"Listen Aqua. No attacking, alright? At least, not right away,"
She glanced at me with confusion as we reached the shopfront.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, not with malice, but genuine lack of understanding.
"You'll see," I answered, opening the door and stepping inside.
A bell above the door tinkled lightly, and a female voice from further into the shop spoke.
"One moment please!"
"Lich!" Aqua screamed as the owner of the voice, Wiz, stepped into view.
Wiz flinched as Aqua began to advance, though I stopped her with a shake of my head.
"Umm… H-how can I h-help you today?" Wiz stuttered.
"Hello again Wiz. I've come for a visit," I said coolly, strolling over to a shelf to observe the contents.
It was filled with bottles, each filled with solutions of varying colour.
I carefully lifted once from its position to get a closer look.
"Ah, that will explode with strong impact, so please be careful,"
An impact grenade?
"How powerful is it?"
"Roughly the same as the lowest spell in the 'Detonation' spell series; 'Detonate',"
Pretty good then. Not fantastic, especially with most of the force being directed into the ground where it lands, but good none the less.
I placed it back, with perhaps an excessive amount of care, and picked up another.
"And this one?" I asked.
"Ah, that one will explode if you open the cap," she responded.
Why the fuck would you want that? In what circumstances would you want what you're holding to explode in your hands?
I replaced it, and this time just pointed at another, Wiz having come close enough to see which I was referring to.
"This one?" I asked pointing at another bottle with a solution that looked like liquid mercury.
"It will explode when it touches water,"
An Alkali metal?
"Al-ka-li?"
Woops, did I say that aloud?
"Don't worry about it, I'm just thinking out loud. Do you sell things that don't explode, by any chance?" I teased.
"O-of course I do! You're just at the rack with all of the explosive things!" she explained.
I laughed quietly.
"Well, actually, that's not really why I'm here. When we first met, you said you'd help he defeat the Demon King," I said.
She opened her mouth to protest, but I cut her off.
"Don't worry; I don't plan to fight him right now. What I wanted from you is; to be taught some of your Lich skills,"
"Hey, what are you thinking Kazuma?" Aqua exclaimed, "The skills of a lich? You say you want to learn a Lich's skills!? The skills of a lich are all evil! It would be bad if you learned such skills!" she claimed, before leaning in closer and whispering, though loud enough for Wiz to hear, "Liches are something like the relative of slugs that like dark and wet places," she finished, flaring her Holy Aura.
"How… How mean!" Wiz said, voice catching with the pulse of Aqua's aura.
"Back to the point," I interjected, "what skills can I learn from you Wiz?"
She thought for a moment, then spoke.
"I would recommend 'Drain Touch' the most. It's a lower tier spell that lets you absorb health and mana when in contact with a target. You can also redistribute the absorbed mana and health, or use your own,"
That's exactly what I need. Offense and support rolled into one. I'd probably be able to fulfil that promise to Megumin to have her cast two 'Explosion's in a day.
I nodded, "That would be great," I said.
"Um, I'll need a target to demonstrate on,"
I wonder if it's painful.
"Here," I said, stepping forward and presenting my hand.
"Thank you. 'Drain Touch'!"
It wasn't painful. Uncomfortable, sure, but not painful.
She stopped her skill after just a moment and I pulled out my Adventurer's Card.
I immediately learnt the new skill for 4 of my 10 remaining skill points, and 'Drain Touch' was added to my ever-expanding arsenal.
I was about to ask what other skills she had, when the door opened rapidly, the bell ringing loudly.
"Pardon my intrusion," the old man who just entered began, "is Ms. Wiz here? I need some help with evil spirits,"
"Evil spirits?" Aqua and Wiz asked simultaneously.
"Yes," the man clarified, "I'm a real estate agent, but evil spirits keep appearing in one of my houses. No matter how or who exorcizes it, they always come back! I just want to get rid of the house! It's starting to cost me to keep it clear, let alone sell it!"
I had a strange feeling and glanced at Aqua.
Is this what empathy is like?
'Cos I feel like I know what this guy is feeling right now.
He seemed mistake my confusion as something directed at him.
"Before Ms Wiz set up shop here," he explained, "she was a powerful mage. Whenever the people in town run into any difficulty, they would seek Ms. Wiz for aid. And Ms. Wiz seems to be the expert on handling undead monsters. That's why I am here asking for her help,"
She is essentially a Queen of the Undead, so that's not particularly surprising.
