Excerpts from Root ANBU operatives' report:
…Today (May 25) was the tenth covert elimination attempt on subject "Baldy." Also failed…
Recall, the previous nine the subject didn't even notice (or pretended not to). Strong paralytics, sedatives, some Root secret developments, modified Suna lethal poisons were used, covertly added to the subject's food or applied to throwing needles in traps around Konoha, including his personal apartment…
"Baldy" triggered all traps, but no expected result…
…From observations, the target, despite harmless and dumb appearance, is a Kage-level experienced shinobi. In spar with Mitarashi Anko, he showed Yondaime Hokage legendary speed. That alone merits SS rank. Physical limits unknown…
Subsequent covert kill or sedation for underground transport attempts remain in question, as no Root ANBU operative can accomplish the task.
Likely, hire external specialists…
Observation of subject continues.
Awaiting further orders…
A week flew by for Saitama unnoticed.
Seemed like just yesterday he was alone at night in an unfamiliar forest. But seven days flashed like an instant—and now Caped Baldy was settling into his new role as an ordinary civilian in this strange world. No monsters, gods, alien invasions; no apocalypses. Nothing. Not even petty bandits to catch. Locals handled everything. Calm, measured life…
Right, his strength wasn't needed here. At least for now. Though Anko had told him how cruel this world was, with periodic world wars; how dangerous it could be outside the village on high-rank missions… but from what he'd heard, compared to his home world, this was paradise, no doubt.
"Boring…" Saitama had thought at first.
But that apathy and indifference from his "past life" receded periodically. Naruto was to blame. And partially Anko.
The first… initially a noisy simpleton-looking kid, but with a titanium core inside. Saitama had once had the same core. There was something magnetic about the boy, something that periodically suppressed the bald hero's apathy, making him perk up a bit.
The second… Just a beautiful, interesting girl ordered to escort the bald hero. She got mad at him so amusingly, though Saitama saw no real reason, which surprised him a bit. Maybe she fell for him? Nah, nonsense. Though who knows girls.
Could he call his new acquaintances friends?
Saitama couldn't answer exactly yet. Probably—yes…
Maybe this was what fate led him to? Finding himself not in "beating" everything threatening the world, but in something else? Ordinary people without superpowers somehow live, enjoy life, find goals, pursue dreams.
"Should find a new goal," flashed through Saitama's mind. "But what?"—the guy stared at the book in his hands.
"Hm… 'Come, Come, Paradise'…" the hero muttered the title, scratching his chin. "And this is the most popular read?.."
He bought the book yesterday, after training with his student. Since there were no manga or light novels in this world, Saitama decided to somehow brighten his leisure time by picking up a local bestseller authored by some Jiraiya. Mitarashi then inexplicably shouted: "Pervert!"—and the guy still didn't understand who exactly the girl was addressing—and later, seeing the reading guy, she periodically blushed like a ripe tomato.
In general, Saitama decided to go shopping for the first time only on the third day. First and foremost, after receiving an allowance from Anko (she only remembered the money on the third day, after sparring with him), in addition to groceries, Caped Baldy decided to stock up on essentials. No, not underwear, not casual clothes, and not soap.
Saitama got up from the bed, tossing the book aside, and walked over to the window...
"My precious," the guy drawled, watering the cactus from the elephant watering can. A blissful smile froze on the hero's face, and memories of the past days began flashing through his head...
Yes. As soon as he got the money, he decided to buy a spiky plant. He found the desired one at the market almost immediately. But there were problems with the watering can. Saitama wanted an elephant one, but nothing like it was anywhere. The guy and the girl spent three days searching for the extravagant watering can. Caped Baldy hero even began to think about temporarily leaving the village and looking elsewhere. He voiced this idea to the kunoichi. Anko hissed and quietly cursed then. The girl couldn't wrap her head around why a watering can was needed at all. Couldn't he water the plant from a cup; or, at worst, just spit on this cactus?
The guy was already desperate, but on the sixth day a miracle happened, and Anko brought a small green elephant-shaped watering can in the morning. Saitama's joy knew no bounds. He pulled out his wallet and asked how much he owed, but the girl waved it off and said: "Calm down, it's a gift..."
