Chapter 33: The Mama's Boy's Waterloo
David couldn't help but laugh at Howard's pitiful, slightly pleading gaze. He nodded readily. "Sure, no problem. Find the time, and I'll take you."
Only then did Howard seem to find some comfort. He took a deep breath, glared fiercely at his gossip-hungry friends, and began recounting his romantic encounter—one filled with hope and passion, yet ultimately ending in disaster:
Time rewound to yesterday, after David and the others had left.
In Penny's apartment, only Howard and Christie remained. A man and a woman alone, the atmosphere was charged.
Christie had a hot figure and a wild personality. She accepted all of Howard's suggestive jokes and "engineer-style" flirting, even responding actively.
The two quickly moved the conversation from the living room couch to more "intimate" topics, and physical contact became increasingly frequent.
Howard felt his moment had finally arrived, and it was coming with such intensity.
He was overjoyed, believing that with his "charm," seducing this "wild girl" from Nebraska was practically guaranteed.
Just as the two were burning with passion and about to cross the final threshold, and Howard's hand was restlessly reaching toward Christie's neckline, Christie suddenly blocked him with her hand, her face showing an expression mixing desire with genuine worry.
"Howard, wait..." Christie panted. "There's something... I actually came to California to chase my dreams in Hollywood, just like Penny. I'm planning to find a place to live in Pasadena."
Howard was in the moment, and although slightly annoyed at the interruption, he went along with it. "Oh! That's great! Congratulations! Chase those dreams! Then we can see each other all the time!" He thought to himself that a regular "friend with benefits" seemed pretty nice.
However, Christie pushed away his hand, which was trying to advance, and continued complaining. "But... Howard, you know, I just got here. I don't know anyone, and I don't have much money... I wanted to crash with Penny, but she refused. And trying to rent a place in Pasadena is just so hard..."
As she spoke, she gazed pitifully at Howard with her large, heavily lined eyes, full of suggestion.
Howard was captivated by her gaze, and with his hormones raging, he blurted out impulsively, "What's so hard about that! Me! I have a house! You can... you can move in and live with me!"
The moment he said this, Christie's eyes instantly lit up as if she'd seen a savior. She cried out in delight, hugged Howard tightly, and gave him an incredibly passionate kiss, leaving Howard dizzy and convinced he was about to reach the pinnacle of his life.
However, just as Howard thought things were settled and he could proceed to the "main event" on Penny's couch, Christie called a halt again.
She wrapped her arms around Howard's neck and said in a syrupy-sweet voice, "Baby, here... I just feel a bit awkward. Penny could come back anytime... Why don't we go back to your place? There, we can have a more... wonderful, uninterrupted night."
Although Howard was already burning with impatience, he felt Christie had a point—he could certainly better display his "skills" on his own familiar turf.
So, he forcefully suppressed his raging desire and agreed to Christie's suggestion.
The two quickly gathered their things, left Penny's apartment, and took a cab back to Howard's home—the house he shared with his mother.
As soon as they entered Howard's room and closed the door, they quickly became entangled, like thunder meeting earth...
Afterward, Howard lay contentedly on the bed, feeling that his life was complete.
Christie snuggled into his arms, tracing circles on his chest with her finger, and began planning the "future."
"Baby, your room is a bit small, but if we redecorate, it should be pretty cozy."
Christie looked around at the shelves full of comics, action figures, and movie posters.
"We can move that shelf over there, and put a vanity here... Oh, and I have lots of clothes, so you'll need to clear out half your closet for me..."
Howard was still immersed in the afterglow, vaguely agreeing, "Mmm... that's all fine..."
Just as the two were discussing how to transform Howard's "nerd sanctuary" into a "love nest," a loud, extremely penetrating female voice suddenly came from downstairs:
"Howard! I'm home! Dr. Goldstein really knows his stuff! He said the reason for my constipation isn't because I haven't been eating enough fiber, but because the 'traffic' in my intestines has completely gridlocked! It's like the 405 at rush hour the day before Thanksgiving! Everything's backed up at what he calls the 'sigmoid junction,' nobody's moving, and new 'traffic' keeps trying to merge from behind! Dr. Goldstein said this is my colon protesting because I always watch those sad Lifetime movies while eating, causing too much emotional distress, which scared away the 'traffic controller'! So he told me that from now on, I must stay calm while eating, and preferably watch The Weather Channel!"
It was Mrs. Wolowitz! She was home from the doctor!
Hearing the voice, Christie jumped, abruptly sat up from Howard's embrace, and looked at him in shock. "Who is that?"
Howard answered with a look of complete normalcy. "Oh, that's my mom."
"Your mother?!" Christie's tone instantly shot up, her face filled with shock and disbelief. "Didn't... didn't you say this was your house?!"
Howard nodded, still not seeing any issue. "Yeah, I didn't lie to you. This is definitely my house." He paused, then added, "When my mom passes away, this will be entirely my house. For now, it's temporarily co-owned by me and my mother."
Christie's face instantly went from red to white, then from white to green. She violently shook off Howard's hand as he tried to embrace her and raged, "You lied to me! You live with your mother?! You certainly didn't mention that when you invited me to move in!"
Howard looked innocent and confused. "What's the problem? My mom's presence won't affect you, right? You can still live in this room with me, and my mom will even make us breakfast..." He tried to comfort Christie.
Hearing Howard say that, Christie's anger seemed to subside slightly, and her expression softened as she apparently weighed the pros and cons.
Seeing her attitude soften, Howard thought the situation had turned around. He quickly seized the moment, adding confidently, "And don't worry! My mother will definitely be cool with you staying here! She adores me!"
That last sentence was the final straw that broke the camel's back!
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