"But… Ms Wiz seems unwell today. Your face had always been pale, but it's even more so today. How should I put it, it feels… as if you could disappear at any moment…"
I glared at Aqua, who looked away sheepishly.
I wonder why that is.
"No problems, leave it to me. We just need to settle the evil spirits in town, right?" Wiz asked.
"Ah, no! I wasn't planning on troubling Ms Wiz to exorcise all the evil spirits in town… just the mansion would be enough."
"Ah, the mansion. I see…"
'The mansion' huh?
Wiz made to stand but collapsed back to her seat.
"Ah! W-Wiz-san! Forget it if you are not feeling well, please don't push yourself!"
The man moved quickly to help her.
"We can help," I spoke up, "We've got ourselves the Arch Priest who defeated the Demon Army general here, after all," I said, gesturing to Aqua.
The man face lit up with recognition and hope, and he quickly accepted my offer.
"So this is the mansion,"
It was a mansion in the suburbs.
According to that man, the number of rooms were few for a mansion, yet it was a truly massive building.
When you hear 'mansion', you think 'big house'. This thing was more like 'small school'.
It was several times the size of any mansion you'd be able to find in Japan.
"Not bad! This place is great! This is where someone of my status should be staying in!" Aqua exclaimed joyously, her belongings in her arms.
"Oi! The Inn isn't bad, thank you. It's not like we had to sleep in the stables, so I don't get why you ever complained," I countered.
Megumin giggled from behind us, with Darkness beside her, each carrying their own things, "You two bicker like an old married couple,"
Aqua blushed and hurried to deny it.
"A-as if! If he were my husband, I'd poison his drink!" she claimed.
"If she were my wife, I'd drink it," I responded immediately.
Megumin lost it, tripping over her own feet, laughing uncontrollably, while Darkness tried very hard to stifle her own laughter.
"Kazuma-" she whined.
"Yes, I'm Kazuma,"
"You're too mean!"
"And saying you'd poison me isn't?"
She blushed and pouted, before looking away.
Megumin pulled herself to her feet, still reigning in her laughter.
"So this is our new home?" she asked.
"Yeah, we just gotta deal with the evil spirits, which Aqua'll be able to do easily,"
When the real estate agent had shown us the mansion, I offered to purchase it upfront, confident that Aqua would be able to deal with the spirit problem.
He quickly accepted my offer of 30 million Eris.
30 mil (300,000 USD) may seem like a huge amount, but it was honestly dead cheap. It could have easily gone for 1 billion (10 million) or more. I also likely covered all the costs the guy had gone through attempting to repair it, turning it from a detriment into a decent profit.
"But can we really exorcise the evil spirits? I heard new spirits would keep coming no matter how much you clear them," Darkness asked.
"Leave it to me! I can already see it! From the observation of my spiritual eyes, the maid who had a relationship with the noble bore an illegitimate child! The noble died from illness and the maid went missing. The young girl left here contacted the same disease as her father, and died without ever seeing the faces of her parents! Her name was Anna Filante Asteroid. The things she liked were her dolls and the stories of adventurers! But please don't worry, this spirit won't pull pranks on us. She will not harm us! She might be a child, but she liked matured things like drinking fine wine. So, prepare some wine as an offering!" Aqua spouted.
"You sound like one of those 'Psychics'" I said, with air quotes around the last word, "The ones who do that 'cold-reading' thing,"
"Hey! What I said is true! Don't you want this house spirit free?"
I held up my hands in surrender, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. But isn't a little girl liking 'fine wine', just like you, a bit of a big coincidence?"
"Er… Okay, that was a lie, I'm sorry," she bowed in apology.
I rolled my eyes, "Tell you what, when you're done, I'll buy us the best wine in town to celebrate,"
She smiled and gave me a hug, one that she broke off after less than a second at the envy filled glare of Megumin, "You're the best Kazuma!"
It was good to have my own room again.
There was something freeing about going to bed fully nude, something that I hadn't been able to enjoy for the last four weeks since arriving in this new world with Aqua.
I had woken some time after falling asleep. I didn't know when, but it was still completely dark out.
