Kale's pov
I stared at the empty space in my room, my eyes boring into the wall in a lost trance. I have been like this for over an hour now, unmoving, I felt lost between talking with God, thinking seriously and my thoughts often drifting off to Amory...
After I left Amory earlier, my mind has been occupied with her, and how to get rid of the protruding feeling welling up inside of me, but still that does not even seem to be my conflict surprisingly, I don't know if I'm trying to get rid of the foreign feelings or I'm trying to come to terms with it. I need to explain to Amory why I act strange and leave sometimes. I can easily ignore her just like I do to other people, but for some reason I feel the need to explain to her my situation which will lead me to telling her I'm actually Autistic.
I never thought I could feel insecure about something like that, because I don't feel insecure for anything for any reason, I just honestly never really cared about what anyone said about me, I know I had way too much confidence for that but here I am fidgeting and freaking out over something as small as my health condition.
Lord what am I supposed to do, I feel like I should tell her, but at the same time, I'm afraid she will pull away if I do
But isn't that what I wanted in the first place, I wanted her to pull away right??
Now I'm trying to explain myself to her to avoid her pulling away.
And that is when it dawned on me that
I liked Amory.
Take it or leave it. I like her, undeniably so, I can't say I have come to terms with my feelings for her but one thing is very clear now, I like her and I wanted her.
*** *** *** ****
My eyes are trained on Amory as she gets down on her knee to inspect the distorted butterfly tattoo on my leg, her face couldn't really hide the awe in it as she trailed her hands in the trail of butterflies along the marked part of my legs.
I sucked in a breath as she continued along that part, trailing up to view more, as takes in the red skin and some of the butterflies that are taking flight, leaving a trail of shiny dust, the tattoo went all the way up to my thighs but it's still covered, she nudged the end of the folded trousers for me lift it higher.
My eyes were stuck on her for the longest time, I even forgot my scarred tattoo, I didn't want to but I couldn't help feeling overwhelmed at feel of her hands on me, every touch or trail leaves a lingering spark and an after effects shiver, I know it's not going to be funny if allow her go further than she has already gone, so I held her hand and smiled masking the expression on my face before shaking my head as a no, she stared up at me, her pupils dilating, I gulped at the sight and stood up immediately, my hands are getting sweaty, I raked my fingers on hair and breathes out to shake off the overwhelming feeling.
Lord, is it supposed to be like this? I just like her. Why do I feel this sensation whenever she's close to me, she doesn't even need to initiate contact and I.. I ..
Lord I don't want to run away from it
" Are you alright, did I do something..."
I turned to Amory as she looked at me worry evident in her expression
" Please don't tell me you're going to leave now "
I didn't say anything just stared at her
" What.. are you?? You can't be serious, you just got here, and.. we still need to create the artwork and ..."
" I'm not going anywhere Amory, what do you think about the tattoo??"
I asked while facing her, now gauging her expression
" It's really awesome, beautiful and appears ugly at the same time, it's distorted and unique, the butterflies look so real and the trail that leave are as if the butterflies are real and taking flight, it's so enchanting" she said all too fast, looking breathless
" Amory I was thinking about doing our project with a concept like that, something like the beauty in scars "
When she didn't say anything I continued
" That scars are nothing to be ashamed of, because they're evidence of your fight and your victory "
Amory was silent, deathly so, I could sense her tense up and her fingers instinctively reached out to touch the back of her neck, I moved closer to her and she pulled back immediately
" Yeah, yeah we should do that, good thing we already got the materials, we just need to start, I organized everything, the paint, the different brushes, the canvas, oil... " She continued on
walking briskly from the place we were standing to a secluded corner and bringing out different materials.
Why did she tense up?
I walked over where she was sitting and sat knelt beside her
" Since we have the concept, I'm thinking we need to paint a scarred body first, then design it to look very evident.
" Are we going to cover the scars with the new painting??" She asked and turned to me
" No, the scars can't exactly be covered completely" she thought about it for a while and said
" You know it won't look very beautiful, I mean it might not be seen as beautiful"
I smiled and looked at the bizarre dye on her hair, her hair was cascading down her shoulder, though it looks irregularly cut, with bangs that almost cover her eyes.
I reached out to move some of the hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ears
" It doesn't need to be seen as beautiful, it's simply new, unique, different and how the person wears it, it's meant to depict bizarre beauty, just out of this world".
" How do you do it ??"
" Do what ??" I asked in confusion as I stared at her daint figure that seem to have put all of her attention on me
" Say the most unexpected things" I watched the movement of her lips as she uttered the words, her eyes still not leaving me.
I smiled at her and turned to the canvas before me, looking over the materials before me
" I think I'll paint a woman, you paint the scars I mean if that's okay with you"
She nodded at me, her eyes still on me even as I took out the brush to clean and start work.
**************************
I looked at the painting before me and smiled, it was the side view of a woman, capturing part of her expression, her pose, she had her legs crossed as she sat on a rock near an ocean, her hair cascading down her bare back, many parts of her body was exposed, she wasn't breathtakingly beautiful, neither did she have the best shape, but there is one thing that can easily be observed in this painting...
Her confidence, she excluded such an aura, you could even feel it, I wonder how I was able to make it like this, I know I can paint for a start but this... It doesn't look artificial or like a painting, it looks so real and I don't know why that sparked a feeling of dread in my gut.
Maybe I do know, maybe I know it looks almost the same as the person I've been having uncontrollable emotions towards lately, considering I was painting her.
" Are you done yet, my neck is beginning to hurt"
It wasn't exactly my plan ab initio to paint Amory but why I couldn't exactly paint the perfect woman's body she volunteered to step in so I could use her silhouette as the basics for a start.
So she posed, a very exaggerated pose full of confidence, it excluded a compelling aura, it excluded Amory's entire nature, though I altered a few things about her features and shape to fit the concept but that was no where near enough to conceal the fact that I painted Amory, without even a second thought.
" Yeah I'm done, you can come and see it" I said quite skeptical about the whole thing
" Oh my God, wow... This ... This breathtaking, it's really gorgeous, I didn't know you could paint this well"
" Well..."
" You know, looking at the painting closely, it does look like me, but... I have a better face structure, and my shape is definitely better than hers, look at the hip, it looks a bit disfigured, other than that, this painting is definitely me"
She said and turned to look at me with a raised brow, as if to question me
" Do you not like it??" I asked my voice very low, afraid she will say no
" Of course not, it's not like it's me or anything, it's just a project work"
She said
" Yeah it's just a project work " I replied, my eyes trained on the painting, as I let it captivate me one more time.
" What is missing are the scars "
" Yeah I'll do that " she said
" You sure you don't need my help " I asked
" Nah, I got it, though I won't be able to do it today, I'm tired "
I stood up " No problem, we have been here long enough, where's the bathroom, I need to wash off this paint, before I head home"
She pointed to the room opposite where we were sitting and I nodded before heading to the bathroom to wash off before going home.