Both on the grass, Ismael and Raven, peacefully sitting and laying down in the summer heat.
"This reminds me a lot of our golden days."
"Ismael, have you seen what has been done, recently?"
"I have no means of seeing the outside world."
"The weapon that Basil threatened you with, the railgun? He sold it to another region of the world, more advanced. He's living there, now. He's out of your reach. but relinquish hatred for now, we've got more pressing matters at hand."
"I know he's waiting. There is no hatred in my heart. Thought I should thank you, actually. I wanted to know if you cared about our past with the others."
"I see Gloria as a stamp of perseverance and high respect, Basil as a lost puppy, and you as a psychopath. Genova is my big sister in some weird way. Not everything has to be about competition. You can just live your life as it is, admiring somebody and ending all ego. I usually win against other weapon traffickers and mercenaries because I'm better at this. But I am not blind to the point of attacking mercilessly everyone I come across."
"So what is the next step? I'm ready to team up, to go overdrive, to let go for you."
"You are? A good slave, you're ready to let go? You're saying it like that, aren't you? What if this entire thing wasn't about killing but realizing we can build something better. A world devoid of any threats is weak and bland. I refuse to lead a bleak existence. I'll go and do whatever I care doing just because it's my right and also my duty to do so. Ismael, the Ismael. His gift, but also his life. Mateni died, well, let's meet new friends, then, shall we?"
"I'm talking about phasing through the ego. What is beyond that?"
"Failure. What failure does is that it teaches something, not about your most recent actions, but about you. Straight up. Those actions come from you, you are the source of your own lack of success, and in a world deprived of ego, success is the only objective metric. A lack of ego is a lack of comprehension of your own surroundings and limits. You have no ego? You don't know yourself, you've never stared at a mirror hard enough for long enough. You've never set foot outside of your comfort zone, so everything that looks back at you starts to look like a threat. And threats that go unchecked go unmarked. A target that is unmarked is a bullet in your head."
"What about those who naturally fall in the category of being better than everybody else at everything?"
"They never commit any failure, so they've never had to question themselves. That structure is the very base of their ego. They started thinking they are untouchable because of that. Genova doesn't even know we're after her. Not because she's ignorant but because she subconsciously knows we are no threats to her. And us actually acting upon that will to kill is so aborrhent, that she would kill us simply for trying, or thinking of doing it. There she will end our lives and move on, in the end, she kills in concepts, she doesn't even register humanity as an absolute reality but a factual, permanent idea she can use to get what she wants."
"Ego based on absurdity remains a possibility for cataclysm. We saw that in Nara. We thought to survive, but Genova used that opportunity to learn that she is the one exception. She's perfect at everything, which means she lacks something fundamental. The presence of mistakes, which usually propels us higher than people born with talents. Hard work is the completion of a God-given talent."
"Genova already perfected the hard work by compensating for the absence of mistakes. In her head she visualizes every single possible scenario, it goes to deplorable lengths too, such as moving her head an inch to the left or an inch to the right. She fights fair and square but she remains completely untouchable. Her ego is based on reality and her mistakes, that cannot escape her head, somehow have happened but not in a way that qualifies her as imperfect, thus creating the perfect soldier. No psychological condition, no medical issue, no sleep problem. If fourteen doctors all examined her entire body and her abilities they would all write her off as a different species."
"What if we force a mistake on her part? She'll have to lower her image and that would be our window frame to stay still and shoot."
"You've missed a key factor."
"Which one?"
"I don't want to kill her. I can't. If I had a gun to her forehead I'd rather shoot myself. If a bullet had to go, it'd go into my head. Dying at her feet would be nice. I enjoy talking about possibilities, but you're pushing it, trying to make it happen."
"What is the point, then?"
"There is no point, Ismael. That was my conclusion. I was staring at the blurry pictures they got of her, those pictures are publicly available yet nobody sees them the way I do. Earlier I've mentionned she's like my sister, but sometimes I don't even know how I feel towards her. It could be anything. It did start off with reverence, but now I want to get killed off by her. I want one of her bullets to delete me off of the existence. I want to rot in her name. Because there is nothing else. You could try anything, you wouldn't see any way of going that would be better than this."
"I stand by the fact that she will die no matter what, so why treat her as deity when she's capable of dying like we are? I find it repulsive. She's better, but perfection is reaching the sky with a broken arm. Humans cannot go so high. Genova will die. By whichever's hand fate elects. The correct nomenclature you were trying to find earlier was the lack of possibility of being absolved of our own errors. Mistake is not the only word that embodies the absolute opposite of perfection. Errors. Sins. Saying the wrong word, recalling a moment of tension, that holds wrath stable in our hearts. This is what I will do to you, Raven Perma. I will show you that Genova is greatly imperfect. As we all are. I will free you. If there is one thing she is good at, and I'll give you that, it's hiding her flaws. But they always come out. You can only hide for so long."
