~The essence of truth changes not because the world shifts—but because your point of view quietly does.~
1. A Smile That Never Reached Her Eyes
Misaki's smile that afternoon never truly reached her eyes.
I realized it too late—far too late to pretend I hadn't seen it. She was hiding something—not because she refused to be honest, but because she was testing how far I would follow without being told the destination.
And the most terrifying part—
I didn't mind.
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2. A Fascination That Isn't Affection
I know I am no one special to her.
But after weeks caught in her orbit, something has grown inside my chest—not liking, not love.
It is thirst to understand.
What she enjoys.
How she turns people like chess pieces.
What she feels when something falls apart exactly as she planned.
I want to touch the center of her mind.
Not to save it—
but to prove I can understand that darkness from the inside.
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3. Back to My Room, Back to the Beginning
That night I returned to my room earlier than usual. After dinner with my family, I closed the door and lay on the bed, staring at my bookshelf like an altar to my first mistake.
It all began with something small.
A novel left behind in a drawer.
A meeting.
A world that never returned to what it was before.
If only I hadn't been careless that day—
I would never have met Misaki.
And my thoughts whispered coldly:
or maybe I was always meant to.
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4. Misaki's Theory About Humans
From her stories, I learned something:
People are not destroyed by great evil—
but by small secrets kept too long.
Suri.
Tomo.
Perfect faces trembling behind curtains of anxiety.
If someone is afraid enough, pressured enough—
they will break themselves
without needing much of a push.
That is Misaki's theory.
And that night…
I decided to test whether it would still work
if she wasn't the one doing it.
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5. I Begin to See the Way She Sees
I imagined the faces at school.
One by one.
Who is hiding something.
Who is living inside a lie.
Who is fragile enough to shake with a single whisper.
For the first time, I did not see them fully as people.
I saw them as possibilities.
I flinched at that realization—
not because it horrified me,
but because I enjoyed the shift.
And that shocked me most.
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6. The First Lie I Took Part In
I opened my phone.
Reread old messages.
Noticed small cracks I had never cared about before.
One name.
Then another.
A small experiment, I told myself.
Not dangerous.
Just a whisper.
Just a piece of information placed deliberately in the wrong spot.
If everything collapses because of it—
then Misaki is right.
If not—
then I'm still an ordinary human.
My fingers trembled.
Strangely, afterward—
I felt relieved.
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7. I No Longer Fully Oppose It
I realized something disturbing:
I am no longer afraid of the possibility that someone could fall because of my action.
What I fear instead is this:
what if I'm not as clever as I believe?
That is my new fear.
Not sin.
Not victims.
But failure at the game.
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8. The Virus That Became My New System
I once thought Misaki was like a virus corrupting my life system.
Now I understand—
the virus has become my new system.
I no longer move like a routine-driven machine—switched on, functioning, repeating patterns without question, without feeling, without truly living.
I move as someone beginning to realize:
the most dangerous freedom is the freedom to approach darkness with no one stopping you.
Maybe… I really do need to open myself more—force myself to engage with the world, to interact, to get involved—so I stop wasting every second of these 24-hour cycles on empty repetition.
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9. About Caution That Is Slowly Dying
Misaki's presence, without me noticing, has been eroding how I think and respond.
I know I should stay cautious.
I know I shouldn't trust her completely.
But her magnet theory feels increasingly real:
irregularity attracts irregularity.
And maybe—
I've already become something meant to be pulled by her.
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10. The Question I Now Answer Myself
Her last words before we parted remain embedded inside me—like they were nailed into the base of my skull, demanding to repeat, to echo, leaving no room for other memories.
It began with the question I asked her that afternoon:
"Is it normal that I enjoy their sadness?"
And her answer still echoes:
"As long as you consider yourself human, you are still human. And if you are human, you must have the courage to be happy."
Now I understand the hidden meaning.
The courage to be happy also means
the courage to accept the darkness that makes you happy.
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11. Closing — The First Trial
That night I waited.
Calmly.
Patiently.
Waiting to see whether my small experiment would bear results.
Not as a witness—
but as a participant
learning to stand level with Misaki.