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Oshi no Ko: Beauty is such a Pain

Freaky_Nim
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Synopsis
Oshi no ko As The Handsome And KitKat! " Satoru Gojo "
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Chapter 1 - Reborn as a Child

December 28, 1992

In a hospital near a rural town, a perfectly healthy baby boy was born.

Though his parents died, the baby survived.

He had snow-white hair and beautiful ocean-blue eyes—a rarity born once in a hundred years.

Some considered him… a gem.

Sent to an orphanage, he lived on, even at the fragile age of one.

"I'm bored…!"

Sitting atop a creaking playground swing, I stared blankly ahead.

The sun was beginning to set. One by one, parents arrived to take their children home. Laughter filled the air as small hands were held and promises were made.

I watched from the sidelines.

Of course, a normal child would feel sad.

I didn't.

Letting go of the swing, I hopped down and began walking back. Along the way, gazes of curiosity—and sometimes awe—followed me. I ignored them and continued on.

Soon, the orphanage compound came into view.

It wasn't fancy. Just a two-story building, old and worn, barely maintained.

Frankly, it was a miracle the place was still operating.

"I'm home—sorry for the intrusion!"

I entered, carefully removing my shoes and socks at the door.

"Oh, you're already back from playing, Satoru?" one of the caretakers asked.

It was Miyuki.

"Yes. It's almost sunset, so I ran back," I replied casually.

She crouched down, patting me and fixing my clothes while softly humming a tune.

"Really, you shouldn't stay out so late," she said gently.

"Yes, I know."

Noticing my gaze, she smiled and ruffled my hair.

"You stubborn child."

Standing up, she returned to the kitchen, the other children trailing behind her like ducklings.

I followed and sat at the far end of the table.

"Children, it's time for dinner. Please prepare!"

The scent of porridge filled the room.

One by one, she served each of us—not too little, not too much. When she placed my bowl in front of me, she returned to her seat across the room.

The porridge was still hot.

To some, this was a simple, sustaining meal. For me—after eating it countless times—I'd long since grown used to it.

Seriously, this again… Well, I can't complain. Food is food.

The building creaked with every step.

Cracks lined the walls. The equipment looked ancient. Even the utensils showed signs of wear and mold.

It felt less like a home and more like a shelter barely holding together.

After finishing my meal and helping clean the dishes, I headed upstairs to my room.

Because of overcrowding, bunk beds filled the space. Privacy was nonexistent.

Night soon fell, and the children drifted off to sleep.

I couldn't.

A single thought lingered in my mind.

Is this all real…?

Ever since I'd been reborn into this world, that question haunted me.

At first, I was excited. Like any protagonist, I thought I'd been reincarnated into some grand fantasy.

That illusion shattered quickly.

Here I was—poor, orphaned, with no inheritance to my name.

Well… it's not like I have nothing.

I looked at myself through a makeshift mirror I'd built.

I was handsome—no, calling it "handsome" was an understatement.

I looked like a sculpture crafted by a god.

Snow-white hair. Pale lashes. And most striking of all—my eyes.

Light blue, gem-like, demanding attention just by existing.

Even with baby fat softening my features, I could already see the potential.

Isn't this just like Satoru Gojo from Jujutsu Kaisen?

White hair. Ocean-blue eyes. Ridiculous looks.

Even my name was the same.

Satoru Gojo. Born December 28, 1992.

Meh, I can't complain. With this face, I should use it to the fullest.

I slapped my cheeks lightly.

Though I'm a bit disappointed. I thought I'd be reborn into a fantasy world with busty heroines. Instead, I get this?

Sighing, I flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. My eyelids slowly grew heavy.

Sleep claimed me.

Nothing happened that day.

As usual.

Yet somewhere in the vast night sky, the stars shone a little brighter—

As if heralding an important event to come.

_____

Chirp.

Birdsong echoed outside the window.

Sunlight hit my face, waking me up. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"What time is it…?" I yawned, checking the clock.

6:35 AM

Still early.

Most of the children were fast asleep.

I stood and quietly made my way to the door, careful not to wake anyone. Once children woke up, they were a nightmare.

I learned that the hard way…

The day went on as it always did.

Sitting on benches until the caretakers woke. Breakfast. Bathing.

Despite the lack of money, we somehow still had hot running water—one of the orphanage's small miracles.

I dressed in a blue T-shirt and shorts, both donated and slightly worn.

Just as I reached the exit, a voice stopped me.

"Satoru Gojo, where do you think you're going, young man?"

I froze.

Behind me stood one of the meanest caretakers I knew.

Hirumi.

With a name that cute, you'd expect someone kind.

You'd be wrong.

She was… a bit chubby, to put it lightly.

I turned around and forced a smile.

"Just going to the park for a walk…?"

"..."

She stared at me with that irritating deep frown.

If I had to describe her face—

Shrek.

"Uh… anyway, I'm just gonna—"

I ran.