The hero's mood soared after receiving the present. The kunoichi tactfully chose not to mention that the gift was less from her and more from the Hokage. She also didn't mention that several ANBU squads had been urgently assembled for this watering can. They were sent on a mission to nearby trading posts to find the item or, if necessary, place an emergency special order with suppliers.
Mitarashi reported steadily to the Third. Hearing then about the pressing problem of Konoha's new resident, Sarutobi wasn't too pleased with Saitama's thoughts about leaving the village limits. So the old man decided to take the situation into his own hands...
However, of course, all this was unknown to Caped Baldy. And even if he suddenly learned of such insignificant facts, it probably wouldn't have affected anything in the end.
Having watered the cactus, Saitama finally snapped out of his memories. Setting the watering can on the windowsill, he picked up the book and headed to the training spot with Naruto—Training Ground 66.
He needed to come up with something original, because the exercises seemed too simple for the kid, who turned out to have truly monstrous stamina. He wouldn't break his limit like this. And Saitama had some ideas.
Maybe in a little while it would make sense to consult Anko about training or meet that strange Green Beast his companion had mentioned. But that wasn't urgent. For now, Saitama's imagination would be enough to turn the scrawny shinobi larva into a fatter, tougher one. And then, if the kid didn't break, they could get serious about him. But that was a distant future matter.
Uzumaki Naruto was making huge strides in training. His progress was fantastic, especially considering he'd only started training diligently a week ago.
In addition to the three main types of physical exercises, each taking four hours, Naruto used clones to practice stances and strikes, shuriken and kunai throwing, as well as walking on vertical surfaces and water using chakra.
Naruto nearly jumped for joy when Anko showed him these tricks on the fourth day of training. How else? Finally, they were teaching him cool stuff. According to the kunoichi, these exercises greatly improved chakra control. The clones handled the task by evening. Mitarashi's eyes even widened when the next day the clones could hang upside down from thick branches, and the original did crunches in the same position, sticking his feet to a rock outcrop.
Walking on water didn't go so smoothly; as soon as the clones sank underwater, they dispersed after a while. The copies only learned to stand more or less on the sixth day. To move slowly—on the seventh...
However, this was only a small part of the visible successes. After all, some clones absorbed knowledge in the city library and the Academy. And on his first day of training, Naruto decided to consult his former sensei—Umino Iruka. He's smart, works as a full teacher at the Academy, so he should know what a future Hokage, as well as the strongest and smartest in the world, needs to know.
With the words: "Iruka-sensei! Tell me what to read to become a cool Hokage?!"—he turned to the school teacher.
The chunin was slightly taken aback by such pressure and thirst for knowledge. To Iruka's question: "What's this sudden?"—Naruto replied that he had a new cool teacher who demanded a lot from him, but it was worth it.
Umino thoughtfully scratched his head then and mentally praised Kakashi's pedagogical talents, slightly envying and feeling inadequate as a teacher. And there was something to envy. The Copy Ninja hadn't even left the hospital yet, and Naruto was already training diligently and striving for new knowledge. Iruka, over several years, hadn't managed to drill into the blond's head the importance of the Academy's curriculum.
Knowing the approximate level of preparation in theoretical disciplines (or rather, the near-total absence thereof), the chunin scribbled a list of necessary literature on a sheet. Handing the sheet to Naruto, Iruka said he would periodically check his former student's progress...
Surprisingly, Naruto had felt great every morning for the past few days.
And this despite the fact that in the evenings he could only crawl to his apartment on his last breath, sometimes falling asleep halfway to bed. How else? Ten thousand reps for each main exercise, plus a hundred kilometers of running (the master did take pity on the student and generously allowed running just a hundred for now). Before bed, the boy felt awful: everything hurt. His head suffered the worst, as after numerous shadow clone dispersals, in addition to overwhelming fatigue, a severe migraine started, and his vision blurred. Occasionally, blood even started coming from his nose.
However, despite all the grueling workouts, his body seemed fully renewed by morning. Naruto was very surprised by this, but Anko suggested it was entirely possible since the Nine-Tails was sealed inside him, its chakra granting its host incredible regeneration.
And now, after a light warm-up and a ten-kilometer jog, Naruto stood opposite his bald sensei. The genin felt an unprecedented surge of energy. The master told him he was ready for the second training level. Considering the difficulty of the first level, Uzumaki mentally prayed to all the gods to have the strength to survive the second.