"Then it is a pitiful existence you have."
"It is. But it's mine. The choice to ruin my life for a pathetic goal is mine. You spend so much time fantasizing about her perfection, you fail to see your own qualities. Which of you have many. But refuse to correctly take into account. Worshipping is your religion, not the object of worship per se but rather the action. This is what sets you off."
"You've grown a lot since that bench. Have you considered suicide?"
"No. Because everyone matters to me. To say they all matter on the same level would be lying, but you all matter a lot to me still."
"So you want to kill all of us to just pay off a debt?"
"I carry no debt, not in life not in death. This is a duty I felt compelled to act upon."
"Indeed you lead a pathetic life."
"Right again. We are detritus waiting to be pushed by the wind. In the face of adversity, we fear the fire that consumes."
"Genova is neither the wind nor the fire."
"What does she embody for you? An ideal to acheive? Do you reckon she has power over you? What does she even do to make you submit to her will unwillingly?"
"I see her as the free eagle that kills and sheds no skin, the keen-eyed shark that never evolved. The fierce rhino that finds a way to break the wall of the hill to go through. She's what I am not. Tall, strong, doesn't have to rely on tech. Produces her own wealth and carries her meals wherever she desires so, even with every government trying to kill her. She's special and I hate that. I loathe her supremacy. I want it to end. In that hatred I found peace. In that peace I found love."
"This defeats the purpose of a proper life. Within this malevolence you isolate yourself in, you've made your bed into a solid prison of disbelief. I was never the one in a cage."
"I've never felt so desoriented."
"Cognitive dissonence. Two ideas at the same time. I've been there, trust me."
"I would need to see her in real life again to adjust. I refuse to die so young and so disconnected with reality. So far away from being in touch with my emotions."
"Have you decided what to carry to your grave?"
"Some of her belongings. Why should it matter that I love her? She's so good. Screw the details, if she's perfect or not. I'd like to understand what I am made of. In the end it is her likeliness to kill me that matters. Because I am so adamant on understanding how I feel about her, I'm ready to die for it and I focused so much of my energy on that specific ending that I didn't realize how I had accepted my death so easily. That woman is dangerous."
"What would you tell to Mateni, had him be here today?"
"I'd shut up and fall asleep in his arms. I don't want war, Ismael. I've seen war. I'm wise enough to not want war ever again. I want love. I'm young. While I'm still young I want to persue something that truly makes me happy. What is it that even makes you happy, Ismael?"
"Few days ago, Gloria. Now, meeting Genova. I've already met with Basil and I wouldn't sneak in that door ever again. The source of any and all emotion is engraved into all of you. Whichever way it might go. I also know for a fact that any sane person would have lost any and all hope, any sense of reason if they had been through what I've been through, but somehow I hold dear that resilience that keeps me going."
"Are we fighting the right cause?"
"You've already blown to ashes Cressenie, so any and all corrupted politician is dead off the mark, buried forever with no grave. I'd say we went back at them all right. As for what constitutes right, we scattered around and looked for clues to answer that question many times, we've never been able to really get it right. I'd tell you this, though. The right to bear arms, to pull the trigger and take a life was granted to us and we have to use it. For example, the people of this region would never be able to go with us on that journey. That's because it is ours to take. We fill the hole in our hearts not with faith but excuses, and we dress not with the normal attire but the uncomfortable coat of anguish. We fight for what we believe is right, whether that includes euthanazing our friends off the pain of war."
"You've had Gloria kill Mateni, and I've sliced off Gloria in front of you. What do you think about this exactly? Do you think I've set her free?"
"Yes. There is no other emotion nor explanation to permuate to. She was in pain and I could see it. I was never seriously imagining my life with her. I gravely chose to keep her with me. In this keeping she found desolation. If this is the price to reunite with all of you, let it be that way."
"You're the odd one in the group, Ismael. Even Basil feels more human because your understanding of each and every one of us is so disgustingly deep and cohesive it feels like you know us better than we know ourselves. And that reeks me out."
"Let me go even deeper, if you had Genova's blood. In whatever form. At your possession."
"I would keep it. Depending on the context I would either keep it, drink it, spill it. I like to believe I am more than just a tool for her. More than just a girl who thinks about Genova all the time. You were right about one thing, though. She's not unreachable. Nobody is. She has to be somewhere. On top of a building or under a lion's den. She could sleep in a cave filled with water and nobody would know."
"In that regard she does sound more human."
"Ismael. Whenever you feel like talking, just talk. I'll listen. I came in here on a helicopter, I'll just go back in. I'd like you to find hints at where she could be."
"I will. Stay safe. Hey, Raven?"
"Yeah?"
"If this whole mess had a story, an actual story, and you had to give it a name, what would it be?"
"Gift of Ismael."