I had woken with the urge to piss, so I got up and pulled on some pants, before journeying towards the hall that led towards the toilet.
I went to turn the handle, but a 'clank', loud in the silence of the room, stopped me.
I turned back towards my room, and there, sitting stationary on a chair, was a doll.
Literal porcelain skin covered with a blue dress, it starred at me blankly.
It wasn't there a moment ago, I'm sure of it.
A spirit then? I needed to get Aqua.
I turned back around and turned the door knob.
Clank
I whipped back to face the doll.
It wasn't there.
I felt a soft pressure on my right leg.
I looked down, and at my foot, a porcelain doll had its small arms wrapped around my lower leg, its glassy eyes starring back into my own.
"Holy fuck!" I screamed, kicking it away in a panic.
I threw open the door and stepped out.
Clank
I turned my head, unwilling to fully turn, and now, where there was once a single doll, now there were dozens.
They sailed through the air, unaffected by the fundamental force that is gravity, unimpeded by its pull, straight towards me.
I kicked the door shut, the door clapping into the frame at a painful volume, turned and broke into a sprint, already breathing hard.
Fuck off with this horror movie bullshit!
"Aqua!" I screamed as I reached her room.
Bang
The sound of my door being forced open, knob unturned.
I wrenched open the door to Aqua's room, quickly glanced around for any dolls, then leapt inside and slammed the door shut again, pushing my back into it to keep it shut.
I looked around for Aqua, but instead found my gaze locked with eyes of glowing crimson, different from what I expected, but no less familiar.
"Megumin! Where's Aqua?" I asked, trying to retain some calm.
The door slammed against my back with a force I never expected, and I nearly fell, but righted myself and pushed back against it.
The bang it made caused Megumin to let out a shriek before she answered my question.
"I-I don't know! She went out with Darkness to exorcize the spirits! What d-do we do Kazuma?" she stuttered over the banging of the spirits.
"We wait here for the moment," another crash against the door, "We don't have anyway to deal with spirits ourselves,"
Her eyes fell from my own and her face flashed red as she took in my shirtless upper body.
It seemed that my rigorous sword training hadn't just been good for swords, in the eyes of Megumin.
She nodded rapidly, fighting to shake off the blush.
"The banging," she said after a moment, "Its stopped,"
She was right. The dolls outside had gone quiet.
I quickly checked my 'Detect Enemy' skill, "They're not there anymore. I just checked,"
I sighed, and the urge to urinate represented itself.
"Then I'm gonna take this opportunity to relieve myself," I said, moving towards the open balcony.
And there, peaking over one of the edges.
Porcelain skin.
"Or maybe I won't! Run Megumin!"
The dolls had flanked around from the door to the open balcony.
Fuck me, these things were determined.
Megumin was still stationary, so I grabbed her hand and pulled her along with me.
I threw open the door, and dragged us into the corridor.
"A-are you still there K-Kazmua?" Megumin asked from the other side of the door.
"I'm here," I answered softly.
She was in the toilet.
I had already gone, and I was just waiting for her to finish so we could continue.
"U-um, c-could you maybe sing a song for me Kazuma?" she asked timidly.
A song?
I don't think I know any songs that are particularly suitable for this situation.
Or maybe I do.
So I began to hum. I hummed my favourite song from a wacky show about a bunch of soldiers in a box canyon.
Contact, Final Transmission.
Megumin spoke when I finished.
"Where are you from Kazuma? I've always wanted to know, but never got around to asking,"
"A place called Japan," I answered. There wasn't any point lying when she'd never know about Japan anyway. "A very strange place where there's a custom to sing to people on the toilet," I said, sarcasm thick.
I looked to my left.
The dolls were back.
The initial shock of seeing flying dolls had worn off, and now they were just irritating,
"Megumin, you've gotta stop now, the dolls are here," I spoke quickly.
"I-I'm done, just a second," she answered.
And the dolls had spotted me. Awesome.
"Megumin," I said, volume rising.
"Coming!"
The door opened. I latched onto Megumin's wrist and dragged her into the hall, then took off running in the opposite direction of the dolls.
"'Darkness; Blacker than Black and Darmmff-"
"The hell are you thinking?! Are you tryna kill us?" I asked, putting my hand over her mouth to stop her from casting.
Bang
The door at the end of the hall was being struck from behind.
