Five years before Encounter. (TW: Description of Anxiety)
Beating red lights, swerving off his lane, not signalling his intentions, illegal turns, was what he could be convicted for by the traffic police under reckless driving. Though that thought never cross his mind because Hamin had to drive as fast as he could back to their apartment, "Yah! Hamin! Where the fuck are you the show is about to start! Your fans are waiting! Where are you going?!" His manager at the time huffed out. Hamin was about to perform his comeback stage 10 minutes ago.
"Sorry, manager-nim. I need to rush home something happened. Please postpone the show please I can't think anymore. I'm sorry okay I'll call later..." He couldn't even hang up. "Fuck why are there so many red lights?!" He ranted before he hang up the call with his manager. Hamin was about to start his comeback show when he received a text from Si Woo.
SI Woo Hyung
'I cant take this anymore. Lets break up.'
Hamin, who whipped his phone out to text Si Woo so that he wont miss the live a was beyond flabbergasted when he saw the text. "No... No.. No this cant be happening." He breathes out in disbelief. Hamin started hyperventilating, moving around the room frantically around the room, as if he was looking for something and his behaviour got his stylist's attention.
She was the first to notice him having trouble breathing and it didn't take long for her to rush to him. "Someone go fetch us water!" She screamed. Hamin is now crouched down, eyes widened with his hand on his chest trying to regulate his breathing. This wasn't the first time he had a panic attack, as someone that has been working with Hamin for a little over 2 years, she was able to build trust with Hamin and know a little bit more than the rest of the other ones involved in the styling team.
No, no, not now. Not ever. Not when you haven't heard this song.
He looked up, with his palms to his face while everyone made a commotion around him. Trying to make him relax and calm down. Hamin started getting dizzy and looked around the room. "Why am I here?" He said which confuses the staff and his manager. "Hamin breathe!"
Hamin started tearing, his tears rolling down his cheeks. This is not the first time Si Woo asked for a break up, but why? Why does he feel that he would really be gone this time? What is this gut-wrenching feeling? He scans the room once again, and finally decide to take a leap of faith and rushed for his bag. "I'm so sorry I really have to go."
He rips his in-ear monitor off his ears and took off the receiver before tossing it on the sofa and grab his car keys.
Which brought us to him driving frantically, missing red lights and honking every car obstructing his way. Once he reached their apartment complex, he threw his car keys to the security and told them to park for him. He bolts to the staircase and climb the stairs as fast as he could until he reached their floor. Damn, he's fucking exhausted. His schedule has been pack for a month, he's barely eating and he sleeps like he's taking a nap.
Then, his only breath of fresh air just demanded that they go separate ways to which he didn't even reply because he was busy rushing to their newly rented apartment. Which they just paid for its deposit. Hamin suddenly thought off the day they were preparing the house. It was so good then, so why now?
He barges into their two-room apartment and rush to their bedroom. He was so glad to see SI Woo, until his smile drop when he scans the room to see multiple luggage. "Hyung, what happened?" The black haired male glanced at his lover with no emotions. He looks so numb, so serious and definitely seemed like he was in a rush.
"Did you saw my text?"Si Woo sked while packing his clothes into a big luggage. Hamin notices that Siwoo seems to be in a rush. Hamin removed his hands from the door handle and walk toward Si Woo slowly. "Yeah! I saw. What was that about? I was about to text you that I'll be live. What did I do this time?" As he walked closer to Si Woo, he reaches his hand out to hold his hand. Si Woo shrugs his hands off and shouted, "Don't touch me!"
Hamin, who was so stunned , took a step back and looks at SI Woo with his eyes wide. "Hyung...". Hamin remove his hands from the door handle and walk to Si Woo slowly. As he walked closer to Si Woo, he reaches his hand out to hold his hand. SI Woo shrugs his hands off and shouted, "Don't touch me!" Hamin, who was so stunned , took a step back and looks at Si Woo wide eyed. "Hyung..."
"Fuck!" SI Woo cursed and rummage his hair in frustration. "Don't you get it?I don't love you anymore!"
"No hyung don't say that..."
"NO YOU LISTEN! You know that's true. You knew my feelings faded and you still tried okay I really get it. But I don't see this going anywhere! We have our careers, our projects, our needs, and- Shit! I just cant stand you anymore." SI Woo screamed. Hamin, who was just looking at him, screams back, "But I told you I will be taking a break!"
"Its always about you. You! Hamin-ah! I don't love you anymore don't you fucking get it? Please for God's sake don't make this difficult for me." Hamin, with tears streaming down his cheeks, red swollen eyes, pleaded his partner to, "Take that back, you don't mean that at all right?" He walked closer, this time crouches down to look into his beloved's eyes. Hamin reached his hand out and held Siwoo's face gently. "Hmm?No.." he sobs. "You dont mean it. What's wrong? ... Hic. Tell me. I know you love me. You wouldn't throw me away like this."
