Today I finished
3 test papers completely
For a moment,
my confidence returned—
quiet, fragile,
but real.
Yet peace didn't stay.
My mind still runs
for twenty-four hours straight,
asking the same question again and again:
What if I fail?
What if I'm not enough?
What if selection never comes?
This isn't the life I once imagined.
I'm far from the people
I wanted to grow with.
They've moved ahead,
cleared their paths,
and I'm still here—
trying,
struggling,
comparing without meaning to.
I thought hard work
would help me stand beside them.
But now it feels like
no matter how much I try,
I can't match their pace.
That truth hurts more
than I like to admit.
These thoughts sit with me constantly.
I don't know
what to do,
what to choose,
what will work,
or what won't.
So I decided
to disconnect—
not from life,
but from the noise.
From expectations.
From comparisons.
From everything that pulls me apart.
Now I just want to study.
Quietly.
Honestly.
Whether it clears or not,
I want to give it my name,
my effort,
my sincerity.
Maybe clarity doesn't come
all at once.
Maybe it comes
one chapter at a time.
And for now,
that is enough.I want to test myself—
just once—
to see how strong I really am.
When I don't get into a good college,
I slowly stop reaching out.
I don't contact anyone,
because maybe I'm afraid
I won't be able to handle
their questions,
their concern,
their pressure.
I don't have the courage
to message people anymore.
It feels like I'd be burdening them,
like I'd be interrupting
their settled lives.
They are busy building futures,
while I'm still trying
to hold mine together.
So I stay silent.
I pull away.
And in that silence,
everything feels incomplete.
I keep telling myself
that one day
everything will fall into place—
but maybe I forgot
that life doesn't pause
just because I'm unsure.
Everyone is busy now—
with their own lives,
their new friends,
their new routines.
Maybe one day
they'll remember me again.
Or maybe they won't.
And maybe that's okay.
Maybe this is the part
where I learn
to stand alone,
to face myself,
to grow quietly
without waiting
for a message
to prove I matter.