"Well, changed your mind, Naruto?"
"No, Master Saitama!" the blond replied firmly.
Caped Baldy hero smirked and instructively raised a finger upward:
"Excellent. As I already said, you must train trying to push beyond your own limits. However, besides endless training, real combat experience from actual clashes with opponents is very important..."
Saitama thought for a moment, and Uzumaki's eyes lit up:
"Master, are you finally going to teach me some combat moves? Or maybe we'll finally spar? I want to learn to move like you! And also..."
"Whoa, stop!" the bald guy interrupted. "Don't make noise, kid. No sparring with me for now."
"But..." the boy's shoulders slumped, his head drooped—how...
"However," seeing the child's reaction, Saitama hurried to add, "you'll get combat experience, don't worry!"
Naruto stared at his teacher in surprise, while Saitama glanced at Anko dozing under the nearest tree: the girl had apparently decided to take a nap.
Beckoning the boy over with a hand, he continued in a whisper:
"I think we can leave our sleeping beauty for a while. Remember, Naruto, any man must know how to procure his own food."
Uzumaki nodded vaguely but still couldn't figure out what the Master was getting at.
Seeing the boy's puzzled look, Saitama just grinned:
"Let's go. Hunting time..."
In the next instant, Caped Baldy hero was instantly beside Naruto, and a second later, only peacefully snoring Anko remained on the training ground clearing.
Tree-hopping came relatively easily to Saitama. At first, of course, the branches he pushed off from turned to dust, and he landed exclusively on the ground... a hundred meters away, punching straight through giant trees. But after a couple of minutes, Caped Baldy hero got the hang of this mode of travel, and his tree jumps even remotely started resembling the clumsy leaps of genin.
"Isn't it bad that we're here without permission?" Naruto asked, looking around. "This is the Forest of Death, after all. And I've heard it's pretty dangerous."
"Are you scared or something?" Saitama smirked. "That doesn't sound like you. What about your plans to become the strongest shinobi and Hokage?"
"As if," the genin grumbled. "I'm not afraid of anything, dattebayo!.. Just worried we might get in trouble with the old man later. Though he's kind. Despite all my pranks, he never gave me serious punishments," Uzumaki grinned.
"Heh, don't worry, old Hiruzen won't find out. No tail on us, I checked."
Saitama had left the training ground so swiftly, grabbing the kid along, that the observers didn't even realize what happened.
"Tail?" Naruto didn't get it.
During the next tree-to-tree leap, Caped Baldy hero frowned, lost in thought, but nodded to his own musings and continued:
"Ever since I settled in your village, some masked types have been constantly tailing me."
"ANBU?" Naruto exclaimed in surprise. "But why?"
"Well, I don't know," Saitama shrugged. "Probably don't trust me. I'm new here, after all; who knows what I might get up to."
"But they're just watching, right?" the blond turned to his teacher. "Maybe just protecting?"
"Hm..."
Saitama scratched his bald head mid-leap. He pondered Naruto's question seriously.
He'd noticed the local surveillance almost immediately after meeting Anko. The operatives were apparently masters of covert observation, but for Caped Baldy's super vision and super hearing, spotting shinobi wasn't anything unusual.
The attention flattered him at first. But after a couple of days of constant itching on the periphery of his senses—it became outright annoying.
There were oddities too, like needles flying out of the toilet right in his apartment, nails in the bed, unpleasant spices in food at eateries, or weird papers in alleys hurling small metal bits straight at Saitama's bald head.
And the most baffling thing—all this happened to Saitama only when he was alone, without escort. Mitarashi didn't follow him 24/7. And his student trained independently most of the time.
"What strange customs they have here..." flashed through his mind. Caped Baldy hero didn't like getting surprises from the locals. Even if they posed no real threat.
"Maybe it's some game? Like pranks on newbies? Maybe I should prank those guys back a bit? Need to ask Anko..."
"Master," Uzumaki's voice snapped him from his thoughts. "What're you thinking about?"
"Oh, nothing important," Saitama waved it off. "I think we can start soon."
A couple of moments later, the bald guy stopped on a thick branch, as if listening to something, then jumped to the ground. The genin landed beside him right away.
