Chapter 52: Part 1 — The Heat of the Kitchen and the Hooves of Chaos
[A/N: I didn't write for 2 days because the "Sickness Arc" hit us like a truck. Me and the GF are down for the count.
But I refused to stop gaming, so I dragged my adjustable wheel-table right over the bed. I am now gaming horizontally. Has anyone else unlocked this level of laziness? It's god-tier engineering.
We're replaying Undertale (True Pacifist run to cleanse my soul after I farted on my friend last week). It's been 5 years and it still hits. Meanwhile, my GF has activated her "Koala Mode" and is hugging me so hard I think our hitboxes are merging. I physically cannot escape.
My Question: What is your ultimate COMORT FOOD when you are trapped in bed? ]
[Momo Yaoyorozu POV]
The breakroom smelled like a mix of high-grade adrenaline and burnt strawberry shortcake. I sat on a bench, my motorized scooter (now a crumpled pile of scrap metal thanks to Bakugo's post-race "feedback") resting in the corner. My classmates were in various states of architectural collapse.
"My soul has been pixelated," Kaminari groaned, face-down on a table. "I can still hear the Mario Kart music. It's behind my eyes, man. It's behind my eyes."
"Drink some water, Sparky," Jirou muttered, though she was leaning heavily against her bass case. She looked at me. "Momo, that drift... I've never seen a Class Rep move like a street racer before."
"Sunny-san's VR training is... comprehensive," I said, dabbing glitter off my forehead. "But we can't rest. Izuku-san, you remember the festival archives from two years ago, right?"
Izuku sat up, his notebook already out. The green lightning around him had settled into a low hum. "Right. After the obstacle race, it's usually the Cavalry Battle. One person on top, three as the 'horse.' Ten million points for first place. It's a game of survival and theft."
"But this is Sunny we're talking about," Mina chirped, hanging upside down from a ceiling pipe. "He's the 'Narrative Judge.' He hates standard tropes. He told us he's a fan of 'Boss Battles.' I bet he's going to turn into a giant monster and make us try to snatch a headband off his nose while he breathes fire."
"Or worse," Tokoyami added from the shadows. "He might make us fight our own dark reflections."
"I DON'T CARE IF HE TURNS INTO A GALAXY!" Bakugo roared, kicking a locker. "I'm forming a team. Kirishima! Sero! Pinky! We're going for mobility. I don't care if it's a boss battle or a god-slaying quest, we're blowing it up!"
Mei Hatsume suddenly skidded into the room, sparks flying from her goggles. "I HEARD MOBILITY! Look at these, my beautiful babies!" She dragged in four massive, Gundam-style saddles equipped with joystick controls and what looked like jet turbines. "Cavalry saddles with 360-degree rotation! Perfect for dodging Bowser-fire!"
I looked at the saddles. They looked like they were designed for orbital re-entry. Little did we know, they were about to be used for something far more terrifying: sautéing.
[The World's POV: Internet & Media Reflection]
Trending on Hero-Hub (Japan's #1 Forum):
Topic: DID THAT JUST HAPPEN? UA SPORTS FESTIVAL MEGATHREAD
User: CrimsonRiotFan: Can we talk about the "Momo Drift"? I have rewatched the clip of Yaoyorozu bypassing Todoroki and Bakugo while riding a scooter through a piranha plant 400 times. Someone put Initial D music over it.
User: GravityGirlSimp: I'm more worried about the kid in the yellow suit. Did he... did he paint a donkey to look like a race car? And why did it work?
User: TheoryCrafter_99: I'm telling you, Sunny Midoriya isn't a human. He's an eldritch horror that ate a Saturday morning cartoon. Look at the frame-rate! He moves at 12 frames per second while everyone else is at 60! It's narrative dominance!
User: Monoma_Was_Robbed: Did anyone see the deer step on Monoma's face?
Reply: Bakugo_Explosion_King: L + Ratio + Deer Stepped On Your Face.
User: InvisibleBeauty_Stunner: GUYS. Toru Hagakure. She isn't just invisible anymore. She's... glowing? My monitor literally started emitting sparkles when she did the hair-flip. Is this a new Quirk evolution or just Sunny's "Gag Force"?
Meme of the Hour: [A picture of Bakugo frozen in blue-glitter with the caption: 'POV: You tried to win but the Toon said NO.']
[Midnight POV]
I stood in the hallway leading to the commentator's booth, trying to straighten my corset. My heart was still doing a rhythmic tap-dance against my ribs.
"Sooooo, Nemuri-chan~"
I jumped, nearly hitting the ceiling. Mt. Lady was leaning against the wall, a devious, cat-like grin on her face.
