Kale's pov
I don't hug people at least not intentionally, matter of fact, I intentionally avoid any occasions that will lead to it, and being hugged out of the blue was never part of the plan, my hands were stiff beside me.
I feel like it's been up to one hour as we stood outside with her arms wrapped around my waist or maybe it's just a few seconds but either way I just feel really lost and unable to decide whether to step back or hug her back.
Or do what my heart has been urging me to do, I swallowed and looked at the bangs of her hair, and my hand moved immediately to part it and....
She moved away from my chest and my hand was left hanging in the air
" I'm sorry for doing that without your permission, ugh... I I"
I watched as she fidgeted with her hands awkwardly trying to explain why she did what she did, I know I could probably stop or tell her not to worry about but I just stared at her, watching the movement of her lips, her manicured fingers ravaging her hair in the most not graceful way, her eyes darting around in the floor and occasionally to my face and before I know or question what is happening to me currently, I grabbed her hair and tugged her closer to me only leaving an inch space between my face and hers and her breath hitched, and then I studied her closely...
Her eye colour, the tiny freckles in her face, her lip piercing, her chaotic bangs which was almost covering her eyes, my finger moved to trace her face, I was more or less aware of what I'm currently doing, she just stood there and frozen as I found myself tracing her lips that was so soft but still thick with red lipstick,
Her lips are soo... This feeling is what it is, why do I keep feeling like I have seen this before and have also felt it before.
It's happening again, I'm seeing things again, I'm seeing myself doing this I don't remember ever doing and it's always comes in bits and pieces but then again it only happens in the night, it's always in a dream while I'm sleeping but now I'm seeing flashes of the same scene in my head while I'm standing and staring at Amory's face.
I closed my eyes as more flashes kept coming disorienting me, subsequently making me grab unto Amory's hair tightly and she moaned, I couldn't see her face because my eyes was closed but as I heard the sound, it's resounded in my head and one particular scene flashed in my head causing a sharp pain to shoot through my head and I released Amory's hair to grab mine in anguish.
" Kale!! Are you alright??" Amory rushed to me in panic, touching my head, I nodded as the pain has subsided it was only for a second
" Are you sure, do you need me to call for help" Amory called still not convinced, I shook my head no, affirming that I was alright
Though I was feeling a slight headache already and just wanted to go home already.
" Hey man, where the hell have you been, I've been looking around for you??"
Eli's loud voice made me turn towards his direction as he walked closer to us in brisk steps
" Hi there, Amory " He greeted, before turning to me
" Where would you disappear to, in the middle of the class presentation
" I'm leaving" I say, loud enough for Amory to hear before subsequently Walking towards the exit
" Wait!! You can't be leaving" I didn't say anything and continued on my way, I needed to get to the parking lot, get my car and go to my house and at least gather my thoughts, everything is in disarray now and I'm likely going to start to lose focus and my touch on reality if didn't leave this place.
" You can't been leaving, I still haven't presented my own project, whose going to watch it, if you're not around" he shouted after me
I didn't say anything and continued to move towards my car that I could already see in sight
" Say something you piece of shit!!!'
And....I was already in my car and speeding out of that place in no time, focusing on just getting to my apartment.
***********************
I stepped into my apartment and slammed the door close, breathing out to try and settle my breath or at least the chaos in my head...
What do I do now??
I walked into my bedroom and took the Bible at my bed rest and then sat down on the floor, my hand tightening around the holy book with no idea what to do or say but I just clutch it tightly to my chest, maybe it will relieve the wait compressing in my chest, maybe I will feel calmer and less chaotic, maybe the whispers of my middle name will finally stop echoing in my head , maybe just maybe... I'll be able to find peace again.
I don't understand the flashes I keep getting since none of them make any sense or are coordinated at the very least, and not to mention my feelings for Amory, I can't describe what it is at this point, it's getting mixed with something else I can't place my hands on.
Why do the tormenting echoes in my head sound like Amory??
Lord, why do I feel this way?? My feelings for Amory, is it right??
Am I allowed?? Am I allowed to feel this way towards her?
I kept staring at the wall opposite me, as I waited for an answer to my questions and got none and then I heard the voice...
What are your feelings towards Kale ??
And I'm left with another puzzle, towards Amory, what do I feel ??
What exactly is it that I want or expect from her??
I redirected my attention to the holy book I was holding and then I heard the whisper again.
The word I speak to you is spirit and life, hold on to it Kale
And I opened the Bible randomly to the book of Psalms, chapter 23, And I feasted my eyes in the letters as I try to process the word written down
The lord is my shepherd , I shall not want
He makes me to lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside still waters...
He restores my soul
He leads me in the path of righteousness , for his name sake
Even though I walk through the valley of shadows of death
I shall fear no evil, for though is with me...
Your rod and your staff... They comfort me.
I closed the book and shut my eyes before breathing in…
He makes me to lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside still waters...
I continue to chant the verse in my head until I looked at my hand to find out that it's calm already, along with my heart, I felt lighter
I breathed out, still with my eyes closed I smiled. I didn't get answers to my numerous questions but I found something else...
Peace, my peace was restored at least for now.
******************
But how long will it last...??
How long did it last ??
Because just as sudden as the peace came it disappeared without a trace soon enough and I'm left toiling yet again.
They're some things I never knew existed and now I'm accosted by it.
Never knew I could feel excruciating pain that is just mentally, how does a pain never experienced cripple me???
How can an untold story make me numb and chaotic at the same time? How does one feel a pain he doesn't remember??.