"We've gone deep enough into the forest," the hero said. "Anko said this training ground is mainly dangerous for clueless kids. But you're not a kid anymore, right, Naruto?"
Uzumaki looked up at his teacher and nodded firmly:
"Yes, sensei... But I still don't get what the training is."
Saitama struck a dramatic pose, arms crossed over his chest.
"Heh-heh. Well, it's not exactly training," the guy grinned. "More like a survival test, and at the same time a lesson in foraging in the wild."
Naruto, seeing the bald sensei's smile that suddenly made him want to head for the bushes, gulped noticeably...
"A-A-A-A-A!" the kid in the orange jumpsuit yelled, fleeing at full speed from something.
"Hr-hr-hr..." came from behind.
In his fright, Naruto completely forgot about tree-hopping; so he ran headlong, crashing through dense vegetation, periodically tripping over roots breaking through the ground.
Finally, he burst onto a clearing like a bullet, frantically searching for his teacher.
"Master Saitama! Where are you?!"
"Why are you yelling?" came the calm voice of the bald hero, reading a book in a tree.
"M-Master. Th-there's a g-grasshopper!" the genin stammered.
The boy was drenched in sweat, his body trembling finely.
"What, scared of some grasshopper?" Saitama looked up from the book. "You a man or what?"
"B-but it's huge! And kunai bounce off it!..."
"Don't talk nonsense," the hero interrupted his student. "Fear makes everything bigger, so pull yourself together and deal with the problem."
Naruto didn't have time to reply, as a swamp-colored creature crash-landed on the clearing, remotely resembling a mantis. The insectoid was about four meters long. The grasping forelegs looked more like sword blades. The mandibles clicked angrily, emitting an unpleasant chirp.
Saitama stared at the guest in surprise. The hero's eyes widened, examining the strange arthropod.
"You..." the bald guy pointed at the mantis. "No way..."
The insectoid's head tilted, and another nasty scrape erupted from its maw.
From Naruto's side, kunai and shuriken flew at the monster, but the projectiles bounced harmlessly off its body upon hitting the target. After another failure, Uzumaki formed seals.
"Shadow Clone Technique!"
The clearing filled with smoke clouds, from which an orange sea of clones burst. The blond copies charged into close combat with screams.
Naruto's strikes were perfect, but they simply didn't reach the opponent. The mantis shredded clones before it could take any damage. Some copies used shadow kunai and tried to pierce the insect's hide, but the result was predictable. Each was dispersed with one blade strike.
The monster darted around the clearing, attacking the genin. It nearly reached the original a couple of times, who was timely shielded by his brethren. Naruto barely dodged the swings of the natural blades. After ten heartbeats, no clones remained.
Meanwhile, Saitama froze in a stupor. His face showed utter disbelief; he seemed in deep shock.
"How could this..." Caped Baldy whispered. "Impossible. I can't believe my eyes..."
"Master, nothing works!" Naruto yelled. He darted between trees, trying to find any vulnerability in the monster. "I told you, it's impenetrable..."
*Whish*
The boy dodged another foreleg-blade swing on pure instinct, barely tilting his head at the last moment. A sliced forehead protector and a tuft of blond hair fell to the ground.
Suddenly, Uzumaki snagged a root and fell flat on his back. The mantis pounced on its prey, aiming to impale the genin on its forelegs.
*Boom*
Bits of the insect splattered across nearby trunks and grass. Some of the monster's blood hit Uzumaki too.
"Peh... keh... ptoo..." Naruto spat out the green goo that got in his mouth.
At first, the boy didn't understand what happened. Jerking to his feet, he scanned where the mantis had been. Realization hit, and the genin felt queasy. Turning from his teacher, he began vigorously expelling breakfast. After the scene he'd witnessed, it wanted out itself.
"You broke my ceiling, you freak," Saitama said, pointing at the convulsing lower half of the monster's body. "Didn't even pay. Decided to bail to another world without paying?"
No trace of former shock remained. Indignation pierced through the mask of indifference. Saitama clearly remembered the green insect resembling a grasshopper that once smashed through his apartment ceiling in City Z.
Picking up his forehead protector from the ground, Naruto turned to his teacher and asked:
"What're you talking about, sensei? What ceiling?"