We were surrounded.
"Listen Megumin," I said, recalling what I could of the building's layout, "I'm gonna push through that door, and you're gonna run to the left straight away, alright? I'm gonna hold 'em off,"
"W-what? N-no!"
"Don't worry about me! I'll be fine, I swear!"
"I w-won't leave you!"
"Yes you fucking will! You are going to run and I am going to stay!"
I kicked the door open, it stopping as it struck whatever was behind it. I ran into it shoulder first, pushing it open the rest of the way and immediately pushing Megumin towards the corridor where she could escape.
"GO Megumin! Ru - oh,"
What had been banging on the door wasn't the dolls, as I had thought, but instead Aqua, who now sat on the floor holding her forehead.
"Shit, are you okay Aqua?"
"I think that's all of them, for real this time," Aqua said.
I stopped myself from laughing.
Aqua had said 'I think that's all of them' earlier, and then a whole bunch more showed up.
That's why we don't raise flags.
You don't wanna be stuck fighting off evil spirits until early morning.
After a moment of nothing, everyone relaxed.
Then Megumin hugged me tightly.
"Thank you Kazuma," she said quietly, her face pressed against my still-shirtless chest.
I reciprocated the hug, moving my arms around her thin waist.
"Anytime Megumin. Anytime,"
"Please… Please don't sacrifice yourself for me…"
I sighed, but was inwardly pleased.
This was perfect to grab a heap of Affection Points. "Sorry Megumin, I can't promise that. If there's something I can do to protect you, I'm going to do it,"
Her arms tightened and her face, still against my chest, rose in temperature by a few degrees.
Perfect. I am so damn smooth.
As this transpired, Aqua looked on with clear envy.
"Kazuma-" She whined, stepping closer, "You hit me with that door!"
I sighed again, "I already apologised for that! And you know it was an accident,"
She pouted, "It still hurts though," she whined.
"And what am I supposed to do about that?"
She stepped closer again, "You could kiss it better," she said quietly, her cheeks beginning to go red.
She is a child in a slightly less child-like body.
Confirmed.
I rolled my eyes for what felt like the millionth time. I removed my left arm from Megumin, put it behind Aqua's neck, and pulled her closer. I planted a soft kiss on her forehead, then released her.
She fell back in surprise, eyes wide, before her face flushed rapidly, and a dopey smile grew.
A gasp of protest came from Megumin, so I placed my hand on top of her head, stroking her hair softly, to which she hummed in delight.
The One-Upsmanship between these two is pretty great for me.
I don't want just Aqua's nice proportions or Megumin's petite figure. Wonder if I can get both?
Probably. I am pretty fucking awesome.
It'll take some work though.
But looking at Aqua's shapely body, and feeling Megumin pressed against me? That shit will be werf.
After a bit, Megumin finally released me, and Aqua returned to cognitive thought, while Darkness had simply stood there, enjoying being ignored.
"I think we should report this to the Guild," Darkness said, "Although we didn't take on this quest from the Guild, this was an adventurer's job anyway. We might get some unexpected bounty for exorcising all the spirits in this mansion. I also want to know why are there so many spirits turning up in town suddenly,"
We agreed, and Aqua and I headed for the Guild while Darkness and Megumin stayed behind to clean up.
We reached the Guild and stepped inside to find Luna already at her desk.
"Good morning Luna. Hope it's not too early for you," I said with a smile.
"Not at all, Kazuma-san. How can I help you?" she replied.
I gave her a quick run-down on what had happened with the real estate agent and the mansion.
She checked Aqua's Adventurer's Card to validify her efforts, then spoke.
"There were many who were seeking help due to the spread of the evil spirits. Since you have successfully repelled the monsters, we should have some bounty rewards for you. Thank you for your hard work," she said.
"Cool," I responded simply as Aqua gave a little victory dance.
"Oh, and we have found out why the evil spirits were wandering around; here is the report. You know the public cemetery in town? I don't know who thought it was funny, but someone created a giant holy barrier on the cemetery. The spirits in the cemetery had nowhere to go, so they ended up having to go to town and haunt empty houses,"
Aqua stilled.
God fucking dammit.
I spoke up quickly before Luna could catch on.
"Is that so? We could fix that pretty easy too, right Aqua?" I offered.