"Yu! Don't sneak up on me!" I hissed.
"I don't need to sneak when the news is this loud," Mt. Lady giggled, nudging my shoulder with her hip. "I saw the rose, Nemuri. I saw the way you looked at that Midoriya boy. Are we finally admitting that the R-Rated Hero has a thing for 'Chaos Energy'? Is he the one? Are you dating the kid who can rewrite reality?"
"He is a student! And a judge!" I protested, though I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. "It was just a... a narrative flourish! He's a tease, Yu. Nothing more."
"Is that so?"
[POP!]
A cloud of yellow smoke erupted between us. When it cleared, Sunny was leaning against the wall between us, wearing a tiny tuxedo and holding two giant, glittering lollipops. Nokotan was perched on his shoulders, chewing on a piece of the hallway's crown molding.
"Did I hear my name?" Sunny chirped, his eyes turning into two sparkling hearts. "Or was it just the sound of two legendary heroines realizing that their 'pacing' today is absolutely exquisite?"
He reached out and handed Mt. Lady a giant, cartoonish diamond ring. It was the size of a bowling ball and clearly made of rock candy.
"For the Giant Princess of the Urban Jungle!" Sunny bowed.
Mt. Lady's eyes went wide. "Wait... is this real? I mean, it's candy, but... oh my god, it's so shiny!" She actually folded, her knees wobbling as she clutched the rock-candy ring. "He called me a Princess... Yu-chan, he's so polite!"
Sunny then turned to me. He didn't give me candy. He just leaned in, his voice dropping into a smooth, cinematic baritone.
"Nemuri-chan, you look stressed. Is the script getting too heavy? Don't worry. After the festival, I'm writing a special 'Romance Spin-off' just for your next patrol. Five stars. No property damage. Just sunset views and high-quality tea."
I felt my brain short-circuit. I've dealt with villains, fans, and perverts, but Sunny's "Genuine Toon Charm" was a weapon of mass destruction. I leaned against the wall, my whip slipping from my hand.
"I... a spin-off?" I stammered.
"Naturally!" Sunny winked, then hopped onto Nokotan's back. "See you on stage, ladies! Don't keep the audience waiting—the second act is about to get spicy!"
They vanished into a literal hole in the air.
Mt. Lady looked at me, licking her rock-candy ring. "Okay, I get it now. I'm folded. We're both folded. That kid is dangerous."
[Principal Nezu POV]
"A circus, Shota? You wound me," I chirped, sipping my tea.
We were in the private observation lounge. All Might was clutching a handkerchief, Aizawa looked like he wanted to sleep for a thousand years, and Hina—our resident "Calamity Expert"—was calmly watching the screens.
"Viewership is up 400%," I continued, showing them the tablet. "The 'Momo Drift' has already been licensed for three different toy lines. Sunny isn't just running a festival; he's revitalizing the hero industry's public image."
"He's breaking the laws of physics every four seconds, Nezu," Aizawa groaned. "My eyes hurt. My Quirk doesn't even work on him. I tried to erase his 'Gag,' and he just handed me a pair of sunglasses and told me to 'watch the glare.'"
"It's more than that, Shota-kun," Hina said softly. She pointed at the screen, where the students were laughing and arguing in the breakroom. "Usually, the Sports Festival is a cutthroat competition. It creates rifts. But look at them. They aren't stressed about winning or losing anymore; they're stressed about what Sunny will do next. He's turned their rivalry into a shared experience of absurdity. He's healing them."
All Might nodded. "Young Sunny... he has a way of making the world feel less heavy. Even if he does it by dropping a 50-ton weight on it."
[The Shadow's POV: All For One]
Deep in the shadows of his life-support chamber, the Symbol of Evil watched the monitor. The distorted reflection of the "Bowser-Sunny" transformation flickered across his mask.
"How curious," All For One whispered, his voice like dry parchment. "A Quirk that doesn't follow the 'Rules of the Quirk Factor.' It doesn't use energy; it uses narrative. It doesn't obey biology; it obeys logic—or the lack thereof."
A low, wheezing chuckle escaped him.
"Tomura wants to destroy the world. But this boy... this boy wants to rewrite it. I wonder... if I were to steal that power, would the 'Author' let me win? Or would I simply become the punchline of a very long joke?"
He leaned forward, his interest piqued. "Continue the broadcast. I want to see how he handles the 'Heat.'"
[Izuku Midoriya POV]
We marched out onto the field. The atmosphere was electric—literally, because Kaminari was leaking sparks again. We were all geared up. Bakugo had his hands in his pockets, his eyes scanning for a boss to explode. I was mentally preparing for a high-speed cavalry clash.
