picture. Two guys decided to picnic in the forest. So they stripped, happens. Got hot. And a heap of meat several hundred kilos away; in the Land of Fire, no hunting permit needed for the forest.
But the catch was, not only did they come to picnic in the Forest of Death—into the sealed area at that—but these two subjects were being searched for across all Konoha outskirts and until this moment were considered missing without trace.
"Saitama, Naruto!" Sarutobi gritted his teeth. On one hand, he was glad there was no jinchuriki disappearance. But on the other—these two had entered the Red Zone, where you could encounter monsters of off-the-charts danger level. A-rank fighters were supposed to go here only in groups. Only S-rank elite jonin could feel relatively safe in the Zone, and even they shouldn't drop their guard.
"And how did they get in here? Though... " the Hokage rubbed his goatee, "Saitama could have. True..."
Fully calming down, the man decided to approach them and find out what Bijuu they were doing here.
Slowing his chakra flow, he applied the eavesdropping technique and stealthily drew nearer to Saitama and Naruto.
"Naruto, that's blasphemy! You suggesting I rip pages out of this bestseller?"
Approaching close enough, Hiruzen saw a book in the bald guy's hands. The cover bore the title: "Icha Icha Paradise." Sarutobi chuckled. He was proud of his student not only for being a legendary sannin but also for his literary successes. Jiraiya's works were considered the gold standard of erotic novellas.
"Forgive me, author..."
"What?" The Hokage stared at Saitama in surprise; the guy seemed about to rip sheets from this masterpiece.
"What Bijuu are you doing, idiot?!"
But the Hokage immediately cast aside stray thoughts, deciding to save the printed copy from vandalism. He acted fast, without hesitation. A blink—and his senbon is caught in Saitama's hand, and the Hokage himself looms over the sitting violators, unleashing all his displeasure as bloodlust.
"Th-th-this..." Saitama absently twirled the needle in his hand, then fixed his gaze on the man.
Naruto visibly tensed. Sweat trickled from his forehead, his gaze glazed. His hands, gripping the kunai and stone, trembled slightly. The bloodlust oppressed the boy. Ordinary genin would have collapsed unconscious long ago, but Uzumaki held on. Lucky he was sitting, or his knees would've buckled from the bloodlust wave.
"What the hell are you idiots doing?" the old shinobi growled. "Do you even know the whole village is looking for you?"
"Huh?" The Caped Baldy scratched his head. "Old man, who are you? Lost or something?"
The bloodlust pressure intensified. It had no effect on Saitama. But Naruto could barely breathe. Still, watching his teacher, who seemed oblivious to the bloodlust, he decided to fight the fear and instincts. The blond looked up at the man.
The stranger wore a black jumpsuit under which light chainmail armor was visible. His right forearm and hand were covered by a dark green gauntlet-bracer. His face peeked from under a plated helmet with a very long-strapped Konoha forehead protector.
"Ol-old man?" Recognition flashed in Naruto's eyes.
Moments later, heartbeats passing, the bloodlust vanished.
"What old man?" Saitama didn't get it.
"Saitama, Naruto, what are you doing here? And where's Anko?..."
The question went unanswered. The village leader eyed the violators heavily. Seeing their stupor, Sarutobi pulled out his pipe and lit up.
"Yeah, it's me. Hiruzen..." the Hokage said, exhaling smoke. "Stop staring at me!" he told Saitama, dispelling remaining doubts.
"Oh... Old man? Didn't recognize you right away. You'll be rich," the bald hero noted. "By the way, help with a light?"
Flame shot from the Third's finger, instantly igniting the campfire.
"Finally," Naruto sighed tiredly, lowering his kunai. "Grandpa, you're our savior."
Uzumaki melted happily onto the ground like a puddle. His face lit up with a bright smile.
"Heh, we're alive!" Saitama responded. "Sit with us, Old Man. I nearly turned gray trying to light this damn fire."
At that phrase, Sarutobi and Naruto unanimously eyed his bald pate. Hiruzen smirked, and the boy burst into rolling laughter on the ground. The bald guy setting the meat skewer over the fire eyed his companions, trying to figure out the laughter's cause.
"What? Did I say something wrong?"
"Nothing, Saitama," the Hokage replied. Naruto just twitched on the ground, fighting laughter fits. "Better explain to me, old man, what Bijuu made you drag Naruto into the Forest of Death? Without an escort at that? Do you realize how dangerous this place is?!"
The hero frantically pondered his answer. But with juicy rabbit roasting before you and saliva flowing, thinking is incredibly hard. So he found a way out almost immediately.
"Old Man, I don't think straight or talk on an empty stomach. Let's eat first, then discuss everything. Sit, no truth in feet..."
Hiruzen chewed his lip displeasedly but sat down with a grunt anyway, muttering under his breath:
"As if there's any where we're sitting..."
And at that very time, while the trio gathered to lunch on rabbit, the Copy Ninja, genius, former ANBU operative—Hatake Kakashi—finally left the hospital, about to begin his path as genin team mentor...
***
Read the story months ahead of the public release — early chapters are available on my Patreon: patreon.com/Granulan