~We hurt each other, then tend to our own wounds—
as if that alone is enough to call ourselves fine.~
1. Sympathy That Comes Too Late
Without realizing it, my mind filled with thoughts of Misaki's life—how she grew up, how she learned to endure, how she learned to become cold so she wouldn't fall apart.
"Right?" she said softly, as if reading my thoughts. "You're starting to feel sorry for me now. And you're also starting to feel guilty… for peeking into something that wasn't meant for you."
My breath caught.
Her words weren't accusing. They weren't defensive. She simply stated them as facts.
"Well," she gave a small, fragile smile. "Maybe I do want you to feel uncomfortable. So from there, you can justify everything we've done together."
She lowered her head.
"This is just my way… of easing my frustration."
For the first time, I saw something like sadness behind her expression.
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2. The Misaki I Misunderstood
All this time, I thought Misaki lived without burdens.
As if everything she did was just logic and instinct—without regret, without anxiety, without hesitation.
I thought she never looked back.
But in that moment, I began to see her differently.
Compared to people who satisfy themselves through open aggression like Tomo, Misaki absorbs the violence into herself.
She swallows bitterness.
Swallows pain.
Swallows suffering.
Then forces herself to stay calm—
as if calmness alone could stop the pain from punishing her.
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3. Beauty Built on Wounds
Everyone has their own way of handling emotion.
Now I understand Misaki's way is not just strength.
She has simply been trained too long to endure.
From the outside, she looks perfect.
Beautiful.
Calm.
Unshakable.
But behind that perfection, a dilemma keeps eating away at her.
I began to glimpse the real Misaki—
not the one standing before me with a controlled smile,
but the one hidden deep inside herself.
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4. A Question That Slowly Tears
"What do you really feel all this time?" I asked quietly, looking into her eyes.
She fell silent.
Her eyes looked glassy—a sight I never imagined I would see on someone like Misaki. A fragile shine trembled there, brief like a flicker before a light goes out, as if something inside her was close to collapsing but stubbornly still standing.
When she realized I was watching, she turned slightly away, hiding something too fragile to show.
"It can't be avoided," she said at last. "Because I am who I am. I love my sibling… and the only way I know to give them peace is through all of this."
There was conviction in her voice.
And desperation.
"But… can that be justified?" I asked softly.
My hand clenched so tightly it almost hurt.
I was angry.
And I was sad.
While I spent my days laughing with friends, there was a girl in the same school who, at such a young age, had already been forced to carry a life this heavy.
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5. The Family She Still Wants to Protect
"Even if we're not related by blood," she said calmly, "my sibling always says we can still be a family."
The sentence was simple—
yet it cut slowly like a blade.
"Sometimes I argued with them. I said it was nothing but false hope."
She took a breath.
"But they kept trying to be close to them. To the people they called parents. Because to them… it was still a family."
I could feel the irritation behind her calm tone.
"I once asked why they kept trying to protect a family like that," Misaki continued. "A family that only gives you sorrow. In the end, you're the one who gets hurt."
She stepped closer. The distance between us narrowed—not just physically, but emotionally—pulling me deeper into her gravity.
"And do you know," she asked softly, "what they said to me?"
I shook my head.
"They just smiled… and said they wanted me to be happy."
She delivered the line gently, like stitching closed an invisible wound.
That smile no longer felt like a smile.
It felt like a farewell.
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6. Justification Growing Inside My Chest
I looked at Misaki without words.
Inside me, two feelings collided hard:
fear of the darkness in what she had done,
and sympathy for the wounds that shaped her.
I don't know when the line between understanding and justifying began to blur within me.
I only know—
I was beginning to understand why she never stopped.
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7. I Begin to Doubt My Own Judgment
Maybe I misheard.
Maybe I didn't hear it fully.
Or maybe it was only the wind sounding like emotion.
But in that moment, I felt that for the first time Misaki showed her real feelings—not manipulation, not a mask.
Just someone too tired to keep being strong.
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8. Closing — Sympathy That Turns Into a Blade
I don't know when sympathy becomes dangerous.
But since that night, I realized something frightening:
the more I understand Misaki,
the easier it becomes to excuse everything she does.
And that is where, without noticing,
I begin to walk away from who I used to be—
not because I was forced,
but because I chose to understand.
And somewhere in the distance, that same darkness looks back at me—
with a face that now feels…
far more human.