"Huh? Uh yes! I can do it no problem!" she responded, catching on quickly.
Luna smiled brightly, "That would be great! Please do so at your earliest convenience!"
"Well, we'll go do that now; give you some time to figure out the bounty," I said, attempting to get out of there quickly so I could deal with Aqua.
"That sounds good! I'll see you in a little while, Kazuma-san, Aqua-san,"
"Later Luna," I responded as I took Aqua's arm and pulled her outside the Guild.
"It was you, wasn't it," I stated once we were outside.
She nodded, refusing to speak
I sighed. Again.
"Let's go fix it then,"
She nodded again.
"Don't look so down Aqua," I said to her with a smile, "I'll use the money to buy you some wine, yeah? Today is a day of celebration, and we're damn well gonna celebrate,"
"Okay," she said, a smile of her own forming.
At least she wasn't protesting about getting double the reward through not-so-legitimate means.
Guess I'm rubbing off on her.
Now, it's about time I had some fun.
A request made by the real estate agent was that we maintain the small graveyard out the back, something I had no problem doing, as it would only take a minute out of each day.
I took a cloth to the solitary grave stone, dirt and dust coming off with little effort.
'Anna Filante Asteroid'
Huh, guess Aqua did see her.
"Kazuma!" Aqua called from the doorway leading inside, "Megumin says that for every minute you're late, there'll be one less piece of fried meat! Take your time, you don't need to hurry, our lunch will be better that way," she teased.
"Yeah fuckin' right. Like I'd let you skip out on my food," I said, standing as I finished with the gravestone.
I think I'll clean up the yard around here, and maybe leave one of those dolls here. Don't want a repeat of what happened with the other spirits because I pissed her off.
When I reached the table, everyone went to start eating.
"Wait a sec, guys," I said, "Today is a day of celebration. Today is the day we become a real party, not just a temporary thing, with our own house. Aqua, would you like to get the drinks?"
"Yes, Kazuma!" she said overly formal, standing and giving me a mock salute.
She left the table and went to one of the short cupboards nearby, opening the small wooden doors and collecting the wine we had purchased earlier, and other assorted drinks, including some non-alcoholic 'Lemon Swish' for Megumin, and likely myself.
"Do you want alcohol Megumin?" I asked.
"Wait a second-" Darkness began.
"She's old enough. It's her choice, not ours. Do you want alcohol? I'll mix it in with the Swish, so it won't taste bad,"
She thought about it for a moment, then nodded, "Yes please,"
I mixed in a small amount of the low strength liquor I had bought into the glass, pouring myself one as well, while Aqua poured herself, and Darkness, a glass of wine.
"Cheers everyone," I said, lifting my glass.
"Cheers!"
We had fun.
We ate and we drank. We talked about nothing and everything.
Megumin, to nobody's surprise, was a total light-weight when it came to drinking, barely making it passed three glasses that were half the strength of beer.
It was hilarious though.
I closed the door behind me as I stepped back inside my new home
Fuck its cold.
I flared my mana under my skin, giving it a pleasant temperature boost.
I had decided against taking my winter clothing as today was significantly warmer, and the work I was going to be doing would have kept me active.
Or I thought it would. I ended up sitting in one spot for an hour waiting for a monster to show up, before killing it in under a minute.
Very disappointing, but it paid well, so I wasn't too unhappy.
"I'm home!" I called as I stepped into the living room.
"Hey Kazuma," Darkness and Megumin acknowledged, disinterested.
"Hey Kazuma," Aqua replied from her lying position on the couch, "How was the job?"
"Boring," I answered, before turning to Darkness and Megumin, "How goes the game?"
They were sat on the floor, playing a board game similar to chess, but developed in a world where magic is the norm.
"I am about to claim victory!" Megumin declared boldly.
"Yeah?" Darkness retorted, "Then what are you gonna do aboutthis! I move my crusader here, check!"
Megumin, the drama queen she was, gasped in exaggerated shock, before her face bent into a smug smile.
"You've fallen into my trap! Teleport!" she declared, moving her piece, as Darkness reacted with a gasp of her own, "Check… and… Mate!"
She jumped to her feet, fist pumping upwards as she paraded her victory around the board, chanting; "I am the best!"
Aqua giggled, and lifted her legs up so I could sit on the couch beside her, before she replaced her legs over my lap.