"Come back here, you little scoundrel!"

Her shouting echoed through the orphanage as I fled for my life.

I didn't stop until I was sure she couldn't catch me.

"Phew… thank goodness I escaped that Shrek wannabe."

Wiping sweat from my brow, I slowed to a walk.

The countryside of Japan stretched before me—fresh air, open land, and peaceful silence. Summer heat could be unbearable, but it was still better than city life.

Hands in my pockets, I strolled along, feeling oddly like a gangster.

Eventually, I reached my favorite spot.

Atop a hill stood a lone tree, surrounded by tall grass. When the wind blew and clouds drifted past, the view looked like a painting.

Today, the weather was perfect.

I sat beneath the tree, observing the scenery.

Sometimes I slept here.

Other times, I thought about… things.

Like—

What does a placenta taste like?

Or—

Where does poop go after the toilet?

I was genuinely curious.

The world had many mysteries.

Taking a deep breath, I absorbed the view.

With this aging body, I might as well enjoy my youth.

Like that bushy-browed guy once said—

"Youth is power!" I cupped my hands and shouted into the wind.

This was it.

My new life.

___________

Soon, afternoon arrived—along with the loud grumbling of my stomach.

Hesitating for a moment, I stood up and headed back, taking one last glance behind me before continuing.

Entering the compound, I moved carefully, sneaking away as if my life depended on it.

After all, I was trying to escape the clutches of an evil woman.

I was just about to reach the kitchen when I felt it—

an overwhelming presence looming behind me.

Slowly, dreadfully slowly, I turned my head.

There she was.

An absolutely infuriated Hiruki.

"Would you forgive me if I told you there was an emergency?" I tried to reason, forcing out a weak smile.

Judging by her expression, that excuse wasn't flying anywhere.

Just as my doomed situation was about to escalate, an angel descended.

Miyuki walked in from the corridor, heading toward the kitchen, a small duckling of a child trailing behind her.

Seizing the opportunity, I bolted.

"Miyuki-nee, help me!"

I jumped toward her and clung on.

Instinctively, she caught me in her arms, blocking Hiruki's advance.

"Help me! She's bullying me again!" I cried, looking up at her with the most pitiful, persuasive expression I could muster.

"You brat!" Hiruki snapped. "I was just teaching you a lesson! Don't go running off again!"

The kids behind her froze in fear, their faces pale.

"Hiruki-san, you're scaring the children," Miyuki said calmly. "Please stop."

That did it.

With no choice, Hiruki backed off—though not before shooting me a glare sharp enough to carve my name into a gravestone.

"Bleh."

I stuck my tongue out at her as I retreated, grinning.

That only made her angrier, judging by the way she started complaining under her breath.

I couldn't help it—I laughed, giggling to myself.

With the tension gone, Miyuki continued toward the kitchen with the kids.

After filling my stomach, I wandered back outside, much to someone's visible dismay.

I returned to the playground.

Children were running around, laughter filling the air, while parents watched nearby.

I took my usual spot on the swings—my personal territory.

About an hour later, a kid approached me.

"Hey, are you not going to use the swing?" he asked curiously.

"Yeah. Got a problem with that?"

He stiffened, clearly offended. Soon, his little goons gathered around him.

"If you're not using it, then get off!"

"Yeah! Like he said!"

One by one, they surrounded me.

Clearing my throat, I prepared the most villainous line I could muster, lowering my voice into a fake yakuza growl.

"So what… I was here first."

This seemed to work as instantly, they panicked.

Crying, they scattered back to their parents, rambling incoherently.

That… surprised me.

Were kids really this easy to rage-bait?

…No.

The real problem was the fact that I was beefing with children.

'This is just sad,' I thought.

'I'm a grown man picking fights with kids.'

Sighing, I leaned back into my stupor.

I stayed there until the sun dipped below the horizon before heading back.

As usual, I avoided the ogre, ate my share of early porridge, and retreated to my room.

Night seeped in.

The sound of children snoring filled the air.

Honestly, that was one of the reasons I never slept well.

I tried complaining once.

I got kicked in the face for it.

'Those damn little shits.'

'Anyway… where was I?'

Right.

My future.

I'd been thinking about it a lot lately. What should I do when the time comes?

Eventually, I'd have to shoulder adult responsibilities again.

Something I wasn't exactly looking forward to.

Still, despite all my complaining, I enjoyed this routine I'd built for myself.

With this face, maybe picking up side work—photoshoots or acting—wasn't such a bad idea.

I could see myself as an actor.

…Though delusions only take you so far.

"Well, that's future me's problem," I

muttered. "I should just sleep."

My eyelids finally grew heavy.

'I also heard there's another kid joining us… what was her name again?'

'Hosh—'

My thoughts faded as I drifted into sleep.

The orphanage was wrapped in silence.

Outside, the stars shone brightly—brighter than usual.

Beside the largest one, a second star appeared.

It wasn't as radiant yet.

But it held potential.