"ALRIGHT, CALAMITY CLASS!" Midnight shouted from the podium. "AND THE REST OF YOU EXTRAS! IT'S TIME FOR THE SECOND EVENT!"
Sunny walked up beside her, wearing a judge's robe that was way too big for him. Nokotan was standing next to him, wearing a tiny referee outfit.
"The Wheel of Chaos!" Sunny announced, snapping his fingers.
The giant wheel emerged from the floor. Midnight gave it a powerful spin. [WHIRRRRRRR-DING!]
The needle landed on: CAVALRY BATTLE.
The crowd roared. Bakugo grinned. "Finally! Real combat!"
"Wait! Wait!" Sunny yelled, walking up to the wheel. "Boring! We already did high-speed racing! Where's the flavor? Where's the zest?! We need to handle the HEAT!"
He reached out and nudged the wheel with one giant, white-gloved finger. [TICK-TICK-TICK-DING!]
The needle shifted to a new icon: A crossed spatula and a frying pan.
EVENT: THE CALAMITY CULINARY CAVALRY.
"What?!" I screamed. "Cooking?!"
"Rules are simple!" Sunny's voice boomed through the stadium. "It's a Cavalry Battle! One rider, three horses! But the rider isn't stealing headbands. The rider is COOKING A THREE-COURSE MEAL while the horses navigate an obstacle-filled kitchen-arena! If your horse trips, your soufflé falls! If your rider burns the steak, you lose points! AND YES, YOU CAN STILL ATTACK EACH OTHER!"
"I CAN'T COOK!" Mineta wailed. "I'LL BURN THE STADIUM DOWN!"
"SHUT UP, GRAPE-JUICE!" Bakugo yelled, though he looked secretly pleased. "I'M THE BEST CHEF HERE! I'LL EXPLODE THE FLAVOR INTO THEIR MOUTHS!"
[Sunny Midoriya POV]
"Now," I grinned, looking at the camera. "We can't have a cooking show without professionals! Please welcome our guest judges for this afternoon's descent into flavor-town!"
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a giant, golden megaphone.
"Guest Judge Number One: The man who thinks your steak is so raw it's still moo-ing at the audience! SUNNY RAMSAY!"
[POP!]
I vanished and reappeared in the judge's chair, but I was wearing a pristine white chef's coat, my hair was spiked up, and I looked perpetually angry.
"GET IN THE KITCHEN, YOU DONKEYS!" I roared at the students, my voice suddenly gaining a thick British accent. "THIS IS UA, NOT A FAST-FOOD DRIVE-THRU! IF I SEE ONE PRE-PACKAGED NOODLE, I WILL PERSONALLY SHUT DOWN THE NARRATIVE!"
I pulled out two slices of bread and slapped them against Kaminari's ears. "WHAT ARE YOU?!"
"An idiot sandwich, Chef Sunny!" Kaminari sobbed.
"Next!" I chirped, snapping back to my normal self for a second. "Guest Judge Number Two: The man whose ancestors cry every time you use a colander! UNCLE NOKOTAN!"
Nokotan appeared in the chair next to me. She was wearing a bright orange polo shirt and holding a bag of MSG.
"Haiyaaa!" Nokotan sighed, her voice sounding surprisingly like a middle-aged Asian man. "Why you use Quirk to flip rice? Use wok! Quirk make rice taste like electricity! Fuiyoh! Put MSG on your classmates, make them taste better!"
"And finally!" I yelled, reaching through a glowing portal I'd just ripped in the air. "The woman who will judge your soul through your stomach! The God Tongue herself... ERINA NAKIRI!"
I pulled a very confused, very elegant blonde girl out of the portal. She was wearing her Totsuki Academy uniform and holding a silver spoon.
"Where... where am I?" Erina gasped, looking at the 100,000 screaming fans and the giant green Bowser-shell Sunny had left on the field. "Is this a Shokugeki? Why is there a deer wearing a polo shirt?!"
"Welcome to UA, Erina-chan!" I grinned. "Just sit there, look dignified, and try not to die of a flavor-gasm when Bakugo makes spicy curry!"
The sirens of "Hell's Kitchen" began to blare. Giant stoves, refrigerators, and prep tables rose from the stadium floor, surrounded by a moat of bubbling gravy and spinning saw-blades.
"STUDENTS! TO YOUR HORSES!" I roared. "THE THEME IS: NARRATIVE COMFORT FOOD! START YOUR ENGINES... AND YOUR OVENS!"
[CLACK!]
[AND CUT!]