SI Woo, who could feel his own tears welling up in his eyes, knew this was the final thing to be said, "I don't love you anymore, Please just let me go, Hamin-ah." Si Woo pulls his hand away and zips his last luggage. Hamin, just stood there, stunned. He couldn't say anything anymore. The taller male watched his lover leave with clothes on his back and a luggage.
He's gone... Hamin realised his fear was about to turn into reality.
He instinctively ran out and yanked Siwoo's left arm so now the other male looked at him wide-eyed. "Was all the time you told me youIove me, a lie?" Silence. They were just standing in front of each other but they look so, distant at the same time. One gave up and the other is begging the other to stay and work things out together. But how could they, it wasn't the right time to play house when their careers were both sky-rocketing and many eyes were on them. Looking for a sliver of hope that either of them has a weakness to be taken advantage of.
"It must be fucking easy for you, huh?" Hamin noticed Si Woo donning a suit and he finally understood what was going on after putting two and two together. The parents... The damn parents and their obsession to marry off their last heir. Hamin started laughing, not a chuckle, but a franctic one. One so loud their neighbours probably heard. No wonder, he kept saying he was too busy to join the comeback stage.
Si Woo remained silent, hands on his side, balling his fist to prevent himself from falling apart. He couldn't even look at Hamin which made the other scoff in disbelief, "Answer me. Was it all a lie?!" Hamin screams. "Yes! Yes it was!" The black haired male huffs out. Si Woo rips off his glasses and rummage his hair frustratingly. This was never his intention, but part of him believe that they needed time away, even if it rips both their hearts apart. "Is that what you wanted to hear? I fucking told you. Let me go!You're so persistent, damn it."
Hamin shocks at the answer, pushes Si Woo back, "Okay! Okay go! You bastard. Guess what, while you were packing your bags, giving up on us, I was about to present the song I wrote for, you! I rushed here, left my career behind to get to you but apparently, its still not enough for you! What more do you need, hyung?" Hamin retorts. He was fuming now. He had his fair share of hardship in this relationship but remain understanding because, it's Si Woo. They have been together for 3 years... Surely they could overcome anything.
But anything become unbearable and love alone was never enough.
"Of course I knew. I knew I was the only one trying and the only one putting in the effort. The understanding one who fucking kept quiet when your parents kept setting you up on those dates. You definitely just came back from one too! Despite all that, I was fucking patient and ignored all that because I love you. Despite your parents clear disapproval of me, I held my head high and loved you nonetheless." He confessed. Hamin knew that due to Si Woo's circumstances as the heir of an entertainment agency, he had a duty to fulfill. One that determines whether he is a filial son to his parents or a disgrace to the public eye.
"I drove as fast as I could to hear this bullshit. This was the comeback show I wanted to show the world before I go on a break and take us somewhere." Hamin already bought plane ticket, cleared off his schedule and planned his comeback promotions prior to today. All he needed to seal his comeback was this show and fan meeting, after that, he has nothing for two months.
Hamin looks up, hands on his hips while holding back his tears that were welling up in his eyes since he barge into their house.
"I just have one more question. At the end of the day, did I not make it easy for you to love me?" Hamin was devastated, he felt his life crumble and the one that made it scatter is standing right infront of him, unapologetically demanding a break up. Tossing three years of growth together away just like that.
Si Woo had nothing to say, or he just couldn't find an excuse. Hamin was right and defntiely made sense. There's nothing Si Woo could do because, it's his parents. He's vulnerable and still cant seem to make his own damn decisions in life due to those two people.
Hamin, feeling utterly defeated, decides he'll let Si Woo go. He grabbed the whiskey from the drawer and drags himself to their living room. Which they picked out together all whilst imagining how life would be like when they purchased it. Eating lunch together, watching television and hanging out together. A place they could chill after a long busy schedule. He sat down on their veranda, fully given up any hopes of reconciliation, and the sound of the bottle pops open. SI Woo was just watching him, yeah, this was the only way. He thought. He had to make Hamin hate him.
"Leave."
Hamin then swigs the drink in his system. He winced then wiped his mouth with his right arm. He couldn't believe what just happened. He looked towards Si Woo lifelessly, with solemn eyes and expression so cold Si Woo swore he wanted to run in his lover's arm and take back everything he said.
"Leave before I stop you." He said softly. Si Woo took this opportunity to go and didn't say a word. Hamin, who was looking down at the bottle, looks up in hopes he will see Si Woo standing there. However, he watches his lover's back, walking out on him. Walking out the door, leaving him alone, in their cold apartment.
| Breaking News: Singer-songwriter Go Hamin was last seen ditching his comeback show, fans stranded in an empty arena.
The idol allegedly was seen driving recklessly by fans who spotted his car on the run. No proper evidence have been provided so far. We shall now wait for the agency's explanation. |
Hamin then since fell off the face of the media. His song was then released with no promotion, no media coverage, but it was doing wonders in the charts. However, he at this time, was getting so much hate from the industry, and was never seen again.
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