"So now that you've finished your game," I began, memory of a promise surfacing, "You guys wanna see something? It'll takes us a half hour to walk there,"
They all agreed, not having much better to do.
We began our journey shortly after, a journey that both Aqua and Megumin knew well.
We were walking to the late-general's castle.
We arrived in the spot Megumin had cast from so many times before.
"Well?" I said to Megumin, "I'm sure you know what to do,"
She grinned and raised her staff.
"Oh, blackness shrouded in light; Frenzied blaze clad in night; In the name of the crimson demons; let the collapse of thine origin manifest! Summon before me the root of thy power; hidden within the lands of the kingdom of demise! 'Explosion'!"
A new cloud of red destruction sprouted from the already destroyed castle, a shockwave followed shortly after, and finally the large, echoing boom.
Megumin collapsed, but sighed in happiness, "It's good to use 'Explosion' again,"
"Yeah? Well the good times don't stop here. Aqua, would you lend me your hand for my newest skill? Don't worry, I don't need any life-force, so it won't hurt,"
She looked confused at first, but then realised my plan and followed my request.
Aqua looked pleased to have her hand in mine as I crouched down to the prone Megumin.
She gasped as I put my hand on the back of her neck.
"W-w-what are you doing?! W-why are y-you t-touch-"
"Relax," I said, cutting off her stammering, "I'm not the kinda person to do anything. Besides, these two are here if I was that kinda guy,"
"R-right," She said, embarrassed, "S-sorry Kazuma. So what are we- Huh?! Ooohh~" she moaned as I began the transfer, pushing a bit of my own life force in to compensate for what she already used.
"K-K-Kazuma is f-filling me up!"
I held back a snicker.
"Phrasing Megumin, phrasing,"
Even with her position facedown, I could see her bright blush.
"Th-th-that's not what I meant!"
I laughed and continued the transfer.
"How do you feel?" I asked as I finished, offering a hand.
She took it, and I pulled her to her feet. She staggered for a moment, but quickly stabilised with the help of her staff.
She looked incredulous, looking down at her empty hand, flexing her fingers.
"Y-you… You did it…? You did it!... You did it you did it you did it!"
She crashed into me, her small arms wrapping around my torso.
She looked up at me, eyes shining, both metaphorically, and literally. A grin split her face in two, and she practically vibrated in excitement.
"Thank you thank you thank you!" she screamed as she turned back to the castle, staff once more up and ready.
"Darkness of the void!" she chanted, "Combine with my will! Through the unity of smoke and flame and wind and fire!" she locked eyes with me over her shoulder, "Come together in thy unholy combination of destruction! Bend to no other, and raze this land; 'Explosion'!"
I slowly lowered Megumin to the floor from my back.
We were in front of the door to her room, having just arrived back from our walk.
Everyone seemed happy with our little trip, Aqua's and Darkness's hearts being warmed by the unending happiness of our youngest member, who spent the journey back raving about the fact that she had cast twice.
I wished her goodnight and turned to leave, but she grasped the back of my shirt before I could go.
I turned back and raised an eyebrow.
"Thank you Kazuma, thank you so much," she said with a bright smile.
I returned the smile, "Any time Megumin,"
She lifted her arms and grabbed the front of my shirt, before she lifted herself onto her toes, closed her eyes, and planted a kiss on my cheek.
Her face flashed red in an instant, "G-goodnight Kazuma," she stammered as she turned around and quickly escaped to her room.
Oh yeah, that's a lot of points.
I turned and walked back to the lounge room, where Aqua sat on one of the couches.
I sat beside her.
"You did a really good thing today," she said.
"Yeah. I always keep my promises," I returned.
She wrapped her arms around mine, pushing it between the soft globes of flesh situated on her chest, and leaned against me, laying her head on my shoulder.
Mm. Those'll be great for paizuri.
"I know Kazuma. Thank you,"
"Always Aqua," I said, lifting my other arm to slowly stroke her hair.
After just a minute of this, she was fast asleep.
Man, it's tempting to take advantage of this.
Nah, too risky.
Instead, I slowly lifted her into my arms, and carried her bridal style to her room, laying her slowly in bed, and wrapping the covers around her.
Maybe it won't be as hard as I thought to get both.
I returned to bed, and fell asleep moments after laying down.