"Hm..." the guy frowned.
He closely examined the insectoid remains, then scratched his chin, then squinted into the distance, as if fishing an important memory from his bald head.
"Oops, my bad," Saitama muttered. "Sorry, Locust. I mistook you for someone else," he addressed the twitching mantis leg. A couple of moments later, the leg stilled; it probably accepted Saitama's apology.
Glancing at his student, Caped Baldy hero shook his head disapprovingly.
"You failed the first round of the test. I'm disappointed."
All the air seemed to deflate from Naruto. He wanted to justify himself—the monster was too strong: tough shell, incredible speed, long blades on the legs. But remembering his teacher felled the creature in one blow, he stayed silent.
"Tell me, why am I disappointed, Naruto?" Saitama asked.
"Well..." Uzumaki began. "Because I'm too weak?"
The hero initially wanted to say "yes." But seeing the blond completely wilt, he frantically searched for an answer that might calm or cheer the kid a bit.
He cleared his throat and began instructing his student.
"What's that got to do with it? What nonsense are you spouting?" Caped Baldy feigned surprise.
The grubby boy stared at his sensei in bewilderment.
"I'm disappointed that you're not using your head at all," the bald hero began. "Yes, you're weak. But that's temporary. It's foolish to expect you'll take down everyone with one hit on your first hunt. A survival test assumes not just killing monsters, but quick retreat if the monster's too dangerous. And if you can't retreat, use everything to win: tricks, traps; when facing mortal danger, even the cruelest and most dishonorable methods can be useful. Remember when I told you about the Crabinator?"
"Uh..." Naruto thought. "The one that wanted to kill the boy with the dimple on his chin?"
"Right," Saitama nodded. "Back then, I wasn't even thinking about heroism or training. So I had no real power. That monster was over two meters tall, with impenetrable armor and claws that could crush concrete. It beat me good then, but when it let its guard down—it became easy prey."
"But, Master!" Naruto exclaimed. "How did you beat it then?"
"Ripped out its eye. Right with the meat. Turned out that was its weakest spot," Saitama replied calmly.
"That's..." Naruto involuntarily grimaced, imagining the scene. "What happened to it?"
"Died almost instantly... but we're digressing. Tell me, Naruto, what did you do wrong today? What mistakes did you make?"
The genin scratched the back of his head furiously, as if massaging his brain for better thinking.
After a minute of reflection, Uzumaki concluded he'd forgotten most of his abilities out of fear of the unknown creature. Moreover, he hadn't grasped the main task from his teacher. He needed to find food, go hunting. Strong beasts should be avoided. But no, upon seeing the scary monster, Naruto decided to test his strength. And nearly paid with his life.
After all, what would've stopped him from distracting the big "grasshopper" with clones and quickly retreating to find prey he could handle? But instead, he summoned a bunch of clones and attacked the insectoid, pelting it with metal bits without much aiming. Then decided to attack himself. Unsuccessfully.
Idiot. And he'd followed that script twice. Once—meeting the mantis near the cave. And the second—right in front of his teacher. Plus, the genin hadn't even tried throwing kunai at the monster's eyes...
Naruto told all this to his teacher.
*Phew, thank fries, he figured it out himself and I didn't have to make up more nonsense,* Saitama thought after Uzumaki's words.
Outwardly, Caped Baldy just nodded sagely and praised the boy for his quick thinking.
"Good job, Naruto! I think we can stop training for now," the hero declared, eyeing the blond from head to toe. "And wash up a bit. There's a stream nearby, so let's go, I'll lead you. Then I'll procure some food. You failed the first lesson; hope this experience proves useful."
"Thanks, Master," Naruto said quietly.
"No big deal," Saitama tossed off. "But don't relax too much. Clean yourself up and stay alert. Danger everywhere. And one more thing..." the hero thought a bit, then smiled. "You'll be cooking the food."
And together, unhurriedly, they headed east.
However, neither Naruto nor Saitama knew they'd gone too deep, ending up in the Red Zone. On this forbidden territory of the Forest of Death, even tokubetsu jonin could be in serious trouble.
***
Read the story months ahead of the public release — early chapters are available on my Patreon: patreon.com/Granulan